The Doomsday Papers

by JanJan Untamed

  “I apologize for this. It won’t happen again.”

  “Go on, Judea. Take care of your women.”

  “I’ll be back in fifteen minutes.” He promises.

  I go inside and slam the door shut. In his defense, he isn’t gone long. He finds me in the kitchen drinking a glass of water. His tall body stops inches away from me.

  “I should beat you for the way you act.”

  “I should kill you for being a whore.”

  He rips open my silky gown. I slap him. He kisses me. I slap him again and I kiss him back. Judea picks me up like I weigh nothing and carries me over to the big kitchen table. He sweeps the pretty place settings onto the floor before sitting me on the edge. I bite my lip when he goes down on his knees between my legs. Even when I want to kill him, I want to fuck him. The last of the pyres burn behind us as we ride away under the cover of dark the next night. We ride out like the battered, war torn, remnants of a defeated army we are with Judea at our lead. We pound down the highway daring any to stop us. We dare them to try. The pregnant woman is in a truck somewhere behind us. The dark haired one is riding with us. She’s claimed Jude’s other side as her own. I let it go for now. The way I see it, she is another body between me and a bullet. The woman is trained and she rides well but her problem is endurance. She falls back and ends up in the truck.

  We stop at dawn. I bathe my baby in water from a stream. It is cool and sweet and reminds me of home. The little pop tent is our only shade in the day and shelter at night. I’m exhausted but I’m not new to this. I eat a few protein bars and I drink water until I can’t anymore. I crawl into the tent with my son. I wish Judea was here but he has things to do. He’ll join me later. His dark head pops up at the tent entrance before he zips the screen closed and disappears again. He’ll be close. I sleep easy knowing it. He is sleeping beside me when I wake up again. I sleep even better now.

  “Duma, it’s time to get up. I saddled the horses and Francesca sent you something to eat. We have a long way to go and I’m in a hurry to get there.”

  I get up and stretch. I eat while I nurse the baby. The road is long and tiring like the weeks it takes to make it through states. Judea keeps his word to me and he doesn’t touch his other wives. He spends his days looking over everyone and his nights with me in the little tent. We stay tight and we travel smart. It brings us closer together as a couple and as a family. The wives stay out of my way and I leave them alone. Everyone breathes a little easier when we finally cross into Texas. I’m excited. It’s one step closer to going home. Rain is falling outside our little tent tonight and we are laying in the dark hugging and whispering because our baby is fretful. He’s teething and it keeps him up at night. There’s a slap on the tent before it unzips.

  “Jenni?” Judea sits up. She’s soaked through when she crawls in.

  “What are you doing out here this time of night? You should be in your own tent.”

  “I know you don’t care about me anymore but hopefully you will care about our child. God has answered your prayers, husband. I am carrying your child.”

  My stomach drops. I sit up clutching my pounding head. I can’t take anymore.

  “Are you sure?” He asks sadly.

  “I’m carrying your child.”

  I crawl past her and out into the rain.

  “Duma! Wait!”

  He has to put on his pants before he can follow me. I have a head start and I am good at being invisible when I want to be. I lay down on the ground and he runs past me calling my name. I get up and run in the opposite direction. I can’t do this. I am barely tolerating the other one and now two? Two children Judea? I want to scream in his face. Two more children? There is nowhere to seek shelter from the elements. I sit in the rain with my knees pressed to my chest. I sit this way through the night. I wander into camp at dawn wet and freezing. I ignore the looks and whispering as I prepare to swing up into my saddle. I’m pulled down and turned to face my livid husband. He looks like he wants to kill me. He hugs me instead. I shove him off. We are back to this. We are back to me being heartbroken and feeling pushed out.

  “Our son needs to be fed. I don’t care how mad you are. Don’t you ever leave like that again. You are going to get pneumonia or fall and kill yourself. Who here can feed Judi? He cried for you all night long. I’m as shocked and upset as you are. Do you think I am enjoying this? I’m not. I hate it.”

  I duck into the tent and I take the baby from his arms. He is crying and fussing at me now. I turn my back on his father. He zips the tent closed behind us. We are not out of hearing but we are out of sight.

