The New Guy

by Kathryn Freeman

  ‘Douchebag Damien, huh?’ Ryan allowed himself a small smile. ‘I’ve been using Dickhead Damien, but I can work with Douchebag.’

  ‘It’s what Sam and Becky called him. I just jumped on the bandwagon.’ Lucas peered over at him. ‘Now answer the question.’

  ‘How would you feel if Sam got another designer in to do your job because you couldn’t.’

  ‘You’re angry at her?’

  ‘No. Of course not. It has to be fixed, and I …’ Shit, it rankled to say this. ‘I was getting nowhere.’

  Luke studied him, and Ryan knew he was seeing far more than he should. ‘This is more than you being pissed you’ve had to get help. You’re jealous. You think Sam still likes him.’

  ‘I think you can butt out and go psychoanalyse someone your own size.’

  ‘I think you’re falling in love with her.’

  Ryan lurched back, stumbling as he tried to steady himself. Seems he wasn’t just crap at keeping secrets. He was crap at keeping his feelings to himself. Avoiding Lucas’s eyes, he stepped towards the cups. ‘I’m not that dumb.’

  ‘Why would it be dumb? She’s immensely loveable.’

  ‘Yeah, she is.’ The best way to lie, so they said, was to stick to the truth as much as possible. ‘She doesn’t see me like that though.’ Sure, Sam liked him enough to let him almost move in with her. But not enough to let anyone know about it. Not enough to date in public like a real couple. And yes, like a normal couple, because no matter how she tried to convince herself last night, she had to know they weren’t that. Not while she was too wary, too untrusting, too unsure and, hell, probably too ashamed to tell her friends about him.

  Before Lucas could fire any further incendiary statements at him, Ryan snatched at the cups and hotfooted it back to his desk

  Rounding the corner towards his workstation, he halted when he saw Damien wasn’t alone.

  Sam was leaning over him, eyes on the screen, her breasts way too close to Damien’s back. Douchebag’s back, he reminded himself.

  But did Sam still think of him as that? The guy had sold his share in the rival company, no doubt also told her he loved her and wanted her back. Had definitely come running as soon as she’d asked him to. Was he more Dynamic Damien now? Delicious Damien. Maybe even Damn-he’s-wonderful Damien.

  Ryan’s stomach knotted and he had to force himself to keep walking. Keep breathing.

  He clattered the mug on the desk, making them both jump. ‘Find anything yet?’

  And yes, it wasn’t lost on him that while he’d been demoted to drink bearer, Damien was sitting in his chair, at his desk, saving the day.

  ‘Not so far.’ Damien turned to smile at Sam. ‘But I’ll get there, don’t worry. Never come across a bug I couldn’t shake out.’

  Ryan opened his mouth – phrases like fuck you, you arrogant prick bouncing around his head. But then he caught Sam looking at him, those big blue eyes pleading with him not to say anything, and he clamped it shut again.

  It was going to be one hell of a long day.

  Five hours later, Damien clenched his fist and jumped up from the chair. ‘Found it.’

  ‘Yeah?’ Ryan tried to act cool. As if this man hadn’t just achieved in a day what he’d spent a month trying, and failing, to do.

  Ryan shifted into the vacated chair – his blasted chair – and restarted the app. He wasn’t going to believe the bastard until he saw it with his own eyes.

  ‘You check everything’s working to your satisfaction.’ Damien’s smile could only be called smug. ‘I’ll go and tell Sam the good news.’

  And joy of joys, the moment Ryan discovered the random screen freezing really had gone was also the moment he chose to look across into Sam’s office.

  His heart shrivelled as he watched her face light up, and her arms wind themselves around Damien’s neck.

  It was nine o’clock, and Sam had been home for over an hour. When she’d left the office, Ryan had still been at his desk. He’d looked so absorbed in what he was doing she’d decided not to disturb him, figuring he was giving the app the final go-through before they sent it to be checked by the QA vendor. He couldn’t still be there, could he? Not being the type to sit around and wait for things to happen, she picked up her phone and dialled his number.

  He answered on the second ring. ‘Hi, Sunshine.’

  Automatically her mouth curved upwards at the nickname. ‘Hi yourself. Are you still at the office?’

