Dogism
Page 6
We both were smiling as we greeted each other.
“Look at youuu. . . . You certainly look very lovely. Now what was all of that, ‘I’m gonna look through. And I won’t even be dressed to go out?’ Yeah, y’all sisters are all the same. Always trynna make a brotha look bad.”
The ice was crazy broken. I always seem to make women feel very comfortable around me.
Toni smiled and responded by blushingly saying, “I know, I know, but I just can’t go out looking busted, so I went home real quick and changed.”
“Um-hmm. That’s cool. I’ll let you slide this time. I mean I definitely ain’t mad at that dress.”
Toni laughed. “Lance, I’m sorry I’m late. Were you waiting long? There was so much traffic on Atlantic Avenue. That’s what took me so long to get here. If I hadn’t gone home to change I would have been here on time.”
“Oh nah, don’t sweat that. I was chillin’. Do you want a drink before they seat us?”
Toni decided it would be best for us to just order drinks once we were seated. The restaurant isn’t the classiest of places, but it’s one of those good first date locations. The ambiance is mad cool, with nice music in the background. It’s a’ight.
When we were seated, I said, “Now, Toni, you look very gorgeous, and I know you had a long day at work, so I hope you don’t tell me that all you want is cheesecake. I mean it’s a’ight if that’s all you want, but I’ma keep it real and let you know that I’m starving.”
Toni laughed and waved her hand at me in a sista-girlfriend kinda way. “First of all, that cheesecake thing came out of your mouth. A sista definitely ain’t shy, so you better believe I’m gonna order some real food, and we can have cheesecake for dessert.”
We both laughed, and I said, “Yeah, a’ight, there’s definitely nothing wrong with a sista with an appetite.”
As we both studied the menu, I found out that Juniors was one of Toni’s favorite places to eat. I’d been to Juniors on a number of occasions, but I never actually ate the food—I would always order their world-famous cheesecake. When the waiter came to take our order, we decided to get Buffalo wings as an appetizer. For the main course, Toni ordered shrimp parmesan with linguine. I decided to go the traditional route with pork chops and rice. Although it was way too early to order dessert, we decided to get it out of the way. We both ordered small cheesecakes. As far as drinks went, I ordered a Long Island Iced Tea, and Toni requested a strawberry daiquiri.
When we were done ordering, Toni shot right at me.
“Okay, Mr. Lance, so why did you send me the flowers?” she said while smiling.
I smiled as I explained, “I just wanted to do something nice for you. I like making people feel good.”
“Oh, so you go around sending everyone flowers?”
“Nah, I’m not saying that. I mean, I do that for people I feel are special.”
Toni laughed and asked, “Oh, so you feel that I’m special. Why, because of the way I do hair?”
I tried not to smile or laugh. I wanted to get things on a more serious note. After all, I had no idea as to how long this opportunity would last or if I would get another chance like this again.
“Toni, I’ll be honest. I really don’t know you at all, but I do know that you seem like a very unique person, and what I’m sayin’ is, I feel as if something special could happen between us.”
By this time the waiter had come back with our drinks and Buffalo wings. Toni offered me her beautiful smile, sipped her drink, and then she proclaimed, “You know what, Lance? If I was younger I would be falling head over heels for you. I mean, you’re a very attractive man, and you seem like you have a lot going for yourself, but I’m not as naïve as I used to be.”
I had a feeling where Toni was going with this, but I played dumb. I took a sip of my drink and I looked right into her eyes as I commented, “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
Toni replied, “Well, let me not jump to any conclusions. What I mean is that I think you have a lot of game.”
Sounding astonished, I asked, “Why do you think that?”
Toni reached over the table and grabbed my left hand. Her hands felt as soft as cotton candy. While playing with my wedding band, Toni asked, “Lance, is this a wedding ring?”
Without hesitation, I confidently replied, “Yeah.”
