The Sad Tale of the Brothers Grossbart

by Jesse Bullington

  “Should a shot those infidels where they lied,” Manfried said.

  “How you know they’re infidels?”

  “You see that one’s mustache? And the other’s definitely foreign. Finally, when asked for proof a faith they failed to produce.”

  “None a that means nuthin. You’s thinkin too hard, as usual,” Hegel sighed.

  “Why else they don’t give us a ride?”

  “Probably cause we didn’t offer’em anythin.”

  “Holy men don’t need to pay. Least not to any fellow Christian.”

  “So you’s a holy man now?” Hegel snorted.

  “Both a us is. Killed us a devil.”

  “Wasn’t a devil, was a damn man what turned into one.”

  “Same thing,” said Manfried.

  “Hell it is.”

  “Watch that blasphemy.”

  Hegel perked up. “They’s comin back.”

  Better still, the wagon followed. The second man sat on the bench beside the driver. Mustache walked ahead, smiling broadly but still training his bow on Hegel.

  “You win,” Mustache said. “Move the log and give some coin and we all be on ours, but you off at the next town. Seeing this?”

  Hegel began to answer but Manfried elbowed him, taking charge. “Right equitable. We’ll give you all the money we got soon’s we arrive.”

  “Coin now.” Mustache sounded immovable.

  “No security you’s honest, we pay upon delivery,” said Hegel.

  “No proof you either. Coin now,” Mustache said.

  “Hey you,” Manfried called to the driver. “We’ll give you all when we get to a town and not fore, deal?”

  “See-” Mustache began, but the driver interrupted with a harsh string of those foreign words, then he looked to the Grossbarts. He appeared their age, with oily black hair and a thinner mustache, and finer clothes than anyone else present.

  “No highwaying on this highway, yes?” the driver asked in a clipped accent.

  “That’s right.” Hegel smiled.

  “So you have my Christian word on a safe passage. If you will swear the same, we may progress.” The driver forced a smile.

  “Given,” the Brothers said in unison.

  “Then move that, and any other obstructions we chance upon, and no further payment will be necessary.” The driver smoothed the scalloped edge of his chaperon hat.

  The two guards walked to the rear of the wagon, casting foul glances at the Brothers. Manfried kept his arbalest in hand while Hegel lifted one end of the dead log and rolled it to the side, then he picked up his weapon and they both set their feet on it, pushing it over the edge. Watching it pick up speed and finally blast apart on a boulder down the mountainside, they both ruminated on how they might approach a traveling wagon in the future in light of the difficulty in securing passage on this one.

  They moved to enter the wagon but all three yipped at them to get on the bench and stay clear of the interior. Jamming their odorous bags under the hanging tarp behind their seat, they were off. A Grossbart sat on either end with the driver and the other foreign guard between them, Mustache presumably inside or on a rear seat.

  The rocking wagon provided them with unobstructed views of the cliffs falling away from the road, and as the day lengthened so did the precipices. The highway wound up into the mountains, the snow and wind and hazy sky chilling the Brothers’ bones. Whenever a rockslide or other debris blocked the road they would climb down and move it, but these breaks were infrequent. They moved slowly but still managed a great distance more than the Grossbarts would have on foot before sundown. They stopped in a lightly wooded meadow presiding above the day’s road.

  The Grossbarts made their own fire farther up the road lest their new friends attempt to flee in the dark. They took shifts, and when Hegel felt his ears itch he ensured that he made a lot of noise loading his crossbow. He heard footsteps retreat back to the foreigners’ fire and he returned to his horse-marrow stew.

  The next day passed in similar fashion, as did the one after that-except the Grossbarts’ rations shrank with each meal. During their nocturnal vigils nothing braved the firelight, so their stomachs remained the only things growling. The third morning never fully came, the flurries replaced by heavy snow blotting out everything but the road in front of the horses. The Brothers debated, in their sibling language, the benefits of abandoning the wagon, reckoning they would make the same time and not have to worry about tumbling over the edge if the horses stepped wrong in the drifts.

