Absolution_A Chastity Falls Spin-Off Novel

by L A Cotton

Because nothing about this whole thing was right.

  How was I supposed to say goodbye to her? The person who had held me up when I wanted to fall? How was I supposed to watch as they lowered her coffin into the ground? It was too final.

  Too permanent.

  And although my head knew it was going to happen, my heart still refused to believe it.

  Tears burned my throat, and I rubbed the skin there, trying to soothe the raw pain. “Cassie,” Mom said again, softer this time. “Lilly needs you.”

  Lilly.

  My sweet, innocent Lilly. When my aunt first passed, I was thankful Lilly was too young to know what was happening. But she’d been restless for days, and I knew she missed her great-aunt as much as I did. She’d been such a major part of her first months on this earth, how could she not feel the hole left by her absence?

  “I’m coming,” I finally answered, dragging myself away from the window. “We’ll need umbrellas.”

  “Of course.” Mom reached for me, looping her arm through mine as if she was concerned I was a flight risk.

  “I’m fine, Mom,” I said, shirking from her touch. She sighed behind me as I went upstairs to fetch Lilly from her crib. Pausing at her door, I inhaled a shaky breath. When I’d first arrived here, broken and alone and terrified for the future, I didn’t imagine things could get any worse. The things Lyndon had done to me. The emotional abuse. The constant threats and manipulation. It was something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. But this pain—knowing Aunt Ruby would never again wake—was incomparable. My emotional and physical scars from Lyndon would heal over time. But the hole left by the woman who had taken me in and loved me unconditionally ... well, I wasn’t sure I’d ever recover from that.

  “Hey, my pretty girl.” I went into the room and scooped Lilly up. She came willingly, wrapping her pudgy arms around me as if she knew it was exactly what I needed. As if her baby sixth sense told her we needed to stick together.

  “I love you, Lilly. I love you more than life,” I whispered against her soft skin.

  Footsteps out in the hallway drew my attention, and I called, “We’re coming, Mom.” But it was Dad’s face that appeared around the door.

  “It’s me, sweetheart.”

  “Oh, hi, Dad. We’re on our way down.”

  “Do you need me to get anything?” He hovered in the door, hands buried deep in the pockets of his black slacks.

  “I think it’s all packed.”

  “Okay. Come on.” He slipped a hand out, and I went to him. “I love you, sweetheart. And whatever you decide after today, know that I support you. I will always support you.”

  “Thank you, Dad. That means a lot.” I met his solemn expression. “I love you too.”

  Having them here the past couple of weeks had been a blessing, but it was a temporary Band-Aid. Once the funeral was over, I had some hard decisions to make about my future. Redmont had been my home for the past year but only because of Aunt Ruby. There had been a moment when I thought Dennis and I ... who was I kidding? It was doomed to be a case of history repeating itself from the start. I was just too blinded to see it.

  He hadn’t changed—he was exactly who he always was. His loyalty and ties to his family would always come first.

  But foolishly, I’d let myself believe—hope—this time things could be different.

  When I’d offloaded during one of my sessions with Lucy, she’d asked me what it was about Dennis—what drew me to him in the first place. I hadn’t had to think about it. It was his unwavering loyalty. Back when we were in college, he’d been the quieter one of Jackson’s group. He hung back in the shadows, quiet and silent, but if Jackson needed him, he was there in a blink of the eye. Because they were friends. Because there were brothers by every definition of the word except blood. There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for Jackson, and I guess, despite knowing he was trouble, despite vowing not to get mixed up with any of the guys from the Fallen football team, I’d been attracted to that.

  Dennis was a protector.

  A soldier.

  He’d do anything and everything to protect those most important to him. And what girl in their right mind wouldn’t want that? But it came at a price. A choice I hadn’t counted on.

  His family ... or me.

  How did the saying go? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

  And oh, what a fool I’d been.

  THE SERVICE WAS BEAUTIFUL. Aunt Ruby had planned every detail right down to the white lilies on display as the priest led the gathered crowd in prayer. Mom and Dad sat on either side of me, caging me in. The three of us took turns keeping Lilly entertained. Perhaps a funeral was no place for a child, but Aunt Ruby would have wanted her here.

