Chasing the Horizon

by Scotty Cade

  Justin glared. “Really? Are we going there so early in the evening?”

  Hawk smiled. “I was just checking out the crowd. So give me a break.”

  “Uh huh,” Justin said, obviously annoyed over the nickname. “Why can’t you just admit you’re intrigued by the guy?”

  “Because I’m not.”

  Justin gave him that look again. “Come on, Hawk. Maybe just a little. Admit it.”

  Hawk knew he could never fool Justin, so he offered a coy smile. “Fine.” He held his forefinger to his thumb with a tiny space in between. “Maybe just a wee bit.”

  Justin gave him a satisfied smile that for some reason warmed him to his toes.

  While Justin continued his endless chatter, Hawk put his elbow on the bar and rested his head in his hand, giving his best friend the once-over for the first time in a very long time. As Justin rambled on, Hawk absentmindedly listened to his pocket gay, as he often called him because of his slight stature. Justin was a small guy, but Hawk never confused small with weak or frail. His pocket gay was compact, but ripped and naturally muscular. Seeing Justin perched on a barstool facing him reminded Hawk of just how ripped Justin was. As he moved his arms gesturing here and there, ranting about one thing or another, his biceps and chest muscles visibly flexed under his tight-fitting T-shirt.

  Hawk knew Justin didn’t date or even go out very often, but he’d never been able to figure out why. From a few comments here and there, Hawk suspected something had happened to Justin when he was younger that had left a lasting impression, but he’d never gotten the nerve to ask, nor had Justin ever volunteered.

  At some point Justin stopped talking, flashed a big smile, and focused on Hawk with an amused expression. And when Justin smiled, really smiled, he almost glowed from the inside out. Tonight that familiar glow, coupled with Justin’s twinkling eyes and shiny dark hair, reminded Hawk just how handsome his best friend really was. His rich brown eyes were the color of pools of honey, and at the moment they were filled with curiosity and mischief.

  “You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?” Justin asked. “What are you looking at?”

  “You.” Hawk grinned. “I’d just forgotten how charming and handsome you really are and how much fun we always have when we’re together.” Hawk straightened suddenly. “Let’s go dancing,” he said, surprising even himself. Where in the hell did that come from? Hawk was not much of a dancer, but he knew Justin loved to dance, and tonight, for some reason, he wanted to make his pocket gay happy.

  “Really?” Justin said. “I haven’t been out dancing in so long.”

  “Then finish your drink and let’s go.” Hawk slapped his hand on the bar. “Where should we go? You pick.”

  The guy on the barstool next to Hawk leaned over. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, I swear, but I just heard the bartender a little while ago telling some guy that Aqua was the place to go for dancing these days.”

  “Thanks,” Hawk said. “I’ve heard that too. It’s right down the street on Duval, isn’t it?”

  “That’s what the bartender said.”

  “Thanks, I appreciate it.”

  Hawk turned to Justin. “Okay with you?”

  Justin downed the last of his drink. “Sure. Let’s blow this joint!”

  GARNER STOOD in line waiting to get into the club. Even from the outside of the building, the thump thump thump of the music vibrated through his body. His foot tapped, and his hips naturally swayed from side to side with the beat of the music. He was lighthearted and happy.

  When he got to the head of the line, he paid the cover, stopped at the bar and ordered a Scotch, neat, and took a seat in a corner against the wall with a view of the dance floor. He was in a people-watching mood, and from what he’d seen in line, this place wasn’t going to disappoint.

  For the first thirty minutes, Garner scanned the bar and saw a barrage of people. There were bears in leather harnesses, drag queens dressed to the hilt, preppy older men in shorts and golf shirts, and twinks. In addition to all the men, he saw lesbians and heterosexual couples, everyone converging under one roof. You gotta love America.

