The Doomsday Papers

by JanJan Untamed

  I rode around the mangled bodies looking down at the fractured bones and bubblegum pink brains on the pavement. I felt nothing. Not afraid or disgusted. I didn’t feel what a common girl would feel. I’d seen human brains before. My brother, Patrick, was around thirteen when he ran himself over with the tractor. He looked worse than this. I couldn't feel sorry for every scavenger they killed. We still had a long, long, way to go. The night before, Father told me, save your rounds, Duma. Use your machete or knife if you can. Sometimes, we didn’t see people on the roads for days. The cars abandoned near the cities were pushed into ditches to make way for government vehicles. A Hummer slowed down beside us when we rode past it going in the opposite direction. We readied our guns. Father trusted no one.

  “You folks might want to get off the main road. Criminals are robbing and killing people. Everyone is scrambling to go south or west before winter. If you folks are from here, you know how our winters are.”

  “Brutal the way we like ‘em. Thank you for the warning. You fellas military?” Father spoke for our group.

  “I don’t know what to call us right now. Our losses were catastrophic. We don’t know who is real military anymore. There are good guys and bad guys out here and we are the last of the good ones. You people should head to your homes and settle in for winter.”

  “How many people died exactly?” Father is more curious than concerned.

  “We have no way of counting but early estimates put the numbers into the hundreds of millions. The cities are dead. Stay out of the open or you will die too.”

  “Who’s running the country?” Joe asks him. “Who’s keeping law and order?”

  “There is no law and there sure as fuck isn’t any order. Our officers can’t keep up with the reports of stolen children and women. People are still dropping like flies and men are afraid there won't be any females left to breed with. There are patrols like us but there is only one for every few hundred miles.”

  That is a lot of miles. The soldiers were wearing gas masks. So were we.

  “You men be safe.” Father says. The man touches his helmet and they drive away.

  “From here on out, when we are around other people, I want your masks on. Duma rides in the center.” Jude snapped.

  “Women don't ride with men, Hamilton. You know that.”

  “Look around you, man. This isn't church. If men are stealing women, she rides in the middle.”

  “It ain't right. What would your daddy say if he knew you were letting a woman take a man’s place? She rides in back like always.”

  “Who in the hell are you to say who does what? My sister rides in the center. If you don't like it, you, Buck and Joseph can ride on. Jude is right, these people are desperate and no one is taking my sister.” Titus backed him up.

  “Come here Duma, you ride with me.” Father gave the three men a dirty look. I moved my horse beside Fathers. “I got two little girls left and I plan to return home with both.”

  The men don't argue with Father. I was secretly happy. Hearing them defend me made me feel proud. Hearing Father call me his little girl made me feel wanted. That night, after I finished my chores, Father told me I'd be sleeping beside him where he could watch me. I fell asleep before the men. My eyes opened in the middle of the night from a dead sleep. Something wasn’t right. I knew it deep down as sure as I know that I’m a woman. I felt it like nausea in the pit of my belly. I get the same nausea when I am close to Judea sometimes. Titus was sleeping on my other side and Jude was sleeping at my feet. They were surrounding me. I nudged Father and kicked Jude awake. They were immediately alert and reaching under them for their pistols. I already had one hand wrapped around my pistol and my other hand wrapped around my machete. Father held up five fingers. He counted five of them. He made the first move and we were right behind him. The three of us killed four of them before the others even knew what was going on. The fifth one ran off into the trees clutching the bullet hole in his belly. I ran him through while looking him in his surprised eyes. He was a dead man running.

  “Those bastards killed my dogs. My girl saved our hides. If not for her, we'd be murdered in our sleep. Starting tonight, we take turns keeping watch. Anyone caught sleeping on watch goes home. Time to move on.”

