I Remember You

by Mairsile Leabhair

  “What’s on the agenda for today, Yvonne?”

  Yvonne handed Aidan the printed agenda.

  “Wow, another busy day I see.”

  “It’s a Thursday,” she quipped.

  “Hey, what’s this, a baseball game tonight?”

  “It’s an exhibition game before the start of the new season next month. Vicky is throwing out the first ball.” Yvonne noticed how much more casual and relaxed, Aidan had become. She also notice how Aidan’s eyes lit up every time Vicky was around, and wondered if Aidan noticed that Vicky’s did the same thing.

  “Do you go to the games much, Yvonne?”

  “I have never been, actually. I’m not much of a baseball fan.”

  “Well, it’s different, when you’re actually at the game. If nothing else, it’s worth it, just for the popcorn and hotdogs. I went to a game last year, when I escaped from rehab for a few hours. In fact, after I take Vicky’s picture tonight, I just might stay for the game.” Aidan loved baseball, and knew all about the Arkansas Travelers. After discovering her interest in the game, she spent any free time she had during rehab, reading up on the sport.

  Yvonne, on the other hand, could take it or leave it, but she saw an opportunity for her son, “You know, I’ve got a ten year old son who would probably love to see a baseball game.”

  “That’s great. I’d be happy to teach him all about the game, if you’d like?”

  “I would like that very much, thank you, Aidan.”

  ***

  That night, Aidan stood on the infield at the Dickey Stephens Baseball Park, camera in hand, waiting for Vicky to make her appearance. The field was immaculately manicured, with two shades of green stripes that aligned perfectly with the stripes in the outfield, broken only by the dirt lanes between the bases. The huge stadium lights paled in comparison with the nightline of the city scape, or the river running beside it.

  The smell of popcorn wafted through the packed stands, as the announcer walked up to the microphone, “And now, to throw out the first ball of the new season, here is the youngest President and CEO of any healthcare system. Little Rock’s very own, President and CEO of St. Frances Health System, Ms. Victoria Montgomery!”

  The applause echoed loudly, as Vicky strolled out of the bullpen, and ran out to the pitcher’s mound, wearing an Arkansas Traveler’s baseball uniform, that said Montgomery across her back. With a cap cocked sideways on her head, her long hair in a ponytail, piping down her pant legs, and socks that came up to her knees, Aidan thought she was the cutest thing she’d ever laid eyes on. She was so taken by her that she almost forgot to take pictures. Damn!

  Vicky assumed the pitchers position, rotated her shoulders to loosen up, then kicked the dirt to dig her cleats in. Doing a wind up, female style, she let the ball rip across the field. When it made it into the catcher’s mitt, she jumped in the air, grinning, impressed that it actually made it all the way to the catcher’s mitt. Granted, it bounced first, right in front of him, but she was proud of it, just the same.

  The announcer bellowed above the applause, “PLAY BALL!”

  As the teams began to warm up on the field, Aidan fell in beside Vicky and they walked back to the stands. “Great job!”

  “Thank you, Ms. Cassidy.” Thinking that was too formal, she added, “I played a little ball in college, but it’s been a few years.” She rubbed her shoulder, “Oh… I think I pulled my arm out of the socket.”

  “Ouch. Maybe you can get your girlfriend to rub it down for you, tonight. Tell her to use a hot compress, it gets the blood flowing faster.”

  “Thanks, but I don’t have a girlfriend.”

  “But I thought…?” Aidan ran her fingers through her thick hair, “Gosh, I’m sorry, I thought you were, uh…?”

  Vicky could see she was struggling with her words, so she answered the question for her, “I am, but I don’t have a partner. Why would you think I did, Aidan?”

  “I saw you in the cafeteria, the other day, with a woman on your arm. I just assumed...”

  “Oh, you must mean my best friend, Joyce. We’re just friends, she has a wife.”

  Damn this woman is so confusing. “I sure am racking up the jerk points, this week.”

  Vicky abruptly stopped, and turned to her, “Oh Aidan, is that the reason you suddenly put up a wall?”

  Aidan lowered her head, “That’s part of it. I didn’t want… I mean I was afraid that‒‒”

  “What, Aidan, you were afraid of what?”