  While Garner was enjoying all the sights, a nice-looking guy at the bar made eye contact with him, smiled, and dipped his head in Garner’s direction. Not in the mood to cruise or get laid, Garner smiled and then quickly looked away. He took another sip of his Scotch and was making yet another scan of the club when he stopped short and almost spit his Scotch down the front of his shirt. Mr. Clean had just walked in with his arm over the shoulder of a very little, handsome brunet. Well look at that. Mr. Clean has a date.

  From the shadows of his perch, Garner felt like a voyeur as his gaze followed Mr. Clean and the brunet around the club. They ordered drinks from the bar, and then his date took him by the hand and led him to the dance floor, drinks still in hand.

  From the look of things, Mr. Clean was not at all into dancing. His date, however, was a different story. The buff little brunet was moving with the music, spinning around and backing up to Mr. Clean, twerking, and then spinning around again, hips gyrating with the best of them. Garner switched his attention to Mr. Clean. He looked unhappy and very uncomfortable. He moved a little from side to side but couldn’t seem to find the beat.

  As he attempted to keep up with the music, his piercings reflected the strobes and spinning lights over the dance floor, and his shaved head began to glisten from the sweat forming there.

  Suddenly, Garner realized that he no longer found Mr. Clean scary or intimidating. In fact, not only was he not the least bit scary or intimidating, he appeared to be downright awkward and exposed.

  Garner continued to study the guy intently. As the music thumped and the lights whirled overhead, the contradiction between Mr. Clean’s physical appearance—with all the tattoos and piercings—and his obvious emotional discomfort in his current situation made the guy seem vulnerable in a weird sort of way. Garner unexpectedly saw something really attractive about him, and it shocked the hell out of him. He liked the contradictions—and everything else he saw.

  The song came to an abrupt end, and Mr. Clean quickly stopped dancing. When he turned to exit the dance floor, his expression had softened and relief was plastered all over his face. He took a step forward, then abruptly stopped. As if seeking Garner out, Mr. Clean scanned the room. He stopped when their eyes met.

  The intensity of the stare almost knocked Garner off his seat. He gripped the barstool with his free hand and dropped both legs to the floor, spreading them in an attempt to steady himself. What the fuck?

  Garner’s heart raced as if he’d just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, and a wave of panic rushed through his body. He knew he hadn’t technically done anything wrong, but he had sort of been stalking the guy since he’d noticed him. But none of that mattered now. The only thing that mattered was the intensity of the guy’s stare. Garner knew he should look away, but for some odd reason, he was held in place by a force stronger than his will. He matched Mr. Clean’s gaze, and for Garner, the connection was like no other he’d ever experienced. In his mind, the entire club faded away, and it was just the two of them gazing into one another’s eyes.

  The music blared again, but Mr. Clean didn’t start to sway or even attempt to dance. He remained firmly in place and seemed as unable to break the strong connection as Garner was. He didn’t move until his date took him by the hand, kissed his cheek, and started to lead him off the dance floor. But Mr. Clean craned his neck toward Garner, obviously not wanting to break the connection either. Garner watched as the man twisted and contorted until he disappeared into the crowd.

  The spell now broken, Garner mentally winced at the immediate loss. He frantically searched the crowd for just one more glimpse and saw only the top of a shaved head maneuvering through the quickly thickening crowd.

  Led by some strange force, Garner stood up on his toes and followed the movement of the bare head until it was out of sight. He sat back down and tried
to hold on to the overwhelming feelings that consumed him.

  What the fuck, Garner? You don’t do this kind of shit. You don’t even know this guy.

  His rational brain was struggling to maintain control while his emotions were running rampant. Despite the reprimand he’d just given himself, he kept an eye out until he spotted the shaved head again and locked on to it. Heart racing, he tracked the man through the crowd of partyers while he tried to rationalize what had just happened as some sort of fluke—anything other than a real connection.

  Garner was unsuccessful on all counts and driving himself crazy with irrational resolve. Nothing he had ever been taught or learned through his many years of studying and practicing psychiatry could validate or explain the matched intensity of what had just happened between him and a total stranger. He was almost at the point of panic when he lost sight of that shaved head again. He decided right then and there that no matter how crazy it seemed, he had to go after this man, if only to eliminate the mystery that surrounded him.