  He hesitated before replying. ‘No.’

  ‘On your way here?’

  Another hesitation, longer this time. ‘Not exactly. I’m at my place.’

  ‘Oh.’ Hurt and disappointment crashed through her in equal measures. ‘I thought you were coming over. And bringing some clothes with you?’

  She heard him let out a sharp breath. Imagined him rubbing at the back of his neck. ‘I wasn’t sure it was a good idea tonight.’

  ‘Again, why?’

  ‘You know why.’

  ‘You’re going to have to spell it out.’

  More breathing, heavier this time. When his words finally came, it was as if they’d been wrenched from him. ‘Look, I wasn’t sure if he’d be there, okay?’

  ‘Who’d be here?’ As if she didn’t know. ‘Lucas? My dad?’

  ‘Damien,’ he hissed.

  And now she was starting to get angry. ‘You think I’m the type of woman to sleep with more than one guy at a time?’

  ‘No, of course not, but …’ He swore under his breath. ‘Look, you think we’re a normal couple, but normal couples don’t skulk around in secret. I come to yours every night and you don’t kick me out, so I guess you don’t mind, but … I didn’t want to assume.’ He paused and all she could hear was the sound of his agitated breathing. ‘I wasn’t sure you’d want me there after today.’

  The vulnerability in his voice slayed her. He was so confident when it came to sex, yet so unsure when it came to his value beyond that.

  And her insistence on keeping their relationship quiet wasn’t helping him understand it.

  She opened her mouth to tell him of course she wanted to see him, but before the words were out her door buzzer sounded.

  Something he clearly noticed. ‘You’ve got a visitor, so I’ll hang up and see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams, Sunshine Sam.’

  Frustrated, she went to answer the buzzer.

  ‘Sam, it’s me, Damien. Can I come up?’ When she hesitated, he added. ‘I’ll be quick.’

  Typical. Ryan hadn’t come over because he’d feared Damien would be here. Damien had turned up, blithely assuming she was alone.

  She used the few moments it took Damien to climb the three flights of stairs to collect herself. She might be annoyed he’d turned up at her home, but today he’d gone out of his way to help her. ‘Come in.’

  She led him through to the sitting room and indicated for him to sit down. ‘Before you start, there’s something I need to get straight. Today, in my office, when I hugged you—’

  ‘It was a thank-you hug.’ Damien gave her a sad smile. ‘I know that.’

  ‘Good. I was relieved, and grateful. I still am. But it doesn’t wipe out what went before. The betrayal I felt.’

  He winced, leaning back against the sofa. ‘I realise that, though if I’m honest, I still have hope that one day you’ll forgive me.’ He held up his hand. ‘Please, you don’t have to say anything. In fact, I’d rather you didn’t, because then I can live in blissful ignorance.’

  Time to move the conversation on. ‘What did you want to see me about?’

  He shifted, looking awkward, which was rare for him. ‘I know you don’t trust me yet, but working with you today, you have no idea what that meant to me. How much I enjoyed it.’ His eyes zeroed in on hers. ‘I want to work with you again.’ Once again, he put up his hand. ‘I know it can’t be like before, and I accept that. I ruined what we had and that’s a shame I’ll always have to live with. Just do me a favour and don’t immediately dismiss th
e idea. I’d happily work for you, rather than with you.’ Her face must have betrayed her shock, because he smiled. ‘I know, the idea came as a surprise to me, too. But my time with Privacy Protect has shown me I’m not a businessman. You were the business brains. I was only the tech guy. But I was one hell of a tech guy. It’s not too late for us to give it another shot, professionally. Just think what we could achieve together.’

  While she was reeling from his words, he rose to his feet. ‘I’ve taken up enough of your evening. Please think on what I’ve said. I don’t need a quick decision.’ He gave her a wry smile. ‘After the success of today I thought I’d try my hand at consulting for a while.’

  When he’d left, Sam closed the door behind him and leant against it, her mind spinning. How had they gone from bitter rivals to him offering to work for her, in the space of a few months?

  Then again, they’d gone from lovers to enemies in a day, so perhaps this was normal for a couple who shared as much history as they did. It was certainly better having him on her side than against her, but it didn’t mean she was interested in resurrecting the past.