  They moved through a white fog of snow, steam pouring off the horses, snot freezing in the Brothers’ beards. Only the cliffs jutting up on one side and falling away on the other told them they kept the road. Any banter the men had provided over the previous days had frozen on their lips. They traveled slowly, and Hegel sensed something foreboding in the snow, something sinister waiting up the road. He told his brother, who nodded and readied his crossbow. The attack Hegel knew would come never did, and several hours later the foreigners shouted in triumph.

  Mustache jumped from the rear and ran beside the slowing wagon, the other guard hopping down as the horses stopped. Hegel felt sick, sweat-ice on his brow and lips. They had to get away but their only option was the void stretching out on all sides, the cliffs having faded away without their noticing. Instead Hegel prayed, begging Mary to take away his frantic disquiet.

  “Open up!” Mustache yelled, and his ally yelled presumably the same in his alien tongue.

  The Brothers made out a high shadow through the windblown snow, and from the rattling sound a barn or other door lay ahead. They kept shouting for several minutes but got no response, and after a quick word with the shivering driver, they both vanished into the snow. The Brothers shifted closer to the driver, crossbows ready.

  “Where’d they go?” Manfried asked.

  “To open the gate,” the driver chattered, his tan skin implying such weather did not suit him.

  “Where we at?” said Manfried.

  “Rouseberg,” the driver replied. “Passed through a few weeks ago, so they should be expecting us.”

  “Ill name for a town,” Manfried decided.

  Hegel paid no mind to their conversation. His eyes darted everywhere, futilely trying to spot the source of the danger he knew lurked just beyond his vision. He could not be sure if it was the witch, her husband returned, or something worse.

  A groaning came from ahead, and Mustache reappeared, calling out: “Lend us a hand!”

  Manfried hurried forward while Hegel refused to budge, trying to warn his brother but unable to speak. Manfried saw a large wooden gate the two men heaved against, snowdrifts keeping it from opening more than a crack. The three kicked and shoved and got soaking wet before it opened wide enough to fit the wagon through.

  The driver urged the horses in, Hegel squinting to catch a glimpse of the town. Only a few sagging roofs and shadows of buildings came through the snow, no sounds emanating from the blanketed hamlet. Manfried climbed back onto the bench while the guards closed the gate and secured the supports, locking them into the village.

  IX. Odd Men at Odds

  Only snow and dilapidated houses greeted the Grossbarts and the wagon-men. Several roofs had caved in from the weight of the snowdrifts and the horses struggled to move the wagon at all. They plodded through the cavernous street until they came to a large building, dark and uninviting as the rest, and here they brought the wagon around the side to a barn. Mustache and the other guard wrestled the door open and the Grossbarts jumped off rather than ride into the black interior.

  The two guards waited outside the barn rubbing their hands but the Grossbarts recognized an alehouse when they saw one, no matter how vacant it appeared. They found the door latched and suspected knocking would do little good, but Hegel’s dented sword fit through the gap and, putting their backs into it, they dislodged the plank holding the door shut. It swung open and they tumbled in with a mound of accumulated snow.

&n
bsp; The grave-wise eyes of the Brothers Grossbart spotted several tables and benches in the darkness of the room, and as their eyes adjusted further they noticed a large fireplace against the back wall. They picked their way through the gloom and upon seeing a shelf of bottles against the back wall they set to business. Each seized a bottle and sampled, Hegel with favorable results, Manfried spitting out a mouthful of greasy oil. They each stowed a bottle of oil and as many bottles of apple schnapps as their bulging packs would allow before turning back to the empty tavern.

  “Where’s everyone?” Manfried gave voice to his brother’s thoughts.

  Hegel took another stiff pull of schnapps, trying to drown his paranoia. It only grew worse. They moved along the rear wall until they found an unlocked door and pushed it open. Finding what lay beyond too dark for immediate exploration Manfried went to start a fire and Hegel nosed around the rest of the room.

  A ladder extended down beside the fireplace, and Hegel climbed it with his dagger in one hand. It led to a large loft whose ceiling bowed under the weight of snow, particularly under the tarp covering the smoke-hole. Slicing it open and watching the avalanche of snow vomit down, even the amusement of Manfried suddenly floundering under the deluge of frozen powder did not lessen his worry.

