He couldn't let her leave without at least telling her that their time together had meant more to him than just sex. Even if that's all it had meant to her.
But when he'd gone to her room just after sunrise, she hadn't answered the door, even though he'd banged on it so loudly that he feared the nearby occupants might call security on him.
Brandon lifted his head from his computer wearily, as if he hadn't slept much either. "She's gone."
"What do you mean she's gone?" he exploded.
"Exactly that. She didn't tell me either. I got a text from her early this morning saying she was back in New York and that she doesn't want to talk to me until she's ready."
Cole sank into the chair and dropped his head into his palms. He'd lost his chance to tell her. He didn't have any way to contact her and Brandon sure as hell wasn't going tell him.
After a moment, he lifted his head and stared at Brandon. "It's not what you think it was."
Brandon's jaw twitched, but he didn't say anything, studying Cole carefully.
"I care about her. Like, really care about her. I never wanted to hurt her."
Brandon drew his brows together and frowned. "You look terrible."
Cole bit out a harsh laugh. "Not nearly as bad as I feel," he said, rubbing his bruised jaw. "You pack a hell of a punch, man."
"I can't say that I'm sorry." He didn't look like he regretted it either.
"I deserved some of that. But, man, the things you said. Is that really what people think of me? What you think of me?"
"Yes and no."
"What the hell does that mean?"
Brandon sighed, leaning back with his hands behind his head. "You know your reputation as well as I do. And you can't deny that you've never spent more than a night with the same woman since Jessie."
"She did a number on me," he said, referring to Meredith. "And now I don't know that I'll ever be the same."
"You really do care about her." Brandon stated it as a fact, a curious expression crossing his face.
"Yeah. Yeah, I do."
"What are you going to do about it?"
Cole shook his head. "Don't think there's much I can do at this point. I just wanted to tell her before she left." He paused, feeling ridiculous having this conversation with the man who'd wanted to kill him less than twelve hours earlier. "I wanted her to know that it meant something to me."
He got up to leave, stopping at the door and searching Brandon's face. "I guess that job offer is off the table."
Brandon pursed his lips and waited a long moment before responding. "No matter what happened or what was said, I'm always here for you. And the job is too."
Cole was stunned. He hadn't expected that. And he had no idea what to do with it.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Meredith reviewed what felt like the hundredth financial statement since she'd returned from Florida. She groaned and pushed the stack of files to the side of her desk. Staring at her computer screen, she watched old beach pictures scroll across.
She couldn't focus. It had been two weeks and her thoughts were still consumed with memories of Cole. He was even in her dreams, and they were frustratingly vivid. What was she supposed to do? How could she get back to real life when every waking moment was so full of what she'd had and lost?
But she'd never really had it. It was a fantasy, just as she'd told herself a million times. Their time together was a moment frozen in time in a perfect world that really had been a dream. Everything she'd imagined between them hadn't been based in reality. Except her feelings. They were fully alive and real, persistently stalking her through the mundane tasks of her job.
Tasks she was pointedly avoiding, but knew she had to deal with. She blew out her breath in a huff. This job. It was miserable. Somehow even more miserable than her previous one. She'd thought the promotion would take her further along the path she wanted, but she was starting to realize she wasn't even on the right path to begin with.
It was too late for regrets. This was where she was headed, her future spread before her in an endless cycle of monotony. Day in and day out of studying numbers and giving financial advice to people that were just as boring as the files with their names on them.
A knock on her office door brought her attention back to the moment. She attempted to give her assistant a smile, but she knew it was halfhearted.
"We're going out tonight after work and wondered if you wanted to join us," Lisa said.
Yet another round of superficial work friends that didn't really get her, wanting to have superficial relationships. But what else did she have to do? Go home and eat ice cream and be miserable by herself? At least if she went out with them, it would delay the inevitable climb into her empty bed with nothing but her memories.
"Sure," she said. "Where to?"
"There's this new dance club that just opened downtown. We thought it would be fun to check it out."
Maybe she should cop out. All she needed was to go dancing and be reminded of what she was missing in Sunset Bay. But would that be any worse than sitting home alone?
She nodded and told her she'd be done in an hour. She tried to finish the job at hand and actually got a few things accomplished. She decided as she was putting up her files that she would check her email. She hadn't heard from Brandon in two weeks and wondered if it would have to be her that broke the ice. She was surprised he'd listened to her and not tried to call.
A message from Katrina was waiting for her and the first real smile in a long while broke across her face as she read it.
The dance classes seemed to be going great, and a buzz was starting to gather around the resort. They had more bookings than they'd had all year, and Katrina's classes were full. At the end of the email Katrina gave her a short update on her personal life, poking fun that there wasn't much of it to tell, and that Cole had been by a few times to help out with classes and the ballroom sessions at the club.
Cole.
He was still at the resort. Meredith was certain he would have left for his new assignment already. What was he still doing there?
Unable to bury her curiosity, she picked up her phone and texted Katrina.
What is Cole doing at the resort?
