The New Guy

by Kathryn Freeman

  ‘And yet I suspect you’re very sweet to her.’

  He thought of the rows they’d had over the years, the way he’d shouted at her about the drinking. ‘Don’t go imagining I’m something I’m not,’ he replied roughly. ‘I’ve done plenty I’m not proud of.’

  She didn’t reply straightaway. Instead she plumped up the pillows behind her and settled back against them. ‘Tell me about thirteen-year-old Ryan Black. What was he like?’

  He had a feeling his eyes were bugging out of his head. ‘Do we have to do this?’

  She sighed gently, a resigned sort of sound, as if she’d been expecting his response. Then suddenly she jumped out of bed, giving him a quick yet incredible view of her naked body as she raced to snatch a framed photo from the large oak chest of drawers before diving back under the duvet. ‘Here.’ She pushed the photo into his hands, pointing to the girl in the middle. ‘This is twelve-year-old me.’

  Gazing down at the photo he saw a grinning girl with red hair in pigtails, braces on her teeth, surrounded by what he guessed were her parents and her siblings.

  ‘I looked pretty gross, right? I hated those braces.’

  ‘Yet you’ve still got that killer smile going on.’

  She shrugged. ‘I learnt to pretend they weren’t there. I wasn’t going to let them stop me enjoying myself.’

  What an attitude. And it worked. He could see the happiness on her face. The love that shone from her face and her parents’ as they stood with their arms around their children.

  His attitude had been totally opposite, he realised grimly. He’d given in, let others stop him from enjoying life.

  Sam gave him a nudge. ‘Come on. What were you like? You told my parents you were a geek, yet I have this image of teenage Ryan strutting around town in a gang, attracting all the girls with his brooding looks.’ She tilted her head, studying him. ‘Which were you?’

  Ryan tried to keep the smile on his face. Tried not to let his mind wander too much into the past. ‘Both.’ He let out a long, slow breath, knowing that if he was going to convince Sam he had more to offer than sex, he had to open up to her. ‘Mum being an alcoholic’ – he sucked in a breath, then decided to get the words out there quickly, before he lost his nerve – ‘it made going out hard. I’d plan to meet up with my mates, and yeah, sometimes with girls, then go home and …’ find his mum drunk and incapable of looking after Erin. He rubbed a hand down his face. ‘Find I couldn’t go out, after all. After a while I let people down so much they stopped asking.’

  Sam’s heart went into freefall. She’d posed the question for a bit of fun, to lighten the mood after the heavy conversation about last night’s altercation with Shaun. Stupidly she’d not thought it through. Not taken the information he’d given earlier, about his mum drinking, and made the connection to how tough that had to be on her teenage son. It was no wonder he’d turned into a bit of a loner.

  Her heart hurting for him, Sam shifted to kiss him. And kiss him again. ‘You don’t want to talk about this, do you?’

  His laugh had a desperate edge to it. ‘Not if I don’t have to, no.’

  ‘Then how about we go out somewhere for breakfast? Take a walk around a park, or along the Thames?’

  The eyes that met hers were dark and intense. ‘What are we doing, Sam? You told me a relationship with you wasn’t on the table, yet now you’re talking about spending the day together?’ His mouth curved slightly. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for it. I just want to know where I stand. Am I an occasional sex buddy when you’re in the mood? Or are we something more?’

  She swallowed the lump in her throat. ‘What do you want us to be?’

  He placed a hand on her chin, smoothing his thumb gently across her lips. ‘I want as much of you as I can get.’

  Her heart shifted, wanting that too. As much of him as he was willing to give. But she couldn’t give him all of her – the thought of losing herself all over again, like she had with Damien, was too terrifying. So she couldn’t expect all of him back.

  Would that be enough, for either of them?

  ‘I want to try,’ she whispered. ‘But I’m scared to make another mistake. Can we go slowly? Keep it to ourselves?’

  His eyes flicked away from hers. ‘You want me to be your dirty little secret?’