  Chapter Four

  There are ten of us now. Frank got sick somewhere in central Pennsylvania after sneaking into a strange camp despite Father’s warning. They seemed like nice people he said, and they had women. Women for sale I heard Titus whisper to Jude. He was gone a few hours and Father made him stay a hundred yards away. A day later, he coughed. Frank blamed it on a cold. We rode off and left him in the woods. Jude took his horse and gun. He said Frank would be dead in a day and wouldn't need them where he was going. We traveled southwest avoiding main roads and towns. I hunted small game with my bow and foraged for wild things. We were making excellent time.

  Buck started watching me while I was cooking dinner one day. Watching me like he's interested in me. The idea was exciting. It meant he could eventually ask Father for me. Buck is older, gruff, and not handsome but he still has some years left in him and his wives died from the sickness. One night, I heard him asking Father about me. Was I pure? Was I a praying woman? Had I been asked for? No one ever asked about me before. I don't know what Father said to him but I started praying more while we were riding during the day. I can be a praying woman. I can be whoever my husband needs me to be.

  Jude said according to the map, we were in West Virginia. It’s beautiful land. The color of the mountains reminded me of home. The hilly countryside and the smell of earth was refreshing. You couldn’t smell the city stench. The bodies and unattended sanitation made the cities uninhabitable. They’ve been taken over by rogues and escaped convicts. The murderers and rapists got off lucky being locked away from the sick and dying. They would have died in there if a few dummies hadn't come up the stupid idea to free their killer family members. The whole damn prison escaped. Some of the convicts joined forces and started their own army. They walked from town to town, city to city, freeing other convicts not really caring what they were in for. We learned this from a family we met walking to Florida where their summer home and boat were located. Father told them to turn around and head north because people were chasing the good weather south and they would most likely find trouble in Florida. They had children with them and an old man leaning heavily on a mahogany cane.

  Father passed on the message given to us by the soldiers in New York. We were going south too but they were traveling slowly and Father wasn't babysitting a family too dumb to take good advice. We pushed on and came across a band of the convicts camping in the woods. First, they tried to barter for our spare horses. Father refused. Then, they tried to barter for me! They offered a truck with a full tank of gas. Still, he refused. Jude moved his horse in front of me pulling his shotgun and cocking it with intent. The leader was filthy, smelled like pig muck, with a piss-pot yellow smile. They didn't have guns. They carried kitchen knives, wooden bats studded with nails, and sticks. Titus pointed his Uzi at them in case they got any ideas.

  “Hey mister, we don’t want no problems with yah. No need for guns. We’ll be on our way.” He had his hands in the air. In one of them he held that old man’s mahogany cane. I was thinking about what probably happened to that family and I didn’t like it. The convicts walked off into the woods from where they came.

  “They’ll be back. We have to kill them.” Jude said wiping his dusty brow with the back of his hand. It left a streak of dirt.

  “There are twenty of them! We can't fight twenty men. I say we run and we run fast.”

  “Run where, Joe? We are in their mountains and they know this land better than anyone. They’ll follow us and they won't stop until they have our horses, our guns and Duma.” Jude argued.

  “Why don't we let them have a horse and gun and give them a turn on the girl? You got Hannah left.”

  Father knocked Buck Williams out of his saddle with h
is fists. The man spat out a tooth in a wad of blood.

  “No one is touching her. If you so much as mention her again, I will stick this shotgun up your dusty ass and pull the goddamn trigger!”

  I couldn't believe Jude said that. Neither could anyone else, except Titus. That was not the way a preacher’s son spoke to the good brothers of the church.

  “You, blasphemous devil! How dare you take our God’s name in vain? He’s going to cut you down for that, Jude. Your days are short numbered.”

  “Shut the hell up, Joseph. Does it look like God is worried about my swearing when the world is dying? The Dares are the only family I have left. You saw the old man’s cane. They killed that whole family. I don't have time for your useless sermon. We have to make a plan.”

  “The boy is crude but he’s right. We need a sound plan.” Father agreed.

  “Father, forgive me for speaking. I have an idea.” I said with my eyes on the ground.

  “Spit it out girl.” He snapped. “Tell us what to do.”