It wasn't a minute later that Katrina texted back.
He took the job from Brandon. He's not reenlisting.
Meredith sat back in her chair, not sure what to make of the news. He'd been pretty set on taking the new job, or that's what she'd gathered. What had changed?
Debating whether she should say anything else or let it drop, she gave in and replied, her thumbs flying across the screen.
Did he say why?
She waited impatiently for an answer.
Just that he was tired of the direction he was headed and wanted to follow his heart.
Follow his heart. What did that mean? She knew she was reading too much into it, but this was the first conversation she'd had with anyone about Cole since the night he'd walked out of her room and she couldn't resist trying to find out more. The mere mention of him had her heart racing.
She dropped her phone into her purse, unsure how to respond to that. Maybe when she was in a better place she could talk to Katrina about what had happened, try to get some kind of closure. She wasn't there yet.
Taking off her jacket, she left it at her desk and headed to the restroom to freshen up before they went out. Her skirt and silk blouse would be fine for dancing. It wasn't like she was trying to impress anyone anyway. She didn't have the slightest desire to pick up a man. And didn't think she would for a long time. If ever. That was almost as depressing a prospect as her job.
Less than an hour later she entered the new club with Lisa and a couple women she'd worked with before her promotion. The music was loud. Good. Less talking. The girls looked at her in surprise when she grabbed them and headed straight for the dance floor. She hadn't let herself dance much whenever they'd gone out before. She'd thought it would be too hard, but now she found that she di
dn't think she could live without some form of dance in her life, even if it was a far cry from what she really wanted.
A few men approached her on the dance floor, but she waved them away. Not interested. She was just starting to let loose, smiling for real this time, when the song changed and the DJ put on the song she and Cole had danced to in their first ballroom practice.
She couldn't handle it. Excusing herself, she ran to the restroom and was shocked by the haunted face that stared back at her in the mirror. She looked terrible. Why had no one told her? But what did she expect? They weren't going to say, Gee, Mere, you look like hell.
But she did. Her cheeks and eyes looked hollow and the fact that she'd been unable to eat much was starting to show. Not in a good way.
Choking back a sob, she ran out of the restroom and made an excuse to one of the women and went straight back to her apartment. Apparently being miserable at home alone actually was preferable to being miserable in public. At least at home she could hide under her pillow and wish her life had led her somewhere else.
***
"Great job, everybody," Cole called out to the family of four with whom he was finishing his last surfing lesson of the day.
They all thanked him and went on their way, heading to dinner or wherever their night would take them. As soon as they were out of sight, he let his smile drop. God, that was exhausting. He never realized what an effort it took to be happy. If you weren't.
He wasn't just unhappy. He was wallowing. He had to break out of this funk, but he didn't know how. He watched as the father and mother of the family wrapped their arms around each other and strolled lazily along the beach while their two kids ran into the surf in front of them. What was that like? To be so comfortable with someone and devote your lives to each other? To have little miniature versions of yourselves to love?
He'd never know. That was one thing the past month had taught him. Meredith had gotten under his skin deeper than he'd realized. Whenever he saw a couple, he imagined what it would have been like if things had gone differently for them.
It was surprising. He'd thought that as more time passed, the pain would hurt less, but it seemed to be the opposite. She was invading his every waking moment, filling his mind with what ifs.
Brandon hadn't heard from her. He knew because he'd asked. Repeatedly. And every time Brandon had looked at him with more curiosity than before. He'd even asked him the day before what had gotten into him.
"You're like a ghost of who you were," he'd commented.
"Am I not doing a good job? I thought I'd been doing everything you needed."
"It's not that," Brandon said, scratching his chin. "I've just never seen you like this. Not since—" Cole looked at him sharply. "Never mind."
He knew what he'd been about to say, but that wasn't the same thing at all. Jessie had hurt him badly when she'd ran off with his friend. But this was different. He was hurt, to be sure, but in a way that felt more like he'd lost a part of himself that he'd never get back. He'd not felt such an acute sense of loss even through a divorce. It was crazy.
That was exactly why he'd never wanted to get involved with a woman again. It all just ended in pain. It was easier to just keep them at arm’s length.
But in spite of the dull ache he was becoming familiar with, he knew he'd do it all over again if the choice was between knowing Meredith and never having knowing her at all.
He was almost back to his villa when Katrina caught up to him. "Are you coming tonight?"
He stared at her blankly for a moment before it clicked. "Oh, right, it's Thursday." Ballroom night. He'd been the last two weeks to help out, but he didn't know if he had it in him to deal with it this time. "I don't know."
Katrina looked at him pleadingly. "I need you there, Cole. Brandon still won't hire another dancer to come in on Thursdays and the people just aren't into it if they don't have someone inspirational to watch."
He had to laugh at that, but it lacked feeling. "That's me, Mr. Inspiration."
"Come on, then," she cajoled. "It will be fun. I know I'm not Meredith, but it will still be fun." She bit her lip as she realized her mistake. She'd walked on eggshells around the subject of Meredith once she'd learned what had gone down.
