I Had to Let You Go

by Emma Quinn

  “Well, either way, you need to forget about her. Need to get your head in the game and focus on your training. Don't get distracted by some piece of ass.”

  “She's not a piece of ass,” I retorted, annoyed.

  “So she is something special.”

  “Like I said. It's a long story.”

  Gary leaned in closer to me and slapped a hand onto my back as he got ready to impart his fatherly advice.

  “Look, you think I don't know what it's like to fall for a woman?”

  “By the sounds of it you've fallen for plenty.”

  “Exactly. They get in your head. They're like a fucking virus or something.”

  “That's not the most romantic view I've ever heard.”

  “You get what I mean. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that you can't let yourself get distracted. Not right now. Women will come and go. There'll be hundreds of them in your lifetime. But what you got with the studio right now. It's a once in a lifetime thing. Put all your energy into that. Not pussy.”

  I cringed at the crass word and pulled away from him.

  “You're right,” I said. “I need to focus more on my training.”

  But it wasn't that easy. Seeing Sophia last night had blown my mind. Had taken me on an emotional roller coaster that made me dizzy. Suddenly I was engulfed in all the feelings I'd experienced the last time I saw her. Almost eight years might have passed, but seeing her back on my doorstep made it feel like eight seconds.

  “Okay, that's your five minutes up,” said Gary, standing up and walking back inside.

  “Already?”

  “Yes, already. Now come on. Get your ass in gear!”

  13

  Sophia

  One week later

  “ O

  kay, let's get the introductions out the way, shall we?” said Jules as he smoothed a hand through his greasy hair.

  He'd somehow got more obnoxious since I'd seen him and had spent the last ten minutes staring at my breasts.

  “So as you all know,” he said, smugly as he leaned on the boardroom table. “I'm Jules, Ethan's agent. These two gentlemen here are David and Saul, legal advisers from McSweeney and Sons and this is the lovely Sophia, Ethan's attorney and the brains behind this whole case. She's gonna kick Vincent's ass.”

  There was a burble of greeting around the table as we all nodded to one another. Well, that was all of us but Ethan and me. Since he entered the room, I'd not been able to look at his face. I could sense him staring at me, his eyes burning a hole in the side of my head as he tried to get my attention, but I couldn't bring myself to raise my gaze to his.

  All I could think about was the sight of him with his towel around his ankles and the way the moonlight danced on his glistening wet body.

  Control yourself. You're here to discuss the case, not think about Ethan's throbbing erection.

  But it was impossible to shift from my mind, and as I sat fidgeting beneath the table, I felt myself blush.

  “So, this meeting is taking place today in preparation of the trial against Vincent in two weeks times,” continued Jules.

  “Yes, it's not been a tremendous amount of time to prepare,” I said, focusing on David and Saul. “But I think we have a solid case against Mr Vincent Roberts. From all the research I've done over the course of the week it's obvious to see that he doesn't have a leg to stand on. I'm surprised it's even gone to trial. Any judge with an ounce of respectability would have thrown this right out of court.”

  Saul and David both nodded in agreement. As I talked to them I noted how similar they looked to one another in their identical black suits and sensible haircuts. They had to be the most boring men I'd ever lay eyes on. A stark contrast to Jules and Ethan across the other side of the table.

  “So we'll win?” asked Ethan.

  “Oh, yes I'd assume so. I'll do everything in my power to make sure Roberts doesn't get a penny out of you.”

  “Fabulous,” said Jules. “That's what I want to hear. And what do you two think?” he asked David and Saul. “Would you agree with Sophia?”

  “Oh, yes,” answered David. “Roberts has been very naive in thinking that...”

  Christ, David even has the most boring voice I've ever heard. I listened to him as closely as I could for a moment, but my mind began to wander as the boredom set in. After a few seconds, I had tuned him out entirely as I fell into a daydream.

  I thought of Ethan's face the very second he'd seen me on his doorstep. His expression was a mix of shock, excitement, lust and something else. Was it fear? Or was it regret? It was hard to tell what he was thinking when he saw me. But maybe that's because he was thinking with his dick. Why was he hard anyway? Did arguing turn him on?

  I thought of Mila, the crazy chick. Her voice had been haunting my nightmares for the last few nights. I'd woken up this morning from a dream where I was being hunted by an enormous squawking seagull. Except when I looked up at the sky it was Mila who was shrieking as she tried to peck at me with her pointed beak.

  Across the table, I could feel Ethan's gaze on me.

  Don't look at him. Just ignore him and focus on what David's saying.

  But I couldn't stop my eyes darting over to him. For the first time all morning, I looked into his eyes. My stomach flipped instantly and I could feel a rush of excitement run up my spine in a trail of goosebumps.

  It felt like butterflies were break dancing inside me. Like I was a teenager again and meeting him for the first time. Except this time he was the most famous actor on Earth.

  Will you get a hold of yourself. You're an adult. You're a professional. You're here to do business and get that senior partnership, not daydream about your stupid ex who dumped you.

  But just as I tried to pull myself together and drag my gaze away from his, he smiled, and it felt as though the whole room was filled with sunbeams and rainbows and unicorn farts. It felt as though my entire body was being embraced by marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles as a rush of warmth flooded right through me.