  By the time we filed out of the church, the rain had stopped, and the sun was just breaking through the clouds. I didn’t know if it was the warmth of the rays on my skin or the number of people gathered here to pay their respects, but a sense of peace washed over me, and I could have sworn I felt Aunt Ruby right there beside me.

  “I’m so sorry, Cassie girl.” Amanda broke formation around the freshly dug grave to wrap me in a hug. When she pulled away, she smiled in that warm way of hers at my parents, offering her condolences, and then squished Lilly’s cheeks.

  “Thank you,” I said, and she slid back into her place beside Mario and Luis. Luis’s eye caught mine, and he nodded as a sign of respect. I wasn’t surprised to see him. Amanda told me he wanted to attend, and I didn’t have the energy to argue. Besides, a man like Luis Hernandez would do what he wanted anyway.

  As the priest began the interment, the soft waves of chatter quieted until all that could be heard was his clear voice. But I heard nothing. My eyes were too focused on the coffin. On who lay inside. Aunt Ruby in her best blue dress, the one she’d loved to wear for special occasions. She’d requested to be buried with her pearl earrings and matching necklace, a wedding present from her late husband. When I’d read her list of requests, it had all seemed so pointless. The result was the same. But knowing she was in there, dressed in her finest and looking every bit the beautiful woman she was, offered me a small measure of unexpected comfort.

  When they started lowering her coffin into the ground, though, the grief hit me with such ferocity, my whole body shook and the tears I’d fought so hard to contain began to fall. How could you? How could you leave me alone? It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She was supposed to see Lilly grow up. She was supposed to see me heal and find happiness. It was all she’d wanted. So much so, she’d kept her dreadful secret ... until it was too late.

  Under the bright summer sun, surrounded by her people, I wept for my aunt and Lilly and Mom. But most of all, I wept for myself. Because some things changed you. No matter how brave or how strong you tried to be, some things altered your soul. It had happened to me only twice. The first time when Dennis walked away after college. And today, as I watched them lower the polished coffin into the ground.

  And just like the first time it happened, I knew another permanent tattoo had been scarred on my heart.

  “ARE YOU SURE YOU DON’T want to eat something?” Amanda wafted another pastry under my nose, but I held up a hand, resisting the urge to snatch it out of her fingers and throw it at her.

  “I’m fine.” I wasn’t. But she didn’t need to hear that. Neither did any one of the people filling my aunt’s house, drinking their drinks and eating their canapes.

  “I’m sorry, Cassie.” Mario gave me no warning as he wrapped me in a hug.

  “Thank you,” I said in the well-rehearsed tone.

  Thank you for your kind words.

  Thank you for coming.

  Aunt Ruby would be so glad you came.

  Over and over, I’d dealt with teary-eyed strangers. Mom and Dad tried to marshal for me, but people still made a beeline for me. And maybe, when the sun disappeared on the horizon and the dust settled, I’d feel privileged to have been my aunt’s person. But today, it was a burden too gr
eat to carry.

  “When can I tell everyone it’s time to go?” I whispered to Amanda as she stuffed another pastry into her mouth.

  “Hmm.” She chewed and swallowed, clearly surprised by my question. “I think you need to wait at least another hour. What do you think, Mario?”

  “I’d say two.”

  “Ugh,” I groaned, dropping my head to her shoulder. “Lilly has the right idea. She’s been napping since we got back.”

  “We miss you,” Mario said. “The bar isn’t the same without you.”

  Amanda nudged him in the ribs, and he yelped. “What? It’s true.”

  “It’s fine.” I offered him a tight smile. “It’s nice to know you haven’t forgotten all about me.”

  “You think your family would forget you?”

  We all turned to Luis, who stepped forward and opened his arms as if he was going to hug me, but I stepped back, letting Amanda shield me with her body.

  “Thank you for coming,” I said, trying to avoid his assessing gaze, but he moved closer, taking the air with him.

