Don't Say It: Ronacks Motorcycle Club

by Debra Kayn

  He slipped his hand between her legs and pulled out her left hand, keeping it in his grasp. "My mother believed a clean house meant a clean soul, while I grew up with little in the form of possessions, she made sure my dad, brother, and I understood how to clean and the responsibility of taking care of what we owned. The Army reaffirmed that lesson by proving I could survive off little and demanding order. I get your need to clean."

  She shifted sideways. "You have a brother?"

  "One."

  "Does he live near you?"

  His eye twitched. "He's no longer a part of my life, and my parents are dead."

  She stared down at their linked hands, trying not to pry and wanting to know more. Swiss gave her little in the sense of how he lived his life, his childhood, and even his adulthood. Sure, he was easy to get along with, so she concluded that whatever happened to break the bond of a family was out of his control.

  To keep him from dwelling on what could be a painful subject and to let him know she appreciated the information he volunteered, she said, "I keep thinking that when this is over, you'll be glad to get rid of me."

  "How so?"

  She looked up and smiled. "You'll have all your free time back, and Mel can actually come inside instead of walking past the duplex every forty-five minutes."

  Swiss chuckled. "He's on foot patrol. The kid takes his job seriously considering the vote is coming up."

  "Ah, the mysterious motorcycle club vote." She leaned her head back on the couch while continuing to look at him. "It's a good thing. Soon, I'll be able to go home and..."

  "Gia?" he said, rubbing his thumb against the back of her hand.

  "Yes?"

  He looked at her. "Don't pretend everything will go back the way it was and being with me meant nothing to you. What you're going through will change your life, and I know you're not a woman who accepts sex as something to pass the time."

  She tried to pull her hand away, and he refused to let her go. "Hey, I know having sex with you helps us pass the time, and we're two adults who are attracted to each other. With everything going on, I should never have let myself get distracted. But, shit happens, right? When this is all over, I'll go back to Seattle, and be forever grateful for the help you've given me."

  "Sweet." His scar deepened until only one of his eyes remained opened. "We come from two different worlds. Sex between us is good."

  "Yeah," she said, inhaling swiftly. "I mean, I'm okay if you want to keep having sex with me. No big deal. Sex is sex."

  "Hold on." He raised his hand and stroked her cheek. "This is where that whole other world part comes in, cause I have you pegged as someone who will think there's more involved than having sex because it feels fucking good. That's not how I live. I'm careful when I do have sex, but that's all it is for me. I'm not looking for anything more. I don't have it in me to share my life with anyone else, and if you can handle that, then yeah, we're going to have sex while you stay with me. If you can't, I'll still protect you and respect the line you drew in front of me."

  Her heart raced. Warmth filled her face. Besides the obvious way they'd met and his assumption that she was scared of her own shadow—she was, he thought of her as a prude.

  Okay, she'd had two long-term relationships—both men lasted almost five years with her before the relationship became stagnant. In-between relationships, she'd dated when asked, which was at least once a month because she believed in love.

  But, she wasn't foolish or immature.

  She could appreciate sex for the simple act of feeling good with another person she found attractive and respected. When the circumstances changed for her, she could walk away without falling in love.

  "I have men after me who want me dead." She worked her lips. "The last thing I can or will do is believe there is more to having sex with you. My brain can't process more about my situation right now, and you give me something that requires no thinking. I'm not normally like that, but I am with you. You don't have to worry about me fantasizing that staying with you, having sex with you, is anything more than what it is. Trust me, I just want my life back, and while I'm with you, the constant worry is easier to handle. I've slept better this week than I have in a month, and that's because of you."

  He leaned over, kissed her forehead and left his lips on her and said, "You need to trust me to see that you remain safe, and between Ronacks and me, we will make sure the men after you stop, and you can go back home."

  She closed her eyes an extra beat and sniffed. It felt wonderful to have someone who believed her, even if she failed to understand her feelings. She also loved being close to Swiss. The rugged smell of leather light in the air, she wanted to rub against him.

