Nice Dragons Finish Last

by Rachel Aaron

  “Everything. ” The word fell so easily from Julius’s lips that it startled him, but even more surprising was the weight that fell off with it. It was like he’d let go of two decades’ worth of fear and expectations, and suddenly, he felt light as a feather. “I’m done,” he said again, his voice full of wonder. “I give up. ”

  “You can’t give up!”

  A bit of the backlash must still have been lingering, because the sound of his brother’s anger almost made Julius laugh. “Watch me,” he said, putting out his hands in surrender. “I always thought if I just tried hard enough, I could change myself, but I can’t. I can’t change what I am, and if I keep trying to force it, I’m just going to keep failing like I always have. But I’m done banging my head against the wall. It’s time to face the truth, and the truth is I’m never going to be like you, and I’m never going to be the sort of dragon Mother wants, either. ”

  His brother’s growl grew louder with every word. By the time Julius finished, it was vibrating the puddles of water at their feet. “You can’t be serious. ”

  “Why not?” Julius said. “I can’t just keep doing the same thing over and over and hope some day I’ll get a different outcome. That’s crazy. If I want to get out of this rut, then I’m going to have to try something new. So I’m going to do things the way I want for once and see what happens. I mean, it’s not like I can fail any worse. ”

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  “You absolutely can!” Justin roared, making the humans at the other end of the platform jump. Justin didn’t even spare them a look, though he did lower his voice. “Dammit, Julius, can’t you see I’m trying to keep you alive here? How am I supposed to convince Mother not to eat you when your ‘plan’ consists of ‘ask humans nicely, hope it works out’?”

  His teeth were bared and sharp when he finished, but Julius couldn’t help smiling. That little speech was the closest his brother had ever come to actually admitting he cared. In the end, though, it didn’t change a thing.

  “I’m tired of trying to be what I’m not,” Julius said, pushing off the wall to stand on his own. “You were right. This is a test. My test, and from here out, I’m going to pass or fail on my own. I’m done doing things I’m ashamed of, so if you still want to stay and help, you’re welcome, but we’re doing this my way from here on. ”

  Looking as scared as he felt would fatally undermine his point, so Julius held his ground with all the bluster he had. Inside, though, his heart was pounding. This was the first time he’d ever told his brother what to do, and he fully expected to have to pay for it. Justin wasn’t the sort of dragon who took challenges to his dominance lightly.

  But though he was braced for the retaliatory fury, Justin didn’t say a word. He simply stepped back and opened his arms in a go for it gesture. So, with a nervous swallow, Julius went, using the wall for balance as he hobbled back across the platform toward the mages on the other side.

  Chapter 9

  Almost as though they could sense they were among predators (which, on some deep, instinctual level, they probably could), all the humans, including Marci, had drifted to the far side of the cement platform, as far from the dragons as possible. They were all talking seriously as he approached, their heads together, and then Marci turned to point Julius out to the large man who seemed to be the leader.

  As humans went, Julius supposed he was handsome in a rough, rugged way. Tall and imposing with dark black skin and thick, tight curled hair that ran down his face to form an equally impressive beard, he looked more like an angry river god than the sort of person you’d find running a mage commune. His clothes were even stranger, a perfectly cut outfit of a long duster, vest, pants, and tall boots all made out of deep green alligator leather. It wasn’t until the man stuck out his hand and introduced himself, though, that Julius understood why anyone would voluntarily dress like that. This was the human Katya had supposedly left the party with. Ross Vedder, the alligator shaman.

  “So,” he said as Julius took his hand. “You’re the one leading the group that took out the lampreys. On behalf of all of us, thank you. We’ve been trying to get rid of that menace for months. ”

  “You’re welcome,” Julius replied, savoring the rare words. “But we can’t take too much credit. We got lost and ran into the lampreys by accident. Anything else that happened was self defense. ”

  The man laughed. “Lost, huh? You got guts getting lost down here. So what brings you to our neck of the pipes? You three hunting bounties?”

