‘Louise was amazing.’
‘She is.’
‘Yet,’ Anton ventured, ‘for someone who is so open about everything, and I mean everything, she’s very private too …’
‘Yes.’
‘I’m not asking you to tell me anything,’ Anton said.
‘You just want her to?’
Anton nodded and then said, ‘I want her to feel able to.’
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
LOUISE OPENED HER eyes to a dark hotel room on Christmas morning and glanced at the time. It was four a.m. and no Anton.
She lay there remembering this time last year but even though she was alone it didn’t feel like it this time, especially when the door opened gently and Anton came in quietly.
‘Happy Christmas,’ Louise said.
‘Buon Natale,’ Anton said, as he undressed.
‘How’s Emily?’
‘Any time now,’ Anton said. ‘I was just about to come back here when another patient went into labour.’
‘Hazel?’ Louise sleepily checked.
‘A little girl,’ Anton said. ‘She’s in NICU but I’m very pleased with how she is doing.’
‘A nice way to start Christmas,’ Louise said, as he slid into bed and spooned into her.
His hands were cold and so was his face as he dropped a kiss on her shoulder.
‘Scratch my back with your jaw.’
He obliged and then, without asking, scratched the back of her neck too, his tongue wet and probing, his jaw all lovely and stubbly, and his hand stroking her very close to boiling.
‘Did you stop for condoms?’
‘No,’ Anton said. ‘We have one left.’
‘Use it wisely, then.’ Louise smiled, though she didn’t want his hand to move for a second and as Anton sheathed himself Louise made the beginning of a choice—she would have to go on the Pill. They were both so into each other that common sense was elusive, but she stopped thinking then as she felt him nudging her entrance. Swollen from last night and then swollen again with want, it was Louise who let out a long moan as he took her slowly from behind. His hand was stroking her breast and she craned her neck for his mouth.
He could almost taste her near orgasm on her tongue as it hungrily slathered his. He was being cruel, the best type of cruelty because she was going to come now and he’d keep going through it. She almost shot out of her skin as it hit, and she wished he would stop but she also wished he wouldn’t. It was so deliciously relentless, there was no come down. Anton started thrusting faster, driving her to the next, and then he stilled and she wondered why because they were just about there …
‘No way,’ Louise said, hearing his phone. ‘Quickly …’
Oh, he tried, but it would not stop ringing. ‘Sorry …’ Anton laughed at her urgency, because sadly it was his special phone that was ringing. The one for his special Anton patients. And a very naked Louise lay there as he took the call.
‘Get used to it,’ Anton said as he was connected, and then he hesitated, because if he was telling Louise to get used to it, well, it was something he’d never said before. There was no time to dwell on it, though, as he listened to Evie.
‘I’ll be there in about fifteen minutes. Thank you for letting me know.’ He ended the call. ‘Are you coming in with me to deliver a Christmas baby?’
‘Emily!’
‘Waters just fully broke …’
‘Oh, my goodness …’
‘She’s doing well. Hugh’s on his way in but things are going to move quite fast.’
They had the quickest shower ever and then Anton drove them through London streets on a wet, pre-dawn Christmas morning and he got another phone call from the ward. He asked for them to page the anaesthetist for an epidural as that could sometimes slow things down and also, despite the pethidine she’d been given, Emily was in a lot of pain.
‘She’ll be okay,’ Louise said, only more for herself. ‘I’m so scared, Anton,’ Louise admitted. ‘I really am.’
‘I know, but she’s going to be fine and so is the baby.’ There was no question for Anton, they had to be okay. ‘Big breath,’ Anton said.
‘I’m not the one in labour.’
It had just felt like it for a moment, though.
Oh, she was terrified for her friend but Louise was at her sparkly best as she and Anton walked into the delivery ward.
‘Oh!’ Emily smiled in delighted surprise because it was only five a.m. after all.
‘The mobile obstetric squad has arrived,’ Louise teased. ‘Aren’t you lucky that it’s us two on?’ She smiled and gave Emily a cuddle. ‘Oh, hi, Hugh!’ Louise winked and noted he was looking a bit white. ‘Merry Christmas!’