  Just tell her Cassidy, she deserves the truth. “I was afraid if I came on to you, I’d get you in trouble. Besides, you’re my boss. And then, when I saw you with that other woman, I knew I had to back off. I’m sorry, like I said, I’m a jerk.”

  “You were trying to protect my reputation, and that makes you a jerk? You’ve got it backwards, Aidan. Only a good friend would make that kind of sacrifice. Thank you. Now, listen to me. Don’t worry about getting me in trouble. I’ve never hidden who I was. And I have no misconceptions that it could be used against me on a whim of the corporate office. But I can take care of myself. Best you learn that now.”

  Aidan was not expecting her honest response. Wow, she can see things so clearly, it’s scary. Then she thought, hey, she called me a good friend, and she’s not involved, that means... what? She wasn’t sure what that meant, but her hormones certainly knew. She felt that familiar tingling that always tantalized her, when Vicky was around.

  “Say, I’m meeting Yvonne and her son, for the game, want to join us?”

  “Sure, that sounds like fun. Just let me send a quick text, and I’ll be right with you.” Vicky pulled out her cellphone and sent a text message, canceling her next appointment. It was a business dinner with a physician, that she worked weeks to set up, but she didn’t care. She’d waited too long for this, and she’d rather spend the evening eating hotdogs and popcorn with Aidan, even if it cost her in the long run.

  Vicky and Freddie, Yvonne’s young son, were already best buddies. As soon as he saw her walk up, he ran over to her, and thanked her for the birthday present, she had given him last week. Vicky knelt down to his level, and gave him a big hug, making him giggle, and leaving Aidan completely captivated by Vicky’s maternal side.

  Freddie had a lot of questions about the game, and Aidan had all the answers. She even went so far as to buy young Freddie a baseball glove, so she could teach him how to catch. The two formed an instant bond over hot dogs and baseball. As much as she was enjoying teaching Freddie about the game, she was enjoying the relaxed, vivacious side of Vicky, even more.

  Vicky, who was well known in the city, spent most of the first three innings, talking with people who went out of their way to greet her. She was used to it, but this time, it got in the way of what she really wanted to be doing. Watching Aidan. Laughing with Aidan. Sitting close to Aidan. The visitations finally tapered off, just in time for her to watch Aidan and Freddie run the bases, after the third inning. A treat for the kids, the ballpark invites the kids and their parents to run the bases. When Freddie begged Yvonne to go, she asked Aidan if she would mind. Aidan was more than happy to fill in for her. She kept pace with little Freddie, and the two laughed their way around the bases. As soon as they reached home plate, they high fived each other, to the cheers and clapping of Vicky and Yvonne.

  At the end of the game, Freddie tugged on Aidan’s sleeve, and asked if she would take him to a game again. Aidan looked over at Yvonne for approval, then bent down in front of Freddie, declaring, “You got it, little man. Anytime.”

  He jumped into her arms and hugged her tight, surprising Aidan. She’d never been hugged by a child before, at least not that she could remember, and this enchanting little boy, brought out her parental instincts. She hugged him back, then kissed him on the forehead.

  Vicky was so moved by the tender scene, and what she secretly hoped for in her own life, that she had to turn away to brush the moisture from her eyes.

  ***

  “Go
od morning, Yvonne, what’s on the agenda for today?” Aidan approached Yvonne’s desk, as she did every morning, to pick up Vicky’s itinerary for the day. But there was a new bounce in her step that hadn’t been there before. Yvonne wondered if it was because of the ballgame, last night, or the fact that Vicky couldn’t take her eyes off of her, all evening.

  “Good morning, Aidan, here you go.”

  “Yep, no surprise here, another busy day ahead.”

  “Well…,” Aidan chimed in with her, “it is a Friday,” they both said in unison. Yvonne chuckled, then added, “By the way, my son hasn’t stopped talking about the baseball game, since last night. I think you’ve created a monster.”

  “Oh good, I’ve converted another one,” she said with a big cheesy grin.

  Aidan looked up to see Vicky come out of her office, carrying her purse and briefcase. She thought she was looking particularly smart today, dressed in a robin’s egg blue blouse, tucked into her dark blue pants. No suit today, nice.