  Hegel climbed down and rooted about for a rushlight, and once he got it sputtering on the fresh fire he slowly ascended again. Sadly, the loft yielded naught but moldy blankets, rotting straw, and a stinking pisspot. The stench hinted at something more than urine, sweat, and decay, but he could not place it.

  Manfried kept busy, first making a snowball with a stone at its core to lob at his unsuspecting brother, and after he heard a most satisfying yelp as the missile reached its mark he scooped up snow with their cooking pot, dumped in the rest of their meat, and hung it from a rung over the fire. He dragged two benches over and got comfortable, scowling at the draft when the other three men entered. His brother definitely had put the shivers on him, but Manfried refused to give in to speculation. After all, free drink and shelter should never be examined too closely.

  The driver and his assistants crowded around the hearth, lakes emerging from their boots on the worn floor. Hegel came down from the loft and sat beside his brother. None spoke, all staring into the fire while sensation returned to their extremities.

  “Something is very wrong,” said the driver, standing and pulling a thin dagger from under his cloak.

  “You think so, huh?” Manfried leaned back, his boots heating up nicely.

  “You don’t?” The driver looked around, and retrieved an unlit rushlight from the shelf.

  “He’s right,” Hegel said, although the warmth had chased off some of his jitteriness.

  “So when yous was through a ways back there was people here, eh?” Manfried would not be unsettled. He had battled demons and witches, after all.

  “Plenty of them,” the driver said, eyes flitting about. “Big town for so deep in the mountains. Many children playing in the snow.”

  Mustache said something in the southern tongue, and both the driver and the other man nodded. The driver responded in the same language, and glanced back at the door. This skulduggery did not sit well with the Brothers, particularly the suspicious Hegel.

  “Speak proper, now!” Hegel shouted, jumping from his stool. “None a that beast-speech, hear? We all speak the same, and if someone don’t catch it, well, that’s his business.”

  “Seeing this,” Mustache replied, getting up from his bench, “the people may have go to the… the…”

  “Monastery,” helped the driver. “To what purpose all would go, however, is unclear. The houses look several days vacant at least.”

  “Yeah,” Manfried agreed. “Seen some all boarded up, same as this.”

  “And there’s no one else here?” the driver asked. “Not in the back or front?”

  “Well,” Hegel said. “If this is the front, no one’s here, but we didn’t check out the back. No light.”

  Clicking his teeth, the driver lit his fat-coated reed. “Come along, then.”

  “You wanna look, go ahead.” Manfried tested his stew. “If you catch any more meat or turnips, bring’em on back.”

  “I’ll go.” Hegel withdrew his pick, eager to bury its point in the source of his anxiety.

  The two other men made no move, finding the puddles at their feet most interesting. The driver spit a string of harsh words of the foreign variety, but this time Hegel smiled at their usage. Admonishments of cowardice he recognized regardless of the language.

  “I am Ennio,” the driver told Hegel.

  Manfried laughed. “He’s a what?”

  “That a name where you come from?” asked Hegel.

  “Yes,” Ennio said sharply.

  “Well damn,” said Hegel.

  “And by what do I address you?” Ennio asked.

  “I’s Hegel, my brother there’s Manfried, and we’s both Grossbarts.”

  “Seeing this truly.” Mustache smiled.

  “What’s that supposed to mean, dirt-stache?” Manfried glared at the man, who stared back blankly.

  “That is Alphonse,” Ennio said, “and his cousin is Giacomo.”

  The cousins stared at the Brothers, the ice thicker than ever.

  “Al Ponce?” Manfried grinned at Hegel. “He struck me as a ponce from the moment I laid eyes on him. Ask Hegel, told’em myself.”

  “Honesty,” Hegel said, but his mind lay elsewhere.

  The Grossbart and the driver advanced on the back door, Ennio pushing it open and thrusting the rushlight into the darkness. Hegel followed, sweating from more than the welcome heat. They went down a tight hallway and discovered several sacks of grain and barrels of turnips at the end. Another latched door opened into the snowy void, and they quickly closed it again. Along the hall three doorways draped with cloth revealed sparse chambers with straw mats and nothing else.

