I Had to Let You Go

by Emma Quinn

“Are you sure about this?” she asked.

  “Absolutely. Now I want you to face that way so you're parallel to the waves,” I said, guiding her by holding the wheel. “Now I want you to hit the gas and wait until you reach seventy.”

  “Seventy!”

  “You'll be fine. I know what I'm doing.”

  “But I don't!”

  “Just relax. Seriously.”

  Holding her breath, she stomped on the gas and the car took off with sand flying out the back all over the rear view mirror.

  “Okay, once you reach seventy, I want you to grab the wheel and turn it exactly ninety degrees clockwise.”

  “Won't we end up in the fucking ocean if we do that?”

  I could see the fear in her eyes, but there was pure excitement in her voice.

  “Just do it!” I urged her, watching the speedometer as the engine raged. “Okay, now!”

  She grabbed the wheel and yanked it. The car flew into a spiral until we were spinning at speed, sand careering up over the windshield as adrenaline burst through our bodies.

  My stomach jumped as we turned, then a second later a sensation of euphoria washed over me. The kind that came over you when you descended a roller coaster. The kind you felt when you were reaching the dizzying heights of orgasm.

  “Oh, my Gooood!” she screamed, laughing as the car turned.

  Then she hit the brake and the car came to a standstill, covered in sand. She panted heavily beside me, her face flushed red from the thrill of the speed.

  “That was amazing!” she said. “Terrifying but amazing! I've never felt anything like it.”

  Still panting, she leaped across the car, grabbed my face and kissed me hard. When she pulled away, there was a grin on her face I'd not seen in years.

  “Wow,” I gasped, still tasting her on my lips. “You liked it?”

  “I loved it. I don't want the fun to end.”

  But judging by the look on her face, it wasn't another doughnut she wanted.

  “You wanna... take the fun back to my place?” I asked.

  She licked her lips and put her hands back on the wheel.

  “Just show me the way.”

  23

  Sophia

  A

  s he took my hand and led me up to his front door I could feel my heart beat a hundred miles a minute.

  You're really doing this. Are you sure you want to go there again?

  But my body was telling me I had to.

  His grip on my hand tightened as he led me into the hallway. Despite being dark, I could still make out the shapes of the luxurious furnishings and feel the marble floor beneath my feet.

  “This place is incredible.”

  “I'll give you the grand tour,” he said, pulling me gently toward the stairs.

  “Is our first stop the bedroom?”

  “How did you guess?”

  His hands reached my waist and pulled me toward him. Slowly, his lips met mine, softly at first then harder as his tongue brushed mine. I could feel myself melt into him feeling all the familiar feelings I had for him before. They had lay dampened down deep inside me for all these years but were now bubbling to the surface.

  Digging my nails into his sides, I pulled him even closer to me and kissed him harder. He responded by reaching his hands beneath my bottom and lifting me up to his waist.

  I could feel his hardness through his jeans as he carried me up the stairs. I felt like nothing but a doll in his strong arms, and enjoyed the feeling of weightlessness against him, the sensation that I was as light as air.

  “I've been waiting so long to do this again,” he said as we reached the landing.

  Carrying me over the threshold to his bedroom, he lowered me down onto his bed. I sank into it effortlessly and looked around at the size of the thing. It was the biggest bed I'd ever seen.

  So much space for so much fun, I thought.

  He lingered in front of me for a second, looking over every inch of me.

  “You're so beautiful,” he whispered, lowering his hand to my calf.

  Gradually, he slid his fingers up toward my thigh then below my dress. Lowering himself between my legs, he lay on top of me. I reveled in the feeling of his weight on top of me and spread my legs for him, wrapping them around his waist to draw him closer to me.

  His cock grew even harder, pressing against my stomach. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to lower a hand and tug at his belt. Pulling it impatiently from his body, I let it drop to the floor with a clunk. Then I turned my attention to his zipper before yanking his pants down over his hips.