  It hadn’t been Damien she’d wanted to see tonight.

  And it wasn’t Damien she thought of as she climbed into bed.

  Chapter 35

  The following evening, Ryan scanned his eyes across the dimly lit bar, the place packed with hippy young Londoners out for a good time.

  He felt old, and it wasn’t just the crippling exhaustion from the last few weeks. He’d never been these people. His idea of a good time in his early twenties had been a quiet drink in the local pub.

  It still was.

  The thought of paying a small mortgage for the privilege of drinking a daft-coloured drink while wedged in a loud crowd didn’t sit well with him.

  ‘Hey, Black, drink up.’ Lucas had to shout to be heard over the music. ‘You’re letting the side down. Bad enough you’re on lager. Don’t embarrass us further by sipping it like a grandma.’

  Figuring it was easier to do as he was told than argue above the din, Ryan sighed, grabbed the half-filled glass and drank it down.

  ‘About flaming time.’ Lucas put his hands on Ryan’s shoulders and turned him towards the exit. ‘Right, team, off to the next bar.’

  ‘Thank God.’

  Lucas raised an eyebrow. ‘This one not to your liking?’

  ‘Can the next place be less …’ He fished around for the right term.

  ‘Trendy?’ Lucas supplied. ‘Cool? Wicked?’

  ‘Loud? Expensive? Crowded?’

  Lucas sighed dramatically. ‘How old are you? Fifty?’ He flung his arm around Ryan’s shoulders and herded him out of the bar. ‘Come on, grouch, tonight we’re letting our hair down. The app passed its quality checks and is ready to go live on Monday, the launch plans are in place. For once we have a Friday night, followed by a weekend, a whole two days, when we don’t have to be in the office.’

  It was something to celebrate, all right. If only it hadn’t needed Damien’s help to get to this stage. Automatically his eyes fell on Sam, who was in the group ahead of him, her arms linked with Becky on one side and Kerry on the other. Alice was next to Kerry.

  ‘How come I get to walk with you?’ he muttered, causing Lucas to double up with laughter. Clearly the guy was well on his way to being buzzed.

  ‘Poor Ryan. You’d rather be linking arms with the girls, huh?’ Lucas waggled his eyebrows. ‘Or was it one girl in particular you had your eye on?’

  ‘Leave it.’ Ryan knew his reply had been too curt when Lucas frowned and dropped his arm from Ryan’s shoulders. He had a right to feel sorry for himself for a bit though, didn’t he? He’d gone and fallen in love with a woman who was still, even though she’d never admit it, at least part way in love with her ex. Why else would she be so quick to forgive him? To hug the bastard who’d so cruelly cheated on her?

  Maybe it also explained her continued obsession with secrecy. She didn’t want their relationship to get back to Damien, because some part of her wanted him back.

  Or maybe it was just that she didn’t want people knowing she’d lowered her standards from dating the joint owner to dating him.

  ‘Are you all right?’

  Lucas’s voice shook him out of his shitty introspection. ‘Yeah, sorry about snapping. I’m just … beat.’

  Lucas eyed him carefully for a moment before calling to the group ahead of them. ‘Hey, ladies. How about we have a change of pace and find a pub?’

  Following a chorus of agreement, they headed down the next side road and into the Fox and Hounds. Ryan put one foot inside the quiet, slightly scruffy interior, and immediately felt his muscles start to relax, his mind to quieten. Lucas nudged him. ‘Better?’

  ‘God help me, I could kiss you right now.’

  Lucas grinned. ‘If I wasn’t looking forward to seeing Jasper later, I’d hold you to that.’

  The evening got even better a short while later when Ryan found himself at the end of the table, wedged next to the wall and Sam. ‘Bet you’re almost gagging to kiss me now, huh?’ Lucas whispered in his ear as he placed a long, cool pint in front of him.

  It was a measure of his relief, his joy and his general state of punch-drunkness that Ryan briefly considered it.

  ‘So.’ Sam looked over at him, and Ryan’s eyes immediately focused on her lips. Yeah, that was the mouth he really wanted to kiss. She cleared her throat, and guiltily he forced his eyes up to hers. ‘How are you feeling?’