  “I haven’t touched her since that day, Duma. I kept my word. I never expected this to happen.”

  “Leave me alone.”

  “We’ll get through all of this.”

  “It’s easy for you to say that. You aren’t on the receiving end of this dry fucking. I am. Get out. Get away from me or I’ll scream.”

  “Why would you scream?”

  “Because men would come and make you leave me alone. Especially with your women’s suffrage movement going on.”

  “That’s not funny.”

  “Go and congratulate your wife. I’ll be finished in a few minutes.”

  “Feed my son. I’ll be waiting outside to take the tent down.”

  I fall back on purpose. I let him ride with her. Look at her. She is putting on her best show. He pays her no attention. Then he glances to his right. He stops the whole procession with the wave of a hand.

  “Where’s my wife? Dumani?”

  “She’s back here, Reverend.”

  The men point me out in a heartbeat. They clear a path to the front of the group. He’s mad at me for leaving his side. We continue without speaking. Somewhere in west Texas we meet another group. They have a couple of trucks and greater numbers but we are better armed. Five of our men walk out to meet five of theirs. Our men are wearing their gas masks. Their men are wearing dirty bandannas. The men surrounded the women when the first truck was spotted. The four of us keep low but I have a pistol in each hand and some frustration that I will let loose on anyone who threatens what is mine. They want to trade gas for guns and supplies. We don’t need gas. Our men do not turn their backs on the enemy. They follow us. I’m only afraid because I have a baby with me. Judea rides along side of me.

  “Stay close to me, Dumani.”

  I watch as he takes the second wife’s reigns pulling her closer to his other side. It’s natural for him to protect her. It still hurts. I can’t let it distract me. That’s how people get an advantage over you. That’s how you defeat yourself. I have to think about my son. The second wife begins to cry and wavers in her saddle. He plucks her off without stopping settling her in front of him. I turn away from the gut-wrenching scene and concentrate on the matter at hand. Protecting my son. The men are ready. I know they have a plan. They always have a plan. I will know it when I see it. We don’t see their plan for an hour. A road block.

  Judea falls way back but the group keeps pressing forward. The truck creeps up behind us and we move out of its way. The brothers riding in the cab are smiling and giving Judea thumbs up. The brothers in back are looking ahead with intent. There are three loud pops before the orange explosion up ahead. The road block is a screaming ball of fire. Charred bodies and flaming men litter the road. The snow plow on the truck lowers and it pushes the fire aside. There is a brief fight. The Tommy gun bolted to the truck bed makes it fair. The way our men ride down their retreating numbers is barbaric. There is a second wave of the enemy and a third. This is how we get separated. I don’t know how many I kill. Ten? A dozen? Maybe more. My horse screams before it goes down under me. I go down with it. My baby. That’s all I think about when I shoot the man that killed my horse. My legs are trapped underneath it. Men are fighting and dying around me and I can’t move. My baby is screaming and I’m going to die here on the bloody ground. I’m bleeding from somewhere.

  “Jenni, help me. Help me move
the horse.”

  She is searching the melee for Judea. Our eyes meet before she looks around and rides away.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  The dirty bitch. I’m not surprised. I don’t like her either. How could she leave my baby? The man who finds me isn’t one of us and I can’t reach my knife. This trash isn’t interested in killing me. He wants something else.

  “Give me the baby or I’ll fucking kill you.”

  He’ll have to. He’ll have to kill me to take my son away from me. I take blows to my face and head but I don’t let go. I scream. Judea. The man stiffens and falls on top of me before he’s dragged away. My brother heaves the dead horse away. I have never been so relieved in my life. Judea lifts me with shaking hands into his strong arms. He touches his forehead to mine.

  “We found her, thank God. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

  The baby is fine. I am shaken and bruised but okay too. Judea doesn’t stop until he puts some distance between us and the dead people. We stop near a river where he looks Judi over again and bathes my battered face with cold water. It hurts but the damage can’t compete with what is already here. I stop him.