  He willed himself to stand and forced his feet to carry him forward. He stopped short when someone put a hand on his shoulder. His heart skipped a few beats, and he held his breath with anticipation as he imagined Mr. Clean, after seeking him out, now standing behind him. He released his breath and turned around slowly.

  The butterflies dancing in his stomach stopped and his heart sank when instead of Mr. Clean, he saw the guy who had made eye contact with him earlier in the evening.

  The guy was studying him quizzically, but Garner was too worried about losing track of Mr. Clean to care. He quickly looked back over the crowd, hoping to pick up on the shaved head, but the stranger stepped into Garner’s line of vision and stuck out his hand in greeting. “Hey, I’m Joey.”

  Garner didn’t want to be rude, so he exhaled, sat back down in defeat, and nervously accepted the outstretched hand. “Garner. Garner Holt,” he said, wishing the guy were invisible.

  “I hope you don’t think I’m a stalker,” Joey explained. “But I saw you walk in earlier and wanted to meet you.”

  The stalker comment instantly made the hairs on the back of Garner’s neck stand up. But he relaxed when he realized how silly that was in light of what he’d been doing. If you only knew whom I’ve been stalking.

  “No worries,” he said instead. “Nice to meet you, Joey.”

  “Can I buy you a drink?” Joey asked.

  Desperate to search for his Mr. Clean but not wanting to be impolite, Garner lifted his glass and checked the contents. “Sure,” he said. “Dewar’s, neat.”

  As soon as Joey headed for the bar, Garner went back to desperately scanning the crowd. With his target nowhere in sight, he briefly thought about ditching Joey and going after the object of his desire, but deep down he knew that was something he could never do. So he sat there, defeated and frustrated, and waited for Joey to come back with the drinks. With any luck, Joey would come back, hate him, and disappear as quickly as he’d showed up.

  HAWK ALLOWED Justin to lead him off the dance floor, through the jam-packed bar, and out to the patio, where he stopped and abruptly turned Hawk around. “What was that all about?”

  “Damn if I know,” Hawk said, still not sure what had just happened.

  Justin grabbed Hawk by the biceps. “I knew there was something between you and that guy.”

  Hawk, still a little rattled, shook his head. “It was the weirdest thing, Jus. One second you and I were dancing, and the next I felt someone’s stare, turned around, and locked on to the guy’s eyes. It was like I went into this trance, and I kept picturing him looking down at me with those intense eyes as he fucked the hell out of me. I couldn’t move, not because he was holding me down, but because I didn’t want to move. Each thrust felt like a lightning bolt rushing through me, filling me with some super strength. I… I just didn’t ever want him to stop. It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.”

  “Good God, Hawk,” Justin said. “I saw the whole thing unfold right in front of me, and, man, you’ve got it bad. I kept trying to lead you off the dance floor, but you wouldn’t budge.”

  “I’m sorry, Jus. I need to go back in there and see if I can find him. You know me. Shit like this doesn’t happen to me. Something weird as hell is going on here, and I need to find out what it is.”

  Justin’s expression suddenly changed. “Okay, are you dumping me yet again for a one-night stand?”

  Hawk thought for a few seconds. “If I’m lucky I am,” he said honestly. “But please come with me. I need my wingman tonight.”

  Justin smiled and took Hawk by the hand. “Fine. Let’s go see if we can scope him out.”

  Hawk stopped short. “Then what?” he asked.

  “You introduce yourself and take him home and let him have his way with you.”

  “Hey, you’re right.” Hawk said. “Why should this be any different? I’ll just do my usual shtick and wink at him, grab his crotch, and take him home and let him fuck my brains out.”

  “You forgot ‘and then disappear.’” Justin slipped his arm around Hawk’s waist. “That’s the Hawk I know and love,” he said. “Go get ’em, tiger.”

  Hawk laughed. “God, I hate that you know me so well.”