  Sick. Terrified. Feelings he couldn’t admit to, because then she’d want to know why, and he’d have to tell her he was in love with her. Then she’d have to stop herself from laughing … No, this was Sam, she’d stare at him with compassion, those gorgeous eyes full of pity. And shit, that was worse, way worse. He’d take the laughter any day.

  ‘Ryan?’

  He gave himself a mental shake. What the blazes was he doing? If he carried on like this, she’d be dumping his arse sooner rather than later. No way was he going to give her up without a fight. No frigging way. ‘Sorry, I’m kind of feeling spaced out. Like I could sleep for days.’

  ‘Me too.’ She checked nobody was listening before leaning towards him. ‘I missed you last night.’

  His heart jumped. ‘Missed you, too.’ The need to kiss her, to feel those soft lips against his, to stake his claim in front of everyone, was almost overwhelming. Reaching for his glass, he tried to drown the urge in a mouthful of beer before finding out the answer to the question that had haunted him all night. ‘Who was the visitor?’

  She wouldn’t look at him. ‘Nobody important.’

  ‘It was him, wasn’t it? Dickhead Damien.’

  ‘Douchebag Damien.’ She smiled. ‘But yours works, too.’

  ‘Does it? Still?’ God, he sounded needy.

  ‘Yes.’ Her gaze locked onto his. ‘How many times do I have to say it? I’m not interested in Damien.’

  On one level he thought that was true. It was what she believed. It was just he could see things she couldn’t. Still, he forced a smile. ‘A dozen more times won’t hurt.’

  ‘You said yesterday you weren’t sure if I’d wanted to see you last night. Just to be clear, I did. And I want to see you tonight.’ Her eyes flickered away for a moment before resting back on his. ‘If that’s okay with you.’

  Ryan gave a low laugh. ‘You have to ask?’

  ‘Assumptions work both ways. I can’t assume you want what I want, either.’

  He didn’t, he wanted more, much, much more. Yet if this was all he was going to get, he’d grasp it with both hands and cling on with everything he had. ‘If me turning up on your doorstep every night wasn’t a big enough hint, let me spell it out. I want you, Sunshine Sam. For as long as I can have you.’

  Her answering smile did full justice to her nickname. ‘I’m glad we cleared that up.’ She nodded to his almost full glass. ‘Now drink, before Lucas has another go at you.’

  What with the exhaustion and the alco
hol he’d already consumed, he was feeling light-headed enough as it was. Still, now he had something to celebrate. So he lifted the glass and sank the pint.

  She’d drunk too much, but what the hell. After all the trauma of the last few months – no, wait, the last eighteen-plus months – she deserved a bit of crazy. Of course, the last time she’d felt this tipsy was the day after Grumps’s funeral, when she’d ended up taking a stranger back to her place and having wild, fabulous sex.

  She eyed the man standing up at the bar talking to Alice. Hand in his pocket, plain black T-shirt topping a pair of snug-fitting black jeans. Battered brown leather jacket slung over the back of a nearby chair. The same sexy stranger she’d met all those months ago, though now she knew him. Blunt, taciturn, stubborn, solitary. Yet also kind, honest, decent through to his core, and with a wit drier than the desert. A man who loved his mum and his sister – who’d given up his childhood for them. Was still giving up things for them.

  A man it had been scarily easy to fall in love with. Whether he was ready to hear that yet, or she to say it, she couldn’t be certain.

  I want you for as long as I can have you. Her heart gave another little jig as she recalled his words from a few hours ago. Maybe admitting her feelings out loud to him wasn’t such a big step, after all. Yet what he felt now and what he might feel further down the road were two different things. Damien had wanted her once. Until he’d become – what had he said? – a forgotten underling? Would Ryan feel that way too, once the excitement had worn off?

  The sound of giggles brought her out of her trance and she turned to find her supposed friends, Becky and Lucas, laughing at her.

  ‘If you carry on looking at him like that’ – Becky followed the direction of her gaze, eyes landing on Ryan – ‘everyone is going to think you two are shagging.’

  Lucas shuddered. ‘Please, less of the vulgarity. I have sensitive ears.’

  ‘Aw, I’m sorry.’ Becky placed her hands over his ears before looking back at her. ‘You are shagging, aren’t you?’