  "Thank you."

  "I need to ask you a couple more questions." He sat back on the couch, squeezed her hand, and said, "What exactly did you do when you left your condominium for the last time?"

  "I already told you."

  "Sweet, there's things that you might not be aware of even knowing and the more you talk, maybe new information will show itself and help me figure out how to stop the men from coming after you."

  "The first thing I did after I ran from my condominium was go to a woman's shelter. They fed me, let me sleep in the building, and helped me figure out my next step in the safety of their building with others around me. The employee who worked with me found two places away from Seattle and out of Washington that was feasible places for me to go to seek safety with the money I had saved up. I wouldn't and couldn't stay at the shelter. I feared anyone else getting hurt." She glanced at his chest and thought back to the conversation. "The first place that was offered was in Dubois, Wyoming and the woman at the shelter talked me out of going there, because the safe house was too rural. There were no neighbors within five miles, and she thought I'd feel more secure with others around me. The second choice was Haugan, Montana and I could share a duplex with a man from a motorcycle club who had skills from being in the Army. You."

  "And, the landlord told the crisis worker that?" he asked, his body stiffening.

  She shook her head. "I don't know. I can only guess that's what happened."

  Swiss grunted in displeasure. "That's all assumptions then."

  She inhaled deeply and blew out her breath, to slow down the disappointment she got from Swiss's remark. "At the time, I couldn't even make the simplest of choices. I had no idea what to do and tried to convince myself that two men hadn't been in my place trying to harm me. I latched on to what made me feel safe, and that was the description of Haugan, knowing you'd be here in the duplex with me. I thought if there was a slim chance of the men following me that far away from Seattle, I rather have a man who lived on the other side of the duplex than be stuck by myself."

  Her voice gave out. Her throat spasmed. She trusted Swiss, but what could she say to convince him that she'd come here simply because to her, he was a man that could protect her?

  She'd taken off and drove almost four hundred miles away from everything familiar, trusting that a woman's shelter had her safety in mind. Maybe she should've asked more questions, but at the time, she couldn't even remember the password to the gate at the front of her condominium or her pin number for her debit card, and she was grateful someone else helped her.

  "What was the name of the women's shelter and the employee who helped you?"

  Feeling foolish, she shrugged. "The shelter was on Tenth and Parkway, or maybe Belmont. I never paid attention to the legal name. They had a big sign on the building, and I went by there every day on my way to and from work, never thinking I'd need to use them. The woman who helped me set up a pay-as-you-go phone to give me when I left. Her name is Bianca. I know she set up the lease for me under the name Lisa Graham, and she gave me a driver's license with that same name. It's also the name I used when I traded my car for the Honda."

  "Gia." She whispered, "Gia Lorenz."

  "Okay." He stood up, pulling her to her feet. "That helps."

  "I don't s
ee how." She leaned into him, frustrated from seeing how he viewed the situation compared to her living through the fear. "I wish I could tell you more or at least give you the answers you're looking for. I don't even know what you think you'll find."

  "You're doing good." He tilted her head and kissed her lips. "We're going to leave for the clubhouse in twenty minutes. If you got anything you need to do before, you better get to it. I'm going to step outside and make a phone call."

  She grabbed his wrist, stopping him from moving away. "Please, don't."

  "Step out?"

  "No, make a phone call." She swallowed her panic. "Not if it's about me or about the situation. I was told not to use any phones, except ones that can't be traced back to me and since I'm staying with you..."

  "I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

  "You can promise, but you can't control other people. P-people can get information from phone calls and pictures from Smartphones that can pinpoint exactly where I am." Her head pounded. "Please, if you're calling your club, can you wait until you're there and then talk to them about me?"

  "The club doesn't use phones that can be traced." He slipped his phone back into his pocket. "But, I'll wait until we get to the clubhouse."

