Through Phantom Eyes: Volume Five - Christine

by Theodora Bruns

  “But are you su . . .”

  She placed a finger against my lips. “Hear me out. I’ve been fortunate to have had several angels in my life. First my parents; they were heaven-sent and gave me a life filled with love and music. Then, when I lost them, Mummy became my rescuer, my angel, and saved me from a life in an orphanage and who knows what else. She’s my dear sweet Mummy, and I love her very much.

  “And whether you’re heavenly or not, you also rescued me and saved me from a lonely life of despair and doubts. Your angelic voice caressed my soul and made me look forward to each morning. You gave me courage and hope, just as you did my father. I honestly don’t know how much longer I could have remained in the state I was in.” She placed her palm on my cheek. “You’ve truly been my Angel of Music, even if you are a man of flesh and blood.”

  “And you . . .” I tried to say, but again she placed one finger against my lips.

  “Wait! There’s something Mummy said to me just now, and you need to know what it was.”

  Then she looked down at my gold band on her finger and twisted it, and my heart pleaded, No! Don’t take it off! Don’t give it back to me—not yet! Then she looked back into my eyes.

  “When she saw this, she made me tell her what it meant. I tried explaining it to her simply. I told her my Angel of Music wanted me to wear it for a while because I was his student. She smiled and said, ‘That is natural and proper.’ I was surprised by her comment until she explained her thoughts. She called me privileged. She said I was singled out by an angel who wanted to look after me, and, as long as I wore his ring, I was under his wing and would be safe.

  “I knew she meant those words in a heavenly way, but, when I thought about what she said and realized the truth of the matter, I could also understand her words in earthly terms. These last four days, well, the last two days anyway, I’ve felt safe in a way that I haven’t since my father’s death.

  “When I close my eyes at night and know you’re in the next room, I’m comforted; I feel safe. Then when you play your violin while I’m going to sleep, I’m filled with warmth, and I believe I even drift off with a contented smile on my lips. And when I wake, it’s the same thing. I know you’re in the next room and I feel safe—contented.

  “You said you wanted me to get to know you. Well, four days isn’t nearly enough time to get to know a prospective husband, especially a prospective husband as complicated as you. I need more time. I want more time to get to know you.

  “I’m still not certain how I feel with regards to you and Raoul or what my future holds, but there’s one thing I know for sure. When I fall asleep tonight I want it to be with sounds of your sweet music filling my room, and, when I wake and eat breakfast, it’s your eyes I want to see across the table from me.

  “So, my Angel of Music,” she said as she held her hand up for me to take, “if you still want me, I’d like to return with you to your unique home. But only as a pretend wife and not a real one.”

  I thought for certain my knees were going to give out under me. I instantly felt that ache in my jaw and the tears swell in my eyes. I felt like crumbling at her feet and kissing her feet in sobs of great joy. I wanted to grab her up in my arms and dance in circles. I wanted to sing out—I love this woman, this Christine Daaé. But I couldn’t do any of those things. All I could do was gaze at her and silently say ‘thank you’ a million times to the heavens above.

  In order to get me to respond, she finally had to say in a teasing fashion, “That is, unless you’re tired of sleeping on the divan.”

  I shook my head adamantly. “I would sleep in my boat if that’s what it took to keep you with me.”

  “That won’t be necessary, Erik. I like having you sleep in the next room. It makes me feel safe.”

  When I took her hand to help her back into the carriage, she hesitated. Then she looked up at the driver. “Please, monsieur—take us back to the Opera Populaire.”

  Thirty-Two

  On the ride back to the opera house, the air was filled with something electric. Neither of us talked much, but I believe I was smiling the entire way. Several times I glanced at my ring on her finger while feeling my naked one. We shared smiles and an occasional touch. The same was true as we made our way back down the steps toward the fifth cellar and then across the lake. My eyes stayed on hers and hers were on mine as we made our way through the mist.

  I knew what I was thinking, but I wasn’t sure what she was thinking, and I was afraid to ask, afraid it would somehow change the direction my life was going in, so I remained silent.

  I helped her out of the boat and then up the steps to my door. Once inside, I took off my cloak and laid it over my chair, much the same way I had on that first night. She also was standing in almost the same position, and I walked up to her with gladness in my heart.

  “Four nights ago we were in this same position, remember?”

  “I don’t know about you, Erik, but I was in a much different position than I am now. I was frightened and angry. I’m no longer angry with you and you no longer frighten me.”

  I replied while releasing her cloak from her shoulders, “I’m so glad to hear that.” I started for her door and continued, “If nothing else, I never want you to fear me.” I opened her door and waited for her to enter. “I’ll never hurt you, Christine, you can take my word on that.”

  I was standing in the doorway, holding the door and her cloak when she walked in front of me and then stopped and looked up at me.

  “I . . . I . . .”

  I cocked my head when she couldn’t find her words. “I thought you said you weren’t afraid of me; then you shouldn’t be afraid to speak your mind to me.”

  “I guess that’s my problem. I’m not sure I know my mind right now.”

