Wraith closes his door. Wizard taps on the roof as a signal for Olivia to pull away and start driving. The car moves off slowly and carefully, as though she’s got a precious burden inside.
Wizard turns to me. “I’ve spoken to the sex store owner, he seems a good sort. He’ll keep an eye on the bikes until the prospects arrive.”
That’s fine by me. I want to follow that car without delay, to see what my son’s like once we’ve got him home. I’m hoping for an improvement when he’s back in familiar surroundings, but worry I’m being optimistic in vain.
Prez starts to walk to our bikes and speaks thoughtfully, “He’s having some kind of mental breakdown.”
“I’d have said PTSD,” I agree. “But I don’t recall anything that could have triggered it.”
“Me neither,” Prez says. “But things could have built up.” He swings his leg over his bike. “Before this all blew up, before he left the club, he was talking, saying the right things, until he wasn’t. We took his words at face value, when perhaps we should have looked closer. Seeing him like this? Makes me think his leaving could have been a plea for help.”
Then he nods at me, circles his hand and we’re moving.
As I ride, I think about Wizard’s words, casting my mind back to that fateful day when Eli had received his beatdown. My son hadn’t seemed his usual self, a bit off, perhaps, quieter than normal, but nothing to put a finger on or worry about up to the point when he startled everyone. Then he seemed to have reasons for what he’d done, or the ones he’d put into words had convinced us. Had I ignored my son shouting for help? Christ. Seeing him today, it’s quite possible. But what could have set him off?
Prez indicates right, and I copy him, making the turn by his side, riding in formation as though in a synchronised dance. Not thinking about what I’m doing, all my thoughts on my son instead.
Wizard might have gotten it wrong. Eli’s leaving could have been just what he said, he wanted to get out from how he felt the club was suffocating him. Had something else happened in the past six weeks? Olivia might have some answers.
We make up the couple of minutes we’d delayed before leaving and arrive in time to help Wraith get Eli out of the car.
Once he’s out, Eli’s actions become automatic. He walks methodically, putting one foot in front of the other, stopping as Ollie gets her key out and turns it in the lock, then moving inside. Whether it’s because it’s familiar or not, Eli walks straight over to the couch and sits on it.
He’s stopped those body wracking sobs, but is still giving out a continuous keening sound, as if he’s in pain.
Olivia kicks off her shoes then walks over, sinks to her knees in front of him and catching hold of his hands, pulls them down. “Eli, you’re home, hush now. It’s going to be fine. You’re home.”
Christ. He might be twenty-five years old, but he looks like a lost little boy. My heart clenches in actual agony. Have I done this to him? Was it something I missed? Something I should have seen?
Home, Olivia keeps repeating. But are they? Should they ever have been here at all?
That’s my son there. I try to go over to help, but as I approach and speak to him, he pulls his hands away from Ollie and wraps his arms around himself instead. When I move back, I think I see him relax slightly. Is he scared of me? Or worried that I’m here at all?
These four walls feel like they’re closing in on me, and I need air. I’m useless, not having a clue what to say or what to do. Does Eli even want me here? If it had been a cry for help which I’d let go unanswered, I wouldn’t blame him for hating me right now.
I step outside idly noticing the ground’s already dry after the monsoon had passed by earlier. Now there’s not a cloud in the sky. A door opens and shuts behind me.
“I’ve called and asked Amy to come.”
“Thanks, Prez.”
“If it’s PTSD, it’s unlike the normal reactions I’ve seen.”
I know what Wizard means. We’re all too used to men cowering at the sound of sudden loud noises, or a panic attack when their fight-or-flight mechanisms try to kick in in totally inappropriate circumstances. A man huddled up in the depths of despair is not something I can recall seeing.
Amy’s car draws up, she gets out, hugs Wizard, then nods at the door. “Is he in there?”
I nod. “Yes, with Wraith and Olivia.” I go to follow her in.
“No, Drummer. Let’s not crowd him. He’ll feel overwhelmed with too many people looking on.”
She disappears. When Wraith steps out, I think they ought to fit a revolving door on this house.
