Amnesia: The Book of Maladies

by D. K. Holmberg

  And yet they weren’t.

  Perhaps his father was right. That was the largest lesson that he had learned. Discovering there were others—and powerful others—who wanted to do harm in the city had surprised him. Discovering the Thelns and what they had intended still shocked him.

  None of it was nearly as shocking as what he had learned of the princess.

  That was something that he wasn’t sure he should—or could—share with his father.

  “What’s your point?”

  “My point is that you can have every intention to remain pure. I certainly did. When I was at the university, when I was learning what they were able to teach, I wanted nothing more than to help as many people as I could. The gods know that was why I went. I believed I would discover some great secret, truths that could only be learned by studying the body, but I learned something else.”

  Alec sat up. It was always difficult to get his father to talk about his time at the university. Maybe his anger was what was needed, some way to motivate him to share.

  “And what did you learn?”

  “I learned there are things that cannot be changed, Alec.” His father breathed out heavily, and then he took a sip of his tea before sitting across from Alec. “When your mother… When your mother died.” He swallowed, as if forcing back a lump in his throat. “Something changed in me. She was so good, and she was so proud, but…”

  Alec leaned forward. “But what?”

  “She hid secrets.” His father looked up at him, and tears welled in his eyes. “I learned of them after she was gone, and only then. She wasn’t from the city. I had always known she was from one of the more remote sections, but after she was gone, when I went searching for answers, I found nothing about her. That sent me searching for even more answers.”

  Alec couldn’t breathe. “If she wasn’t from the city, where was she from?”

  His father met his gaze. “I can only speculate. You wonder why I spend as much time away as I do, why I have gone searching, often leaving the city to find various medicines, but it’s not only for the medicines. I’ve gone searching for answers. They are answers I don’t know I’ll ever find, but I have to look. I have to know.”

  Did his father suggest his mother had come from Theln lands? Alec already knew the Thelns had people who were somewhat like Scribes. They were responsible for the Book. If that was the case, then why was she in the city?

  Unless she was trying to keep tabs on the city.

  That meant she would have been a spy.

  Alec knew nothing of his mother. Everything he knew had come from his father. Knowing his father—or at least what he once had thought he knew—Alec had an idea of what kind of person his mother was. She would have been caring, much like his father. She would have wanted him to find himself, and knowing the affection his father still held for her, she would have wanted him to find love again.

  Yet all of that was imagined.

  “Why have you kept this from me?”

  “Because you haven’t needed to know.”

  “And why tell me now?”

  His father set his tea down and leaned forward resting his elbows on the table. “From what I have heard, your friend is preparing a journey. If I know you—and Alec, regardless of what you want to say, I do know you—you will go with her. If you do, I want you to be as prepared as you can be.”

  Alec blinked. Did his father really know that he was thinking about going to the Theln lands?

  “You would help?”

  “Whatever else you believe about me, know that I care for you. Deeply. I would do anything to keep harm from falling on you, even harm you don’t know is coming.”

  2

  An Unexpected Find

  Alec stared at the table for a long moment before standing and walking into the front room, hoping to clear his head. He willed his heart to slow down, trying to get control of his mind as it raced. He wanted to know more. His mother was a total unknown to him, the person who had left his life far too early, leaving him only with questions about who she was.

  The sounds of his father tinkering in the back of the shop were familiar. Alec had known those sounds his entire life. There was a part of him that was tempted to go back and begin to organize, to update the catalog of which medicines were low, so that his father could go harvesting, or could leave and purchase what was needed.

  That wasn’t his task, not anymore.

  He needed to find Sam. If anyone needed to know about what he’d discovered of his heritage, it would be Sam.

  And she likely wouldn’t be surprised. He was a Scribe, and though his father wasn’t—though he apparently had some potential toward it—he suspected now his mother had been.

  What sorts of things would she have known?

  What sorts of things could she have taught his father?

  Alec got up and made his way to the back of the shop. He found his father swirling water, cleaning out one of the pots. “Was mother a physicker?”

  “No. At least, I don’t think she was.”

  “And yet, there were things you learned from her, weren’t there?”

  His father turned and looked over his shoulder. “Why?”

  “You… you think she was a spy for them.”

  His father sighed. Red rimmed his eyes, but he said nothing more.

  “And if you believe she was a spy, and if she came from the Theln lands, it stands to reason she was a Scribe—or whatever they call them in their lands.”

  His father took a deep breath. “She claimed that she was a collector of sorts. She always enjoyed old books. She would have me going from shop to shop so she could look in, hoping to find something interesting. She had a collection.”

  Alec frowned. “And you never shared this with me?”

  Such a collection would be potentially important, especially if it was the reason she was in the city. Maybe his mother had her own references, information that could be critical to help Alec understand what she was asked to do. Maybe there would be things in her records that wouldn’t be found anywhere else. But then he stumbled with a realization.