  “Wait,” he said, taking my hands in his. “Ladies first.”

  He smiled and placed his hands on the straps of my dress, gliding them down over my shoulders as he kissed my neck. His lips were like velvet against my skin, his breath like pure silk. Between my legs, my panties became soaked.

  Moving his lips around to my chest, he pulled my dress down to my waist, exposing my breasts to him. He grabbed them hungrily, sucking on one nipple then the other with a slight moan emanating from his lips. Squeezing them so hard it almost hurt, he ground his groin against me. I could feel how desperate he was to enter me, and placed my hand over the bulge of his boxer shorts.

  He let out a grunt as I squeezed him and began tugging at my dress, pulling it down over my ass before throwing it onto the floor. I lay before him in nothing but my wet panties. Hooking his fingers into the sides at my hips, he tore them from my body until they too joined my dress on the floor.

  “Of, fuck,” he breathed, looking down at my body. “Oh, God you're so perfect.”

  Laying a hand on my stomach, he felt the rise and fall of my breaths for a second before dragging his hand down between my legs. For a moment, he rested it on my mound, then he moved even lower, his thumb gently grazing my clitoris.

  Rub it, I begged internally. Rub it hard like you used to.

  But he had no desire to bring me to satisfaction just yet. With a feathery touch, he circled my clit with his thumb leaving me writhing and raising my hips to meet his hand.

  “You like that?” he asked.

  He knew I did. Nodding ever so slightly as I bit down on my lip, I pushed myself against his hand. He took the hint, pressing his palm against me and slipping one finger inside then another.

  “Aw, God...” I moaned, feeling his fingertips press against my g-spot.

  Grinding myself against him, I urged him to go deeper.

  “You're so wet,” he said, pushing his body onto mine and kissing me hard.

  Sliding my hands up beneath his shirt, I felt his muscles ripple against my fingertips, felt myself grow even wetter as his body moved in waves against mine. Tearing at his shirt, I pulled it over his head and threw it to the floor.

  Kneeling between my legs, he sat in front of me, his bronzed body glistening in the faint moonlight that poured in through the window. Looking down, I saw how big his cock was, pointing out toward me through his boxer shorts.

  With one finger, I pulled at the waistband and drew down his underwear until his cock sprung free. Wrapping my fingers around it, I massaged it gently. He closed his eyes as pleasure engulfed him, and moaned as I stroked his length.

  I need him inside me and I need him right now.

  Pushing his hand away from me, I opened my legs even further and guided his cock toward me. He was breathing hard as his tip rested gently against my lips. For a second, he paused.

  Then he looked into my eyes and pushed himself inside me, inch by inch until he was buried deep inside me. A scream escaped my mouth as I felt a sharp sting as I struggled to accommodate his girth. But it soon dissolved and I felt nothing but pure pleasure.

  Lifting my legs higher, I urged him to fuck me deeper and harder. He gripped my thighs, kissing my legs and running his tongue over my skin as he reached a steady rhythm.

  “Oh, fuck,” he groaned. “That feels so good. That feels so fucking good. Uuuurggggh. Aw, God!”

  Hi
s eyes rolled back in his head as his movements became more frantic. I could see him start to lose control, start to become a slave to the pleasure.

  “Harder,” I begged, digging my fingers into his ass to pull him deeper.

  He opened his eyes and stared down hungrily at me.

  “You want me to fuck you harder?”

  “Oh, God yes.”

  He wasted no time and grabbed me by the wrists, forcing my arms into the bed.

  “Say it again.”

  “Yes! Fuck me harder!”

  Pushing his whole weight down on top of me, he fucked me as hard as his body would allow, the bed rocking from side to side ready to collapse beneath his movements. I could feel him fill me up and make me feel whole.

  I could feel myself topple over the edge of control as my whole body became invaded with delicious feelings that sent a shock wave of tingles over every part of my body.

