No Wasted Tears

by Sylvia D. Carter

  He lifted her hand and placed a kiss in the soft center. “Thank you for trusting what we have to share it with me today. You didn’t have to do that.”

  Destiny felt tears burst from her eyes, hot scalding tears that ran unchecked down her cheeks. “No. I should be thanking you for staying,” she insisted softly, lacing her fingers with his. “I didn’t believe in myself or you. It wasn’t until…” she didn’t finish her statement.

  He touched her then. His hand came down over hers on the bed, urging her to finish when she didn’t he said, “until what? You started believing that I didn’t trust you because of the past?”

  “Yeah,” she reluctantly admitted. “I was so angry that my past had caught up with me, I couldn’t see how you could help at that time.” She gave her head a little shake but it felt as if a jar of marbles had spilled inside. She groaned and put her free hand to her temple—confusion, despair and disbelief all jostling for position. Adam squeezed her hand with the gentlest of pressure. “I love you Destiny, and I know all this must be a terrible shock. There was no easy way of telling you.”

  Destiny rapidly blinked away tears, her throat was feeling so dry she could barely swallow. As if he had read her mind, he released her hand and pulled the bed table closer, before pouring her a glass of water and handing it to her.

  “Here,” he said, holding the glass for her as if she were a small child. “Drink this. It will make you feel better.” She frowned as she pushed the glass away once she had taken a token sip.

  “I don’t understand…” She raised her eyes to Adam’s gaze.

  She swallowed. Was she dreaming? Was she hearing what she wanted to hear instead of what he was actually saying? That happened sometimes. She had done it herself, talked herself into thinking she had heard things, just because she hoped and hoped and hoped someone like Adam would say them.

  “I have shut off my emotions since my break up with Regina,” he said. “Saying ‘I love you’ is something I wanted to do. Please don’t cry, Destiny. Talk to me,” he urged softly.

  She sniffed. “I’m crying because you said you loved me despite all that has happened. I love you so much,” she confessed, using her good arm to pull him toward her. They shared a tender kiss. “I didn’t know what to think when they said you had been here and then left when I woke up,” she said.

  Adam shrugged. “Believe me, you didn’t want to see me then. After three days with no sleep, I was a wreck.” He gave her a hard kiss. “I want you to get better and get out of here.”

  Destiny pressed closer against his chest, loving the feel of him. She softly said, “I will.”

  Chapter 42

  Regina opened her eyes, slowly glancing around the bedroom. She was still in her hotel room. Everything had gone terribly wrong. She hadn’t gotten the money from Stanley. That very thought gave her a reason to be upset. In her dream she was married and living in a mansion with Adam. The glow from the bedside lamp caused the light’s reflection to accentuate her body’s curves tangled up in the bed sheets. There was a look of jealousy on her face. Looking at the arm thrown across her breast, she moved to adjust her body, trying to get comfortable.

  Next to her lay the pastor of the local church her father preached for a couple of months ago. He was married, but what the hell, she needed to eat and keep this hotel room. But she was tired of him. He was on his side, facing her with his eyes closed in peaceful rest. She had to admit, he was a wonderful lover, which made her sad that this affair had to end tonight. His wife really was a sweet woman and they had three adorable children. He should have been home with them rather than being there with her at one o’clock in the morning. She knew there was no excuse for her behavior, but what could she do—she may as well live up to the reputation she’d been given. Adam had made it clear he didn’t want her, but she’d never give up on him, he was supposed to be with her.

  He pulled her against his chest without opening his eyes. His nose was touching her hair. She didn’t want to, but found herself snuggling closer. She felt safe while wrapped in his arms. What she really wanted was to be wrapped in the arms of Pastor Adam Wheeler, but he wanted someone else. If she had played her cards right, maybe she wouldn’t be sleeping with every pastor in the city, instead she would be wrapped in his arms. She laughed, then she began to cry, causing him to stir, but he didn’t open his eyes. He just pulled her body closer, causing her to once again get lost in his capable hands without any effort on her part.