  “Did they burn in the fire?”

  His father nodded. “It was unfortunate. Some of those works were incredibly old. Most of them weren’t useful, not to anyone other than a physicker.”

  “If she was a Scribe, many of those books would have been useful to others,” Alec said. A different thought came to him. “Is that how you knew about the canal eels?”

  His father shook his head. “Not from the books. Your mother said she’d had some experience with them when she was younger.”

  Alec smiled to himself. “I imagine her experience came from her time in the Theln lands.”

  Alec’s father nodded. “I didn’t think so at the time, but after she was gone, I began to piece it together. She was the one who taught me they could be filleted, and that there were many uses to the eel.”

  “Such as?”

  “You apparently have discovered the two types of venom they carry.” Alec nodded. “And I imagine some at the university have taught you that the flesh has some healing properties.”

  “They don’t want that to be well-known.”

  “Of course not. If that were known, the eels would be hunted, and they wouldn’t want that, not since they have another purpose for them.”

  “I don’t understand the purpose. I don’t understand how the eels are able to keep the Thelns out of the city.”

  “It’s not so much that they can keep them out of the city as it is they obfuscate things. They make the city difficult for anyone to find.”

  Alec frowned. That wasn’t his impression, not from talking with the master physickers. There had to be something more to it. Then again, maybe his father didn’t know. His father had been promoted to master physicker, and he might have potential to be a Scribe, but he wasn’t either of those things.

  “Did she say anything about how the eels could be used in creating easar paper?”
r />   “No. I’m still not completely convinced easar paper is tied to the eel venom.”

  “Master Helen seems to think it is.”

  “If anyone would know, it would be Helen. She is one of the brightest minds at the university, so I would recommend that you continue your studies with her.”

  “Do you think they will let me return after my trip with Sam?”

  His father set down the pot he’d been cleaning and turned back to him. “Do you need to go? Your friend is capable, and there is no reason for you to go. You could stay at the university. Everything I hear—and everything I’ve seen from you—tells me you are not far from promotion to master physicker.”

  “Not far, as in years.”

  His father shrugged. “What is years when your promotion would grant you the ability to influence so many? Think about it, Alec. Once you reach that level, you can have a say in the running of the university. You can help influence what is charged, and how many people without money are helped. You can be the reason so many others are given an opportunity that few have been.”

  It all sounded right. And it all sounded like something that he wanted—or at least, that he once had wanted. Was that what he wanted now? He didn’t know, but he wasn’t convinced that the way he would influence others most effectively was through serving as a master physicker. How could he, when he had seen that—were he to have a greater access to easar paper—he would be able to do even more? With the paper, he could heal the most obscure illnesses. People wouldn’t have to suffer. All he needed was a way to create the paper.

  And if his father didn’t know, and if Alec wasn’t able to discover it on his own, then he would have to go to the Theln lands to find that answer.

  If nothing else, his father was giving him even more reason to go with Sam. Learning that his mother had apparently come from there and discovering that there was a family secret he didn’t know—and his father didn’t know—were reason enough for him to go.

  “I will think on it.”

  “Was there another reason you came here?”

  Alec nodded. “I thought perhaps you had discovered something about the eel venom, and that you might be able to come up with some method of creating easar paper.”

  His father frowned. “I imagine you have tried applying the venom to the paper directly?” Alec nodded. “And you have tried different papers?”

  Alec nodded. “I have tried that. The only thing left to try would be to use the venom in the manufacturing of the paper.”

  “Something like that would be vastly more efficient.”

  “That was my thought, as well. It makes more sense for the Thelns to manufacture paper in that manner than to have them going page by page, adding various drops of poison to it.”

  His father turned back to the pot and began to scrub. “I can think on this more, but I suspect you’ve come up with the most obvious answers.”

  Alec grunted. It was strange for him to realize that his father might not be able to help him. All these years, his father had been the one he had gone to for answers. And now… Now maybe he wasn’t able to help. Maybe the strange happenings that Alec was encountering were beyond his father’s capacity to understand and help. Maybe Alec’s own experiences had surpassed those of his father in this regard.

  It wasn’t that his father wasn’t useful. That wasn’t the case at all. It was more that Alec had learned as much as he could from him. He had taught him everything he knew, from mixing medicines to making assessments to coming up with treatment plans, all of it had come from his father. Now he was at the university; he was learning other approaches; and he was moving beyond where his father could help him.

  That, more than anything else, left him with a strange feeling.

  He had enjoyed working with his father all these years. He had enjoyed the camaraderie, and the easy understanding that had grown between them. Those were good memories. Happy memories. Those were the memories he needed to hang on to, not the memories tied to things his father had concealed from him.

  And maybe his father had done so for a good reason. He had wanted Alec to believe that he was altruistic, and that everything he did was for the greater good. How could Alec feel otherwise?

  “Thank you, Father.”

  “I’m afraid I didn’t offer you much help.”