  The screams that left my mouth were deafening, but I couldn't stop them. All I could was throw my head back and let him fuck me roughly as a raging orgasm washed through me like a wave.

  It started deep in my gut at first, like a great big knot of white light was unfurling itself. Then it moved lower until it felt like an explosion of heat was bursting out of my pussy. I began to tremble, and soon the trembling turned into uncontrollable shaking as I reached climax.

  “Oh, God. Ethan. Ethaaaan!!”

  It felt as though I was no longer in my body. As though I was nothing but air and light and pure weightlessness. My body shuddered once last time as the last of the orgasm pulsed through me leaving me breathless and weak.

  “Fuck,” he whispered in my ear, his fingers becoming even tighter around my wrists. “I'm coming. Oh. God I'm coming. I'm coming! I'm...”

  Thrusting himself even deeper, he let out a roar as his cock throbbed inside me. His buttocks pulling themselves tight as he ejaculated.

  “Fuck!”

  He collapsed on top of me, struggling to suck in air. I held him tight, our sweat sticking our bodies together as we matched each other breath for breath.

  “I love you so much,” he said, still breathing hard.

  I held him tighter still and kissed his cheek gently as I tangled my fingers in his hair.

  “I love you too.”

  With my head on his chest, I listened to his slowing heartbeat. Reaching a hand over his chest, I entwined my fingers in his.

  “Do you know how long I waited to do that?” he asked, taking my hand and kissing my fingers. “I thought it would never happen again. Although I always dreamed it would.”

  I lay stunned as I listened to him. My body was satisfied beyond belief, but my mind was in shock.

  You never thought you'd get this close to him, did you? And what are you going to do now? Is he going to want to see you again? Are you back together now? How long until you have to tell him about Luca?

  I started to tense up in his arms. Sensing my change in mood, he rolled over to face me and ran his hand down the side of my arm.

  “What's up?” he asked.

  “Why do you think something's up?”

  “I may not have seen you in years, but I know you well enough. You're making that face you always used to when you were worried about something.”

  “It's just that...”

  That what exactly? You've got a thousand thoughts running through you and they all contradict each other? You love him but you don't want to be hurt again? You want to be with him but you can't risk getting hurt again? Or is it Luca you're worried about? You can't tell him he's you son now, can you?

  “It's just that I have to be up really early tomorrow morning, “I told him. “And I have to get home to Luca.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah... I have to go.”

  “Don't,” he said, pulling me toward him. “Can't you get Emily to look after Luca?”

  “No, really I better go.”

  I sat up and searched the floor for my clothes.

  “Have I done something wrong?” he asked, resting a hand on my back.

  “No. No of course not.”

  “So I'll see you again, right?”

  Pulling on my dress, I grabbed my purse and phone and stood in front of him, my eyes looking up and down the length of his naked body.

  My God he's so perfect. Wouldn't you want to go to town on that body again? Don't you want to fall asleep in his arms?

  But I knew I couldn't.

  Whatever had just happened, it couldn't be repeated.

  “Yes...” I said, although I couldn't hide the uncertainty in my voice. “I'm sure I'll see you around.”

  But as I turned for the door it felt as though my mind was being torn in half.

  You love him, I told myself. And he loves you too. He always has and you know that now.

  But if you love him you have to tell him about Luca...

  I had no idea what to do, so I simply walked away.

  “Wait, Sophia! Are you not going to kiss me goodbye?”

  I paused for a second and watched, guiltily, as the expression on his face turned from confusion to hurt.

  Returning to the bed for a moment, I bent down and kissed him softly, cupping his face in my hands.

  This could be your last kiss. Appreciate every single second.

  “Bye, Ethan,” I whispered, pulling away from him. “I love you.”

  “Hey, can you hear me? It sounds like chaos in there?”

  “Yeah I can hear ya.”

  “What even is that noise?”