  “No,” Julius said, pausing for a steadying breath. Here went nothing. “We’re actually looking for a woman named Katya. Is she here?”

  Ross’s smile vanished the second Julius said the dragoness’s name. “Why do you want to know?” he growled, standing taller. “Did her family send you?”

  Julius took a moment to consider his answer. Keeping clan secrets was a habit as deeply ingrained as breathing, but whatever this human was to Katya, he clearly wanted to protect her. Julius respected that, so he settled for a half truth. “Yes,” he admitted. “But I don’t mean her any harm. I just want to talk to her. ”

  The shaman looked deeply skeptical, but when he answered, Julius felt certain he was telling the truth, and he wasn’t happy about it. “She’s not here anymore. Lark called right after we left his party to let us know that a friend of Katya’s was looking for her. ” He eyed Julius up and down. “I suppose that was you?”

  When Julius nodded, he continued. “I was suspicious ‘cause we weren’t expecting anyone, but I didn’t think too much of it until I went into the bedroom and discovered Katya had packed up her stuff and left. That was about an hour ago. I don’t know where she is now. ”

  Julius sighed. Of course. “Do you have any way of getting in touch with her?”

  Ross’s eyes narrowed in a cold, steady glare that fit well with his chosen animal. “Nothing I’d give to you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to work. ”

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  Julius was scrambling to think of some way, any way, to keep the man from leaving when Marci suddenly said, “What kind of work do you do down here?”

  Her incredulous, borderline insulting tone sent Julius into panic mode. This man was their only lead; antagonizing him was not an option. To his surprise, though, Ross didn’t seem to mind the question at all.

  “Service for the spiritual and magical benefit of our community,” he said, puffing out his chest with pride. “Algonquin cares nothing for the lives of the people in her city. We do. We stay down here to keep the monsters from preying on folks who can’t afford to move up to the skyways for safety. Take the lampreys, for instance. During the spring rains when the drains are full, they swim up to the streets of the Underground to hunt. Eight foot lamprey will strike right out of the storm drains, grabbing people and pulling them back down to their nest. ”

  Julius shuddered. What a horrible thought. “Don’t the hunters kill them?”

  “When they can get ‘em, sure,” Ross said. “But the bounty jockeys never come down here to eliminate the problem at the source. That’s where we come in. ” He jerked his head at the lake. “We were only a few weeks away from having the power necessary for the ritual to cleanse this place. Now, thanks to you, we can use that magic for other things. Lampreys aren’t the only monsters that nest down here, and we make it our business to clean them out. That’s our work—making this city safer for the people who don’t have the money or pull to buy Algonquin’s protection. ”

  “Right, right, very noble,” Marci said, angling in front of Julius. “How much is the bounty on those lampreys again?”

  “Marci!” Julius hissed.

  “What?” she whispered back. “We’re broke. ”

  The alligator shaman watched this exchange with a wary eye. “Ten dollars a head, last I saw,” he answered slowly. “Hardly worth dying for, but never let it be said Algonquin overspent on something as trivial as preventing her people from being snatched off the street b
y wild animals. ” He shook his head and turned back to Julius. “Again, thank you for what you did here. Even if it was an accident, our city’s a safer place now, and that’s always a good thing. We’ll clean up the water and put down wards to keep this area clear, and to make sure we don’t draw any death spirits. In the meantime, I’ll be happy to assign someone to escort you back to the surface so you don’t get ‘lost’ again. ”

  He finished with a pointed look that made it clear he knew perfectly well they’d been trying to sneak up on his stronghold from behind. If the alligator shaman hadn’t been the leader of a seemingly selfless band of eco-mage crusaders, Julius would have almost suspected him of leaving the lamprey nest on purpose to guard his back. But all the other humans looked too genuinely relieved as they gathered the slimy lamprey bodies into piles for disposal for him to suspect Ross on that angle at least. The destroyed nest was clearly a true and loathsome menace, and everyone seemed glad to be rid of it.

