When we pulled away from the opera house, I felt so sad. Those rides were special to me, filled with our happy voices and the sight of her across from me. But that night it was quiet, and to watch her was actually painful. She was no longer my bubbly Christine or my seductive Christine—she was a different Christine.
Once we were on the Place de l’Opera, she kept glancing out of her window. Then she’d quickly look back at me, all the while painting a smile on her face. I’d smile back and make some comment about the trees or weather. I eventually stopped watching her directly and only watched her out of the corner of my eye, while pretending to be gazing out my window.
Then I saw her do something that made my heart tear apart. Secretly, she dropped something out of the window, and I unintentionally frowned at her when I recognized it as her lavender stationary, the stationary I’d bought for her. My thoughts were painful the rest of the ride, fearing I’d lost so easily all that I’d gained.
We were on the return part of our trip, and once again traveling down the Bois, when she became extremely nervous. Again, she was glancing at me and then out of her window. Then, at one point, she held her breath, and the look on her face signaled me that something significant was about to happen. I was watching her face and out of the window at the same time, and then we both heard it, Raoul calling her name. Within a moment, he came into my view, running after our brougham.
He’d obviously seen her and she’d seen him, so there wasn’t a logical explanation for my next actions. I reached over and pulled the shade down on her window while explaining my abrupt move.
“It’s chilly tonight, Christine. You shouldn’t be breathing this night air. Remember what happened to Carlotta?”
All in that same moment, she gasped, flinched, and backed away from me, and I frowned at her, with my heart fracturing into a million pieces.
“You act as if I’m going to strike you. You break my heart, Christine. I’ve never hit you, not even while in an uncontrolled rage. What makes you think I’ll strike you now? You break my heart.”
“I . . . I was just startled. That’s all. I’m sorry.”
She was lying, and that made my hurt worse, so I clenched my teeth and turned away. I couldn’t look at her, not then and not again for the rest of the ride, which passed in complete silence. There was hardly a cordial good night from either of us as she went to her room and closed the door.
I sat in my chair, watching the dead coals and waiting for her to fall asleep. Then I went to the costume department where I found her black domino costume. I also found the red death costume I’d decided to wear. I thought it was appropriate, considering my past and my current hateful thoughts.
The red death costume was made out of scarlet velvet with a huge hat adorned with feathers. It came with an immense velvet cloak that trailed on the floor. Written on the back of the cloak in gold script were the words, ‘Touch me not. I am red death stalking abroad.’ It also had a full skeleton skull as a mask.
I next went to Christine’s dressing room and put her costume in her armoire. As I was leaving, my sight fell on her dressing table. There I saw her dead flowers, and I sighed. I stared at them with a somber heart, fearing their condition was a glimpse into the future of our short-lived relationship.
Once back in my home, I hung the red death costume in my armoire, and then I lay on the divan with my hands behind my head and stared at the ceiling for the rest of the night. I was sitting in my chair with a cup of tea when she came out of her room. She was in better spirits, and we even talked cordially over breakfast and as we went through her lessons. But I was reading between every letter in every word that she spoke the entire time. However, she honestly sounded excited when I told her what to expect.
“I’ve put your costume in the armoire in your dressing room, and I’d like you to go up before me. I don’t want it to be obvious that we came together, just in case. If we don’t meet up at the ball, then I’ll meet you back in your dressing room when you’re ready to leave. That way, you won’t have to struggle with the latches. Any questions?”
“No. It sounds like you have everything planned out perfectly. This is going to be an interesting night,” she finished, with a tone that I didn’t quite understand.
When the time came, I opened the door for her and watched her ascend the steps before I closed the door. Five minutes later, I was dressed and not far behind her when she reached the main floor. Since everyone was in costume, I had no problem following her through the throng of paper faces. I tracked her for three hours while she laughed and talked to everyone. I was beginning to think I’d made a mistake in thinking she was going to secretly meet Raoul.
But then she started looking around nervously. Shortly, she started making her way through the crowd as if she had an agenda. It was almost midnight when she entered the big crush room and meandered through it.
I glanced around the room and easily spotted Raoul, leaning against a doorframe next to the rotunda. His face was covered with a lace-trimmed mask, but I recognized his fair hair and mustache, not to mention his costume—a white domino costume. I glared at him, knowing then why she’d wanted me to get her a black domino costume. Together they made a pair and could recognize each other easily.
I then watched Christine as she approached him but then kept on walking, with Raoul following her. My eyes were still on her as she headed straight toward me, with an occasional turn from time to time to make sure he was following her. They walked right in front of me, and my eyes burned hatred as I glared down at them both.
Then Raoul looked up in my eyes and held his sight there, even though he was still walking. Our eyes stayed locked on each other’s until, in anger, I turned from him and moved through the throng of merrymakers. I glanced over my shoulder in time to see Raoul turn and start to follow me, causing me to defiantly turn back toward him.
But then Christine turned and looked at me, and instantly I knew they both realized who was wearing the red death costume. I started walking toward Raoul, that arrogant and stupid fool, but Christine grabbed his arm and quickly pulled him away. I laughed aloud and wickedly as they disappeared among the colorful costumes.
