by Shayna Ryan
“Okay. I’ll see what I can set up this week.” He decided it was time to turn the mood around. “You’re just full of surprises lately, aren’t you?” he teased her gently.
“You’re surprised? I thought I just had a touch of a stomach bug this past week, until I realized my period was overdue. Imagine my surprise when I peed on that stick!” She leaned her head against his shoulder. “So we’re really going to do this, huh?”
“I’ve loved you as long as I can remember,” Billy explained, “and that’s my baby in there, too.” Satisfied with his answer, she closed her eyes and leaned closer into him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and held her like that. There was nothing sexual about their embrace; it was just two old friends preparing to embark on the greatest adventure of their lives- parenthood.
“Marty will be back soon,” Melanie explained when she finally pulled away from him and prepared to leave.
“Hang on a minute.” Billy grabbed a piece of paper and wrote his cell phone number on it for her. “If you need anything, anything at all, you call me, okay?” She accepted the paper and nodded gratefully.
“I’m going to call my doctor tomorrow, and make my first appointment. I’m guessing I have a lot to learn about this whole pregnancy thing.”
“You and me both.”
“So that’s the plan, huh? Leave the ranch, get married, and raise our child together?”
Billy leaned one arm against the wall and closed his eyes for a moment before answering her. “If you were any other woman, I’d say no. But you’re not, and the answer is yes.”
“Do you forgive me?” she whispered. Billy thought he could drown in her huge emerald eyes.
“Forgive you for what?”
“That night. If I hadn’t drunk so much at the cookout, I never would have come over here like that! And then I stayed with Marty, but now this is where we find ourselves.”
“If I hadn’t drunk so much, I never would have let you,” he countered. “I know you were scared. You and I haven’t seen each other in years, and Marty’s what you know. It doesn’t matter now. All that matters is taking care of this baby we’ve got on the way.” He tried to remain cheerful and supportive for her sake, but he was secretly anxious for her to leave. This news was a lot to digest, and he needed some time to himself. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep up his calm façade for her. The shock of the news of her pregnancy was beginning to wear off a bit, and panic was threatening to follow it.
“You’re a good man, Billy,” she told him before she kissed his lips softly and left.
Her words echoed in his brain as he watched her out the window until she was far down the dirt road. He certainly didn’t feel like a good man, at the moment.
-10-
With great regret, Billy recalled dumping the last of the remaining whiskey down the drain the morning after that fateful night. It was just as well; it was Jack Daniels that got him into this mess, but it wouldn’t get him out of it.
He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and sank to the floor as he cracked it open. He sat like that, with his back against the cupboards as he sipped his beer, for a long time. He felt numb to the core. The thought of losing Cass was unbearable, but he couldn’t turn his back on Melanie. Besides, wasn’t she the one he had wanted for so long?
He was going to be a father. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine coming home at the end of a long day to Melanie, and their little boy or girl. It was a scene he had imagined eagerly many times over the years, but now it felt like a prison. His own stupidity infuriated him. Safe sex was something he always took very seriously, but between the whiskey and his excitement over Melanie, precaution had been the last thing on his mind that night. And now he had to pay for his mistake.
A baby. It was unexpected, and stressful, but deep down inside, he was a little bit excited about it. He always imagined he would have children someday, and now one was on the way. Melanie would be a wonderful mother, and he’d work hard to be a good father. She had been the only woman in his life he’d even consider trying to build a life with, baby or no baby. At least until Cass came along, but she was no longer an option. He dreaded telling her about the baby, but he dreaded hiding the pregnancy for the next few weeks even more. It occurred to him that he could just break up with her right away, but still hold off in revealing the pregnancy. He decided against it; it might be easier for the both of them if he slowly cooled it off with her, and then dumped her, instead of just dropping her out of the blue. At least, that’s what he convinced himself. In reality, he just wanted to enjoy the last bit of precious time with her that he could before Melanie’s news was revealed.
It would work out, he reassured him. It would be stressful at first, but a year or two down the line he’d find himself blissfully happy with Melanie and their child. He repeated this idea to himself again and again, but he still couldn’t shake the image of Cass from his head.
She called him a few hours later to let him know that she had arrived safely in Connecticut.
“I miss you already,” she lamented.
Billy closed his eyes and tried to keep the tremor he felt inside out of his voice. “I miss you already, too.”
“Are you okay? You sound sick or something.”
“I’m fine. Just a little under the weather, I guess.”
Cass told him all about the beach front property the wedding party was staying at, and Billy only half-listened because he was too overwhelmed by Melanie’s news to pay proper attention. As they said their goodbyes a few minutes later, he was tempted to tell her that he loved her, but he didn’t. Even though it was true, there was no point in it now. Their time together was quickly drawing to a close, and poor Cass couldn’t see it coming.
The next morning he put a call into his old workplace to see if any positions were open for him, but the ranch manager was out, so he’d have to wait for him to call back. He spent the day out in the hay fields, spreading manure to fertilize them. It was late afternoon when he spied Melanie approaching on her mare. He shut off his tractor and climbed down to meet her.