  “This is wrong! You are going against God. You can’t let this girl speak among men. I will not—”

  “Go ahead, Duma.” Titus encouraged me after he shoved Joseph aside. “Tell us your plan.”

  “They are going to follow us, let them. I will ride behind you all and when I think they are close enough, I will say I need a moment of privacy and go off on my own. That will you give you time to surround them.”

  “I don't like it.” Jude objected right away.

  “What if they don't follow you?” Father ignored him.

  “They will follow me if I am leading the extra horses.”

  Father scratched his chin thoughtfully. Then, he smiled so wide that his gold molar twinkled in the sun.

  “I told you my girl was smart. Let's do it. That's the plan.”

  “How are we going to shoot if she’s in the middle of them? What if she gets hit?” Jude objected again.

  “Duma, when the fire starts get the hell out of there. You hear me, girl?”

  “Yes, father.”

  “It's settled, let's move. I can't sleep tonight with those heathens after us.”

  Jude was acting like he cared about me. He called me his friend. I always thought of him as Titus' friend. He said that we were friends. I guess it made us friends. As we started down the mountain road, the object of my obsession rode up beside me.

  “Be careful, Dumani. If you get yourself shot, I’ll kill you.”

  He didn’t pause or look over. I watched him with his straight back and broadening shoulders. I smiled from the inside out. I rode slowly leading three of the five horses. I didn't see the men or hear them but I knew they were there. Running through the trees like deer. I waited until we were nearing the foot of a hill.

  “I need a minute to use the bushes!” I called ahead.

  Only Jude looked back. His dark eyes met mine. I couldn't look away immediately. I knew it was a sin. I didn't mean to. I couldn't help myself. I was flushed and my heart was beating funny when I finally looked down. I am lucky no one else saw the exchange. It would have been bad for me. I started easing down a rocky slope into the valley. I made sure I chose a spot in the open. I didn't want trees blocking clean shots or hiding me from the bandits. I left the horses a few steps away before kneeling beside the stream. I scooped water into my hands and splashed my hot face. I reached up and took off my scarf. I let down my bush of curly hair and undid the top button of my dress. It worked like a charm. A dozen men surrounded me in a semi-circle. The rest waited in the bushes. I reached under my dress and readied two Berettas.

  I turned around shooting as I ran across the water with the trained horses on my heels. There was a rain of bullets falling behind me. None of the men gave chase. I turned and emptied my clip into the bastards hiding in the bushes. A man leapt across the water tackling me to the ground. I hit him with my empty pistol. There was a struggle. He was bigger and stronger, but I was faster and smarter. The man had a razor. He cut my face. The blade sliced my cheek open from the corner of my eye to the corner of my mouth. I didn't panic. I kicked him between his legs and bit his lip until my teeth met and pulled back until it broke off in my mouth. I spat it out. I took another slice to my hand when I grabbed for his razor. He was screaming. I wasn't. I got the razor away and shoved it into his neck until hot blood spilled over my hands and face. I cut him again and again and again until he stopped moving. I kept stabbing him. I dropped the razor and touched my face with a tentative hand. I was cut wide open. The bastard almost blinded me and he mutilated my face. I was covered in blood. So much blood. I collapsed under the body thinking about my ruined face. As if I wasn't unpretty enough. I heard footsteps splashing in the creek running toward me. The body is lifted off. Judea's angelic face hovered over mine with wide, horrified eyes.

  “Dumani? Say something, baby. Talk to me, please?” He thinks I’m dead.

  “It… it doesn’t hurt.” I mumbled. I didn’t want him to worry.

  “Jesus.” He choked out. “Shadrach! Shadrach, he cut her! He cut her bad!”