I climbed a few steps and could easily see the two spotted costumes. When I saw what direction they were going, I circled around in another direction until we were two flights up where there were fewer party makers. As I was descending a few steps, I saw them both slip into a private box, his brother’s box, so I entered the box next to them with my personal key. I stood in the front of the box and pressed back against the wall so I could listen carefully. I had to maintain my temper as I listened to Raoul’s accusations.
“I know you’re not being honest with me. Why are you scheming with this man? Why did you pull me away from him? That was my chance to unmask him and hand him over to the police, ending his charade once and for all. Just get out of my way, Christine, and let me confront him.”
Then she used words that gave me my first fearful sign of her true thinking. “Not in the name of our love will you pass me.”
“What do you mean, in the name of our love, when you love him and are trying to protect him? I despise you, Christine. You’re driving me crazy,” he said through sobs.
Then I heard in Christine’s voice the tone that always tore at my heart, and I knew she was crying. “I’m not trying to protect him—he doesn’t need protection from anyone. Someday, Raoul, you’ll understand what I’m doing, and then you’ll be sorry for your harsh words.”
“Understand? What’s there to understand? I’m not a fool, Christine. You go away with a man for weeks without a word to me, and you expect me to believe nothing happened? Oh, how my friends are making fun of me. You know the kind of fool they’re calling me? They’re right. I have been a fool to think I was willing to give my reputable name to an opera wench—a lying opera tart.”
“Raoul! How can you speak to me this way? I’ve never once lied to you, and I’ve never asked you to give me your na
me. How can you treat me this way? I came here to explain everything to you, and you treat me this way?”
My eyes were closed, my jaws were clamped shut, and my fingers were gripping the drapery beside me. I didn’t know how much more I could listen to without interfering, and then it got worse. His words were so slicing that it took more than I thought I had to stay focused on letting Christine make her own decisions, for all of our sakes.
“That’s right. Leave me again. Are you going to go to your lover and reside in his paradise for another two weeks? Well, go ahead and go, Christine, and perhaps I’ll come and listen to you sing from time to time. And, if you’re very, very good, I might even shout brava.”
Christine answered softly, “No, Raoul, I’ll never sing again—never again.”
“Oh,” he sarcastically ridiculed her. “Is he going to take you away somewhere? Is he so rich that you’ll never have to work again? Well, how nice for you, Christine—how nice. I applaud you. Very well done. You played us both. I imagine he must have a larger estate than the de Chagny family. Well, maybe I’ll see you again on the Bois before you leave.”
Christine came back quickly. “No, Raoul! You’ll never see me again, never. It was useless for me to try to explain anything to you. It was foolishness on my part to think you would give me a listening ear and understand.”
I heard the doorknob turn and then Raoul’s words again, only softer. “Wait! Christine. I only want to know the truth. Can you tell me the truth? Where have you been for two weeks? I don’t see any chains on you, so you must not be in any sort of prison. What kind of a hold does this freak have on you?”
“You wouldn’t understand now, Raoul, even if I could explain it. You’ve lost faith in me, and it’s just too late. It’s finished, Raoul. It’s finished.”
The door opened, and I heard Christine’s steps move away and then Raoul sigh. I waited until I heard him leave, and then I started following him, because, by then, I was more interested in what he was thinking than in Christine’s thoughts.
It looked as if he was heading for the dressing rooms, and, while I followed him, I was thinking over their conversation. Even though it was painful to hear Christine’s hurt, I was pleased with what I heard her say to Raoul. But I couldn’t help but feel her words were more because of his attack than her true feelings. I wondered what she would have said to him if he hadn’t been so accusing.
Once I was certain he was heading for her dressing room, I slipped into a passage and headed for the mirror. I was there only a few minutes before I heard the dressing room door open and saw Raoul walk in.
He shut the door, and we were both in the semi-darkness of her low-lit wall lamp. Then he started looking around her room. He kept up his search until he abruptly stopped and looked at the door, and then he quickly ran behind the curtain to her dressing area. Within a moment, the door opened again and Christine walked in. She sat down on her dressing chair, tearing off her mask and throwing it on her table.
She laid her face in her hands, and I heard her whimper, “Poor Erik. Oh, poor Erik.”
I wanted to reach out to her, but I waited for Raoul to make his move. When he didn’t, I knew what he was doing. He was spying on her and waiting to see if I was going to appear. The stupid fool. He had much to learn about Christine’s angel. But then I guess it was only fair. I’d just listened in on their secret conversation, so why shouldn’t he be allowed to listen in on ours?
So you want to see what happens between Christine and her angel? You want to know what power I have over her? You want to see her invisible chains? Then watch!
I removed the death’s head and laid my voice tenderly on her shoulder, singing softly Romeo’s part of the wedding night song. Her face lit up, and she smiled while getting to her feet and turning toward the mirror. Then I heard honest relief and caring in her voice as she spread her arms out and answered me.