  “Cassie, you’re family. We’re all here for you, and when the time comes, we’ll welcome you back to Bellezas with open arms.”

  Unable to trust myself to speak, I pursed my lips and gave him a small nod of appreciation. The truth was, I’d given little thought to what came next. All I was focused on was getting through today.

  Silence settled us between us. Luis watching me. Amanda watching him. Mario watching us all, no doubt wondering what the hell was going on. Thankfully, Mom chose that exact moment to enter the room with Lilly cradled in her arms.

  “She was crying, so I brought her down from her crib.”

  “It’s fine, Mom,” I said, taking the restless baby from her. “Hey, baby, what’s the matter?” She snuggled against me, and I welcomed the contact. Any excuse to get away from Luis’s penetrating gaze.

  “If you’ll all excuse me.”

  “I’ll give you a hand,” Amanda chimed in, and I nodded, grateful for her support.

  Once we were upstairs in Lilly’s room, she wasted no time asking, “He’s being weird, right? I didn’t dream that? I mean I know he liked you, but coming here and now with all the family stuff. He’s totally being weird.”

  I grimaced, thinking back to what Dennis had said to me, but I quickly pushed that thought out. He was no better. He’d deserted me. Abandoned me when I’d needed him most. At least Luis was here, trying to do the right thing. Even if his choice of words felt like a million spiders crawling under the surface of my skin.

  “Can I ask you something?” I said.

  “Of course, what is it?”

  “Did you tell Luis about my aunt? Did you tell him where I lived?”

  Her face blanched. “Cassie, I would never—”

  “Didn’t think so.”

  “Why, what happened? What did he—”

  “It doesn’t matter,” I said, laying Lilly down on her changing table while Amanda handed me supplies. “I’m not coming back.”

  “What? Why? I know Luis is acting strange, but he would nev—”

  “It’s not about Luis, Manda. It’s me. I want more from life. Redmont was only every supposed to be a stopgap, and now that my aunt is gone, I need to figure out who I am and what I want.”

  “And what do you want, Cassie Malson?” There was no mirth in her words, only understanding.

  “More. I want more.”

  I wanted to finish my sessions with Lucy and put the past behind me. I wanted to go back to teaching and raise Lilly in a home full of laughter and love. She deserved nothing less, and neither did I. If Aunt Ruby taught me nothing else, it was life was short.

  You couldn’t wait around for life to give you what you wanted. You had to get out there and make it happen.

  32. Dennis

  I didn’t drive straight back to Stonecreek. I couldn’t leave, not knowing Cassie was hurting so much. It had almost killed me to stand in the shadows, watching as her heart shattered when they lowered her aunt’s coffin into the ground. I’d wanted to go to her, to pull her into my arms and tell her everything would be okay.

  But the truth was, until I went home, I didn’t know what my future held. The next few hours relied on all the pieces carefully aligning. Hernandez had made it too easy. He was there in the somber crowd. His eyes moving to Cassie too many times for my liking. But she didn’t pay him an ounce of attention. I left not long after that. She didn’t know I was there, but for a split second, her eyes had drifted past the priest as if she could sense someone—or something—watching.

  The ride back to Stonecreek was painful. I’d always enjoyed driving, being out on the open road with nothing but me and my thoughts, but not today. Today, every mile seemed like five. The quiet had been too fucking stifling in the truck. Images of Cassie’s naked body played on repeat in my head. How she’d given herself to me so freely. Trusted me to love her and ease some of the pain. It had been perfect. The single best moment of my life. But I wasn’t destined for a happy ending. It was the burden of being Miller Hayes’s son. Karma for standing idly by while my mom fell deeper into depression until, eventually, it killed her.

  I’d failed her.

  But I wouldn’t fail Cassie.

  I shouldered the door to my apartment, and the hairs prickled on the back of my neck.

  It was time.

  The final play was in motion, and there was no going back now. None. I just had to hope Hale had come through.

  “I always knew you were too fucking soft.” I followed the voice to a darkened corner of the room.

  “How’d you find out?”

