No Wasted Tears

by Sylvia D. Carter

  She glanced out her window at the daylight. Then looking over at her phone, she felt a strange sense of déjà vu just before it began to ring.

  Her heart began to pound in her chest. “Hello?” she whispered into the phone, her voice cracking.

  “Good morning, Destiny. Happy birthday,” said the voice she had heard often throughout the years. It was Uncle Willie. He’d been calling to wish her happy birthday since she met Tina in college.

  “Thank you, Uncle Willie.” Destiny wasn’t sure if he knew about the letter. She assumed he was just calling like he did every year.

  “I was wondering if it would be okay to come by later today. I have something for you.”

  Was this a coincidence? Destiny thought. “Yes, I look forward to seeing you,” she responded quickly before letting fear of the unknown frighten her.

  “Thank you, Destiny. I’ll see you after lunch.” With that, they hung up the phone.

  Destiny knew she would have a busy day. Adam was coming to take her to dinner later, and she wanted to get her hair done. So she swung her legs out of the bed, getting ready for what would be an eventful day.

  She was sitting on the couch in the living room, staring out the window, but her mind wasn’t taking in the beauty of the summer day on the lawn or Auntie’s roses. She was in deep turmoil from the phone call she’d received earlier. Her mind was tumbling like a dryer full of wet clothes.

  “I’ve got your favorite—banana pudding,” Sara said, sitting next to Destiny on the couch.

  “I’m not hungry right now, Auntie.”

  “I wish I could do something,” she responded quietly.

  “I know you do, but you can’t.” Secretly she wished there was an easier answer. But there wasn’t.

  “You could…”

  Destiny shook her head as her aunt was speaking. “I know I could just accept him and make everything better, but I’m afraid. He’s always been Uncle Willie, and I don’t know how we’ll move past that.”

  “If you told him how you feel, surely he would—”

  Destiny shot to her feet. “Like I told Tina and Richard when they called earlier, I’m not sure if I’m ready for this next chapter in my life.”

  “You can’t walk around feeling this way, Destiny. You have to talk to him,” Sara said sagely.

  Destiny wrapped her arms around her midriff, walked over to the window, and then turned to face her aunt. “You don’t understand. You should have told me.”

  The doorbell rang before Sara could respond, slicing through the quiet house. Destiny walked to the door, wiping tears away from her cheeks, and reached for the doorknob clumsily. Then she went still. She dropped her hands, fumbling with them at her side. “Hi Uncle Willie.”

  After twenty-six years, Willie stood, looking at his daughter meekly. Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes. His aging crow’s feet stood proudly around his eyes.

  “Destiny…” he whispered, his voice resonating deep sorrow. He realized no one knew the depth of the grief she felt.

  Destiny stood calmly, her hands reaching to open the door wider for his entrance. In actuality, she wanted to wrap him in her arms. She had so many questions that needed to be answered. Desperation made her step back to watch as he hesitated slightly before taking an uncertain step through the door.

  He turned, angling his eyes at her. “How are you?” He handed her a bouquet of flowers.

  Taking the flowers, Destiny turned to walk into the living room with Willie following close behind. She turned, meeting his eyes.

  “I’m fine, considering…” Destiny told him mechanically. She turned to face him, her hands nervously fumbling with the flowers in her hands. Looking down at the roses, she said, “You remembered my birthday as always.”

  “Yes, always.” Willie turned look around the room. He settled himself into the nearest chair. She was sadly surprised to see the distress in his eyes. He looked defeated, almost helpless, at this moment. She had never seen him in this manner. On most occasions, he was a pillar of strength. This was a side of Uncle Willie she’d never seen.

  “I know you’re a little shocked by all of the revelations in the letter.”

  “You know about the letter?” Destiny asked.

  “Yes, I know. Sara told me several years ago.”

  Destiny folded her arms across her chest. “I really don’t know what I am. I guess shocked would be a start,” she muttered. “You really can’t know how I feel. You’ve always known me as your daughter, but to me you have always been Shawn and Tina’s uncle Willie.”

  He looked away, ashamed of the decision he and her mother made all those years ago. He was noticeably upset as he stood and paced the room a couple of times before he came back to stand in front of her. He held her look for endless seconds. “Destiny, your mother and I…we made a decision so many years ago. We didn’t plan it out well. Our only concern was what would be best for you and your aunt,” he said on a long breath, his voice fading away as his eyes traveled the room. Obviously, seeing the pictures of his beloved Destiny and her mother around the room had to be difficult for him. Destiny stood looking at him in silence. His gruff admission of guilt stirred her deep inside. She could tell it was unfamiliar territory for him.

  Her eyes dropped from his, a frown pulling at her forehead. “But what about me?” The words tumbled out of her mouth. “What about all of the things I had to endure because you were not in my life?” The anger she felt was evident in her voice. “Why couldn’t you have told me when I got older? Why weren’t you there for me? What about all of the pain, the hurts, the disappointments in my life? Why weren’t you there?” The words were falling out of her mouth on their own accord.