  Alphonse and Giacomo noticed the shelf where only a few bottles remained, and each took one back to the fire. Manfried considered murder, then chided himself for not hiding whatever would not fit in his bag. Of the two, Manfried hated Alphonse slightly more, what with his bushy black hair and mustache and dimpled cheeks stupidly contrasting his large frame. Not that Giacomo’s chiseled face and arms and dark complexion failed to grate on him as well. Like most men who are ugly on both sides of their skin, Manfried detested handsome people on general principle.

  “Found us a good place to bed down,” Hegel said, stepping back into the room.

  “Out here, Grossbarts,” Ennio said firmly.

  “What’s that?” Hegel stopped and turned on the man, pick still brandished.

  “We five sleep out here, she will sleep in the other rooms,” said Ennio, turning back to the hallway. He added something in his native tongue for Alphonse and Giacomo, and disappeared with his crackling rushlight into the back.

  “She?” the Grossbarts echoed.

  Giacomo blanched and took a long swig and Alphonse muttered to himself.

  “Talk, Ponce,” said Manfried.

  “None of yours.” The guard scooted closer to the fire.

  Manfried’s boot upended Alphonse’s stool, knocking him to the ground. The man scrambled up but Manfried had casually raised his loaded crossbow, its end pressing against Alphonse’s codpiece. The startled Giacomo’s hand fell to his sword but paused when he realized Hegel’s pick had found its way under his chin, the iron point chill against his Adam’s apple.

  “Talk, Ponce.” Manfried smiled.

  Alphonse looked at Giacomo, who began shouting at him to do whatever the crazy bandits said. The Grossbarts did not approve of their conversing in an unknown language, so Hegel pressed his tool enough to prick Giacomo’s throat. This quieted him instantly, his eyes burning into his cousin’s. There would be opportunities to dispose of these two foreign bastards later, Alphonse thought, and did as Manfried commanded.

  “The woman is the, the woman of Alexius Barousse,” Alphonse said
, hoping that would be sufficient. It was not.

  “Who’s he?” Manfried prodded verbally and physically, the bolt’s point rising to jab at Alphonse’s doublet.

  “A capo, er, sea captain.” Alphonse stammered. “In Venezia. She is his, we retrieve her for him, take her home.”

  “What’s she doin up these parts, eh?” Manfried asked.

  “She was in…” Alphonse bit his lip, then almost got it correct. “Abbess. She stay in abbess some years in your empire, now we fetch her. Anything happen to us or her, he will hunt you for rest of your lives, and punish-”

  “Yeah, I got you.” Manfried lowered his weapon. “Now shut your hole. Both a you’d do to remember you owe us your lives.”

  Hegel followed his brother’s lead, wiping the spot of blood off on Giacomo’s shoulder and relooping his pick onto his belt. Giacomo relaxed, touching his neck and launching a barrage at Alphonse, who in turn explained the Brothers were moon-touched and would be dealt with accordingly. If not now, later.

  “Gotta nun?” Hegel asked his brother.

  “More likely a sweet piece he wanted off-limits til his wife died or some such. Didn’t say daughter or sister or nuthin, but who knows. Poncey’s a little rough on the ears.” Manfried gingerly touched his cropped lobe.

  Ennio returned from the rear hallway, pale and shivering. Alphonse and Giacomo both spoke at once, but Manfried cuffed Alphonse in the ear, encouraging him to talk right or not at all. Ennio narrowed his eyes at the Brothers but seemed distracted. He hurried to the door and ensured the slat locked it firmly, and dragged another bench to the fire. All eight eyes waited for his next move. Sighing, he relieved Alphonse of his bottle.

  “Go fetch the grain bag and make some porridge,” Ennio said wearily.

  Alphonse complained to himself but went into the back.

  “Grossbarts,” Ennio said. “Any queries should be given to me instead of my associates, as they will provide you with nothing of substance.”

  “Dunno if that’s all true,” Manfried said. “What’s the girl to this captain-kin or kinmaker?”