  “She saw me.” I tell him. “She saw me trapped under my horse and she rode away.”

  “Who? Who left you?”

  “Your wife.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Are you calling me a liar?” I stand up.

  “No, I’m saying tension was high and accidents happen. If she left you to die like you say, I’ll kill her.”

  “She left your son to die and you sit here preaching to me about accidents and high tension? Have you no fucking shame?”

  He stands up too looking around the camp.

  “Lower your Goddamn voice.” He hisses. “I’ll be right back.”

  She’s crying and cowering when he returns with her.

  “You rotten, bitch.”

  It’s the worst insult that I can think of at the moment.

  “You left me to die so you can take my place. You are jealous of us.”

  “Jealous of what? Your ugly body and cut up face? It is you who is jealous of me. Everyone knows you are evil and jealous because he loves me too. You are wrong for keeping my husband away from me. Now, you make up this lie about me leaving you to die? You are doing this because he favors me and I’m having his child.”

  “Why would she lie about this? If she said you left her, I believe her.”

  “I would never do that to little Jude! I love him like my own!”

  “My sister doesn’t lie.” Titus says condemningly.

  “I was with her. We searched, but we didn’t see her.” Francesca speaks up.

  “You liars! She was alone and she looked me in my eyes before she turned her back on me.”

  “I swear to you, Mr. Hamilton. I was there and it was dark so maybe we missed her but we would never leave her behind.”

  “You fucking liars!” Judea grabs me when I go at her. “You Goddamn dirty liars!”

  “Dumani! You are blaspheming the church. Hold your tongue.” He shakes me roughly. I’ve done it now. What got into me? They are all staring. Even my brother is looking at me with disgust. I want to apologize but it’s too late. Besides, she tried to kill my son. I take the opportunity to punch her in the face. I get a few good hits in before Jude grabs me again.

  “Are you going to let her blaspheme and shame the church this way, Reverend? She disrespected us all. She attacked your gentle wife. The monsters lies and blaspheming cannot go unpunished.”

  “She tried to kill me.” I yell defensively. “She tried to kill my son.”

  “I think you are mistaken, Mrs. Hamilton. Those men hit you in the head and you’re confused. You are corrupted and your jealousy is blinding you from the truth. You saw the women but they did not see you.”

  “You weren’t there. How do you know what I saw?” I ask the man. I am looking him in the eyes and talking back. The men erupt in anger. They are calling for blood. I stand tall and proud in my truth. They lied on me. Judea looks ready to kill me himself.

  “Bring me the cane. I’ll do it.” Titus volunteers.

  “No, she’s my wife. I’ll do it.”

  “I am not taking a caning for them.” I refuse hotly. “No fucking way.”

  “It isn’t for them. It’s for your blasphemy. It’s for shaming my house. Listen to yourself.” Jude says angrily. He is angry with me, not them. I’m the one yelling and swearing. I’m the one blaspheming aloud for them to hear. That can’t go unpunished. Someone comes up with a length of fishing rod. I open the back of my dress and I drop to my knees. I keep my head high and my eyes on the men. Judea hesitates. He’s sweating and hands are shaking. He won’t do it. These stupid men don’t know him. Judea is about to be cast out of the church with me because he won’t do—

  “One.” The elder counts off when the cane connects. I hiss like a snake. That first one is always the worst. Until the second one comes right after. I do not bend. I do not bow. I do not give in to the tears choking me right now. The lashes hurt. The pain is nothing compared to what Judea is doing to me mentally. The betrayal is shocking. The disrespect is unforgiveable. He doesn’t hold back or they will call for it to be repeated. It goes on forever.

  “Twenty-five.”