  Hawk and Justin walked back into the club, fighting the mounting crowds and heading for the last place Hawk had seen Garner. After ten minutes of stepping on people’s feet and slipping behind this one and that one, the crowd thinned a little, and Hawk stopped dead in his tracks. Garner was still sitting where he’d last seen him. His perplexed expression made Hawk feel a little better and mirrored the way Hawk felt.

  “There he is. Go knock his socks off,” Justin said, squeezing his hand and pointing to an empty spot at the bar. “I’ll be right over there if you need me.”

  Hawk nodded and took a deep breath. He took two steps in Garner’s direction and then froze when a guy walked up and handed Garner a drink. He immediately turned around and started walking quickly in the other direction. When he reached the bar, he slapped Justin on the back. “Okay, time for plan B. Get me a drink.”

  Justin turned around with a surprised expression on his face. “Damn, that was quick. Did he shoot you down already?”

  “I didn’t get the chance,” Hawk said, looking over his shoulder.

  Justin followed his gaze and saw Garner sitting in the corner sipping on a cocktail with another guy.

  “Who? How?” Justin rambled.

  “I have no idea,” Hawk answered. “I was on my way to talk to him when this guy walked up, handed him a drink, and sat down next to him.”

  Hawk slammed his hand down on the bar, drawing an annoyed look from the bartender, but successfully getting his attention. When their drinks finally came, Hawk downed half his beer in one swig. “Can we go back outside?” he pleaded. “I can’t breathe in here.”

  Not five minutes after Hawk and Justin found a place to sit, Hawk saw Garner and his friend walk through the double doors. “Fuck, are they following us or what?”

  He kept an eye on Garner and watched him sit at a barstool along the back wall with the guy standing next to him. His eyes suddenly met Garner’s again, and the same explosion went off in his brain. Garner held his gaze once more, everything around Hawk fading into the background. For one split second, it was just the two of them. Then suddenly the hairs stood up on the back of Hawk’s neck when the guy with Garner draped his arm over Garner’s back and leaned in and kissed him on the lips.

  Without thinking he turned to Justin and threw his arms around him and covered Justin’s lips with his own. Justin tried to push him away, but Hawk held fast. “Just go with me on this,” he mumbled against Justin’s tightly closed lips, gripping the back of Justin’s head and trying to shove his tongue down Justin’s throat. When the kiss ended, he looked back over at Garner and smiled coyly. When he saw the expression of disappointment on Garner’s face, he immediately regretted his actions.

  “What the fuck was that about?” Just
in hissed, smacking Hawk on the arm.

  “I’m sorry,” Hawk said, feeling embarrassed and shocked. “I saw that guy kiss him, and I don’t know what came over me. Let’s get the fuck out of here. I’ve had enough of playing cat and mouse for one night.”

  “Hell no!” Justin said. “You can go if you want, but I’m finishing my fucking drink.”

  Not wanting to leave Justin alone, Hawk sat down and took another pull off his beer, his mind reeling. As he glanced back over his shoulder, he saw Garner walking out with the guy who had just kissed him.

  GARNER SAT in the same position, nervously scanning the club and trying to pretend he was interested in the small talk Joey was attempting to make.

  “I’m gonna take a walk outside,” he told Joey. “I really need some air.”

  “Sure. Mind if I join you?” Joey asked. “I could use some air as well.”

  Fuck. “Sure,” Garner said, standing and making a beeline for the patio, Joey right on his heels.

  By the time Garner reached the patio doors, his heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest. The outdoor space was much bigger than he was expecting and just as crowded as the interior.

  Eventually, Garner found a spot along the back wall with an expansive view of the patio. He again scanned the area until he spotted Mr. Clean also perusing the crowd. When their eyes met, Garner felt the butterflies dancing in his stomach. He absentmindedly wiped at a line of sweat that had formed on his forehead and tried to decide how to proceed.

  Lost in Mr. Clean’s gaze, Garner vaguely felt an arm slip over his shoulder as Joey’s face came into view and interrupted his eye contact with Mr. Clean. Before he had time to process what was happening, Joey’s lips were covering his.