‘Hi, Louise.’ Hugh was relieved to see them both too.
‘I want an epidural,’ Emily said.
‘It’s on its way. I’ve already paged Rory. We want to slow this down a little,’ Anton explained while examining her, ‘and an epidural might help us to do that. You’ve got a bit of a way to go but because the baby is small you don’t have to be fully dilated.’
‘I’m scared,’ Emily admitted.
‘You’re going to meet your baby,’ Louise said, and she gave Emily’s hand a squeeze. ‘Let us worry for you, okay? We’re getting paid after all.’
Emily nodded.
‘NICU’s been notified?’ Anton checked, and then gave an apologetic smile when Evie rolled her eyes and nodded, and Anton answered for her. ‘Of course they have.’
There was a knock on the door and Emily’s soon-to-be-favourite person came in.
‘Hi, lovely Emily,’ Rory said. ‘We meet again.’
‘Oh, yes,’ Louise recalled. ‘Rory knocked you out when you had your appendix.’
‘Hopefully this will slow things down enough that I miss Christmas dinner,’ Louise joked, though they all knew this baby would be born by dawn.
A little high on pethidine, a little ready to fix the world, very determined not to panic about the baby, Emily decided she had the perfect solution, the perfect one to show Louise how wonderful and not controlling or jealous Anton was.
And the man delivering your premature baby had to be seriously wonderful, Emily decided!
‘Tell them about your Christmas dinner last year,’ Emily said, as Louise sat her up and put her legs over the edge of the bed and then pulled Emily in for an epidural cuddle.
‘Relax,’ Hugh said, stroking Emily’s hair as she leant on Louise, while Rory located the position on Emily’s spine.
But Emily didn’t want to relax, she wanted this sorted now!
‘Tell them!’ Emily shouted, and Louise shared a little ‘yikes’ look with Hugh.
Never argue with a woman in transition!
‘I’m going to have a word with you later,’ Louise warned. She knew what Emily was doing.
‘Okay!’ Louise said, as she cuddled Emily. ‘Well, I’d broken up with Wesley and I checked myself into a hotel—the most miserable place on God’s earth, as it turned out, and I couldn’t face the restaurant and families so I had room service and it was awful. I think it was processed chicken …’
‘Stay still, Emily,’ Rory said.
‘She’s having a contraction,’ Anton said, and Louise rocked her through it and after Rory got back to work she went on with her story.
‘Well, I was so miserable but I cheered myself up by realising I’d finally got out of having Christmas dinner at Mum’s.’
‘It’s seriously awful food,’ Rory said casually, threading the cannula in.
‘You wouldn’t know,’ Louise retorted. ‘The one time you came for dinner you pretended you’d been paged and had to leave. Anyway, I arrived at Mum’s on Boxing Day and she’d saved me not one but about five dinners, and had decided I needed a mother’s love and cooking …’
Anton laughed. ‘That bad?’
‘So, so bad,’ Louise said, and her little tale had got them through the insertion of the epidural and she’d managed not to reveal all.
He was a good man. She’d always known it, now she felt it.
‘You’ll start to feel it working in a few minutes, Emily,’ Rory said.
‘I can feel it working already.’ Emily sighed in relief as Louise helped her back onto the delivery bed.
Rory left and Louise told Evie she’d got this and then suggested that Anton grab a coffee as she set about darkening the room.
‘Sure,’ Anton said, even though he didn’t feel like leaving, but, confident that he would be called when needed and not wanting to make this birth too different for Emily, he left.
The epidural brought Emily half an hour of rest and she lay on her side, with Hugh beside her as Louise sat on the couch out of view, a quiet presence as they waited for nature to take its course, but thirty minutes later Louise called Anton in.
The room was still quiet and dark but it was a rather full one—Rory and the paediatric team were present for the baby as the baby began its final descent into the world.
‘Do you feel like you need to push?’ Anton asked, and Emily shook her head as her baby inched its way down.
‘A bit,’ she said a moment later.
‘Try not to,’ Anton said. ‘Let’s do this as slowly as we can.’
