by a dagmara
“Charlie does she know how you feel?”
“Not in so many words. I didn’t want to scare her off. I know she is guarded. Plus, she has only been awake for four days. This all must be so much for her to process. I just don’t want to lose her.”
“I can respect that Charlie. I hope for both of you that you find a way to work all this out for something tells me there will be a lot to work out and a lot to get past.”
“You are very right. We will have a lot to work out. I’m sure of it. However right now I need her to trust me and even admit her feelings whatever they are”
I couldn’t get over the conversation I was hearing…shit Brady and Charlie…talking like friends and Charlie admitting he loved me…that was huge. Brady was correct in his observations of me…he knew me all too well, and I was indeed falling in love with Charlie.
“Brady….I love her and have no plans of letting her go.”
“Somehow I believe you.”
“I think the women might need to be moved to their beds and it looks like it’s up to us to move them.”
“I think your right Charlie…but shit I have stairs to carry her up you have a quick walk”
“Yeah good luck with that” Charlie laughed.
I felt him move off the sofa and reach under my body lifting me up into his arms.
Groggy, I wrapped my arms up around his neck.
“Hey sleepy”, he whispered.
He said his goodnight to Brady, and walked us into my room placing me into the bed.
Pulling the covers up, he laid down next me holding tight. His chest to my back, I felt his hand travel down to my belly and hold firm.
“I love you Charlie” the words just flew out of my mouth like they had a control of their own. I felt his body tense for a moment and his kiss on my head.
“As I love you,” he whispered.
It was a few hours later when I woke…looking to the clock it was about 4 in the morning…and I had to pee.
Moving quietly out of bed, I made my way to the bathroom.
Finished with my need, I heard something stirring outside of the room, so I went into the hall. Brady was awake and in the kitchen.
“I didn’t wake you did I?” he whispered as I made my way into the kitchen.
“No…I had to pee and heard you out here.”
“So you realize that this all changes things?” he looked to me as I entered the kitchen.
“Not really. I did what I did, and I wouldn’t change it. Grant it, I do have a better understanding of him and Sebastian, but it doesn’t change things as far as the company is concerned.”
“What about the other stuff Lilly? How do you think he will react?” Brady rose a brow and stared firmly at me. I knew what he was referring to, I just had no answer for him.
“On all matters? Not sure. I guess I’ll find out when we cross that bridge. I hadn’t really thought it through. The past is the past. As far as the other stuff, I was honest about by the game with him and his brother and I’m hoping that this isn’t an issue but there’s a lot he’s done too Brady. A lot that he thinks I don’t know.”
“He’s very in Love with you…you do see that don’t you?”
“Yes…I do. The scary part is you’re right…I’m falling in love with him and it scares the shit out of me.”
“You over heard?” He placed his glass down and laughed silently.
“Brady…my brain works on over time…when do I ever fall in that deep of a sleep?” I matched his earlier expression, trying to keep things light.
“Good point. “
“Brady, I was looking over the accounts today.” I had been meaning to ask him and now seemed like a perfect time.
He looked wide eyed to me he knew I knew.
“Why?” I asked waiting for an answer.
“I didn’t want her blowing everything out of the water. So I’ve been paying for her silence.”
“You should have told me”
“When? - I planned to; just think you had enough to deal with.”
“Well after next week she and I have a reckoning coming. She’s gonna wish she never fucked with me.”
“You suspected her from go didn’t you?”
“But of course. Charlie? At the apartment? I put it together rather quickly; the one thing I was missing was motive? At first, I thought she figured out who I was, and then I realized she was simply throwing me at Charlie, thinking he would hurt me. I just didn’t think she would go this far…and to think now she’s asking for a hand out…dumb bitch…I hope she put the money to good use.”
“Can I ask?”
“What?”
“Does Lucian fit into any of this?” I could feel his tension rippling off him.
“Doubtful. He would never risk my life, nor would he interfere with the entire Charlie, Sebastian thing. Lucian thought I needed to put my demons to bed, stating it would somehow free me. Fucking lunatic.”
“Lil, I love you but sooner or later you’re going to have to cut all ties with Lucian. I say this but I have no idea how you’re going to manage it.” He closed his eyes, punishing the bridge between them.
“Private meeting in the middle of the night?” Charlie snuck up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.
Shit…what did he hear?
Pulling a tight frown, I looked at Brady as he held a worried expression.
“Brady, I’ll handle it when the time comes. Please don’t worry about it. Please?”
“You can’t handle that problem on your own. And I will never stop worrying, that’s my job.” He walked to me looked to Charlie then down to me. Saying nothing more, he left us in the kitchen.
“Ok, that was a bit intense?” Charlie turned me around to face his worried expression. “What’s got him so worried Lilly?”
“Just an old associate. Someone from my past. Brady doesn’t care for him and worries that he may pop back into my life.” I lowered my eyes from his. Damn, I told him more than I should’ve. I really didn’t want to explain the past. Not right now.
“Huh, I suppose you don’t want to share?”