  Ouch. He made it sound so sordid, when she was thinking of sexy looks at the coffee machine when nobody was watching. Of whispered words, and the thrill of knowing no matter how serious the work got, she had him, had them, to look forward to when she climbed the stairs to her apartment. ‘That’s not fair.’ She grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to look at her. ‘You know how much Damien hurt me, and not just my heart. My pride and my confidence both took a battering. For a long while I didn’t even want to date again, never mind date someone I worked with.’ Feeling horribly unbalanced, she sucked in a ragged breath, not above pleading with him. ‘Please understand where I’m coming from. I like you, Ryan. Really, really like you. I’ve tried to ignore what’s happening between us and look where it’s got me. Naked and in bed with you.’ She tried to smile, but her mouth wasn’t working properly. It was too bogged down with emotion, like the rest of her.

  ‘You don’t see me complaining.’

  ‘No, but I do see you hurt because right now I can’t give you more.’

  His expression was too guarded for her to read. ‘If I’ve got this right, you just offered me more. As long as we keep it quiet.’

  ‘Yes. If you’re willing.’ Her heart seemed to falter as she waited for him to reply.

  His eyes drifted over her face before settling on hers. ‘It’s not what I want. No point pretending otherwise. And I’m not a fan of lying.’

  Of course he wasn’t. How could she have been so stupid? She’d just asked Mr Painfully Honest to lie for her. Any second now he was going to shoot her down, and then what was going to do? Could she really give him up? Then again, could she survive another traumatic public break up?

  ‘But I told you earlier’ – his gruff voice cut through her panicked thoughts – ‘I’d take as much as I can get.’ Her heart began to pick up pace, understanding what he meant before her brain could work it out. And then all she could feel was the press of his mouth on hers. The strength of his arm as it slid around her shoulders, pulling her against him. ‘Yes, Sunshine Sam,’ he whispered in between kisses. ‘I’ll be your dirty little secret.’

  ‘It’s not like that—’

  He cut off her protest with another searing kiss.

  In the end, she dragged him off to Kew. Dragged wasn’t the right word, because he went willingly enough, though he made it clear it wasn’t his first choice of venue.

  ‘You’re taking me to a glorified garden centre?’ he complained as they walked up to the entrance. ‘What happened to the walk in the park?’ Then he spotted the price. ‘Bloody hell. What are these plants? Rare species from Mars? Diamond-encrusted?’

  She reached for his hand, loving the way his fingers immediately curled around hers. Warm, intimate. ‘Come on, my treat.’

  He stopped abruptly, his face back to the stubborn lines she was so familiar with. ‘That’s not how this works.’

  Instead of locking horns, she decided to go for the subtler approach. Reaching up on her toes, she kissed him on the mouth. ‘This’ – she waved her hand between them – ‘works how we agree it does. My choice, I pay. Your choice, you pay.’

  He seemed to consider it for few moments before giving her a slow smile. ‘And if my choice is we always stay in bed all day?’

  She laughed, pushing him towards the ticket booth. ‘If I’m enjoying it, you won’t get an argument out of me.’

  ‘That’ll be the first time,’ he muttered under his breath, but when she turned to him and asked him to repeat what he’d said, he gave her a dazzling smile. ‘Hurry up, Sunshine. Those plants aren’t going to wait all day.’

  He had a playful side, she found out, as he yelped in mock pain after putting his fin
ger inside the Venus Fly Trap, making the little girl who’d been watching him giggle.

  And a tender side as he held her hand as they walked along the treetop walkway.

  Yet still there were times, when he thought she wasn’t watching, that she caught a pensive look on his face. Brooding, almost sad. It was those times she realised that while she felt closer to him than she ever had, she was a long way from knowing what he was really thinking.

  But then he’d surprise her by kissing the top of head or squeezing her hand, and she reassured herself whatever it was on his mind, he was happy to be with her.

  For now, at least.

  Chapter 27

  Working in open plan was Crap. And yeah, that was with a capital C. It was two weeks since he’d shifted his stuff back to his originally assigned desk, and Ryan still hadn’t come to terms with it.

  It wasn’t the only thing he was struggling with. And compared to the thing that niggled at him day and night, like a toothache that wouldn’t stop throbbing, putting up with the sound of ringing phones, laughter and chatter from outside his booth was a doddle.

  Was she ashamed of him?