Toni let out a quick chuckle, and she asked, “So you’re married?”
Again I confidently replied, “Been married for five years.”
I guess Toni wasn’t expecting my confident answers. Sounding confused, she questioned, “So, Lance, what are you doing here with me?”
“See, Toni, I’m here because of questions like the one you just asked me.”
Toni responded, “Come again? You lost me.”
At that moment, the waiter came with the main course. We both adjusted our seats and place settings to make ourselves a bit more comfortable. After commenting on how good everything looked, we began to eat. I continued with my explanation. I was trying to cause Toni to have sympathetic feelings for me.
“Toni, what I’m saying is that it gets frustrating being married because everyone expects you to conform to some set of rules or what have you. As soon as you go out of bounds, they want to crucify you. Take tonight for example. What’s wrong with me taking you out to eat? I mean it’s not like anything sexual is gonna happen. Can’t a married man go out to eat with a female?”
After chewing her food, Toni responded, “See, first of all, does your wife know that you’re here?”
“That doesn’t matter,” I replied.
“Yes, it does matter. Second of all, do you find me attractive?”
“Toni, there isn’t a man alive who wouldn’t find you attractive.”
Toni continued, “Okay, so your wife doesn’t know you’re having dinner with someone you find attractive. That right there is a problem. Let’s not mention that I happen to find you attractive. See, you’re right, it’s not a crime for us to be here eating, but Lance, why play with fire? You’re an intelligent man. You know exactly what can come about when two attractive people of the opposite sex go out to eat. Especially when the married person’s spouse has no idea he’s where he is, doing what he’s doing. Plus, you even said that you feel something special could happen between us or something like that.”
I knew that I had to switch subjects, so I did.
“Well, Toni, let me ask you, are you in a relationship?”
“Yes. As a matter of fact, I am. But it’s a long-distance relationship, and you know how those go. I mean, I’m trying to make it work, but he’s all the way in Las Vegas. We met in grad school, but he’s finished with school, so he won’t be coming back for the fall semester.”
I could have made a stupid comment by asking her, why, if she was in a relationship, was she with me, but I didn’t want to go that route. I iterated, “Well, long-distance relationships can work if you want them to.”
“Yeah, I know that, but Lance, he’s similar to you. He’s young, has a lot going for himself, and I have to be realistic. I mean, I know he’s probably with some hoe right now dropping the same bull that most men run. I look at it like this: I’m not tied down to anyone, and I don’t have to live as if I am.”
“See, Toni, you just hit my situation right on the head. I mean I always feel like I locked myself down at too young an age. I didn’t get all of the game out of my system before I committed to marriage. When I got married, I really loved my wife. Matter of fact, I still love her. But at the time, I wasn’t ready for marriage. I thought I was, but I just wasn’t. Plus, she got pregnant and all. You know how that goes.”
“Lance, I understand what you’re sayin’, but you made a commitment, so honor it. I think that when it all boils down to it, it’s just about self-control.”
I cut a piece of my pork chop, and I said, “Yeah, that’s true. See, Toni, this is all I want from you. I just want a friend. You can help me out with my feelings.”
By now the drinks were getting to both of our heads; we were both feeling a little nice. Toni laughed and said, “Okay, I’ll be your friend. But you’ve probably got a million other ‘friends.’ ”
“Nah, that’s not my style.”
Toni stated, “Lance, when you left the shop with your son, the women in that place were going crazy. They were ready to take off their panties and throw them at you for you to autograph. I know you probably get women going crazy over you wherever you go.”
I was feeling like the man, but I downplayed the comment. Acting better than Denzel Washington, I looked Toni in her eyes. I shook my head and frowned as I explained, “Nah, Toni, honestly I’m not about that. I’m not out here trying to get off with every woman I see. By no means am I an angel—I mean, I know I have things about me that I have to deal with, but I’m not a dog. I’m past that dog stage of chasing women or catching them when they throw themselves at me. See, you’re stereotyping me, and if anything, I think that I, and many other men, am just misunderstood.”
