Breathe

by Abbi Glines

  “You feel amazing in my arms.”

  I shivered and slipped a hand behind his neck.

  “However, if the old gentleman at the table to our left doesn’t stop ogling your legs, I am going to have to go take him out.”

  I bit back my laugh and turned my head to see the offending, old man. “You’re crazy,” I whispered.

  He nodded. “I’ve been crazy since the day I walked upstairs to my bedroom and found you wiping something off the floor. I’ll never forget thinking, ‘I don’t care if she snuck in here to get close to me, if she’ll let me lose my fingers in those curls and stare into those baby blue eyes, she can get as close as she wants.”

  I hadn’t realized he had felt anything for me that first day. “Really? I thought you were aggravated some crazed fan had slipped through.”

  He grinned wickedly. “How do you suppose someone gets aggravated at someone who could have fallen out of heaven?”

  I blushed and laid my head against his chest. We finished the rest of the dance in silence. I memorized his heartbeat and closed my eyes to commit the moment to memory. I knew one day soon I would need to remember how right this moment had been. When it was all over, I never wanted to think I had made a mistake by loving him. I wanted to always remember how he made me feel, so I would know the pain was worth it.

  Jax walked me back to my seat before taking his. I took a drink of my Coke and noticed there was some kind of bread on a silver platter in the middle of the table. Jax sliced a piece of bread and put something that might have been oil instead of butter on it, and then handed it to me.

  “Their bread is really good,” he assured me.

  I took a bite and decided the strange oil tasted much better than butter. He had slathered himself a piece with the yummy oil and somehow managed to be sexy while eating bread. I wondered if they gave lessons to rock stars on such things. And if so, could I get in on one of those lessons.

  “What are you grinning at?” he asked.

  I hadn’t realized my thoughts showed on my face. I shrugged. “I am thinking about the way you make things as simple as eating bread attractive.”

  He gave me a crooked grin and leaned toward me. “Maybe the same way you make breathing sexy.”

  “What?” I asked, confused.

  He raised his eyebrows. “When you breathe, it gives me chills.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “You are really good with words.”

  He winked at me and sat back in his seat and took a drink of his Coke. “You make me feel poetic.”

  A server came up behind Jax, and I heard one behind me so I sat up straight and waited for them to serve our salad.

  “The wonderful thing about Alabama is you get pecans in your salad,” Jax said as the servers left.

  I had to agree with him. I loved pecans, but I never thought to put them in my salad before.

  Once our meal was finished, and Jax paid the bill, we went outside to Kane and the Bentley waiting for us at the front door. How Kane did that, I would never know, but he was always on time. We rode to my apartment in silence. I sat snuggled up in Jax’s arms, and he played with my hair. It was one of those times when words weren’t needed.

  Kane slowed and parked right on the street in front of my apartment.

  “Thank you for tonight.”

  Jax smiled down at me and tilted my face to match his before gently kissing me. I closed my eyes and pressed closer to him. He pulled back just enough to look into my eyes.

  “I love you, Sadie White,” he whispered in a raspy voice.

  I smiled and kissed his face softly. “I love you, too, Jax Stone.”

  He groaned, pulled me closer, and buried his face in my hair. I wanted to stay this way forever. I never wanted September to come.

  “You’re every song I have ever sung. I’ll never let anything hurt you again. For the first time in my life, my dreams aren’t about me.” I lifted my eyes up to meet his, and he smiled. “They’re about you.”

  * * *

  Chapter Fourteen

  Sunday morning, I slept late again. I could hear Jessica up and about in the kitchen. I stretched before standing up and reaching for my phone and slipping it into the pocket on my pajama pants. I was supposed to be meeting Jax this afternoon to go surfing, something I had never tried. I walked down the short hallway into the kitchen, and saw Jessica leaning against the bar drinking a big glass of milk.

  “It’s about time sleeping beauty woke up.”

  I stifled a yawn and shrugged. “So, I slept late. I get up early every other day of the week.”

  Jessica nodded, “Yes, but today is the day you get to find out what happens to girls who date rock stars.”

  I frowned at her. “What are you talking about?”

  She pushed off from the bar and threw the Sunday paper on the table in front of me.

  “Good thing I have thick skin, because this isn’t flattering.” She turned and walked out of the room. I stared down for the second time at a photo of Jax, but this time it was my waist his arm wrapped around. He appeared to be whispering in my ear or kissing it. I sank down into the chair when I realized I was wearing my swimsuit. The picture had been taken at the July 4th party while we were dancing. Above our pictures it read, “The Prince of Rock is Snagged by His Maid.” My stomach dropped.

  “Jax Stone has been living semi undercover here in Sea Breeze this summer, courting his hired maid, Miss Sadie White. The couple was seen together at a party held at the house of Mayor McCovey. Mayor McCovey’s son, Dylan, held his annual July 4th party at his parent’s home on Seagull Drive, and Sadie White was an invited guest. When we spoke to Dylan, he said, ‘No one was expecting it. Sadie is just a girl who moved here this year. We had no idea she was dating Jax Stone. But the two were inseparable.’ Sadie is an employee of the Stone’s, and she rides her bike to their house on Sea Breeze's exclusive island, where only the extraordinarily wealthy have summer homes. She works in his kitchen and serves him his food. Apparently, he takes her home after work.

  “Sadie lives with her mother in an apartment here in Sea Breeze. Her mother is a single mom who is expecting a baby any day. Sadie seems to be the only one with a job. Interestingly enough, she somehow managed to be Jax Stone’s summer girl.”