“Shit, damn and fuck it.” Wraith’s taken the bag the man gave him outside the store and has opened it up. “I did not need to see that.”
Well, Wizard and I have to peer in at the contents after that reaction. In another situation I’d laugh at the contents, but right now I don’t know what to think. There’s a flogger, handcuffs, and, oh, a butt plug. At least my boy hadn’t forgotten the lube, but I don’t point that out to Olivia’s father.
“We don’t know,” Wizard addresses Wraith quite seriously, “whether that’s for him or her. Could be Olivia’s the one in charge in the bedroom.”
As Wraith relaxes a little at Wizard’s words, I stiffen. My son wouldn’t allow his old lady to flog him. Not if he’s in his right mind. Which, I remind myself, he may very well not be.
“Er, what do you think I should do with this?”
“Give it to Olivia?”
Wraith’s eyes go wide.
“For fuck’s sake, I’ll take it inside in a moment.” Wizard takes the bag. “Can’t see what you’re getting all hot and bothered about.”
I remember that Amy used to frequent BDSM clubs and wonder about her and Prez’s relationship behind closed doors. Wizard seemed completely laid back about the contents in that bag. Mind you, he hasn’t got skin in this game, that’s not his son or daughter in there.
Wiz tries to get me discussing some club business while Wraith stands with folded arms staring at the door which has actually stayed closed for a while. Basically, we’re passing time until Amy comes out and delivers her verdict.
I’m starting to feel more and more anxious, as there’s nothing but quiet from inside, but eventually the door opens, and the prez’s old lady steps out.
“Okay,” she smiles at Wizard, then looks at me then Wraith with a serious expression, “I did a rotation on a psych ward and attended some lectures. I’m no expert, but I’ve spoken to Olivia at depth. In the old days it would have been named a nervous or mental breakdown, but as a medical term, it hasn’t been used for a long time, but we’ve still really nothing to replace it with. Basically, it’s when someone has difficulty functioning in the everyday world.”
“Is he going to be okay?” I ask.
At the same time Wraith enquires, “Is there any risk to Olivia, could he harm her?”
“I think so,” she responds to me. “But he needs help to do so. And no, Wraith, I’m pretty certain he’s not going to harm Olivia other than worry the hell out of her.”
“How did you come to that diagnosis?” Wizard asks, sounding interested. “Has this just happened today, or was his leaving the compound part of it?”
She starts to tick things off her fingers. “First, the cause and how to address it will need to be explored, but Liv says he’s been irrationally irritable and definitely depressed. Mood swings for certain, and she’s not quite sure what triggers them. Second, he doesn’t want to do anything. She says if he’s trying to get a job, it’s only a half-hearted attempt at best. As if he’s scared of being in situations he can’t control. He’s forgetful and not sleeping well. He’s also not eating as much as he did. Certainly a lack of appetite is another symptom. Liv said he seems intolerant of her being with him at times, and,” she pauses and looks at me, then Wraith, “he’s lost interest in sex. That started months back, and Olivia first put it down to his being worried about harming the baby. But everything adds
up. This has been building for months, and it’s just all come to a head.”
“So what do we do?”
Amy smiles again at her husband. “Really, he needs to be on a psych ward, but I can’t convince Liv that he’s unpredictable right now and could be a danger to himself. Whatever she thinks, he will need careful watching. Suicide is all too common when people reach this point. I think he’ll need antidepressants, at least temporarily. We need to prevent another episode like today. Cognitive behaviour therapy will be essential. This has gone far beyond any ‘pull yourself together’ chat.”
“I don’t want him in a fuckin’ hospital,” I tell her firmly.
“I don’t want him alone here with Olivia. She’s seven and a half months pregnant. Even if he doesn’t hurt her, she couldn’t prevent his hurting himself.” Wraith is as adamant as I am myself.
Wizard’s staring at us lazily, then shakes his head. “Not leaving them here,” he tells us as if he wonders why we ever thought we would. “He’s coming home.”