  Closing her eyes, she imagined Adam being there. Whenever she thought about him like this, her jealousy caused her to hate Destiny even more. She was green with envy, and she knew she had no right to be. Her life was a disaster and it was all Destiny’s fault. If it was the last thing she would ever do, Destiny’s head would be on a platter and she’d make sure of it.

  “I hope it’s me that’s putting a smile on your face. What are you thinking about, Regina?” He was kissing her on her neck. She was still staring at him. His eyes were still closed. He knew she was staring without having to look. Slowly, his eyes opened. The light caused his eyes to look even darker than they were. His arms drew her even closer protectively, and his grin broadened with pride at the play of emotions he was causing on her face. She was a beautiful young thing. He was fifty and never would have imagined being with a woman like her. She was a whore and a real freak in the bedroom- everything he didn’t want his wife to be, but maybe a freak in their bedroom wouldn’t hurt. He shook his head because she deserved better. But his grin widened again when he saw Regina’s cheeks flare red.

  “Say it, Regina.”

  “I love the way you love me.” She hated it when he asked her to say that. Her brown eyes narrowed and she looked at him, daring him to continue.

  “You love it, I know you do. I love it, too…” He suggestively accused before he collapsed on top of her.

  “I know I’m only a means to an end for you. You need me to keep all of this.” He flung his arms to emphasize his point. “I know our time together is over. I never expected it to last forever. Things change with time, and sometimes those changes aren’t ones we foresee or expect and therefore, we cannot plan for them.” He looked at her as if he was seeing her for the first time. Smiling, he slowly retracted his other arm from underneath her. “There’s never room for two in the heart, you know. The scripture says you will either love one or hate the other.”

  Regina couldn’t believe he was quoting scripture when he was lying with someone other than his wife. She lifted her head from the pillow, looking at him in confusion. “Do you think it’s cool to be quoting scripture when we’ve just had sex?”

  He couldn’t believe this woman. She lived her life on the edge, not caring about anybody but herself. She was going down, and he knew it would be soon. Her infatuation with Pastor Wheeler was going to be her Achilles heel. Smiling, he said, “So, now you want to get holy when you’ve been sleeping with another woman’s husband? Come on, we both know you’re a preacher’s whore.” She paused for a moment longer. Her hatred for him came back and she was forgetting everything she felt earlier being with him.

  He knew she wouldn’t put up too much of a fight about anything he said because she needed him. So she lay her head against his chest and felt his lips raining kisses on her cheeks like he had earlier.

  “I’m sorry.” His frown was replaced by a smile, if only for a moment. “I wouldn’t make comments like that one anymore if I were you. Do we understand each other?” He reached out, stroking her hair before tugging it with force. She looked up at him, her heart thumping nervously when his strong arm settled around her shoulders. He drew her close and kissed her lips gently, and Regina surrendered herself to him completely. His hand quickly moved from her shoulders down her body as he gave her a squeeze.

  “After tonight, it’s over between us, but I must admit, I’m going to miss having this within arm’s reach.” He traced his fingers down her stomach slowly.

  Regina reached up and wrapped her
hand around his neck, drawing him near because she knew the funds they had discussed earlier were within arm’s reach. “Then let’s make it memorable.” She purred in his ear.

  He took her hand from around his neck. Turning slightly, he looked over at the money on the nightstand. Grabbing the money, he glanced back at her. Then, he took her hand. Opening it, he gave her the two thousand dollars enclosed in an envelope that he’d promised her.

  Giving her a kiss, he almost sounded remorseful when he told her, “It’s yours and what’s really sad about this whole thing is that I gave you more money for sex than I gave your father for preaching the word.” He laughed to himself. “He should take you with him to every revival.”

  After hearing his words and just to show him she was worth every dime of that money, she pushed him back on his pillow and slowly began to make a trail down his body. He moaned as if he was in pain. Looking at him, she smiled to herself. Match point. She’d just won again even if it was only for a night.