  She may not have known her mind, but I did mine, and she needed to get away from me quickly before I gave her something new to fear me for. But, instead, she made it even worse. She placed her palm on my jaw and searched my eyes. Then she looked at my lips and back in my eyes, and there it was again. Not the look of love I’d been waiting for, but the look of temptation. She was asking me to kiss her, and right then that desire almost took control of me.

  My body was screaming to take her in my arms and kiss her passionately, but a part of me, my heart, was still holding out for that look of love. Besides, if I kissed her, I didn’t know if I could stop. And if I kissed her and then in the days ahead she left me, I think I would go mad for sure. So, instead of kissing her lips, I closed my eyes and kissed the soft inside of her wrist, savoring the sensation of her skin on my lips.

  “Perhaps you might think with a clearer mind in the morning, Christine, and then we can talk. For now, I’ll play my violin for you.”

  She nodded. I handed her cloak to her and started to move away, but she reached for my arm.

  “Thank you for everything, Erik, the ride, the pearls, and,” she added while rotating the band on her finger, “the ring. I’ll take good care of it.”

  “I know you will, my dear, or I never would have entrusted you with it.” Then I picked up her hand and pressed my lips over the ring on her sweet-scented fingers. “Sleep well my cherished, living wife.”

  I closed the door and looked at it with contentment. I was glad I’d told her I would play my violin for her. It would help soothe my feelings as well as hers. If she keeps tempting me this way, I thought, I’ll be playing my violin more than usual.

  During that first piece, every time my hand came into my view it felt strange to see my finger without Papa’s ring on it. I’d worn it for 30 years, and it was a part of me. It felt so strange that I had to put another ring on that finger so it wouldn’t look and feel so naked.

  I felt at peace when I lay down on the divan. That was the first time since she’d been there that I wasn’t making plans for the next day, the first time I wasn’t thinking beyond the moment, and it was a good feeling. Therefore, I floated on it and drifted into sleep quickly.

&n
bsp; I woke early, cleaned up, and dressed for the day, although I had no idea what the day was going to bring. I was at the dining table, working on a new mask, when I heard her moving around in her room, and then I heard her run the water for her bath. I closed my eyes with a warm smile. Mmm. My wife is bathing, I allowed myself to think, but only for a few moments before I snapped myself out of my wayward thoughts.

  When she came out of her room, I was on my feet to greet her. “Good morning, Christine. I trust you slept well.”

  “Yes, I really did. That’s the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a long time. How did you sleep?”

  “Like the proverbial baby. See, we’re good for each other.”

  She shook her head, smiled, and then noticed the beginnings of my new mask.

  “You make your own masks?”

  “Yes. I always have. This one is to replace the one that got caught between two fearful hearts,” I teased.

  “Oh, Erik, I’m sorry about that; I really am. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  “Not to worry, my dear. You were probably thinking about staying alive. I was the one who pushed you to that point, so I’m to blame, not you.”

  She sighed and picked up the piece of leather. “I would imagine the props department could make your masks for you.”

  “Probably,” I replied. “But, from what I’ve heard, they don’t like working for or with ghosts, and I must keep that persona—for a while longer anyway. In addition, I’m rather particular when it comes to my masks. How they fit and look is important to me. The wrong fit could make it harder for me to see and therefore easier for someone to catch me off guard.”

  “I understand,” she said as she placed it back on the table. “But I still feel bad.” Then abruptly she pulled a lavender envelope addressed to our managers from her pocket, handed it to me, and exclaimed, “Oh! Here! I almost forgot! Would you deliver this for me, please?”

  “Surely, but is there a reason why you don’t want to deliver it yourself?”

  “I think it would be best if you delivered it. I don’t want to be seen just yet. Besides, according to another rumor, you’re an expert in that field,” she commented with a teasing smile. I nodded sheepishly, and she went on. “Don’t you want to know what it says?”

  “It’s your business, Christine. If you want me to know, then I’ll know.” I tried to answer without my curiosity showing.

  “Go ahead and read it. I want your opinion.”

  She headed for the kitchen, and I followed her while reading her note.

  My Dear Messieurs Moncharmin and Richard,

  I trust my note finds you both well and in good spirits.

  At this time, I request permission to take a holiday for an undetermined period. I hope it won’t cause you too much of an inconvenience, and I want you to know that I wouldn’t be taking this liberty if I were in an important role that would be difficult to fill on such short notice.

  Please accept my apologies.

  Respectfully,

  Mademoiselle Christine Daaé

  As I placed the note in my shirt pocket, I smiled. “So, an undetermined period? That’s good to hear.”

  She was pouring herself tea and looked up at me with a nod. “Any other thoughts about the note—since you’re the expert?”

  “I’d say it’s well written. I couldn’t have worded it better myself, and I’m proud of you for taking that stand. Our managers need to learn their place, and this note just might help them find it. They’re idiots for placing you in such a menial role to begin with. They have no right being in this business if they don’t have an ear for excellence. Furthermore . . .”

  “All right, Erik! All right! I didn’t mean to get you in such a state. Calm down.”

  “I’m sorry. It’s just that ignorance in those trying to put on airs of superiority angers me.”