  It was the question that wouldn’t go away. Oh sure, he understood why Sam thought she needed to keep their affair secret. Knowing Damien’s betrayal had been front-page gossip for the whole company must have been brutal for her at a time when she already felt kicked in the teeth.

  But was that the real reason she wanted to keep their liaison quiet? Or was she actually, deep down, ashamed of dating a guy who worked for her? Ashamed of dating a guy who wasn’t exactly the life and soul of the place?

  Ashamed of dating him?

  And considering he knew he’d done things he was ashamed of. Things she didn’t even know about yet.

  Yeah, it wasn’t surprising the thought continued to nag at him. Not enough to stop seeing her. No bloody way. The chance to be with a woman as incredible as Sam wasn’t going to come again, that’s for certain. And when they were together? When he turned his brain off and just lived in the moment? Suffice it to say, he’d take what she was offering, for as long as she was offering it.

  ‘How are you enjoying life out here in the real world?’ Lucas popped his head over the paltry divide. ‘Made any friends yet?’

  ‘Too busy.’ He gave Lucas a pointed look, but the guy just laughed.

  ‘How about special friends?’ Lucas bent towards him and whispered. ‘You know, like a certain redhead you’ve got the hots for?’

  Ryan froze, guilt making his reply too snappy. ‘I told you before. She’s not interested.’

  Lucas frowned. ‘No need to get your boxers in a twist. I’m only being neighbourly.’

  ‘Sorry. I’m just frustrated with the beta.’ Christ, this sucked. It had been a long time since he’d had a friend he could confide in, and in Lucas he hoped he’d found one. Yet he wasn’t allowed to talk to him about the one thing he desperately wanted advice on.

  Worse, he had to lie to the guy. Something that didn’t just make him feel horribly uncomfortable, but he was totally crap at.

  The sound of his phone vibrating on the desk cut into the moment and Ryan reached for it gratefully, giving Lucas an apologetic smile. When he glanced at the screen to see who was calling him, though, his heart sank. Erin. Rising to his feet – he wasn’t taking this call where others could overhear him – he waited until he’d walked past the reception desk, on his way out, before pressing answer.

  ‘What took you so long?’

  ‘Hi to you, too.’

  Erin made an agitated noise. ‘Fine, hello. I’m worried about Mum. She’s been complaining of indigestion on and off all day, and she doesn’t look good.’

  Ryan pushed his way out of the heavy door and into the August heat. ‘What do you mean, not good? Does she have a temperature? Is she flushed, pale?’

  ‘Pale.’ Ryan heard the muffled sound of his mum’s voice in the background. ‘I’ve just felt her forehead and it doesn’t feel hot, but it’s a bit sweaty.’

  Shit. Ryan kicked at the wall. ‘You’re right to be worried, I think. Put her on.’

  ‘Is that please put her on?’

  Ryan gritted his teeth. ‘Yes. Erin, please put Mum on the phone.’

  A few jarring seconds later, his mum’s voice sounded in his ear, her upbeat tone managing to allay some of his nerves. ‘I told your sister not to call you. I’ve got a bit of heartburn, that’s all. Probably the sausage sandwich I had for lunch from that mobile greasy spoon on the market. Haute cuisine it isn’t. More like haute coli.’

  It was relief, more than the joke, that made Ryan laugh out loud. ‘What the hell were you doing eating from there?’

  ‘It’s cheap.’

  Ryan leant back against the wall of the office block and drew a hand down his face. ‘Shit, Mum, if you need more money—’

  ‘We don’t,’ she interrupted firmly. ‘I should have eaten before I went out, but time ran away from me. I won’t make the same mistake again. Now, aren’t you supposed to be busy?’

  ‘I am.’ Since Cornwall it had been early starts and late nights for all of them. He knew, they all knew, that time was crucial. While the Privacy 2 app wasn’t out there, customers were leaving to the rival app, Privacy Protect – Lynch’s frigging app. Plus those rumours of yet another similar app in development continued to circulate. Ryan could put his hand up to feeling frazzled. Strung out on caffeine and lack of sleep, his mind was a jangle of codes and algorithms. And Sam, because between their snatched moments in bed, and the secret smile she’d give him in those rare moments she was in the office when nobody else was around, he couldn’t stop thinking about her.