  “No. This time, you didn’t. And I know it must’ve been difficult for you to share with me about Mother, but… I think I needed to know that, as well.”

  “Please, Alec,” he started, turning back to him and grabbing for Alec’s hands. “Don’t risk yourself. I know there is temptation for you to go with her and learn more about yourself, but even if you go to the Theln lands, there’s no guarantee you will find anyone who knew her. If she came here as a spy, they likely wouldn’t speak of it. If she came here for another reason…”

  “What other reason would she have come?” Alec hadn’t given that much thought. As soon as his father had suggested that she had come from outside the city, and likely from the Theln lands, Alec had assumed she was a spy.

  “What if she came here for refuge?”

  Alec breathed out. If that was the reason she had come, then maybe he hadn’t been an unintentional consequence. Maybe his mother truly had cared about his father. Maybe everything he had thought about her, even without knowing her, had not been a lie.

  “If she came for refuge, there might be others. There might be family. There might be—”

  “And if there are? How many do you think you can help?”

  Alec swallowed. “I don’t know. All I know is that Sam is going after Tray so she can have answers, and now it seems I have answers that I need too.”

  His father grasped his arm and pulled him close, forcing him into a hug. Alec stiffened for a moment before hugging him back.

  “If you go, be careful.”

  “If I go,” Alec started, not wanting to tell his father it was incredibly likely that he would, “I will go with others who can make sure I’m safe. Sam isn’t without capability.”

  “It’s not Sam I worry about. It’s what happens to you. It’s what happens to Scribes who go to the Theln lands.”

  “What is it that happens?” That was what he hadn’t been able to discover.

  His father shook his head. “I don’t know. All I know is that there have long been rumors about Scribes who disappear. It’s taken me years to learn where they’ve gone, and why they have disappeared. I still don’t understand what changes, what temptation there is for them when they reach the Theln lands, but there is something. And it’s enough that even the strongest Scribe is tempted. So, all I ask is that you be careful.”

  Alec sighed and hugged his father once more before turning away. He looked around the shop as he left, feeling a sense of loss. But was it loss? Maybe he wasn’t losing anything, but rather gaining. He now had understanding about his family that he hadn’t before. He now realized that his mother was something more, and that something more was an opportunity for him to learn about and discover.

  With one last look around the shop, he stepped out into the street and took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar smells of his section. He glanced across the street and saw Mrs. Rubbles’ sign and decided to visit. She had been so giving of her time and paper, and if he did plan to leave, he wanted to at least have the chance to say goodbye. If something went awry during his travels, he would hate to not have taken the opportunity to thank her for everything she had done for him over the years.

  When he stepped into her shop, a small bell tinkled, much the same way his father’s did. Mrs. Rubbles stepped to the front of her shop, and she smiled when she saw him. She was a thin woman with gray hair and a sharp jaw. Her eyes were bright, despite her age. As always, she was neatly dressed, with a long brown dress.

  “Alec?”

  “Mrs. Rubbles. I just wanted to stop in while I was visiting my father. I thought I would say hello.”

  “How is that paper working for you?”


  “Well…”

  “Apparently, it is not working quite as well as you had hoped.”

  “The paper is fine,” Alec said, looking around the shop. There were rows of tables. On each table were various types of paper. It was her way of showing off her stationery. A cabinet along the back wall held the various inks she offered. Most were relatively inexpensive. Even in this section of the city, people didn’t have nearly as much money as those who lived more centrally. She did keep some more expensive and exotic inks, but those were held in the back of the shop, along with some of the higher-end paper. Alec had always thought the shop had a particular odor to it, but that seemed to come from the ink, rather than from the paper. Most of the ink she mixed herself, though some of it she imported. “It’s just that for my purpose, I suspect I will have to manufacture the paper myself.”

  Mrs. Rubbles frowned at him. “Why would you need to do that?”

  “There are particular properties to the paper I need to explore,” Alec said. Mrs. Rubbles had seen easar paper, but she viewed it as little more than some way to send hidden messages, rather than a way to perform great magical feats. And again, why would she think that paper could do anything more than leave messages? Before he had ever found the easar paper, Alec would never have thought it possible. Even knowing what it could do still surprised him.

  “Making paper is something of an art form, Alec. There are many people who spend years attempting to manufacture it, and they never manage to make anything of much quality. It ends up too pulpy.” She went to one of the tables and held up a sheet, handing it over to Alec. “Take this, for example. This is one of the least expensive types of paper that I have in my shop. I hate to carry it, but some people simply don’t care about quality and only care about cost. I can acquire this for less than a copper, and people will pay a copper per page, but it’s nothing quite like this,” she said, going to another stack of paper. When she handed him that paper, it was thick, and the surface was smooth. Alec could tell that it would be easy for his pen to slide across, and easy for him to write upon. “So, if you think to manufacture your own paper, you will need to find someone who has experience with it.”