“Hey,” he greeted her, unsure if he should hug or kiss her.
“Hi.” She stayed on her mount, and Billy was secretly pleased she didn’t expect him to greet her like his wife just yet. “So I called the doctor today, and I’ve got an appointment next Monday morning.”
“That’s good. How are you feeling, anyway?”
“Tired, but okay otherwise. I guess I should get used to it, between the pregnancy and then having a little one!”
“I’ll help with all those midnight feedings, Mel. You won’t be doing it alone,” he reminded her.
“I know. Billy?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks. I…I’ve been thinking a lot about last night, and I just wanted to thank you for supporting me in all of this.” She lowered her eyes and paused to fiddle with her mare’s mane. “I know that you don’t have to. I know you could have turned me away.”
“I could never turn you away.” And it was true. Even his growing love for Cass couldn’t cause him to cast aside Melanie. He understood that they didn’t have to be together because of the baby; there were plenty of single, non-custodial parents still heavily involved in their children’s lives. But the soft spot he carried for Melanie all these years wouldn’t allow him to leave her to do it on her own.
“I called the old ranch this morning, but I haven’t heard back yet. I’ll let you know when I do.”
“Sounds good.” They both turned to watch a truck coming up the road, and Billy’s chest tightened when he realized it was Marty. He drove on by, waving at them out his window as he passed, and they waved back.
“So how are things with Marty?” Billy asked her. He was suddenly glad for Cass’s absence; this would be a lot harder to hide when she came home.
“Fine, I guess. I think it’s smart to have all of our ducks in a row before we tell everyone. I just hate the thought of hurting him, you know?” Bil
ly couldn’t see her face under the brim of her cowgirl hat, but he could hear the regret in her voice.
“I know.” Letting go of Cass would be harder than he could imagine, and he knew it. “Listen, I gotta get back to work. I’ll call you as soon as I hear from the ranch.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to you later.” Melanie wheeled her mare around and took off at a wild gallop. Billy watched his wife-to-be race across the field and felt a twinge of jealousy. He wished he could outrun the mess they had made, but he feared that no matter where they ran, the ghosts of the loves they were about to leave behind would always follow them.
As he finished spreading the manure across the fields, it dawned on him that he needed to get an engagement ring for Melanie. She didn’t have a ring or a proper proposal yet. She deserved both. He would have to remedy that, and soon.
The week passed in a blur of working around the ranch during the day, and moping around the cabin at night. Cass called him every night, and the calls with her kept Billy up late into the night. Long after they bid one another goodnight, he’d lay wide awake in bed for hours, trying to come to grips with the turn his life had taken. He was getting what he wanted as long as he could remember- a life with Melanie. But it didn’t make leaving Cass behind any easier.
On Saturday, he drove to the city to pick up Cass from the airport. He left early, with a few hours to spare before her flight landed, because he had an important errand to run first. Since he was in the big city anyway, now was as good a time as any to pick out a ring for Melanie. There weren’t many jewelers near the ranch, so he intended to take advantage of the selection that shopping in the city afforded him.
He went to four different jewelers, and became more and more confused with each stop. There were so many styles of engagement rings to choose from, and he had no idea what Melanie would prefer. She wasn’t a flashy girl, so he didn’t want anything too over the top, but the single, classic stones felt too plain to him. He was looking for something elegant and modern, something unique and classy.
He knew it was the ring for her as soon as he laid eyes on it. It had a trio of princess cut diamonds, with the largest in the middle, and a smaller one on each side of it. The yellow gold band was inlaid with tiny round diamonds down each side. It sparkled beautifully as he held it up in the light of the store, and it was within his budget. He knew Melanie would love it.
Back in his truck, he carefully tucked the little jeweler’s bag deep into his jacket pocket before heading to the airport to pick up Cass. He didn’t have a plan yet for the actual proposal, but since that would have to wait until they announced the pregnancy, he wasn’t worried about it. Now that he had the ring, he would figure out the rest when the time came.
He tried to contain his excitement when he found Cass at the baggage claim in the airport, but even the knowledge that they would be over soon could not diminish his joy over seeing her again. The feeling was clearly mutual. She ran to him and threw her arms around him and lifted her feet sheer off the ground before kissing him ravenously. Billy returned her passion, unable to contain himself. The week without her had felt like far longer.
She told him all about her trip on the ride home, and Billy tried to act normal. He had the crazy urge to pull over on the side of the highway and confess everything, just to get it out of the way. He hated being so fake with her, acting like everything was fine, like he was just like any other guy picking up his girlfriend from the airport. He didn’t deserve her affection, and he was sure she would hate him when Melanie’s pregnancy was revealed. He deserved nothing more, and he knew it.
He dropped her off at home when they got back to the ranch, so she could settle in and see her family again. He lugged her oversized suitcase to the front door, and she stopped to give him a kiss.
“Thanks again for picking me up. I’ll be by in a couple of hours and- hey, what’s that?” She pointed past him to something on the ground.