  Jude buttoned my dress before removing his shirt and pressing it to my face. He picked me up and I laid my good cheek on his bare chest. I was bleeding all over him. Father lifted me up into his arms and we rode out of the valley at breakneck speed. A storm was coming and in a few hours the creek would be a river. They came across an old hunting cabin boarded up for the winter. The owner was never going to hunt anything again. He was in his condo dead. My brother squeezed my hand and cried and snotted like a baby while Father sewed my face back together. It burned like hellfire and ached after he finished. I didn't make a sound. Neither did Jude as he sat stonily on my other side. The scar would be hideous when it healed. The cut was bad. I looked down at my bandaged hand where the man sliced off half of my finger. Father cauterized the nub with a hot knife. I didn’t know it was gone until Jude handed it to him. He helped me wash the blood away with cold water and dressed me in my one nightgown.

  “You’ve lost so much weight, daughter.” He commented afterward.

  Was it a compliment or concern? I couldn’t tell. I lost it fast. I had the loose skin to prove it. I lost the weight only to be baggy and scarred for life. Father tucked me into the one bed, kissed my stitches and left me alone. I laid in the strange room thinking about my ruined face. I was a monster. I didn’t want to live anymore. Not like that. After two days, he came to my bedside.

  “Titus and Jude want to sit with you for a while, Duma. Will you let them?”

  I had my back turned to him. I kept my back to the door all the time. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. Especially Judea.

  “No, Sir.”

  “Duma, there is no fixing your face. Makes no sense hiding it. You have to come out of here eventually.” He said before turning on his heel and leaving me alone again. I had to go back out into the world. I had to show them what that man did to me.

  All of that led to this moment. I am standing in the mirror looking at the thin woman with the long, moon shaped, scar on her face. A stranger. We’ve been shacked up in this cabin for two weeks while I recovered. Father wanted to wait until my face healed some before I bounced around on a horse from sun up to sundown. I saw him arguing with Buck in the yard today. He was un-asking for me. I know it. My eyes burn with tears.

  There is a knock on the bedroom door. I wipe at the eye on my good side before telling Father to come in.

  “Dumani, it’s me. Judea.”

  I turn away from the mirror and his perfect reflection. I don't want him to see me like this. What is he doing in here?

  “You shouldn't be here, Judea. I want you to leave.”

  He closes the door behind him instead. What in the hell is he doing? Trying to get me beaten?

  “I couldn’t stay away. I’ve been dying to see you. Your father guards the door like a grizzly bear.”

  “Why? So, you can see if it is as bad as it looked? It’s worse, I am a monster.”

&n
bsp; “You are no monster, Dumani Dare. You are a warrior.”

  “Warrior’s don't catch the eye of potential husbands.” I say quietly.

  “No, maybe not. But, they catch the heart.”

  “Only if he's blind.” I blot my bad eye with a clean rag. It waters all the time.

  “You caught mine, Dumani.”

  His voice is soft and close to my ear. I inhale sharply. This is a sin. Jude knows he shouldn’t be in here let alone breathing into my ear. This is ungodly. I cover my scar with my hand in a weak effort to shield it from his pitch-black eyes.

  “I don’t understand.” I whisper. I feel warm.

  Jude turns me so that I’m facing him. He forces my hand down away from my face.

  “Don't hide from me, Dumani. It doesn’t change the way I feel. I still love you.”

  “Don't say that, Judea.” I breathe.

  “Why not? It's true.” He says softly. His lips press against the puckered skin of my cheek. I should stop him. I can’t. I don’t want to. My eyes close. “You love me?” I don't believe him.

  “I’ve always loved you.” He rests his chin on the top of my head. “I will always love you.”

  “My face.” I reach up to hide it self-consciously.

  “Is still beautiful to me.” He pulls it down again.

  “I am no good for anyone.”

  “I love you just the way you are. You are perfect for me.”

  “You chose my sister.”

  “I chose you first.” He breathes into my ear. “You are my first wife, not Hannah.”

  “Me? You want to marry me?”

  “I am going to marry you. You are the only reason I’m here.” He's looking me right in the eyes with a seriousness that gives me chills. Jude isn't lying. He loves me. He really loves me!