  Much later, she cried herself to sleep in an empty bed with both hands holding her two thousand dollars. Her life was a miserable mess.

  Chapter 43

  The early morning sunrays came through the curtains of Destiny’s bedroom. Trying to stretch in her tangled sheets, she managed to maneuver her recovering body out of bed with the help of her wheelchair, smiling because this was a new day the Lord had made, and she intended to rejoice and be glad in it on this Sunday morning. She felt a little tired, but she was happy it had been a month since her accident.

  Lifting her good arm in the air, Destiny looked up, saying, “I am so happy, Father! There’s never a dull moment with you. I lift my hands to you, Father, giving you praise for every tear I’ve ever cried because they weren’t wasted.”

  Destiny was overwhelmed by the praise that was coming through her prayer. Wiping away the tears, she continued. “You took every one of my tears to your specialized laboratory, examined them, and saw my needs in each one. Father, I ask you to do for every woman, every man, and every child what you have done for me. Bless them, saturate their lives with your favor, protect them, and grow them up in your plans for their lives, plans for prosperity and not disaster. Let their pasts be just that, the past never to hinder their future. Give them plans for a future and a hope that only you can provide. In your Son Jesus’s name, I pray. Amen.” After praying, Destiny was ready for church. It was going to be a good day.

  There was a buzz in the church parking lot as Sara and Willie helped Destiny get out of the car and into her wheelchair. Then they all headed for the sanctuary. Everybody was excited about the special guest psalmist for this morning. Last Sunday, Pastor Wheeler had hinted that there would be a special guest, but no one knew who it was going to be. As always, the parking lot was full. They hurried into the vestibule and smiled at the greeters who welcomed them to the service. Not wanting to sit in the back of the church, Destiny looked around for Tina and her family. After spotting them, Sara rolled her chair down to sit on the outside of the pew they were sitting in. Usually everyone would still be milling around, but that was not the case on this Sunday morning. Everyone was already seated, waiting for the service to start.

  Feeling a light tap on her shoulder, Destiny turned to look behind her, finding the smiling faces of the twins. She was a little surprised that Cynthia had allowed them to stay in the sanctuary this Sunday instead of attending the Children’s Church. She never took the chance of Marvin seeing them, so having them out of the sanctuary was always safer. They were handsomely dressed as usual in their matching Polo outfits. Destiny smiled, giving them a pat on the cheek as she glanced at their grandparents seated with them. Smiling and mouthing a hello, she returned her attention to the boys.

  “Miss Destiny, can we sign your cast again?” David said in her ear.

  Destiny leaned back and whispered, “Yes, you may, but not right now. Now sit down because you don’t want to disturb anyone’s worship experience.” Then she turned back around because Taylor had picked up her hand and was holding it.

  “Auntie Destiny, are you going to marry Pastor Wheeler?” Taylor was playing with her finger as she asked the question.

  Taken aback, Destiny adjusted the jacket of her suit, which needed no adjusting. She heard the giggles coming from everyone seated close by her. “Taylor, the praise team is getting ready to sing. Let’s listen,” Destiny responded.

  The ministers had already taken their seats, but Pastor Wheeler had not come from his office yet. They waited for the musicians to start. Once the praise team was in place, the musicians began to play “Nearer My God to Thee.” This gave latecomers time to take their seats. When they had finished, the praise team went into a melody of songs, causing most of the people in the audience to get up and praise the Lord. At the end of the last song, the spirit was high and the praise team leader signaled the audience to be seated.

  Heads began to turn when there was a stir in the back of the church. The doors of the sanctuary swung open. There were audible gasps all around as the Shekinah Glory mass choir entered in synchronized movements through the doors of the church.