‘Head end, Hugh,’ Louise said, because he looked a bit green, and she left him at Emily’s head and went down to the action end, holding Emily’s leg as Anton did his best to slow things down.
‘Do you want a mirror?’ Louise asked.
‘Absolutely not.’
‘Black hair and lots of it.’ Louise was on delighted tiptoe.
‘Louise, can you come up here?’ Emily gasped. ‘I don’t want you seeing me …’
‘Oh, stop it.’ Louise laughed and then Emily truly didn’t care what anyone could see because, even with the epidural, there was the odd sensation of her baby moving down.
‘Oh!’
‘Don’t push,’ Anton said.
‘I think I have to.’
‘Breathe,’ Hugh said, and got the F word back, but she did manage to breathe through it as Anton helped this little one get a less rapid entrance into the world. And then out came the head and Louise gently suctioned its tiny mouth as its eyes blinked at the new world.
‘Happy Christmas,’ Anton said, delivering a very vigorous bundle onto Emily’s stomach.
Emily got her hotbox blanket wrapped around her shoulders and then another one was placed over a tiny baby whose mum and dad were starting to get to know it.
Anton glanced over at the paediatrician and all was well enough to allow just a minute for a nice cuddle.
‘A girl,’ Emily said.
The sweetest, sweetest girl, Louise thought. She stood watching over them, holding oxygen near her little mouth as Emily and Hugh got to cuddle her and Louise cried happy tears, baby-just-been-born tears, but then she did what she had to.
‘We need to check her …’
And finally Emily started to cry.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
LOUISE TOOK THE baby over to the warmer and she was wrapped and given some oxygen and a tube put down her to give her surfactant that would help with her immature lungs.
‘We’re going to take her up,’ Louise said, as Emily completely broke down.
‘Can’t I go with her?’
‘Not yet,’ Anton said, ‘but you’ll be able to see her soon.’
‘I’ll go with her,’ Hugh assured his wife, but Louise could see how upset Emily was. She had been holding onto her emotions for weeks now, quietly determined not to love her baby too much, though, of course she did.
‘Hugh, you stay with Emily and I’ll stay with the baby,’ Louise suggested. ‘She’s fine, she’s beautiful and you’ll see her very soon, Emily. I promise I am not going to leave her side.’
Louise did stay with her, the neonatal staff did their thing and Louise watched, but from a chair, smiling when an hour or so later Hugh came in.
‘Hi, Dad,’ Louise said, watching as Hugh peered in. ‘How’s Emily?’
‘Upset,’ Hugh said. ‘She’ll be fine once she sees her but Anton says she needs to have a sleep first and she won’t.’ He took out his phone and went to film the baby, who was crying and unsettled.
‘Why don’t you go and get some colostrum from her?’ Ellie, the neonatal nurse, suggested to Louise. ‘Mum might feel better knowing she’s fed her.’
‘Great idea.’ Louise smiled and headed back to the ward.
Emily was back in her room, the door open so she could be watched, but the curtains were drawn.
‘Knock-knock,’ Louise said, and there was her friend, teary and missing her baby so much. ‘She’s fine, Hugh’s with her,’ Louise went on, and explained her plans.
‘You just need to get a tiny bit off,’ Louise said, ‘but she’s hungry and it’s so good to get the colostrum into them.’
‘Okay.’
Emily managed a few drops, which Louise nursed into a syringe, but Louise reassured her that that was more than enough. ‘This is like gold for your baby.’ Louise was delighted with her catch.
As Louise headed out she glanced at the time and realised she would have to ring her mum, who was going to be incredibly worried, given what had happened last year.
As Anton walked into the kitchen on the maternity unit it was to the sight of Louise brightly smiley and taking a selfie with her phone.
‘Forward it onto me,’ Anton said.
Louise smiled. He didn’t care a bit that she was vain, though in this instance he was mistaken. ‘Actually, this is for Mum. She’s all stressed and thinks I’ve made up Emily’s baby. Well, she didn’t say that exactly …’ She texted her mum the photo and then picked up the small syringe of colostrum. ‘Christmas dinner for Baby Linton. I can’t believe she’s here.’