  ‘Then stop mithering me and get back to work.’ His mum’s voice pulled him back to the present.

  ‘It was Erin who phoned me, because she was concerned about you.’ Once again the worry niggled, because Erin, who hated his guts, wouldn’t have phoned him just for the crack. ‘This indigestion. Is it like the last time, when it turned out to be angina?’

  ‘You think I don’t know heartburn when I feel it?’

  He thought she was good at trying not to worry him. ‘Did you take anything for it?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘And it’s still there?’

  ‘It comes and goes. Stubborn bugger.’

  ‘Okay, let Erin know if it gets any worse. And let me talk to her again.’

  ‘Fine. But don’t you go hatching any plans to have me airlifted to hospital. I’m telling you now, I’m right as rain.’

  ‘I promise no helicopters will be involved. Now put Erin on.’

  There was another pause, before the sweet sound of his loving sister’s voice. ‘What?’

  Ryan forced in a breath. Clung to his control. ‘Are you planning on sticking around tonight?’

  ‘I’m always around. I live here, remember.’

  ‘Damn it, Erin.’ He looked skywards, slamming his mouth shut until he was sure the words that came out would be civil. ‘You know what I’m asking. I’m worried about her. It could be indigestion, could be something else. I’d feel happier if I knew you were around to keep an eye on her.’

  ‘Of course I’m staying in. Unlike you, I won’t abandon my family.’

  The barb wedged deep and he clenched his jaw. ‘Let me know if she gets worse. Or if she doesn’t get better.’ He inhaled a ragged breath. ‘Just phone me and let me know how she’s doing. Please.’

  He was left listening to the disconnect sound.

  Frustration bubbled and he kicked the wall again, though this time more with defeat than with anger. Then he walked back inside.

  The morning had been hell. Sam could totally understand why the investors were getting antsy. They had her sympathy, they really did. Just as she was seeing her sales line falling, they were seeing their investments taking a dip, too. But for heaven’s sake, how many times did she have to tell them she had it in hand? Apparently it wasn’t enough that she’d held monthly meetings with the
m for the last six months, nor that she’d phoned each of them in turn every week with an update. Now she had to go and see them in person. It was exhausting.

  It was times like this, she thought as she eased off her shoes – the kitten heels might look cute, but they didn’t half pinch her toes – that she wondered why on earth she’d ever thought running her own company would be fun.

  Spending all day soothing the ruffled feathers of stupidly rich men was not her idea of fun.

  ‘You got a minute?’

  Sam’s eyes flew over to the doorway with a start. Ryan. Her heart gave the usual bump at the sight of his tall frame. His dark, magnetic eyes. ‘Sure. Come on in.’

  By the time he sat down opposite, her office felt half as big and her senses were on full alert. Why did this man have the ability to send goosebumps racing over her skin just by looking at her?

  Leaning forward, he rested his forearms on his thighs. ‘How serious are you about this no fraternising at work rule?’

  Where was he going with this? ‘Very. Why?’

  ‘Because I really want to kiss you right now.’

  She felt a flush of heat, along with the goosebumps. ‘That’s …’ She had to clear her throat and start again. ‘That’s good to know.’

  His gaze left hers briefly to flick over to the glass wall, with the frosted bottom portion. ‘You could always drop your pencil on the floor. I could help you find it.’

  She laughed softly. ‘Tempting, but a little too risky.’ He shot her a look and though his lips were smiling, his eyes weren’t. They were hot, intense and a little bit pissed off. They hadn’t discussed her need to keep their relationship quiet since that morning two weeks ago when he’d agreed to be her, in his words, dirty little secret. She knew he wasn’t happy about lying, especially to Lucas, but so far he’d not complained. At least not verbally. It’s just that every now and again, like now, his brown eyes were like those of a puppy shoved out in the cold. ‘Please, don’t look at me like that. You know why we can’t.’

  ‘Yeah.’ He glanced down at his clasped hands. ‘One public betrayal is humiliating enough.’ Again those puppy eyes caught hers, filled with hurt and reproach. ‘Kind of assumes I’m going to betray you, doesn’t it?’