Both mine and Wraith’s eyes look at him sharply. It’s me who puts it into words. “You bring him back to the compound without explanation, he’s likely to get a bullet through his head from the first brother who sees him. I’ll stay here. Hell, when Sam gets back, she won’t be able to stay away. That’s her baby hurting.” Damn bad timing. Sam and Sophie are away on their break in New York at the moment.
The door is open, and I realise Olivia has been standing there, half keeping an eye on Eli, and half listening to us. She looks like she’s trying to catch up with the conversation. “Wizard, thank you. But we don’t know why he’s in this state.” She glances toward Wraith. “Dad, I’d like nothing better than to come back, but what if the compound’s the worst place he could be? What if it doesn’t help, but hinders any recovery?”
“Olivia’s got a point.” Amy sides with Eli’s wife. “This isn’t something which has blown up overnight. Until we know where Eli’s head is at, we don’t know what would help him best.”
Wraith looks at me and raises his chin. “We’ll both stay.”
“Dad, no.” Olivia’s looking dismayed. “Firstly, we haven’t got room. We’ve only got two proper-sized rooms and—”
“My old bedroom.” Amy smiles. “Not that I remember much about it. Is it still painted pink?”
Wizard’s arm goes around her, and he kisses the top of her head. A couple of years before Mouse had brought him and his sister, Mariana, to the compound, Amy’s mom, Crystal, had died, and Heart had never returned to this house. Amy’s room had been untouched for years.
“I think someone must have redecorated at some point.” Olivia’s frowning. “It’s not pink anymore. But it doesn’t matter what colour it is, it’s not got a bed in there now, just an old couch. Apart from that, I don’t want Eli overwhelmed by too many people being here.”
“You are not staying alone with him. You can’t watch him twenty-four hours a day.” Wraith’s not backing down. “What if he gets violent?”
Olivia’s eyes widen. “He’d never hurt me.”
“I’d have said I’d never find him crying in the gutter,” I tell her. “He’s unwell, Olivia. Who knows what he could do? He could harm himself, or you.” Summoning up more words to impress the risk on her, I add, “If he was determined to harm himself, how could you stop him? He’s much stronger than you.”
This time, I’ve gotten through to her.
Amy looks from me to her, then pulls down Wizard’s head and mumbles something I can’t hear.
“We need to get Sam and Sophie back,” Wraith tells me.
Yeah. Bad timing. But their trip had been planned for months. I hit the heel of my hand against my head, it had been me that had encouraged them to go.
“Leave them be,” I tell him. “They’ll be back in a couple of days. We can manage until then.” Though truth be told, I’d prefer Sam with me.
Wizard nods up and down once, then turns to me. “You stay, Drummer. Wraith, I think you should come back to the compound. Olivia’s right about not having too many people around. Amy’s going to speak to a doctor she knows who works in the psych ward at the same hospital as her. See if she can get him to make a home visit. But,” he turns to Olivia, “if he says Eli needs to be admitted to the hospital for his own safety, that’s what we need to do. Getting him back on his feet is top of our fuckin’ agenda.”
Chapter Thirteen
Olivia…
“Dr de Souza isn’t working at the hospital today, so he can come straight away.” Amy’s frowning, her lips pressed tightly together. “I’ve explained the situation. Like me, he’d prefer Eli be admitted so he can be properly assessed.”
She doesn’t insist on it though. Satan’s Devils like to deal with their problems themselves, never trusting strangers to look after one of their own. I’m torn. Eli’s behaviour has scared me, and I want him to have professional help, but also, I want him close to me.
Wizard lazily raises an eyebrow toward his wife. “Should I be worried you’ve got the personal cell of one of the doctors you work with?”
She rolls her eyes. “He was helping me with some data for a report.”
“So the doctor’s coming here, now?” I interrupt, wanting help for Eli as fast as possible. I cast a look behind me, seeing through the open doorway that Eli hasn’t moved from his position on the couch. But he’s not relaxed, far from it. His hand is going to his temple, then back to his lap. His hands open and shut repeatedly, and his leg is bouncing.
“He is,” Amy reassures me.
“Are you alright?” Dad looks concerned. “Olivia, you’re shaking. Come here.”