  "Thank you," she whispered, stepping away. "Let me go grab my sweatshirt, and I'll be ready to go."

  She walked into the bedroom and rubbed her face. Numb and confused, she second-guessed her decisions. She trusted Swiss. She had to trust him.

  Chapter Twenty

  Raelyn, Jana, and Bree surrounded Gia inside the clubhouse, keeping her entertained and managing to bring her out of the funk his questions had created before they'd left the duplex. Swiss's gut tightened, knowing he was the reason she had added stress in her life.

  He assumed her quick stance in how she only viewed sex with him as a need he was filling had gone against everything she believed in. Her words failed to reassure him. It was the sadness in her eyes she couldn't hide and the way her body stiffened beside him while she tried to make him feel better that bothered him. She wasn't handling sleeping with him on top of dealing with the fear she lived with since walking in and finding her co-workers murdered.

  Maybe if the situation was different and they'd met under different circumstances, she'd be able to handle having casual sex with him, or maybe she wouldn't have anything to do with him at all.

  The later thought bothered him. He wasn't a corruptor of women. Hell, he worshiped women.

  The right type of women.

  Normally, he stayed away from women like Gia who had a handle on their life and planned for the future. Women who put every thought into others and invested in sharing their emotions when it came to spreading their legs for a man. Gia looked for long-term relationships, proven by her track record.

  Yet, damned if she wasn't there one-hundred percent in bed with him, taking and giving.

  Rod lined up four phones in front of Swiss on the table and tapped the middle one. "Give Gia this one. LeWorth and I programmed it to the club's computer. That way we can find out who she calls and see if anyone else is reading her data."

  He wanted to believe Gia's fear of him using the phone would keep her from contacting anyone, but after witnessing her snatch Jana's phone to make a private call, he understood baiting her would get the answers he needed. Proof that she was in contact with someone else created a weak link in his plan to protect her.

  If she hid the truth or one small detail, it put her at risk. Hell, it put him and each member of Ronacks MC in danger. They needed to know everything and go in armed with information to catch the men or person after Gia.

  "The other phones you can use. They're throwaways." LeWorth lowered his voice. "Encourage her to learn more about what is happening in Seattle. If she wants to call the detective in charge of the case, let her. At this point, if she raises questions with anyone from the outside, we can use that to our advantage because eyes and ears will be off Ronacks, and hopefully, it'll draw us that much closer to Sparrows."

  "If it is Sparrows," muttered Swiss.

  He still wasn't positive a street gang from Seattle would leave their territory, come to Montana, and risk being connected to a crime they wanted to bury deep within the legal system.

  "We're keeping all possibilities open." Battery gazed across the table at Swiss, blocking his view of Gia. "You need to stay focused."

  He knew better than most how to shut off outside influences. Trained to take out the enemy, he could put the club and Gia out of his head at a moment's notice.

  He ran his finger over the scar on his cheek. Only once had he let his attachment to others distract him from what was important, and he wouldn't make that mistake again.

  "How is the new lineup on the roster working out?" Swiss pocketed the phone he'd give to Gia and picked up the rest of them. "No trouble at Watson's?"

  "The court date got moved back six weeks." Battery stuck a cigarette behind his ear. "Mel's teaming with Grady, and they've got a good handle on Watson's. It's working out well."

  LeWorth smirked. "Mel has something to keep his mind off why the women who come to the club parties aren't hanging on him."

  The dedication and loyalty amongst his brothers relaxed Swiss. The last couple of weeks before being patched in fucked with everyone's head. The club used the prospects for entertainment until they became a lifer. While the deviant acts kept the prospect guessing at the outcome of the vote, the way Mel handled the burdens said a lot about what kind of brother he'd make each one of them. So far in Mel's two years of tests, he'd performed fine for someone his age.

  "Keep me notified on what happens here." Swiss stepped away from the table and walked across the room toward the women.