We were both just about finished eating our food. I requested the bill from the waiter, and I asked him to put Toni’s cheesecake in a box because she wasn’t gonna finish it but she wanted to take it home.
The bill came to fifty-three dollars, so I handed the waiter sixty dollars, leaving him a seven-dollar tip. It was now about half past nine. As we made our way out of the restaurant, my ego felt crazy good because I had this trophy walking by my side and mad brothas were clocking her.
Toni had parked a couple of blocks away from the restaurant. So being a gentleman, I walked her to her car. We talked as we walked. Toni defended the comment that I made about her stereotyping me. I, on the other hand, was trying to be as charming as possible. When we got to her car, I asked if she’d enjoyed herself. She informed me that she had.
“So, Toni, can we be friends? That’s all I want.”
Seeing right through my game, she smiled and said, “Yes, we can be friends, but Lance you better . . .”
Toni stopped in the middle of her sentence. I begged for her to continue.
“I better what?”
“Nothing. Nothing, Lance,” Toni said as she, being as classy as ever, reached to shake my hand. I placed my right hand into her right one, and she said, “Thank you for everything, Lance. Get home safe, okay?”
Feeling cocksure, I asked, “Toni, can I have a hug good night?”
My heart started to race. Not in a nervous way—it was racing in anticipation. Kind of like when you’re just about to have sex for the first time with someone. Toni held open her arms, which meant that she had accepted my proposition. Toni is about five feet six inches tall, but the heels she had on brought her to about five feet ten inches. Me being six-three meant that when we hugged, her face was planted just above my chest. I hugged her firmly so that she could get an idea of how hard my body was, but not too tight as to hurt her. Toni’s long, wavy hair, which was let out, came down to about her shoulder blades. While hugging her, I simultaneously stroked her hair a couple of times with my right hand.
While still hugging her, I cautioned, “You make sure you get home safe too. A’ight?”
Toni replied, “Okay,” and she prepared to step into her car.
Trying to show as much chivalry as possible, I closed Toni’s driver’s door for her. She waved good-bye, and I walked off and headed toward my own car. I felt like doing cartwheels or jumping and kicking my heels together. I was ecstatic. I blasted a slow-jam tape as I drove home in my Lexus. Everything went great. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. Inside I knew that Toni was mine if I pushed a few more buttons. However, I would be walking on thin ice being that I’m married and all. One false move, and I could ruin everything. I was excited, but I was also kind of scared. See, it wasn’t even Toni’s intentions to have me falling head over heels, yet I knew I would sell my soul for her.
As I approached my Colonial home, which was located in a beautiful middle-class section of Queens called Cambria Heights, I noticed that the kitchen and bedroom lights were on. I didn’t want my wife to see me because I looked too clean to be coming home from nearly a double shift of hard work. Plus, I still had Toni’s beautiful scent on my clothes. I definitely was not going to activate the automatic garage opener because that would make too much noise, and I would be busted. I parked in front of the house, and I sneaked around to the seldom used side door. My heart was palpitating ’cause I had no idea if my wife was looking out of the window watching my every move, nor did I know which part of the house she was in.
I opened the side door and headed straight for the smaller bathroom, which was located near the kitchen.
When I safely reached the bathroom, I yelled real loud, “Hi, honey. What’s up, LL? I’m home.”
Then I locked myself in the bathroom and immediately began to run water in the sink. I could hear Nicole’s footsteps coming from upstairs. I sat on the toilet bowl even though I didn’t have to use it. My wife reached for the bathroom door and tried to twist the knob but it was locked.
“Lance, open the door.”
Speaking over the running water, I replied, “Baby, you know I don’t like you watching me when I’m using the bathroom. I had to go real bad, I’ve been holding it since about eight o’clock.”