‘Relieved?’ Anton asked.
‘So, so relieved. I know she’s going to get jaundice and give them a few scares but she is just so lovely and such a nice size …’
‘Louise.’ Anton caught her arm as she went to go. ‘How come you didn’t go home last Christmas?’
‘I told you, I was pretty miserable.’
‘Your family are close.’
‘Of course.’ She shrugged. ‘I just didn’t want to upset them …’
‘You couldn’t put on an act for one day?’
‘No …’ Her voice trailed off. She hadn’t wanted to upset her family on Christmas Day and neither did she want to upset him now. Yet her family had been so hurt by her shutting them out. Louise looked into his eyes and knew that her silence was hurting him too. Everyone in the delivery room except Anton knew what had happened last year and if they were going to have a future, and she was starting to think they might, then it was only fair to tell him.
‘I couldn’t cover up the bruises. I waited till Boxing Day and called Emily, who came straight away. When I wouldn’t go to hospital she called Rory and he came to the hotel and sutured my scalp.’
Louise didn’t want to see his expression and neither did she want to go into further details of the day right now. She had told him now and she could feel his struggle to react, to suppress, possibly just to breathe as he fathomed just what the saying meant about having the living daylights knocked out of you. The light in Louise had gone out that day and had stayed out for some months, but it was fully back now. ‘I’m going to get this up to the baby.’ She kissed his taut cheek. ‘You need to shave.’
They had a small, fierce cuddle that said more than words could and then Louise said she was heading up to NICU, still unable to meet his eyes.
Hugh watched and Louise did the filming as Baby Linton was given the precious colostrum and a short while later was asleep.
Have a sleep now, Louise texted. Your daughter is and she attached the film and sent it.
A few moments later Hugh’s phone buzzed and he smiled as Emily gave
him the go-ahead.
‘Thanks,’ Hugh said, and then he took out a pen and crossed out the ‘Baby’ on ‘Baby Linton’. He wrote the word ‘Louise’ in instead.
Louise Linton.
‘Two Ls means double the love,’ Louise said, trying not to cry. ‘Thanks, Hugh, that means an awful lot.’
More than anyone could really know.
When Hugh went back to Maternity to be with Emily, Louise sat there, staring at her namesake, and the thought she had briefly visited that morning returned.
She’d have to go back on the Pill. It wouldn’t be fair to Anton if there were any mistakes, however unlikely it was that she might naturally fall pregnant. But that ultimately meant, when she came off the Pill again, another few months of the horrible times she’d just been through simply trying to work out her cycle.
Louise knew she was probably looking at another year at best. Could she do it without sulking? Louise wondered. Just let go of her hopes for a baby and chase the dream of a relationship that actually worked?
She walked over and looked at the little one who had caused so much angst but who had already brought so many smiles.
‘How’s Louise?’ Anton came up a couple of hours later and saw Louise standing and gazing into the incubator.
‘Tired,’ Louise said, still not able to meet his eyes after her revelation. ‘Oh, you mean the baby? She’s perfect.’ She glanced over to where Rory and several staff were gathered around an incubator. Louise knew that it was Henry, a baby she had delivered in November. He had multiple issues and was a very sick baby indeed. She looked down at little Louise, who was behaving beautifully. ‘You’re a bit of a fraud really, aren’t you?’
‘Emily’s asleep,’ Anton said. ‘When she wakes up she can come and visit.’
‘I’ll stay till then.’ Louise smiled. ‘Can you just watch Louise while I go to the loo?’
Anton glanced over at the neonatal nurse but that wasn’t what Louise meant. ‘No, you’re to be on love watch,’ Louise said.
Anton took a seat when usually he wouldn’t have and looked at the very special little girl.
‘Thank you!’ Louise was back a couple of minutes later. ‘I really needed that!’
Anton rolled his eyes as Louise, as usual, gave far too much information. When Anton didn’t get up she perched on his knee, with her back to him, watching little Louise asleep. She had nasal cannulas in but she was breathing on her own and though she might need a little help with that in the coming days, for now she was doing very well.
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