  He didn’t respond, but sat back down. Destiny sat down beside him, crossing her arms in front of her as she tried to gain her composure. It was the pain of abandonment that she was dealing with at the moment. That pain went back as far as she could remember. Her parents had made the decision for her to be raised by her aunt. She was given to Sara to help ease the pain of her mother’s abandonment. In reality, she had been a pawn to right the wrong that her mother and Uncle Willie felt was done to Sara. It simply came down to that.

  They sat in silence for an enormous amount of time with the memories and pain between them. At this moment, Destiny didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to say anything.

  Willie drew in a sharp breath he’d gotten enough courage to respond and turned to look at his daughter. “I know you’re disappointed, Destiny, and I can’t really blame you. But just so you know, I shared more of your special occasions than you know about, always sending a card for your birthday along with making deposits into an account that my lawyer established for you. I was there when you were six at your first ballet recital, sitting in the back of the room—in the very, very back. I was nervous when you won your first spelling bee. I believe the word was harlequin, if I still remember correctly. You paused for a few minutes at first, but I cried when you spelled it correctly.” He chuckled to himself, looking out as if he were seeing a movie of the event.

  “I was at your piano recital when you were sixteen, and you told everyone before playing you weren’t the best, but this was your favorite song, Sonata No.13 in Eb-Major, Op.27, No.1 Ludwig Van Beethoven and after that, it became my favorite.”

  Willie watched her eyes dance with surprise at these revelations. “I was and have always been proud of you. But I have never been as proud as I was on the day of your graduation from high school. You were simply beautiful. On your first day of school, you dragged your book bag because you didn’t want to put anything on your Barney shirt.”

  Destiny couldn’t help but smile. The realization that her father had been there for every special event gave her cause to believe he hadn’t abandoned her. Maybe they had made a bad decision about who would raise her, but she had a father now. She just had to decide how to handle it from here on out.

  “Aunt Sara told me that my mother died g
iving birth. Were you there?” Destiny had to know if he could fill in the blanks to her life. She looked at him with a sense of hope in her eyes. “When was the last time you saw her?” She patiently waited on him to respond.

  “The last time I saw her was on the day you were born,” he answered, slowly coming out of his shock at the question. “I had gotten the news of my mother’s death. Then I had to deal with my brother and his wife’s death; it changed all of our lives. His wife was pregnant with Tina, who we were able to save. It was too much for me to bear at first. But your mother was my saving grace. We didn’t know it at the time, but she was pregnant as well. It was a lot for a young doctor. She seemed fine. I had no idea that in nine months she’d be gone.”

  His eyes were glazed over in memories of the past. “I loved her with all of my heart. When the doctor called me to inform me she was in labor, I cancelled everything to get there. She saw me standing at the door. I heard her tell Sara to take care of you.”

  She saw the way he was destroying himself now, slowly and painfully, and she nearly cried at hearing it. He was her father, whether she wanted to accept it or not. He loved her mother, and he was here now, saying that he also loved her.

  “Willie, I love you because you have been a part of my life as an uncle for a while,” she whispered, her heart breaking as the words came from a place deep inside.

  His eyes froze on her. She hoped he realized that what she had felt was the idea of not being abandoned by him. She wasn’t ready to call him “Dad” just yet, but maybe one day she would. He had hurt her, although the counseling she was receiving had helped. But she was still in the healing process. Today was a good day. At least now they’d both started the healing process.

  Destiny watched as he seemed to struggle with old demons from the past. Silently she prayed. Father, I bind every devil that’s trying to come against this unity that you are trying to establish with Willie and me. Loose us in the name of Jesus and let the blood of Jesus come against Satan and cast him back to the pits of hell where he belongs! In the name of Jesus, amen. She had been to only one deliverance service since being at Greater Community, and she hoped that short prayer for her father would suffice.

  “I was angry at you for so long because I thought you’d abandoned me and my mother,” she admitted, trying to give him time to decipher the words she was saying. “And as we stand here, I can’t say for sure that I’m totally free from all of it, but since I’ve been here in Seattle, things have begun to change. Since I’ve been born again, I’m learning that the blood, grace, and mercy of Jesus covers a multitude of sins; it heals and delivers.

  “Yes, maybe you were there for me behind the scenes, but I didn’t know it. I had no way of knowing that you were there. But Jesus is different. I know he’s always there because he reminds me in his Word that he will never leave me nor forsake me. All I can say for today is thank you, for being my unseen helper.”

  Destiny swallowed, holding back the tears that were threatening as she spoke from her heart. “God has done some wonderful things in my life. I’ve got so much to be thankful for. Everything has changed for me. Now I know God always loved me, even when I thought I was unlovable because of all the negatives that were in my life. I now know that God’s love is complete, and it makes me the whole woman he wants me to be,” she said, her eyes shining with tears.

  He pinned her with his gaze. “The person you described before sounds like the man I used to be before I met Jesus,” Willie said as he shifted in his seat, leaning forward to look directly at her. “What I’m trying to say is that when three of the most important people in my life died in the span of a month, I didn’t know why God didn’t just let me die. I wanted to, but he had other plans. I was left with a newborn baby girl who needed to know that someone in this world loved her and a nephew who was grieving for his parents and grandmother. Then I had to deal with the loss of both of my girls, your mother and you. It was too much for one person to bear without the strength that only God can give us. It was after I came to know him that I fully understood what Paul was saying when he said, ‘When I’m weak that is when I am strong.’”