  Bree continued talking to Jana when he approached, and Gia stepped away from the group and came to his side. He piled the phones in his right hand and placed his left on her lower back. Her gaze questioned him, and the darkness under her eyes gave him a hint at how she was handling the stress level.

  "Come outside with me." He led her through the crowd of bikers and out into the night air.

  She rubbed her bare arms. "What's with the phones?"

  "For us to use. They're untraceable." He motioned with his chin. "Let me go put them in the bag on the bike, and we can grab your sweatshirt. It's getting cool already."

  "The temperature is different here than in Seattle." She walked beside him. "I can't believe how it can be hot during the day and chilly as soon as the sun goes down."

  "It's the mountains and higher elevation." He stopped beside his Harley and put the phones in the bag, then opened the other side and grabbed Gia's sweatshirt. "Here you go."

  Gia slipped the sweatshirt over her head and wiggled her arms into the sleeves. He reached over and gathered her caught hair and pulled it out from under the material. Recognizing the scent of his shampoo in her hair, the freshness of his detergent in her clothes, he held her close liking the way it appeared as if she belonged to him.

  Another reminder that she had given him permission to continue having sex with her. He could seek relief, and she could grab comfort.

  "Open your mouth." He pressed the pad of his thumb against her chin and then kissed her.

  A slow stroke of her tongue and he kissed her deeper, lust tightening his balls. He couldn't remember how long it'd been since he'd wanted to protect a woman. Keep her with him and hide from the world, and selfishly keep everything about her to himself. He hated sharing.

  He never tolerated letting others take what he had until he no longer cared and gave everything away or threw what was important out of his life. The worst moment of his life, he'd walked away from the chance at making himself happy because of his strict need to keep what was his.

  Maybe he never fought hard enough.

  In the end, nothing mattered. He'd lost. And, that loss about killed him.

  Gia moaned and pulled back. "We should stop."

  Caught in another time, he stepped away. Wh
at was he doing?

  Sex was all that he was after. His need to possess Gia, to make sure she stayed safe was only the protection he could give her as a Ronacks member. Nothing more.

  "Right." He ran his hand over his mouth, staring down into eyes that refused to leave him alone. Digging in his vest pocket, he pulled out his pack of cigarettes needing to get rid of the hunger for her taste off his tongue. "I'm gonna have a smoke before we head back. Do you want to wait inside for me? I'm going to walk out on the dock."

  She glanced around the yard. A few members stood outside. Choke and a woman—Candace, he believed, were talking by Jana's car. "Is it okay if I stay by your motorcycle?" she asked.

  "Yeah, you're safe here on club property." He stepped away and lit the cigarette, and kept walking.

  It was only natural that he'd want to touch her, kiss her, and keep her near when they were together all day long. That's what happened when he was around the club. The women who wanted to hook up with him hung around and were glad for the attention he gave them.

  There was no need to discuss what came after. He knew what was expected, and the woman never asked for more. Hell, they never wanted more.

  They knew bikers were fun to party with, but none of them wanted to be held back by the governing laws of Ronacks. To claim one woman, it was as good as being married.

  He inhaled deeply and let the smoke out slowly. He needed to keep his distance from Gia. Her resolve to take their living conditions for what it was and accept that he only wanted her for sex meant more to him because he couldn't make himself believe it was what she wanted.

  She'd expect some kind of commitment or at least responsibility, and she fucking glowed after they had sex. He'd never seen such a thing. That kind of gratitude fucked him in the head something good.

  He'd had that.

  He'd lost that.

  Instead of going out on the dock, he stopped at the bank and finished his cigarette. From a distance, he could barely make out the music playing in the clubhouse. Refusing to turn around and check on Gia, knowing every Ronacks member had an obligation to look out for her, Swiss took time to remember how much it hurt to believe in a woman. To love. And, how painful it was to lose his whole life when he watched his baby wave goodbye to him over her mom's shoulder.