  Judea throws the cane to the ground and stumbles away from me. I hear him retching nearby as I climb up onto my shaky legs and close my dress. I pick up my son and make my escape. I move my tent outside the camp feeling like my old unfortunate self again. I was always the one under the cane. No one is coming to check on me. I am an outsider now. That’s why I take my son and leave again in the quiet of night. This time, I am not coming back. This time, I am leaving for good. I cross the Mexican border a week later and I keep walking. I memorized the map the traitor drew for me before I threw it away. The Mexicans are friendly people even after the sickness wiped out most of them too. A family picks me up on the side of a quiet road. I hadn’t seen another human in weeks. They drive me eight hundred miles crowded on the backseat with their six children. I give the father a handful of Judea’s gold when they let me out in a little sea-side village. It’s not much of a village. Just a handful of huts and fishing boats. The locals are friendly and they know the Antonov name. They point me down the beach. I walk for hours before I see it. The monstrosity is high above me jetting from the cliff like a crashed space ship. A house. A house like I have never seen before. This must be it. The cliff is sheer and there is no way around.

  “Be still, Judi. It’s a long way up.”

  I begin to climb. It’s higher than I expected but there is a narrow ledge where we rest halfway. My fingers are aching and my arms are jelly when I finally reach the top. I hear music and voices. I hoist myself and my son over the edge into the unknown. There is a party of some sort going on. Everyone freezes in shock. That’s how I recognize the traitor in the group. He’s the only one not staring at me. He’s watching a cigarette burn in an ashtray.

  “May I help you?” A blonde man asks guardedly. He could be the traitors brother.

  “I’m here for Gavin.” I say nodding in his direction. The traitor looks up at the sound of his name and rises to his feet. He closes the distance between us in a few long steps and he’s squeezing me. Really squeezing me and I know he’s been thinking about me too. I hug him back. It feels good to be wanted. Judea chased me away and I ran here to someone who cares. I can never go back now.

  “How did you get here?” He demands.

  “I mostly walked.”

  “By yourself? You walked from Texas by yourself?”

  “I had Judi with me.”

  “Where is your husband? Does he know you’re here?”

  “He caned me.” My voice cracks as I say it. “I left him.”

  The traitor looks around at the staring group.

  “She’s a friend of mine. There is no reason to be alarmed, carry on.” He says ushering me inside. This isn’t a house. This is glutton
y, vanity, and far too much. I’m so dirty and this place is so clean. I haven’t had a real bath in a long time. I smell and my hair is dusty. I can’t go in there like this. I dig my feet in at the doorway. The traitor smiles.

  “Come on.” He pulls me along despite my protests. I never realized how handsome the traitor is. We walk through the house forever before he stops at a door. From the books and scientific stuff laying around in here, I am going to assume this is where he pretends to sleep. I doubt if the perfectly made bed gets any attention at all.

  “Are you well? How is the baby?” He asks removing him from my back.

  “We are both well. My husband and I have parted ways.”

  “You said the bastard hit you? He beat you with a cane?”

  “Twenty-five lashes for blasphemy and swearing. He isn’t the same person.” I say tearfully. Judea caned me. He really did it.

  “I’m sorry. I know how you feel about him. This plague has brought out the worst in everyone, except you. It brought out what is good in you, Duma.”

  He removes the scarves and feasts on my face with his blue-gray eyes. I don’t hide or look away. I feast on his face with mine. He caresses my scarred cheek with his hand and smiles.

  “I knew you would be beautiful behind your mask. You don’t have to hide from me.”

  “I’m not the kind of woman that men enjoy looking at.”

  “There isn’t another woman I’d rather look at more. I never thought I’d see you again. I hoped. But—”

  I kiss him. I know I shouldn’t but I want to. The traitor crushes me to him and he kisses me back. His hands travel over my old dress touching me like a lover. I know he feels the bumps and bulges underneath. I know he feels my imperfect body. The traitor kisses me harder. I moan against his lips. My road dirt is rubbing off onto his nice clothes. He’s dressed so nicely. I try to pull away from him.

  “Why are you pulling away from me? Please don’t make me stop.”

  “I’m dirty and I smell bad.”

  He pulls me close again and he kisses me until I am clinging to him wanting to be closer still. His hand squeezes my bottom and he grinds the evidence of his lust against my lower belly. I am weeping with joy between my legs. It takes every bit of my self-control to push away from the traitor. I want to stick my fingers in his yellow hair and kiss him some more. I need to clean myself up and take care of my son. He is laying on the very expensive looking bed.