Billy’s heart froze in his throat when he realized what it was. There, on the grass between where he had parked his truck and the front steps, sat the little jeweler’s bag. It must have fallen out of his coat pocket when he was struggling to carry her suitcase from the truck to the front porch.
Before he could answer her, Cass hopped down the steps and made for the bag.
“Cass, wait!” Billy dropped her luggage and hurried after her. He was too late. By the time he reached her, she had the bag in her hand and she was pulling out the little box. Her eyes lit up with surprise.
“Don’t,” he pleaded as he placed his hand over hers in an attempt to keep her from opening the box.
Cass giggled and swatted his hand away. “Cat’s out of the bag, as they say, so you might as well let me have it now.” As he looked on in horror, she opened the little box, and her mouth fell open at the sight of the engagement ring.
“Cass, it’s not what you-”
“Yes,” she whispered, as her eyes filled with tears of joys. “Yes, yes, yes!” She threw her hands up with a yip of glee and grabbed him in a tight embrace.
“No, Cass, it’s not for you!” He gently pushed her away and snatched the box out of her hands, just as the main house’s front door opened and the Haffners stepped out, ready to welcome Cass home again.
Billy caught sight of Melanie over his shoulder as he tucked the box away into his front pocket. His back was to the house, so the rest of the Haffners couldn’t see what was going on, but Cass watched him in utter confusion.
“I’m sorry, but that’s not for you,” he told her quietly enough so that others wouldn’t hear him. He was unable to look at her. The look of hurt and confusion on her face was breaking his heart in two. He felt like a monster.
“Cass, honey?” Mr. Haffner called tentatively from the front porch.
Cass didn’t answer him, but continued staring at Billy instead. Realization dawned on her face as she looked from him, to her sister, and then back again. With a swift wrist she slapped him hard across the face and stormed off to the house. Billy stood as he was, with tears in his eyes, as Cass pushed past her family without a word and slammed the front door hard enough to rattle the windows. His face stung from the assault, but the tears were really over the pain he had just caused Cass.
Mr. and Mrs. Haffner hurried into the house to check on Cass, but Melanie came to stand beside him on the grass.
“Did you tell her?” she asked him gently.
“Not exactly, but she knows something’s up between us.”
“Does she know about the baby?” Her voice was terse.
“No, I don’t think she knows about that yet.”
Melanie let out a half-hearted sigh. “I guess we’ll have to tell everyone now. I thought we agreed to wait!”
“We did. I’m sorry, I know we didn’t plan for everyone to know yet.”
“It’s all right. Maybe it’s better to just get it over with, anyway. I’ve got to go talk to her, and then Marty.”
“Don’t you think I should be the one to tell Cass?”
“I don’t think she’ll speak to you right now,” she explained apologetically. “She won’t want to talk to me either, but she’s got no say in the matter. Let me handle it; she’s my sister, after all.”
Billy shifted his weight from foot to foot, trying to ignore his rising anxiety levels. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. He hadn’t heard back from the other ranch yet about any job openings. What if there were none, and they were stuck at the Haffner ranch with Marty and Cass until he could find another job?
“Call me when you’re done?” he asked her. He wanted to know how Cass was doing after she heard the whole story, and he knew he had no right to try to speak to her directly after she found out what was going on.
Melanie nodded. “You got it. Wish me luck.”
“Good luck,” he called after her. They were both going to need it.
-11-
When Billy heard the heavy footsteps on his front porch a few hours later, he expected to find
Marty at his front door, calling for blood. Instead, it was Mr. Haffner.
“Billy.” He looked at him sadly, but his voice was calm. “I hear we’ve got some things to discuss.”
“Sure. Come on in.” Billy gestured for him to enter and he did. He sat at the table and pulled a small bottle of scotch out of his pocket. “I think we’d best discuss this like gentlemen, and as I gentleman, I prefer a good, stiff drink to go with difficult conversations. You may join me, if you wish.”
Bill nodded, pulled out two glasses, and opened the freezer.
“I take mine neat,” Mr. Haffner added.
He closed the freezer, brought the glasses to the table, and poured them each a glass of scotch. Even though he had sworn off hard liquor after his whiskey binge that night with Melanie, he felt like tonight was a good time to toss that resolution aside. If ever a conversation deserved a good drink to take the edge off, this was it. His heart pounded in his chest as he braced himself to face Mr. Haffner.
“So,” Mr. Haffner began, after taking a sip of his scotch, “I’ve got two daughters at home, both in tears, and one pregnant. You mind telling me how you plan to clean up this mess?” His tone was still calm but his eyes were harsh.
Billy drew in a shaky breath and gulped down a swallow of scotch himself before answering him. “I’m going to marry Melanie, Sir. I want to do right by her.” He made it a point to look Mr. Haffner in the eye as he announced it.
Mr. Haffner met his gaze. “And how do you know she’ll agree to this?”
“I haven’t formally asked her yet, but we’ve discussed it.”
“You’ll marry before the baby comes?”
“I’d like to, Sir. We haven’t gotten that far with our plans yet.”
Mr. Haffner swirled the scotch around in his glass and studied it as he considered what to say next.