  “Is that okay with you, Sophia?” I heard someone say, but I couldn't fully process their words.

  I couldn't stop myself smiling back at Ethan with a great, big cheesy grin.

  “Sophia?”

  Fuck... He's so gorgeous. A thousand times better looking that he used to be but just as sweet. And the way he looks at you is just the same. Like you're the center of his world.

  “Sophia!”

  I was snapped out of my thoughts by Jules' raised voice. Looking around the room, I realized everyone had their eyes on me expectantly.

  “Sorry, what were we talking about?” I asked.

  David and Saul sighed in unison.

  “We were talking about Roberts' testimony.”

  “Oh... Yes. Erm...”

  I dithered for a second feeling like a deer stuck in headlights. Thankfully, Ethan, sensing my discomfort came to my rescue.

  “I think it's time for a coffee break,” he said, standing up. “I know Sophia had a late night going through my case notes. She must be exhausted.”

  “Yes!” I hurried to answer. “That's right. I'm really tired. A coffee would be great.”

  “Okay, coffee sounds good,” said Jules, looking at his watch. “Let's meet back in half an hour.”

  Eager to escape David and Saul's stifling glares, I hurried out the room in search of the coffee machine. I found it at the bottom of the corridor situated near the open fire escape. As I slotted cash into the machine, I felt the breeze in my hair and took a deep breath.

  What's got into you? You've never dropped the ball like that in a meeting before. You looked like a fucking idiot!

  I watched as the coffee dripped into the paper cup and wondered what the hell was happening to my brain. It was like Ethan had melted it. As though he had stopped my ability to think rationally.

  Okay, here's the deal. You're going to chug this coffee and return to the meeting like the absolute motherfucking boss that you know you are. Got i
t?

  I took the cup from the machine and breathed in the scent of the coffee to revive myself. Walking out onto the fire escape, I looked down toward the street where people were ambling by in the sunshine.

  The city of Los Angeles felt a million miles away from New York. Everything was so bright here as though the dials to all the colors had been turned right up. I thought of Luca making a home here. Would he like it? Would he settle in at school surrounded by Hollywood kids?

  On cue, my phone rang and I looked at the screen to see Emily's number flash up.

  “Hey!” I answered, excited to hear from her. “How's it going? You all ready for the trip?”

  “Hi, Mom!” Luca yelled in the background.

  “Hi Luca! I miss you so much.”

  I listened to him and Emily gibber excitedly for a second before Emily fumbled with the phone.

  “You'll never guess what,” she said.

  “What?”

  “No, you have to guess.”

  “Urgh, I hate it when you do this. Just tell me.”

  “No! You have to guess!”

  “Argh! I dunno, did you steal the Declaration of Independence?”

  “No. Better.”

  “Better?”

  “You know that girl from my yoga class who's an airline stewardess?”

  “Uhuh... I remember you saying she could do the eagle pose like a pretzel.”

  “Yeah, that's her. Anyway, she managed to pull in a few favors for me and.... Drum roll please, Lucas.”

  I could hear Luca doing his best drumming impression down the line.

  “We got an early flight!” yelled Emily.

  “You what?”

  “Yep! We literally just touched down in LA.”

  “Get outta here!” I screamed, almost dropping my coffee. “You're really here already? I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow. Hell, I haven't even made up the beds yet.”

  “Don't worry about that. I'll help you fix up the apartment.”

  “Aw, you're a saint, Emily.”

  “Hey, it's what friends do.”

  Suddenly, any memories of the boardroom meeting had vanished as I was filled with excitement at the thought of seeing my boy.

  “But wait,” I said. “I've got the keys to the apartment and I won't be back for a few hours. You won't be able to get in.”

  “That's okay. Me and Lucas can swing by your office and pick up the keys if you want. I mean, if you're not too busy.”

  “No. That sounds great! I'll text you the address now and you can jump into a cab.”

  “Okay, see you soon.”

  “See you soon, Mom!” yelled Lucas.

  I hung up with a huge grin on my face. It felt as though my heart was dancing.

  My boy's going to be here! And my best friend too!

  “Wow, looks like someone got some good news,” came a voice accompanied by heavy footsteps.

  I looked over my shoulder to see Ethan walking out onto the fire escape with a coffee in his hand.

  “Oh... Hey...”

  “You tried the coffee?” he asked, casually.

  “Yeah, it's like dishwater, but at last it's caffeinated.”

  He smiled and the sunlight bounced off his bronzed skin.

  My God he's like if Ryan Reynolds and Jesus had a baby, I thought. How can he be having this effect on you? You spent so long getting over the heartache of him dumping you. Spent years hating him.

  And here he is making you feel as though your legs have turned to jello.

  Just walk away, I told myself. Just walk away and get back in the boardroom.

  But it felt as though my legs were nailed to the floor of the fire escape. As though he was rooting me to the spot with just his eyes.

  “I've been meaning to apologize,” he said. “You know, about the other night.”

  Jesus, even his voice was somehow sexier than I remembered. Like my ears were being filled with caramel.