The sound of a flock of birds flying overhead drew his attention for a minute while he debated. "Fine, I'll go," he said, eliciting a huge grin from her. Then he plunged ahead with what he really wanted to ask her. "Have you heard from her? From Meredith, I mean."
"I know who you mean," she said softly. "I have."
He waited. When she didn't say anything more, he sighed. She was going to make him work for it. "And?"
"She seems to be doing okay. I guess. We don't really talk about anything other than the dance classes. She sends me her ideas and plans, and I send her the financial reports I get from Brandon."
That wasn't what he was hoping to hear, but what did he want to hear? That she was just as miserable as he was? Or even worse, that she was moving on with her life, maybe even dating someone?
He clenched his jaw. No, he definitely didn't want to hear that.
"Does she know I'm still here?"
"Yeah," Katrina said, not meeting his eyes.
He could read between the lines. She knew and didn't care. If she wanted to talk to him, she knew where to find him. She obviously didn't. He had to get over his ridiculous mooning but didn't know where to start.
"Come on," Katrina said, pulling him along toward the dance club. "Let's forget about it."
Easier said than done.
***
"If I have to look at one more financial statement I'm going to scream," Meredith said out loud, just as her assistant opened the door with an armful of files. And she did just that.
"I'm sorry," Lisa said, a frightened look on her face.
Meredith immediately apologized. She had no right to take her frustration out on her. "I just feel like I've been looking at these so long they're all starting to blend together."
She'd been studying a new client's business plan all day and it was wearing her down. For the millionth time, she wondered what she'd been thinking when she took this job.
Lisa set the files down on the edge of her desk and hurried out as fast as her heels would carry her. Meredith didn't even bother opening them. She knew she'd be bogged down all night if she did and she was ready to get out the office for the weekend.
Instead, she looked at the pictures Katrina had sent her that morning. Again. She was keeping her updated on the progress of the new programs, but these pictures, in particular, were from the ballroom party at the dance club the night before. She scrolled through them, thrilled that it was taking off so well, but stopped when she came to the one someone had taken with Katrina's phone. It was of the whole crowd, but in the center were Katrina and Cole, the stars of the show.
She pinched her fingers together on the screen and pushed them apart, zooming in on Cole's face. Was it just her imagination, or did he look different? Tired, maybe? Or was it something else? She was probably just trying to see something that wasn't there, but he looked eerily similar to how she had the week before when she'd gone out with the girls from work. A mistake she hadn't made again.
She studied it for another minute, then was distracted by a ping on her computer. A new email. She opened it and was surprised to see it was from her brother. This was the first contact she'd had with him since she'd left. She knew it was well past time to talk to him, but hadn't found the right opportunity.
There it was.
He had sent the financial statements to her directly instead of through Katrina. And even though she'd not had a single desire to look at numbers again until Monday, she found herself opening the attached file and scanning it excitedly. How could she hate looking at stuff like this every single day, but couldn't wait to dive into it when it was from the resort?
She knew the answer, but it made her sad. This was her pet project, something she'd put her heart and soul i
nto, and her knowledge in the financial arena made her the ideal person to handle it.
After a thorough perusal of the week's finances, she did what she'd been putting off for too long and picked up her work phone to call her brother.
"Brandon Jacobs," his voice boomed through the receiver.
"Hey," she said softly.
"Meredith," he exclaimed warmly. There was a scuffling noise and voices on the other end of the line and she wondered if she'd called at a bad time.
"I can call you later if you need to go," she said hurriedly.
"No, no, it's fine. I'm just finishing up with Cole. Hang on." Her heart leaped as she realized the other voice was Cole's. Even though they were miles apart, the fact that he was right there on the other end of the line had her sitting up straight, her pulse pounding out an erratic rhythm.
"Okay, all done," Brandon said. "How are you?" His voice was full of concern.
"Busy," she replied. What else was she supposed to say? Anything indicating she was doing well would be a lie. "This new job is insane."
"Do you like it? Are you happy? What have you been up to?"
"Whoa, whoa," she said with a laugh. "What’s with the third degree?"
"I'm just happy to hear from you. Mere, I can't say enough how sorry I am. I was wrong for what I did and I’ve had the space and the clarity to see that now. I really hope you won't hold it against me forever."
Her heart softened at her brother's words. "Thank you. And of course I won't. You're my family." She cleared her throat because it had become suddenly difficult to speak. Time to change the subject. "But that's not why I called."
"Oh." He sounded surprised. "Well I want to hear it, but first I need to know, are we okay?"
"We're okay," she whispered. At least she'd always have him. She swallowed and dove into the reason for her call, going over all the specifics of the statement he'd just sent her.
"Well, you're all business. That's okay, we have time to catch up later." Catch up? Was there something she needed to be caught up on? She shook her head, trying to stop her imagination from running away with her. He probably just wanted to hear more about her job.
Rescue Me (Sunset Bay Book 1) Page 14