“I’m here, Erik. I’m ready to leave now.”
I first watched her beautiful face for a couple of bars, and then I looked beyond her to the curtain and let my voice settle right where it belonged—in my throat. “Fate links thee to me forever and a day.”
Then I did it, and with my entire body prepared for what might happen next, I released the latch to the mirror. With a slight vibration, it moved on its rotating pins. I kept singing as I reached my black gloved hand out to her, and she placed her delicate white gloved hand in mine. Then I guided her inside the passage with me.
I kept singing softly to her, and, as the door closed behind her, I looked back through the mirror in time to see Raoul on his way toward it. Then he stopped and just stood there staring at the mirror with his mouth open. Defeated, he sat in her chair, dropped his face in his hands, and began crying.
I watched his pathetic form, causing me to smile through the notes leaving my lips. Regardless of his wealth, regardless of his youth and handsome face, regardless of his long-established relationship with her, he would never have or understand the connection we had—never in a thousand lifetimes.
I felt victorious, and my heart swelled as I looked down at the beauty who’d made the decision to take my hand. She’d gone to him, but she’d come back to me, her tutor—her angel.
Thirty-Seven
Christine watched my face intently during our trip down to my home. By the time we reached my boat, I’d finished Romeo’s lines, and from there we were both quiet. There was much I wanted to say to her, but there was one huge distinction between what I wanted to say and what I could say without letting her know I’d been listening in on her conversation with Raoul. So I remained quiet.
We changed out of our costumes, and I was in the kitchen getting a glass of water when she came in. The serious expression on her face told me she had a heavy weight on her mind, and I could completely understand, considering their heated argument.
Then she said it. “Erik, I need to talk to you about something important.”
Fearing the worst, I motioned toward the parlor. “Certainly. Shall we sit?”
All my fears were quickly washed away once she explained. “Someone at the ball told me Mummy has taken ill. I’d like to spend a few days with her. Would you wake me at six in the morning so I can be with her first thing?”
“Absolutely. Did this person describe the illness?”
“No, he didn’t say. But I know she wasn’t feeling her best when I left her last. I’m worried about her.”
“Would this other person happen to be Raoul?”
She broke eye contact with me and looked down at her hands. “Yes.” Then she looked back at me. “Thank you for not causing a scene and for not following us. When I saw Raoul on the Bois, I realized I wasn’t being fair to him, and he was probably worried about me. I felt really bad about being childish and avoiding him for so long. I knew I needed to talk to him and let him know I was all right and what I was doing, and I needed to do that without anyone around, especially you. I didn’t want there to be a confrontation between the two of you. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about it first. I was just frightened and confused.”
“I understand. And you certainly don’t have to discuss everything with me, although I cherish it when you do. Was your conversation productive?”
She looked down at the blanket beside her and felt its fringe, thinking, and I waited for her to sort out her thoughts. When she looked back at me, I think she was holding back tears.
“Yes and no. It didn’t go as I wanted it to, but it did give me insight into his thinking.”
“Would you like to talk about it?”
“No, it tires me just to think about it, and I don’t want to go over it again.”
I nodded and changed the subject. “Since you’re worried about Madame Valerius, do you want me to take you there now?”
“No, it’s late, and I’m sure everyone is in bed. In the morning will be fine.”
“Very well. Then I’ll take you there in the morning.”
“No, I need to go al
one. By the time I get upstairs, Meg should be getting ready for rehearsals, and I want to talk to her. She asked me some questions at the ball. I couldn’t answer her then, but I can now after talking to Raoul. If I go before rehearsals, there’s less chance I’ll run into Carlotta, and Meg won’t have the time to corner me. I can answer her questions without having to go into too much detail.”
My disapproval must have been written on my face, because she came back quickly.
“Don’t look at me like that. I’ll be fine. Talking to Raoul has given me courage. If I could confront him and everything he said, then I can confront Meg or Carlotta with confidence.”
“Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me,” I said with a light-hearted flair. Then I added, “You’d better get to sleep. Morning will come soon.”
“Thank you, Erik.” Then she walked past me, again running her hand across my shoulder as she did so. “Thank you also for always being there for me. It’s comforting to know I have someone close I can talk to without arguments.”
“Always is the prime word, my dear. I’ll always be there for you.”
Her door closed, and I wondered if she was talking to her father’s replacement or the man who loved her. There were still so many unanswered questions in my mind. After hearing that conversation between Raoul and Christine, I didn’t know where I stood in her heart. I also remembered how fickle she’d been in Perros, one moment being terribly angry with him and the next minute kissing him.
It appeared my idea about the ball didn’t work out well. I still didn’t know her true feelings for me, but I did know more about my hatred for Raoul. If I never heard his name or never saw him again for the rest of my life, I would be blissfully happy. But I knew that wasn’t going to happen any time soon.
I couldn’t sleep, so I spent the night working on my mask and cleaning my music room. I’d neglected the proper maintenance of my instruments since Christine had come down, and that night was a good time to get it done.
Through Phantom Eyes: Volume Five - Christine Page 52