Nikki responded, “Lance, how long have we been married? You know I don’t care how you look when you use the bathroom. I miss you. I haven’t seen you all day.”
“A’ight, baby, I’ll be out in a minute. I’m sayin’, I’m not doing a number one. I’m doing a number two.”
Nicole, whom I often called Nikki, sucked her teeth and responded, “Just hurry up.”
I immediately stripped naked and turned on the shower. I took probably the quickest shower on record, dried off, and walked upstairs to my wife. When I saw her, she didn’t look like she was in a good mood. I immediately became suspicious. What if somebody saw me at Juniors? What if Scarlet had called the crib or done something sick and twisted in order to raise Nicole’s suspicions? What if this? What if that?
“What’s wrong, baby?”
Nikki quickly and bluntly said, “Nothing.”
I walked out of the bedroom and went to check on LL, but he was already fast asleep. I went throughout the house and turned out all of the lights. When I came back upstairs, I tried to make conversation.
Sounding very anticipating, I asked, “So, baby, how was Bible class? What did y’all learn?”
My wife looked at me and rolled her eyes.
“Nicole, what’s wrong?” I asked.
“Lance, how are you gonna just walk in the house and not even greet me? I haven’t seen you all day. At least come and kiss me when you walk in.”
“Honey, I’m sorry. Really, like I said, I just had to go real bad. It was one of those hard number twos.”
I know my wife very well, and I knew that at that present moment, all she wanted was for me to shower her with affection to prove that I was really sorry, so that’s exactly what I did. I rubbed her body and kissed her all over.
“Come on, baby. At least give me a smile. I said I was sorry. Please . . .”
Nikki just looked at me and acted as if she was pouting. I knew that she wasn’t really mad, so I began to tickle her. “Come on, let me see a smile,” I said as I vigorously tickled her. Nicole finally gave in and started laughing. “Yeah, see I got you laughing now,” I said as I continued to tickle her. “You gonna tell me what Bible class was about, or do I have to keep tickling you?”
My wife couldn’t take it anymore, and she yelled while laughing, “Okay, okay, stop. I’ll tell you.”
I stopped tickling her, and she kept laughing. She finally calmed down and explained that the class was about a passage in first Corinthians that explains how it’s wrong for there to be divisions in the church, and that there should be no favoritism at all, just one church united in doctrine and way of life.
“That sounds like it was a deep class,” I exclaimed.
Feeling very convicted and knowing that my wife was telling the truth, I put up no argument. “Honey, you’re absolutely right, and I have no excuses. All I can say is that it won’t happen again.”
Nicole added, “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about tonight.”
While Nicole was speaking, I turned off the lights, and we lay in the bed talking in the dark.
“Lance, we have a good marriage, but I want it to be perfect. I feel that if we both are truly committed to the same spiritual things then we won’t have any problems at all in our marriage. What I’m saying is that I can sense that in the past month or so you’ve just been going through the motions spiritually, and if there’s something wrong or something that you’re holding back, then you should tell me, or at least speak to one of the older brothers in the congregation.”
I responded, “Nah, baby, I’m okay. It’s just that I haven’t been as focused as I should be. It’s all a matter of having the right perspective, and lately I’ve been concentrating on things other than God. I can’t blame it on the nice weather that we’ve been having or on my job, nothing like that. It’s just me. I have to refocus, and I promise you I will.”
My wife explained that she didn’t want it to seem like she was making a big deal out of nothing—she just wanted us to be on the same page. I told her that I understood exactly from where she was coming, and I thanked her for caring about me in that way.
Nicole then switched subjects and asked, “So was it good?”
I immediately got suspicious. Nervously I asked, “What? Was what good? What are you talking about?”
Nikki replied, “Your number two.”
Realizing that Nicole was joking, I replied, “Oh! You silly fool.” I grabbed my pillow and playfully smacked Nicole in the head as I said, “Don’t worry about what I do on the throne.”