  The Greater Community’s band must have known they were waiting because they kicked into the beat of their first selection, “Yes.” Shekinah Glory was dressed in blue-and-gold robes that moved and flowed with them as they came down the aisle. The church was saturated with the anointing coming through the hearts and flowing out of the mouths of these talented choir members. During their processional, they stopped and worshipped the Lord because the anointing was so heavy in the sanctuary. They finally managed to make it to the choir loft while waiting for the musicians to play the last chords of the song. Just as the congregation couldn’t stop praising God, neither could the choir. The greeters had their hands full trying to help those caught up in the Spirit.

  Destiny watched Pastor Wheeler as he came to the pulpit but didn’t take his seat. It seemed the Spirit had pulled him out of his study. She knew it was going to be a high service in the Lord, because the manifestation of it was all over the worshippers in the church. God was doing it this morning. Looking across the audience, it was easy to get caught up in all of the praise as she sat there, the one person she didn’t have to search for gave her a nod of recognition. The sparkle in Adam’s eyes seemed to say she looked beautiful this morning.

  She was biased of course but he seemed to always look handsome, but this morning he’d taken it to another level. The tan suit he had on fit like an athletic cut. To say he was fine was an understatement. He was a gorgeous specimen of a man. Seeing his nod, Destiny winked at him before turning her attention back to the choir.

  Pastor Wheeler walked over to whisper something into the director’s ear. The director then signaled for the choir to stand. After telling the musicians which song was going to be played, the band began to harmonize once again with the choir. Destiny’s attention was diverted for a second when she heard Cynthia’s voice whisper, “Good morning.” Reaching her hand back, she squeezed the fingers of her sister before the choir took them on another anointed journey with, “How Deeply I Need You.”

  The leader took the microphone. “Here is my heart. I give it Lord to you. Here is my life. I lay it before you. Where else would I go? What else would I do, if I did not know you? How deeply I need you.”

  The sanctuary was enthroned with the presence of the Lord. The worshipers could feel the Lord’s weighted glory. People were walking around in the sanctuary, weeping. Some even went to the altar, kneeling in worship. There were tears, clapping, and shouts of “Yes, Lord!” coming from everywhere.

  Marvin sat quietly in the back of the sanctuary. Although he wanted to praise the Lord his eyes had been riveted on the two boys seated beside Cynthia. He’d been running behind this morning and took a seat in the back of the church. Who were they? There something about them that sent chills through his body; he didn’t want to think beyond that because that would mean Cynthia had deceived him.

  Chapter
44

  Voices could be heard saying, “Hallelujah,” coming from all over the sanctuary as Pastor Wheeler walked up to the mic. The choir was trying to close the selection, but every time they tried, the praise would continue.

  Pastor Wheeler took the mic in his hand, and as if God himself was leading him, he walked out into the audience. Looking up, he began to sing, “I need you, Lord, like the desert needs the rain. I need you, like the ocean needs the streams. I need you, like the morning needs the sun. I need you, Lord. You are my only one.” Tears were rolling down his cheeks as he gave God his all. His congregation knew he was caught up in the Spirit, and they began to praise God with him.

  Pastor Wheeler returned to his seat while the congregation settled back down. Minister Samuel came to the podium, and after settling his spirit down a little, he asked the church, “Are ya’ll feeling like I’m feeling? I’m happy in the Lord right now. Not later, not after a while, not after my bills are paid, but I’m happy in the Lord right now!” He pulled back his head and gave the Lord a loud shabach, followed by most of the folk in the audience.

  After everyone had been settled down and the offering was collected, Pastor Wheeler came to the podium. Opening his Bible, he told the congregation, “Open your Bibles to Psalm 30:5, and after you have it, say amen.” Once he heard “amens,” he began to read. “For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”

  Looking out over his waiting audience, he asked them, “How many of you know today that in God there are no wasted tears?”

  Many responded by saying, “Amen.” Pastor Wheeler told them to look at their neighbors and say, “No wasted tears.”

  Folks turned toward one another and said, “No wasted tears.”