  Well, Julius thought with a sigh, at least something good had come out of this. For his part, he was ready to call it a night. He was filthy and exhausted and his head was throbbing. Add in his behavior toward his mother and his brother and it was clearly time to throw in the towel. He needed time to make a new plan anyway now that he’d decided to stop doing things that didn’t feel right, which definitely included hunting down and chaining runaway dragons. He wasn’t sure if there was a solution to this mess that would sit well with him, but at the moment, Julius was too relieved by the idea that he wouldn’t have to put his boot on Katya’s neck to care.

  “An escort would be great,” he said, pulling out his phone. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to give you my number in case Katya comes back. As I said, I just want to talk to her, so if you could pass on the message, I’d really appreciate it. ”

  Ross glowered suspiciously for a moment, then he shrugged and pulled out a brand new, top-of-the-line AR smartphone, the kind that kept the augmented reality field running around you at all times even when you weren’t directly touching it. Devices like that were worth more than most cars, and Julius had to act fast to hide his surprise that Ross owned one. Clearly, something down here paid very well, a fact that did not escape Marci.

  “Hold on a sec,” she said. “If we’re wrapping this up, then you need to tell your people to stop stealing our lampreys. ”

  Ross blinked. “Excuse me?”

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  Marci pointed at the bloody water. “You said it yourself. Those lampreys have a bounty of ten bucks a head, and since we killed them under the direction of my employer”—she pointed back at Julius—“they belong to him. Not you. ”

  Ross’s face turned scarlet. “We’re not stealing anything!” he shouted. “This is an eco-magical disaster area! A reflection of Algonquin’s completely irresponsible attitude toward the safety of her citizens and the magical health of any land that isn’t under her lakes! The whole reason we’re down here is to clean up this sort of thing. These bodies need to be properly disposed of to prevent any further contamination of the natural magic. You can’t just haul them up and hawk them to Algonquin’s corporate stooges for a paltry ten dollars! What kind of sell-out are you?”

  “The kind who likes to be paid for her work,” Marci said, lifting her chin. “And ten bucks each isn’t paltry when you’re working with this sort of volume. ”

  As much as Julius agreed with the alligator shaman’s moral high ground, Marci did have a point. They were desperately short on money, and there were a lot of dead lampreys lying around. Hundreds easily, and that wasn’t even counting the big one. At ten dollars a head, that added up.

  “This isn’t about money,” Ross said, his voice underlined by a distinctly reptilian growl. “We’re doing what’s right for the good of everyone. I know as a Thaumaturge you have no connection to the land, but some of us—”

  “What?” Marci shrieked, and Julius winced. He could practically see the storm of righteous indignation building around her, and Ross wasn’t much better. Alligators were apparently much less laid-back spirit guides than albatrosses. If Julius didn’t do something fast to defuse the situation, this was going to turn into a full-scale duel.

  “I think we’re getting ahead of ourselves,” he said, stepping between the two mages. “Mr. Vedder, we understand and respect what you’re trying to do here, but my partner”—he grabbed Marci and pulled her to his side, partially to show solidarity, but mostly to keep her from throwing any spells—“also had a valid point. That said, I see no reason we can’t find an arrangement that will make us all happy. I understand your movement down here is well-funded, correct?”

  That was a wild guess, but phones like Ross’s didn’t come cheap. Neither did a full suit of what was certainly humanely sourced alligator leather. There had to be money coming in from somewhere to keep this crusade rolling, and sure enough, Ross shut his mouth, reaching up to rub the back of his head in a way that looked almost embarrassed.

  “I fund it,” he said quietly. “My dad’s the CEO of a mana-tech integration company. He set me up with a few million back when I was a teenager to keep me out of his hair, but that doesn’t mean I’m just a trust fund kid playing around down here. ”

  “You sure?” Marci said before Julius elbowed her.

  “I got into this work precisely to fight back against the damage corporate raiders like my dad do to our communities,” Ross growled. “Algonquin guards the lakes and the spirits who obey her, but she couldn’t care less about what happens to the rest of us. Guys like my dad make a living taking advantage of that, abusing whomever they can to make a buck. I wouldn’t touch his money if I could help it, but do you know how much it costs to keep wards running down here?”