“No. I don’t think it merits further thought. Brady is on edge and paranoid. I don’t blame him. He’s been playing my keeper forever, the accident and all my crazy plots. The fact that he’s not grey right now surprises me.” I laughed hoping to change the mood.
“He loves you Lilly.” I raised my eyes to him and he looked jealous?
“Yes, he does. And I love him just as much. Charlie, he’s like family to me. I love him like a brother.” I hoped he would understand or at least believe me.
“It’s safe to assume the two of you never?” He hinted.
“Oh, God No!” I laughed.
“Good.” Charlie, looked down at me in that lusting expression he wore so well. Running my hands down his chest, all matters of conversation were lost and replaced with the sexual inferno between us. Feeling the heat off his body, the look in his eyes, I was trapped in desire. That’s all it took. The attraction to him, unreal. Charlie leaned down and grazed my lips, his hands in my hair, tilting my head, exposing my neck. The graze of his breath, shot a nervous tremble down to my aching core. My arousal shot up two notches without him doing anything.
He was quick and had me up in his arms and his lips to mine stealing the air from my lungs. My legs wrapped around his waist, pressing my aching body into his hard arousal.
Talking thru the kiss, he added… “What you do to me woman.” He began walking us back to the bedroom. The kiss ignited with my urgency to have him. “I’ve never wanted anyone, the way I want you.” He added.
Chapter 5
For whatever the reason was, sleep had evaded me though he definitely tried to spend what energy I had. He now lay dead to the world asleep, and I was wide-awake. I pulled myself from bed and it was only six thirty in the morning. I couldn’t possibly lie there any longer.
Walking to the bathroom, I pulled the pocket door shut so to not wake him
. I was in need of a shower to sooth my body from his attempts to tire me out.
I stepped into the shower and my mind like normal started spinning through everything I knew, everything planned, all the scheming and the lies. In part, I realized I felt like I was drowning. How in the world would there ever be a future for him and me?
There were so many hidden truths…secrets, which would without a doubt be the true end of whatever this is.
The romanced idea or notion, that love is enough or conquers all, never met Charlie and me. I already knew our end, yet, I wanted him for as long as I could have him. The slow realization that I was indeed broken fit me well.
Normal…as if.
The life I knew was always chasing that description. Perhaps it was a concept I just would never truly understand.
Hell, there was nothing normal about me; nor will there ever be. I needed to stop striving for something that was unattainable. I needed to embrace exactly who and what I was…even if I still wasn’t certain of that definition.
Standing in my shower; feeling every bead of hot water cascade down me, should have been heaven to my body. I felt tense and even nauseated. Moving to the control panel, I was stricken with pain.
The pain in the center of my abdomen, was like someone stabbing me. I hit my palms to the tile wall for balance, desperate to breathe through it.
Closing my eyes and centering my mind…I breathed in deep, and tried to release it slow. I hit the shower off, walking out to the bathroom, reaching around for my robe. Wrapping my wet body I attempted two more steps through the crippling pain.
Breathing hard, I forced two more steps to the vanity and the pain hit harder. It was like a tearing from the center of me. My knees week; I lowered to the floor below me.
Oh god no! The pain unbearable, shooting through my body. Sitting on the cold floor, focusing my eyes to the shower….blood.
The blood was everywhere.
My tears running ramped down my face, I knew what was happening. The cold realization blanketed me as I shook in pain.
Oh god no…I cried.
Please no! The tears fully in control….
Screaming in a panic… “Henry!” breathing in deep, another wave of pain tore at me.
“Emergency services ….” I gasped. I need help and now. “Henry confirm order!”
“Order confirmed paramedics in route…order issued for potential miscarriage. Blood loss substantial. I’ve also sent your blood pressure readings. Doors have been unlocked as all security measure lowered for their arrival.”
Crying on the floor, I heard Brady scream to Charlie asking where I was.
Brady ran into the bathroom…
“Oh Jesus” he lowered down to me… “Just breathe through it...I saw the alarms going off.”
“Oh dear lord…what’s happening…where’s all the blood coming from?” Charlie ran into the bathroom, eyes wide and in shock.
“ME” my voice shaky.
“The baby…it’s the baby isn’t it?” Charlie ran over kneeling to the side of me.
I couldn’t answer him…this was too surreal…I was going to lose her…I knew it. My hands and sight fell to my belly and one more on the blood that covered my legs, the floor and my robe.
“Paramedics pulling in driveway,” Henry announced
“Charlie, I’m going to get them and bring them in. Keep her talking…she’s going into shock!”
“I love you Lilly…remember that. You’ll be ok.” he offered, his tone low and shaken.
The more he spoke, the more his words became barely audible. My eyes focused on all the blood and the pain that was coursing through, was now numb.
“MY feet are numb.” I blankly stared
“Look at me Lilly!” He force my head in his direction but my tears seamed to blur his face.
He said nothing and shook his head slow.
“I’m left with nothing Charlie….nothing”
“No…you have me…I love you Lilly. You hear me…I love you and I’m not going anywhere…” he spoke thru what looked like his own tears.”
The paramedics made their way with their gurney. It was all too much as Charlie raised my body and placed me in the gurney.