  “Good morning, Aidan. We’re going to visit with employees at the Russellville campus today.”

  “Is it just the two of us, then?”

  “Yes and my car is out back, unless…, unless you’d like to drive?”

  “You’d ride in my Mustang?”

  “Well sure, I’m not some frail old lady, in case you haven’t noticed,” Vicky’s eyes twinkled mischievously.

  Haven’t noticed! “Okay, but I’ll drive slow, just the same,” Aidan teased.

  “Well, if that’s the case, we’ll take my car, because I like to go fast.”

  Baby, my motor is racing already.

  Yvonne watched as the two women danced around the obvious. They were flirting with each other, just as they did last night. She thought how intriguing it was to watch a romance blossoming, right in front of her, and she was the first one to know it. Or was she? She sighed, maybe someday that will be me.

  ***

  Speeding down the road at ninety‒five miles an hour, in Aidan’s Mustang, Vicky hung on for dear life, though she tried not to let Aidan see it. She wanted her to slow down, as much for safety, as to make the trip longer.

  “Aidan, what’s it like? Not having a memory?” Vicky hoped that if she got Aidan talking, maybe she’d slow down a little.

  “Off the record ma’am?”

  “Oh stop that, we’re friends now, remember?”

  “It fucking sucks.”

  Ah, that’s the Aidan I remember. “I can’t imagine. Can you describe it?”

  “Well, you know when you’re drinking hot chocolate, and you burn your tongue, because you can’t wait for it to cool down? Then when it does cool, to just the right temperature, you gulp it down so fast your body flushes from the warmth. It’s just like that. Painful and satisfying, all at the same time. See, I get a flash of a gun, or a blonde little girl, or pumping gas, and it burns my tongue, because I can’t make sense of it. But it’s satisfying in that I remembered something at least.”

  Little blond girl? Could that be me? “Stop forcing it. They are probably unrelated to one another anyway. Have you tried writing them down, so you can keep a list?”

  Aidan slowed the vehicle down to the speed limit. She wanted to enjoy this time alone with Vicky. Laughing, she replied, “You sound just like Dr. Kline. To be honest with you, I don’t have that kind of patience.”

  “Well, tell me this, besides the obvious, why is it so important to get your memories back?” Couldn’t you be happy without them, with me?

  Aidan thought about it for a minute, then replied succinctly, “Because, I want to be a whole person, again.”

  Remembering what Joyce had said, Vicky asked cautiously, “What if you find you’re not who you think you are?”

  Aidan looked at her, did she just read my mind? then looked back at the road again, “That’s what worries me. What if I’m a deranged person, or worse, a murderer, or something?”

  “Oh Aidan, you’re not a murderer.”

  “How do you know? I saw a gun in my flashes.”

  “You were in an attack in Iraq, for Pete’s sake. Of course you saw a gun. Now listen to me, Aidan Marie Cassidy. You are a good, caring person, with so much potential, you can’t imagine. I believe that. I also believe that life is a choice. You can choose right now, to be proud of who you are, in this moment, or chose to lose yourself in the ‘what ifs’. I hope you choose the here and now, because it’s impossible to have a friendship with a what if.”

  Aidan felt that warm feeling a person gets when they are told someone cares about them. She thought, Vicky is right. Life is a choice, and I do choose the here and now. Bolster by Vicky’s concern and her compliment, Aidan thought it was time to take it one step further.

  “Vicky, uh, maybe after we’re done today, I could uh… take you to dinner?”

  Vicky wanted to dance in her seat, yes, yes, YES! “Sure, Aidan, that sounds nice.”

  Russellville was approximately seventy‒seven miles north‒west of Little Rock, nestled in the Arkansas River Valley, with Lake Dardanelle as its playground. Their day in this luscious green city went smoothly, with Aidan taking a lot of photos of Vicky with the employees. Aidan was intrigued by every faucet she saw, as she observed Vicky at work. Even the open forum Vicky conducted, where the employees could ask her any question, and get an honest answer, was impressive to Aidan. Especially when questions about the health system’s financial stability, were asked. Those were particularly tough for Vicky, but Aidan could tell that she answered them truthfully, giving straight forward facts. Then, as she did at the close of every meeting, she encouraged them to carry on the mission of St. Frances.