  “That would be your son pretending he's a dinosaur,” laughed Emily. “Honestly I thought school might have tired him out today but no. If anything he's even more hyper than usual.”

  I held the phone to my ear and felt as though it was exploding into my head.

  “Luca, honey? Squirt! Can you be quiet a minute,” I heard Emily call out to him. “I'm on the phone to your Mom.”

  At last, he settled down and I could hear normally again.

  “There, he's gone into his room,” she said. “So how are you? Still recovering from last night?”

  “Recovering isn't the right word,” I said, tapping my pen against my desk. “More like worrying about last night.”

  “What's there to worry about? From what you told me you had the night of your life!”

  “Yeah but...”

  I lowered my voice as a group of guys from IT walked past my door on their way to lunch.

  “But what do I do now?” I asked.

  Emily sighed then began crunching something.

  “What are you eating?”

  “Carrot sticks.”

  “Lies.”

  “Okay, you got me. It's a cookie. Anyway, I don't know what you should do. It's complicated, right. I guess you gotta ask yourself if you really love him.”

  “I do,” I replied. “I actually really do, but it's not as simple as just being in love or not. I've got to think about Luca.”

  “I take it you didn't tell Ethan about him being his dad.”

  “What do you think? Of course I didn't Ethan he was Luca's father. How could I?”

  “Good,” replied Emily with a crunch. “Don't ever tell him.”

  “Why not?” I asked, confused.

  Emily was the most straightforward honest person I'd ever met. She never kept secrets from anybody. If anything I expected her to encourage me to tell Ethan right away.

  “Because Ethan's rich,” she explained.

  “What's that got to do with anything?”

  “Think about it,” she said.

  I could hear her moving through the apartment as though she was trying to get as far away from Luca as possible.

  “What do you think Ethan will feel when you first tell him? He'll be angry, won't he? After all, you've hidden his son from him for over seven years!”

  “What's that got to do with him being rich?”

  “Custody,” replied Emily, firmly. “If he wants revenge what could be simpler than for hi
m to use all his money and status to get full custody of Luca?”

  “He wouldn't do that! And anyway how could he? I'm an attorney. I know what my rights are.”

  “And he's the most famous actor in Hollywood. He could get anything he wanted with a click of his fingers. His name alone would have sway in court.”

  “I just don't want to believe Ethan would do something like that,” I said, now tapping my pen at a furious pace. “He's rich but he's not an asshole. He wouldn't take Luca away from me like that. Even if he is famous.”

  “He might not, but you gotta consider it. Shit, that's Luca running back over. I'll call you later, okay?”

  “Sure. Catch you later.”

  I hung up with my head spinning. Ethan getting full custody of Luca? Was that even possible!

  No, it can't be. I tried to reason. That could never happen.

  “So... Your son is Ethan's...” came a sharp voice from the doorway, making me jump.

  I found myself staring into Mila's smug face as she skipped into my room in a pair of shiny leather pants and a halter top.

  “What the hell? How long have you been there? And more to the point what the fuck are you doing here?”

  “My attorney is also at McSweeney and Sons,” she said, pointing down the hall. “Jonathan. Maybe you know him.”

  “Yeah, I know him. But why the hell is he representing you? I thought he had taste.”

  “He's getting me what I deserve,” replied Mila, haughtily. “If you must know I'm suing Ethan for emotional damage.”

  “Emotional damage?” I laughed. “You've got to be kidding me. You've officially gone crazy.”

  “And you've officially let a secret out...”

  She sauntered over to my desk and perched her tiny bottom against the edge of it.

  “So, Ethan is a daddy.” she sneered, leaning over me. “Who would have guessed?”

  “Look, I don't know what the hell you're doing here, but you can get the hell out my office right now.”

  I stood up and motioned for her to move toward the door. She held my gaze for a second, trying to intimidate me, then slid off my desk.

  “You know a lot of people would love to know all about how Ethan has a secret child,” she said with a devilish smile.