  “I’m guessing more than comes in through donations,” Julius said.

  “By a factor of ten,” Ross replied. “We need money for our work, and if I’ve got it, then why not spend it doing good?”

  “I completely agree,” Julius said quickly before Marci could open her mouth. “It’s clear to me that you and your people are providing a vital and critically underappreciated service down here. I can’t tell you how glad I am to hear you’re not in financial danger. ”

  The alligator shaman seemed caught off guard by this sudden and effusive praise. “Well, thank you. I’m glad you’re on our side. ”

  “I absolutely am,” Julius said. “Of course, knowing all that, I’m sure you’ll understand why I can’t just give you this job pro bono. My partner and I aren’t fully funded, and we need the money. That said, I’d much rather deal with you than Algonquin’s people, so how about a compromise?”

  That was his best shot at making this work, and he held his breath while Ross scratched his beard thoughtfully. Then, at last, the shaman said, “What did you have in mind?”

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  “I was thinking rather than turn the lampreys in for the bounty, we’d sell them all to you as-is for a flat rate,” Julius explained. “That way, we’ll still get paid fairly for our work, and you’ll get to clean your lake exactly as you like. Everyone wins, what do you say?”

  Ross glanced at the bloody water. “That sounds fair to me, assuming we can agree on a price. ” He thought about it a second longer, and then his head dipped in a sharp nod. “I don’t see why we couldn’t make it work. Let me talk to my co-chair. Hold on a moment. ”

  Grinning wide, Julius motioned for him to do as he liked. The moment the shaman was out of earshot, Marci grabbed Julius’s arm.

  “What are you doing?” she whispered fiercely. “Don’t cut a deal with these lunatics! Especially not for a flat fee! We don’t even know how many lampreys we’re talking about yet. You could be giving away thousands of dollars!”

  “I’m not giving away anything,” he said, gently prying her fingers loose before he lost all feeling in his hand. “Look around. Do you know how long it would take us haul these bodies through the sewers to the Animal Control office to collect our payout? Even if
we carried them up two at a time, it would take us days of non-stop hard labor to empty this place. If you calculate that out to an hourly rate, we’d make better money painting houses, and that’s assuming half the lampreys didn’t rot before we could get to them. If we sell to Ross, we get paid for the work we already did, and we don’t have to do any more, which is actually the best part of the deal. I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted. Right now, I’d gladly pay several thousand dollars just to get out of here, take a shower, and never worry about touching another lamprey for as long as I live. ”

  Marci’s face pulled into into a scowl. “Okay,” she grumbled. “I’ll admit taking the money and running does have its appeal, but that doesn’t mean we should let them rip us off. I say we hold out for forty thousand. ”

  “Marci,” Julius said with a sigh. “There are not four thousand lampreys here. ”

  “Doesn’t matter,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “The point is that we killed something they couldn’t, and now we own the bodies, which they want. That puts them over a barrel, and when you’ve got someone over a barrel, you have to shake them until their pockets are empty. It’s the freelancer’s code. ”

  “I’m not shaking anyone,” he said firmly. “I said we were going to agree on a mutually fair price, and that’s what I mean to do. ”

  “Juliuuuuuus,” she moaned. “The guy’s a trust fund kid! He won’t even miss forty grand. Don’t be such a goody-two-shoes. ”

  “Refusing to take advantage of people doesn’t make me a goody-two-shoes,” Julius said sharply, making Marci flinch. Normally, that would have made him feel guilty. Right now, though, he had a point to make. “I know you don’t have much respect for shamans, but these people seem to be doing legitimate good work. They’re also Katya’s allies. We still need their help to find her, and I’m not going to torpedo our chances there by ripping them off for a one time gain. ”

  “Are you nuts?” Marci said. “This isn’t a kid’s show, Julius. It’s not like these people are going to suddenly change their minds and give you all the info on this Katya person just because you were square with them. They live in a sewer. We’ll probably never even see them again. If we don’t go for broke now, we’ll be SOL forever. ”