  On the drive home, the two women were tired, but more relaxed with each other. This time, Aidan made the conversation all about Vicky.

  “So, I read your book. It was very well written.”

  “Oh, thank you. I’ll need you to send the photos in to corporate, pretty soon. They want the finished product, by the end of next week.”

  “Will do. Can I ask you a question?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Do you really believe that life is a choice? That you either choose to do something or you don’t, there’s no in between?”

  “Yes I do, Aidan.”

  “What about the, uh… when you were, uh…”

  “Raped? No, that was not my choice, of course. That choice was taken away from me, wasn’t it. The choice I made, that I regret, was in not telling anyone about it. I haven’t even told my parents yet, but I guess I should, before the book comes out. But quite honestly, I’m still not ready to talk about it.”

  Vicky wasn’t emotional or upset, but Aidan sensed she should probably change the subject, just the same.

  “So uh, I’d like to take you to a swanky restaurant tonight, if that’s okay?”

  Vicky laughed, “I would enjoy swanky, if the food is good. What should I wear?”

  “Oh, uh, blue jeans and a shirt will be fine. Boots, if you’ve got them?”

  “So, dress western style?’ Vicky was not surprised at Aidan’s idea of what was swanky. It was actually another connection to her childhood, though Aidan was unaware of it.

  “Yup.”

  That evening, Aidan picked Vicky up at her front door, and gave her a bouquet of daisies. She smiled large, as Vicky stood in the doorway, wearing an embroidered, rose colored western blouse, tucked into a form fitting, ruffled blue jean skirt. She wore a pink bandana, tied around her neck, that matched the color of her pink, soft leathered boots.

  Aidan thought she looked adorable. But there was something about those pink boots. She shrugged it off, and escorted Vicky to the passenger side of the Mustang, opening the door for her. Vicky felt like a teenager again, and any remnants of being a CEO, evaporated from her manner. Tonight, she was on a first date, with the hope for many more such evenings to come. She wondered, if this was what it would have been like?

  Aidan was dressed in a rose embroidered, black silk western s
hirt, with black jeans, and her favorite slouched boots. Vicky’s pink, next to Aidan’s black, made for a striking couple. Aidan escorted her into the restaurant, which was also a saloon. In the back, was a large dance area, with a stage for a band. The air hung thick with the smell of liquor, mixed with the enticing aroma of grilling meat. Aidan ordered a medium‒rare T‒bone steak, and Vicky had the well‒done filet mignon. Before their meals arrived, she pulled out a framed photo of Vicky, in the baseball uniform. Her cap was cocked to the left, and she held the ball and glove close to her chin. To Aidan, she was so beautifully cute, it made her ache, just to look at it.

  Vicky blushed, “Why, thank you, Aidan, that’s so nice of you.”

  “Oh, I uh, wasn’t giving it to you. I was hoping you’d autograph it, for me.”

  For a split‒second, Vicky thought she was serious, but then noticed the grin on Aidan’s face. “Oh you!” Vicky was familiar with her charm and mischievousness from childhood, and it felt so normal.

  “Did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you are, when you crinkle your nose, like that?”

  “My nose?” She put her fingers to her nose, and blushed again, caught off guard by the compliment. She didn’t know her nose crinkled. Still, what a sweet thing to say.

  After they finished their meal, they went to the dance floor and did the two step. Thanks to dance lessons during rehab at the Army hospital, Aidan impressed Vicky with her command of the dance, leading her around the floor, like she was born to it. Both women found each other’s rhythm, almost immediately. Then the song was over, replaced by a slow love song. Aidan held her close, but not intimately so. Vicky picked up the conversation with a question that she thought might spur a memory, or at the very least, stimulate a discussion.

  “So, Aidan. What do you want to be, when you grow up?”

  Now it was Aidan’s turn to laugh, “Actually, I don’t want to ever grow up. I’m having way too much fun, right now.”

  “Okay, Peter Pan, if you were to grow up, what would you like to do?”