  “Hale called me. Turns out he was watching us all along. Motherfucker,” he roared, the noise echoing through my small apartment, his fist slamming down against the arm of the chair. But I felt nothing except relief.

  Hale had gotten to him first.

  “Who is she?”

  “Does it matter?”

  He grunted something that sounded like derision in the back of his throat, his eyes wild with anger.

  “How many times have I told you? How many times have we been through this? Women are not fucking cut out for this life. They’ll bleed you dry. Suck your soul from your body.”

  I dragged a hand down my face. “You’ve got it wrong, old man. So wrong. You were the poison that killed Mom. Not her depression. You. It was all you.”

  He was across the room in a second, his forearm rammed across my throat, pinning me against the wall. I towered over him, but it didn’t matter. Miller Hayes ran on anger. It was his fuel. His lifeline. And when the fuse lit, no one or nothing would calm him down.

  “I worshiped the ground that woman walked on.” He slammed his hand against the wall so hard it reverberated in my skull. But I didn’t feel an ounce of fear. In some ways, this moment was long overdue. I realized that now. I’d just been delaying the inevitable while trying to make good on my promise to Mom.

  Whether it was Cassie or someone else in the future, we would have ended up right here one day. Blood but no longer family. Because family didn’t do this to each other.

  “Mom died. She uncapped that bottle of pills and swallowed them down to escape. She wanted to fucking escape you. She tried for years to get you to see her. To see what this life was doing to her. But you were too blinded by the power. The money.” I sucked in a ragged breath and closed my eyes. When I opened the again, and they settled on my old man’s face, I said, “She loved you, and in the end, it killed her.”

  His body shook with fury. No one talked to Miller Hayes this way, no one. But I wasn’t no one. I was his son. Heir to the Hayes fortune of dodgy business deals and dirty money.

  But I. Was. Done.

  Whether Cassie still wanted me after all this was still to be seen, but I was done.

  “I should put a bullet between your eyes. Hale wants you gone. You’ve jeopardized everything and for what? Some little bitch who will leave you high and dry once she’s gott
en what she wants.”

  “Don’t.” I ground out barely in control. But I wasn’t him.

  I wasn’t my father.

  And this was a means to an end.

  “What the hell am I supposed to do here, son? Hale wants you out of the picture. Do you get that? Do you understand the predicament you’ve put me in?” He was calmer now. Torn between his urge to make something of himself and to be the father he hadn’t been in a really long time.

  But even if he was sorry, even if he had regrets the size of California, there was no going back for us now. It was too late.

  Forcing myself farther against his arm, I stared him right in the eye. “Do it.”

  His eyes flashed with surprise, and then he staggered back, his body sagging as the adrenaline dissipated. “W-what?”

  “Do it. Kill me the way you killed her. We both know there’s no other way. Hale won’t let me walk. If you don’t do it, he’ll come. He’ll come for me.”

  He stared at me as if he no longer recognized me. “Y-you don’t mean that?” It came out all garbled, and I rubbed the tender skin around my throat. “Don’t I?”

  “You could have had it all. One day, you could have had it all, and you threw it away. You threw it all away for what? Some piece of ass? Are you that fucking stupid?”

  “Are you that blind? I don’t want this,” I roared. “I never have. I only stuck by you all these years because she made me promise. Mom made me promise I wouldn’t leave you. She knew it would kill you. She knew you wouldn’t survive without me. But guess what, Dad? Congratu-fucking-lations, you not only ruined her life, but you ruined mine too.”

  My words hit him like a forcefield, and he stumbled back, grabbing onto a chair for support. He managed to pull himself around and dropped down on it. Head hung low, it was a snapshot of the Miller Hayes I only saw on the anniversary of Mom’s death. Vulnerable. Weak. A man grieving the love of his life.

  Except it wasn’t enough.

  He’d had it all—a loving wife, a doting son—and we hadn’t been enough.

  “I knew you didn’t want to go to Chastity Falls, but I thought you were just pushing the boundaries, trying to make me sweat. It’s how it’s always been, kid. I push, and you pull. But I thought you were just keeping me in check. I didn’t know—”