  “Obviously,” she replied.

  She wanted to make me breakfast, so we ate sweet cakes, sausage, and hot chocolate that she confessed was her favorite breakfast.

  “I thought so. That’s what you ordered while in Perros, right?”

  She shook her head. “Is there anything you don’t see?”

  “Not much,” I teased.

  We were still eating, and I was again stirring my chocolate and somewhere in thought when she questioned what I was thinking about.

  “Hot chocolate will always remind me of a kind man who came into my life when I was desperate. I honestly believe if it weren’t for him I wouldn’t be alive. I was starving to death when I found him—or when he found me.”

  “It appears to me that you’ve led a life of many twists and turns.”

  I looked back up at her. “Yes, and if I don’t get back to my job of running this opera house, we’re both going to be twisted and turned right out of our jobs.”

  She chuckled. “These last four days have been nice, being away from all the turmoil of the outside world, but I presume we can’t stay here forever. There are things I also need to attend to. Last night, I arranged for a neighbor of Mummy’s, Madame Boulanger, to stay with her. I think I should talk to both of them about the possibility of her staying with her for an extended period. I could check in on her daily and shop for her needs and visit, but I’d really like to spend most of my time here.”

  I stared at her in deep thought, and then she asked, “Why that look? Don’t you approve?”

  “Oh, no, no, no, not at all. That sounds like a perfect idea. I was just thinking about the wonderful woman you are, and how proud your parents would be if they could see you now. They’ve missed seeing the woman you’ve become.”

  She looked down into her hot chocolate as if she was going to cry, so I jumped in quickly. “I’m so sorry. I should have thought before saying such a thing. I’m sorry.”

  “No, it’s all right. I’m glad you see me that way. Your opinions are important to me.” She gained her composure back and asked, “So, what kind of trouble are you going to get yourself in while I’m gone?”

  “I believe my first order of the day should be to whip our managers back into shape. I’m sure they’ve become lax in their jobs and perhaps have forgotten how to do my bidding.”

  “Very well put, but be careful. Don’t catch anymore projectiles, and mind what the doctor said about staying off that leg. I know you can’t do it completely, but be careful.”

  I smiled and reached across the table, taking her hand in mine. Then, running my fingers over our ring, I offered another opinion. “Spoken like a true wife. I get the distinct feeling that, by the time you’ve finished being my living wife, you’ll slip right into the next role perfectly.”

  She put her other hand on top of mine. “I hope that’s the way it works out, Erik. I really do.”

  “You make me feel like dancing, Christine. You make me so happy.”

  “My actions aren’t entirely selfless. You also make me happy, Erik.”

  Before I envisioned what it would be like to have a real wife and get all flustered again, I suggested we start our day. So, before long, we’d cleaned up, had my leg treated, and were finishing her lesson. Then a sobering thought hit me, and I had to enter a sobering conversation.

  “I think it’s important for you to have certain instructions before either of us goes anywhere. You jokingly told me earlier not to catch any projectiles while you were gone. Well, as you know, that’s always a possibility, no matter how careful I am, so you need to know how to get in and out of my home without my help. I’d hate to think of you trapped down here. So, are you up to an adventure?” Her eyes got wide and she nodded, so I continued. “Go change into that little boy costume. It will make this easier for you.”

  She went off to change, and I went into the kitchen to get a stool and lantern. I was back in my music room and removing the large tapestry from the north wall when she came in.

  “Considering you’ve had a daily dose of my wound, and you’ve seen my many scars, it should be apparent that you need to keep wha
t I’m going to show you a secret. Without this secret, I probably wouldn’t be alive. So, never reveal this to anyone, not even to Madame Valerius, and especially not to Raoul.”

  She looked at me seriously for a moment and then responded with thoughts that both comforted me and yet made me feel horrible to think she felt that way about me.

  “I would never tell anyone about your home or how to get here, Erik, not even if I hated you and wanted to see you locked up, which I can’t see happening. Not even if I hated the other person and wanted to see them dead, because that’s how it would turn out, right? Someone would die? I would never do that to you, Erik. I would never want to be the one to put you in that position. I believe what you’ve told me about your remorseful torment. You can trust me.”

  “I thank you in advance for your discretion” is what I told her, but I had to tell myself to let go of the horrible feeling her words gave me. Fortunately, she began asking me questions about taking the boat, so I had to concentrate on her.

  “No, absolutely not! Don’t ever try to take the boat under any circumstances. It’s much too dangerous. It’s dark so you have to take a lantern, and then the lantern light reflects off the mist and makes it almost impossible to see where you’re going. I can’t tell you how many unnecessary and extremely cold baths I’ve taken in that lake because of the mist and a pillar looming up in front of me; and I’m skilled at it, so you wouldn’t have a chance. On top of that, the clothing you wear would weigh you down and you would drown for sure. No, never take the boat—never!”

  “All right! I have the picture. Never take the boat.”

  While we were discussing the lake, I told her about the motion sensor and how to turn it off, just in case I forgot to do it before I left. She was again amazed, and I went on to caution her about other dangerous areas in my home.