  His heart was so full of gratitude for the second chance he had been given with his only child. Standing to his feet, he reached to wipe the tears that had fallen down her face.

  “You and your mother were the best things that have ever happened to me. I watched you graduate from high school, go to college, and graduate at the top of your class. You have a wonderful career as a chemist, and you are the most beautiful woman in the world to me. You’re my daughter, and I am and shall always be proud of the woman you’ve become.”

  Destiny watched the emotions that played across his face. His expression was crestfallen. She didn’t know how or when she began moving, but before she could reconsider anything, she had her arms around her father, holding him for dear life. She was home at last in the arms of her earthly father, and they were both wrapped in the comforting arms of their heavenly father.

  Willie wrapped his arms around his daughter in a way that he had never done since she came into his life through Tina. He held on to her with dear life. This is what home feels like, he thought. This is what having a daughter feels like. He didn’t want the embrace to end, but the ringing of the doorbell drew them apart.

  Smiling, Destiny whispered, “I love you,” before turning to answer the door.

  Chapter 22

  When she opened the door, she saw the worry in his eyes. Adam scanned her face for verification that she was okay. He reached out and brushed a strand of hair from her face, his eyes compassionate and concerned. Destiny fell into his arms, clinging to him with all of her strength.

  “Destiny?” He pulled back to look in her eyes. “Are you all right? I’ve been praying all morning. The Lord wouldn’t let me stop praying. When I felt a break in the spirit, I rushed here as quickly as the law would allow. Are you okay?”

  “I think I am,” she said slowly, leaning into the comfort Adam offered. His eyes left her face to look at the gentleman standing behind her. Destiny sensed that her father was watching by the way Adam’s hold on her relaxed. He recognized Willie from the hospital. She swallowed before placing her hand in his, leading him toward her father.

  “Adam Wheeler,” she said slowly, watching the two most important men in her life. “I would like for you to meet my father, Willie Brown.”

  Both men appeared relaxed. Reaching out, Adam shook Willie’s hand. “It’s good to see you again, Dr. Brown. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.” Adam turned to look at Destiny. “I just wanted to make sure Destiny was all right. She was weighing heavy in my spirit.”

  Reaching out, Adam pulled Destiny close to him. He captured her hand in his, and Destiny allowed him to pull her close. She loved that his touch felt so right.

  “Thank you for caring about my daughter.” Willie reached for her other hand, slowly lifting it to place a feather kiss on the back. He lifted his eyes, seeing the smile in hers. “She is precious to me.” He let go of her hand, relaxing for the first time since arriving at the house. He returned to the chair he had been occupying.

  “I feel the same way about you, Uncle Willie.” She said it so softly that he barely heard her.

  Reaching beside the chair, he lifted a bag, extending it toward Destiny. “This is a gift from your mother and me. I’ve saved this for your twenty-sixth birthday. I pray that you will be blessed by its contents.”

  Destiny reached for the bag with trembling hands.

  Willie sighed, rubbing his hands down his wearied face. “I have so much to make up for, Destiny. This is only the beginning. God will continue to show me how to repair the damage that has been done. I hurt you for too long, and I had to come today.”

  “We all messed up, Willie,” Destiny said, surprising herself.

  Willie stood and reached for her. He held on, looking her in the eyes. “And the thing that is so awesome about our heavenly Father is that he doesn’t make mis
takes. He knew this day was coming.”

  She held on to him, making sure she had his attention. “I’m not saying that I’m perfect in all of this, but what I do know is that God forgives, and because he forgives, it cleanses us from all of our sins. We are redeemed, and he loves us. He didn’t cancel us; we still have a lifetime of seasons to go through.” She smiled with a small laugh of humbleness.

  Unknown to Destiny, Adam watched her with excitement in his eyes. A smile touched his lips. He was falling for his dear friend—her sparkling eyes and warm, laughing spirit. Yes, she just might be the one. This was the real thing, and God just confirmed it as she ministered to her father. At that moment, the thing he wanted to do most in the world was to kiss her to seal the promise of their future, but he didn’t know if the time was right, not wanting to ruin their growing relationship.

  Father, give me patience for our time. I don’t want to mess this up by rushing her. She’s been hurt too much already, and I don’t want to be added to the list of people who hurt her. He looked over at her while she talked to her father. But you know I could love this woman.

  “Destiny.”

  The simple way Adam said her name caused her to turn around from the conversation with her father. Adam reached out and gently turned her to face him. “I’m going to get out of here and let you have this time with your dad. I’ll be back later for our date.”

  “I’m sorry, Adam. It’s just that there’s been so much going on today.” Sighing, she looked at him, making sure he was okay with leaving now.

  “No, I understand. I’m looking forward to our date later thisevening.”

  Whispering, Destiny replied, “I can’t wait either.”

  All of the energy had evaporated out of Destiny, and she let him hold her, comforted by his embrace having no desire to pull away. Placing a soft kiss to her forehead, he looked in the direction of Willie.