The oxygen mask was on my face and before I realized it, I was now in an ambulance.
Paralyzed in fear and knowledge; I understood, I knew I was losing the baby.
It was all such a quick blur. The exam; then the inevitable D&C as they called it for short.
Waking in the recovery room, I felt numb. Charlie, ever present, just staring out the window. I suppose he didn’t notice me wake up. Looking at him it was clear he had done his share of crying. Shifting my gaze, I saw Sebastian?
He was seated in the chair by Charlie; bent over holding his head.
“You should take a walk Charlie…clean yourself up; she’s going to need you to be strong for her. Seeing you look like shit, won’t help her.” Sebastian spoke to him, yet held his face towards the floor.
“How do I help her? How do I make this ok? This is my fault…I got her pregnant and now she’s lost the baby…how in the world do I begin to make this ok?” without looking to me he walked from the room visibly upset.
“I don’t know brother,” Sebastian whispered.
It was just Sebastian and me.
“Why are you here?” I whispered.
His head shot up and his expression lost. I watched as he rose to his feet and walked to my bedside.
“Why are you here?” I repeated
“Because I care…I’ve always cared Lillian”, he looked down to me and grazed my cheek.
“You tried to take my baby.” I shook my head.
He reached for my hand. “I’m so sorry for your loss Lilly…truly.”
The tears again fell on their own accord…my baby; the one I only just got use to…was gone.
Sebastian was quick and slid into the bed holding me tight to his chest.
“You’ll get thru this Lilly” he whispered as he held me tight.
“How?...you said once that I should let go and feel… what has that done for me? Tell me Sebastian…What do I do with this now…my heart feels dead. My heart feels like it’s been torn from my body.”
“You’ll heal Lilly…I promise you…Charlie loves you…let him help you heal…he needs you as much as you need him…I think the two of you have always needed the other…don’t let go of that.” Sebastian spoke into my hair, offering a kiss then a sigh. I was beyond shocked. This was not what I would have expected from Sebastian. Where was the shrewd, imposing man I remembered?
“Well, I see why you wanted me to take a walk” Charlie’s voice was clipped.
“Not what you think Charlie” Sebastian let me go and stood up.
I turned to Charlie, whom looked in a blaze of jealousy.
“Charlie” I spoke thru a strained voice.
He looked down at me and I saw his rage.
“Charlie…” I repeated.
“Do you love him?” Charlie sternly accused.
“No Charlie…I love you and you know it!” Of course, there would always be that doubt. I had slept with Sebastian. That would forever plague me.
“I’m sorry” he closed his eyes as a single tear fell down his face. “I’m sorry this is not what you need of me and I’m being a jealous ass.”
“Come here Charlie,” I whispered
“I’ll go fetch the doctor, and see when you can go home Lillian” Sebastian offered as he walked around my bed and placed a hand on Charlie’s shoulder.
“Thank you Sebastian.” My eyes never moved from Charlie as Sebastian left the room.
He was still in his draw sting pants, tennis shoes and a sweatshirt. He looked so much younger dressed like this. I saw the blood stains on his pants, now dark and crimson.
“I’m so sorry Lilly…I’m so sorry” he repeated shaking his head.
I pursed my lips tight trying to hold my tears at bay. He walked over and it seemed like he w
as afraid to touch me.
“They said the placenta was underdeveloped and had separated…they couldn’t do anything the pregnancy was too early and she wouldn’t have survived,…they said you can have another after you heal that is if you want to.”
His words were telling... “If I wanted to” not us. I could help but wonder if this was the beginning of the end for him and me.
“Are we over Charlie?” I couldn’t look at him…for I knew if he lied to me, I would see it in his face…and for once, I didn’t want to know what was truth or a lie. I just needed his answer.
“You have no faith in me and don’t trust me Lilly…what does that leave us? You can’t even look at me can you? Your hate for me will resurface if it hasn’t already?”
“Is that what you think? I. Love. You…whether you deserve my love is another question entirely….I just lost our…yes our baby… What do you want of me Charlie? The pain and loss I feel right now is something I just don’t know how to deal with. This pain is something I’m not equipped to handle at the moment and I need time.”
“Your right Lilly…I’ve done nothing but bring you pain…this is my fault…your heart is breaking because of me. Love will never be enough to get past all that I’ve done will it?”
He was running…I saw it in his eyes. He was leaving.
He walked over and kissed me on the forehead. And my heart broke a thousand times more…I was way too familiar with that gesture. I knew this would be the last time I would see him… until the takeover. He and I were done…we hadn’t even really started and we were done like that.
“I’m gonna call Brady and update him…”
“Don’t go Charlie” my voice was broken “Please don’t go Charlie”
He moved from the bed.
I rose up, as he walked away. I pulled myself from the bed grabbing my IV making my way to his back.
“Please don’t” I was begging and realized how much I needed him to stay.
He turned and held me… “I love you Lillian…always” lifting me up he placed me back in the bed… “Always…but you deserve better than me…you always did. My father was right…I’m not worthy of you”