  “No need to apologize,” I replied. “I shouldn't have turned up uninvited like that.”

  “But I'm glad you did,” he said, sipping on his coffee.

  “You are?”

  “Sure I am but you never told me you were going to be my attorney on this case. In fact, nobody did. I almost passed out when I saw you there on my doorstep. Got the shock of my life.”

  “Yeah, well I got the shock of my life when Mila opened the door. Does she always greet guests like that?”

  “I'd love to say it was the first time she's done that but it's not. She's quite the attention seeker.”

  “You don't say.”

  He flicked his eyes down to the street and held them there. So much time had passed between us and there were so many things I wanted to ask, but for some reason, the first question that came out of my mouth was, “So I take it she's your girlfriend?”

  “Ex-girlfriend,” he replied, and a secret thrill ran through me.

  But I hid it as best I could.

  Keep it cool. Don't let him draw you in again.

  Don't let him get too close. He'll only break your heart again.

  14

  Ethan

  I

  couldn't believe I was standing here with her. How many times had I wished I would see her again? How many times had I wondered about her? Dreamed about her. Hoped that she was happy. Imagined what her life was like now.

  She was leaning against the fire escape with the sun on her face. Dressed in an elegant black dress, I could see she was trying her hardest to look professional. But there was no way to hide her voluptuous body that looked ready and ripe to burst out her dress.

  It was pulled across her cleavage by the world's most hardworking zipper. I imagined it bursting at any second, the metal zipper flying into my face.

  There were so many nights when we were younger when I had lost myself in those breasts for hours. Had reached pure ecstasy with them in my mouth, in my hands, pressed against my body...

  I found my eyes constantly returning to that zipper thinking about what lay beyond it.

  “Aherm...”

  Noticing me staring, she cleared her throat and shot me a death stare. I glanced away embarrassed and looked back down at the street.

  “So... There's a whole lot of catching up to do between us,” I said, feeling the heat rise beneath my shirt.

  There was a tingling sensation in my gut. One I'd not had in years. One that a woman like Mila could never give me. It was the tingle of excitement. Of being in the company of someone you just knew was special.

  “Yeah, you've been busy since I last saw you,” she said, raising her coffee cup to her lips.

  I'd always remembered them as being plump, but now, covered in a thick layer of red gloss they appeared juicy and succulent like stewed cherries. I wanted to walk right up to her and press my mouth right to them just to taste them and feel their softness.

  “Yeah... busy,” I said. “I guess you could say a lot's happened since we last saw each other. I bet you've been busy too what with graduating from Harvard.”

  “Yeah... I've been working hard.”

  “And you're at McSweeney and Sons now? That's a big deal, right? They're the creme de la creme of the legal world.”

  “I know...”

  There was a coldness to her voice, a tone that made me feel small.

  “Anyway,” she said. “I better get back inside and look through the notes before the meeting starts back up. God forbid I don't remember every tiny thing Saul and David have say.”

  “Wait! Hang back a minute. There's no hurry to resume the meeting. And those guys are boring assholes anyway. Don't worry about them.”

  But she was intent on edging her way around me. I reached out and lightly touched her arm. She flinched at my touch and pulled away.

  “Really,” she said. “I gotta go.”

  “Please,” I found myself saying and cursed myself for sounding so desperate.

  You sound like a little boy, I told myself. You look like you're b
egging for her attention.

  But I am begging for her attention! said the other half of my brain. How long have you wished you could see her again?

  And now she's right here in front of you as though fate dropped her back in your life.

  This is your time to tell her that you really did love her all those years ago.

  That maybe you still do...

  It must have been the look on my face that made her stay. Or maybe it was the sincerity in my voice. But she lingered back, the hardness in her eyes melting for a second.

  “It's been so long,” I said. “We've got so much to find out about each other.”

  The coldness flickered in her eyes once again, but she didn't move.

  “I think I know everything there is to know about you,” she replied. “You're rich. You're famous. You date models and you star in blockbuster movies. And when you're not busy with all of that. You get caught up in legal scandals.”

  “That's... That's...”

  I wanted to protest and tell her there was so much more to me than that. But I knew it wasn't true. She'd summed my life up perfectly. Not that there was anything wrong with it. I loved my life. Knew how blessed I was. Loved the fame and money and of course there were times when I'd loved the women too. But I couldn't help but feel she wasn't impressed by it all. That she was hoping to find something deeper and more meaningful to my existence.

  “So that's a pretty accurate description?” she said, raising a well manicured eyebrow.

  “Maybe... But look. I don't wanna talk about me. I wanna talk about you. What have you been doing all for all these years? The last time I saw you, you had literally just got your acceptance letter to Harvard.”

  “And you were walking out my door after you dumped me.”

  Any slight trace of warmth in her eyes had now frozen over.

  “You weren't interested in me back then,” she said. “So I'm not sure why you'd be interested in me now.”

  And with that, she turned on her heel and walked inside.

  “Wait! Shit. Sophia hang on a minute! I never got to explain why I broke things off all those years ago. It was complicated. It was-”

  “Utterly devastating,” she concluded.