“No, I’m fine,” I lie, wanting nothing more than to go into his outstretched arms, but accepting the comfort I knew all those years while growing up would make me give into those tears I’ve been holding back. I’ve got to be strong now, for Eli.
“Here,” Amy puts her arm around me, “let’s get you inside. I’ll share one of your decafs with you.”
I give a weak smile. “Would give anything to have a tequila instead.”
“Me too,” she confides with a sigh.
We step through the door, and I walk toward Eli. “Love,” I crouch down in front of him, “can I get you anything? Would you like something to drink? Eat?”
He doesn’t respond, but continues rocking, back and forth, then again and again. It’s like he didn’t hear me at all.
Amy puts her hand on my arm. “The doctor will be here soon. Eli will be okay. He needs help, and we’re going to make sure he gets it.”
I continue into the kitchen and put the coffee on, pleased Amy’s here and knows what she’s talking about. Her confidence that Eli will recover is reassuring. I stare out the window. Why hadn’t I noticed the signs? As Amy had been talking to me, asking questions about Eli’s appetite, his moods and how he’s been sleeping, things started to add up. This isn’t something that’s come on him recently. It’s been building for months. Puzzle pieces adding together and forming a picture which shows that Eli’s become overwhelmed with life and isn’t coping.
“Here, I’ll take those.” Amy takes the cups out of my hands which are shaking. She puts them down, then wraps her hands around mine. “Christ, Ollie, you’re freezing.”
I shouldn’t be. The air conditioning is cooling, not set to arctic.
“You’ve had a shock today. Seeing Eli like that.”
I shrug it off. “It’s not me anyone should be worrying about.”
She goes to speak, but then tilts her head as the sound of a car drawing up outside reaches us and clearly changes what she was about to say. “That will be Rob.”
I allow Amy to take the lead. Well, she knows the man and medical etiquette as well. Aware of the men still hovering around outside, Dr de Souza suggests we get Eli into the bedroom so he can talk to him in private.
Dad, Drummer and Wizard come back inside.
“Are you going to tell everyone what happened?” I bite my lip
waiting for the reply. I’m sure Eli won’t want people to know the state he was in when I’d found him.
“Nah, baby,” Dad reassures me. “No one knows we were coming here, and we’ll tell the brothers only when and if there’s a need for them to know.”
Drummer stands and shrugs out of his cut. He looks around. “You got a closet I can hang this in?”
“Yes, but why?” Unless he’s in a cage or relaxing at home, it’s strange to see Drummer not wearing his worn leather vest.
“Because I’m here as his dad, not as a Satan’s Devil,” he explains. “It might be easier for him to talk to me if he sees that.” He turns to Wizard. “I’m sorry, Prez. I’ll step back as VP if I have to. Eli comes first for now.”
Wizard makes a dismissive gesture with his hand. “Take as long as you need, Drum. Now, I don’t think I can do much more here. I’ll get back to the compound. Drummer, Olivia, let me know if you need me, okay?” When I indicate I’ll do so, while being unable to think of anything he could do to help, he turns to his wife. “Amy?”
“I’ll just wait for Rob to come out, then I’ll come home unless Olivia still needs me.”
“I’m staying to talk to the doctor,” Dad says. “I’m still not happy leaving you here.”
“But Wizard is right, Dad.” I try to persuade him. “I don’t even know whether he’ll want Drummer here.”
“He probably won’t,” Wizard suggests wisely. “But you’re not staying here on your own. After this?” He waves in the direction of the bedroom and I know he’s referring to Eli’s breakdown earlier. “He’s too unpredictable for you to be left alone.”
Dad shakes his head.
“I’m his father,” Drummer reminds him again. “Whether or not he wants me, Wraith, I’ll be here.”
“And I’m her dad.” He points at me.
“You’re club, Dad,” I remind him. “I don’t think that helps. I’m not the one sick.” I narrow my eyes, letting him know if he tells me I’m pregnant again, I’ll probably hit him.
Hawk's Cry : Satan's Devils MC Second Generation #2 Page 11