  I closed my eyes and laid my head on the table. I couldn’t believe the local newspaper had gotten wind of this. They’d painted Jax as a cold jerk who took advantage of his employees.

  “You’d better come in here Sadie,” Jessica’s voice called from the living room. “Things seem to be getting better and better.”

  I looked up. She was staring at the television. I knew deep down I didn’t want to see what she was watching, but I stood up and forced myself to walk in there.

  “Star Follower has the scoop on everyone’s favorite teen rocker. Jax Stone who was spotted with Baily Kirk just last week here in Beverly Hills, has been located in, Alabama. That’s right, fans. He has been spending his time this summer on the coast of Alabama, and not alone either. He has been dating his hired help. The kitchen maid.” Photos of me with Jax appeared on the screen. “Our insider source says she rides her bike to his home, where she is employed to work in the kitchen and in the garden. When Jax has any free time, he spends it charming this Alabama local. It seems the girl who lives in a small apartment and takes care of her single, yet pregnant, mom, has climbed up the ladder and found herself a way out of poverty. We are left to wonder if she will manage to squeeze out a better way of life from this smitten rock star. Jax Stone really is a big-hearted guy. It’s one of the reasons he is so incredibly edible!”

  I ran from the room and went straight to the bathroom. This time, I did get sick. After I emptied everything inside me, I splashed my face with water, and then sank down to the floor and laid my head on the tub. This wasn’t something I’d been expecting. I had been prepared for a lot, but this wasn’t something I ever feared. Now my life was being splattered all over the media. Either I sounded like a go
ld digging tramp, or Jax sounded like he was taking advantage of a stupid, naive southern girl. There was a knock on the bathroom door. I couldn’t face Jessica right now. I just needed to be alone.

  “Throwing up isn’t going to make this better. You might as well come hear the other versions on other news channels. Some of them don’t paint us like white trash.”

  I groaned. “No.”

  I stayed on the floor of the bathroom until I heard someone at the front door, and I knew without a doubt it was Jax.

  “Sadie, honey, you got company,” Jessica’s voice called from outside the door again.

  I didn’t want to leave him out there with her, so I stood up and stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot, and there was nothing I could do about it. I opened the door and instead of Jessica stood a very upset Jax.

  He grabbed me and pulled me into his arms. “I swear, I will kill whoever did this.”

  I began to cry again. I didn’t want to do this to him because he was obviously beating himself up about it.

  He pulled back just enough so I could see his face. “Will you come with me?”

  I nodded.

  Jax led me with his arm firmly around my waist. “Ms. White, I am just going to take Sadie for a little while. I will bring her back soon.”

  Jessica snorted. “Just make sure you bring her back happier than she is right now.”

  He frowned, and we walked out to his Hummer. Kane sat in the driver’s seat, and I was glad I didn’t have to give up Jax’s arms for him to drive. A flash went off, and Jax put himself in front of me. “Hurry, get into the car.” He slid in behind me, and we were in the protection of dark tinted windows.

  “Sadie, I am so sorry,” he whispered again.

  I sniffed and wiped my eyes. “It’s not your fault.”

  He gave a hard laugh. “Yes, it is. I was careless. I wanted everyone to know you were mine, and I put you in the way of danger. The media are like hungry vultures. They pick you dry. This isn’t going to just disappear.”

  I shuddered at the thought of more of my personal life being shared with the world. “How do you do this? How do you handle the invasion of privacy?” I whispered through my tear-clogged throat.

  He sighed. “It’s all I have known for a very long time.”

  “This is hard,” I admitted.

  His eyes were haunted. I hated that I was the cause of all of this. Being with me seemed to only bring him trouble.

  “I’m tough.” I forced a smile. “I can live through this.”

  Jax didn’t say anything for a few minutes. He reached over and pulled me into his arms, and we sat in silence.

  “I promised you I would never let anything hurt you again.” He closed his eyes tightly and whispered, as if the images in his head were too much, “And instead I’ve not only hurt you, but your mom.”

  I touched his arm hating to see him so torn up inside. “I told you I was tough. It isn’t your fault.”

  He dropped his hold and pulled away from me and leaned forward on his knees. “No, Sadie, no! This is all my fault. I am the world’s favorite teenage rock star. I live in the media. But to hear them,” he stopped and his jaw clinched, “to hear them talk about you that way. I need… I want to hurt someone.”

  I scooted up on my seat to get closer to him. “Jax, please, I should have known something like this would happen. Yes, it hurts, but I can live through this. I can live through anything as long as I have you.”

  He shook his head violently. “Don’t you see, Sadie, this is just the beginning. Your life will never be the same. I knew this when I first realized I wanted to be with you. My life isn’t made for relationships. Only girls in the spotlight can handle it, and I have never found one I wanted. Then came you. Sweet, gorgeous, selfless...everything I had never known. I was selfish to allow this to happen. I was selfish when I decided to charm you, and when it worked, I was selfish to want to hold on to you.”

  He took my hands in his. “I love you more than anyone or anything I have ever known. You’ve somehow become the song inside of me. It’s because I love you so much I am going to walk out of your life and allow you to heal and find someone worthy of you. Someone who can take you to the movies and out to get a pizza and not have to worry about being mauled by fans, or your picture taken and splashed all over the news. I want you to have more than I can give.”

  I glanced out the window and realized we were sitting outside my apartment again.

  “I’m not strong enough to do this, Sadie. If you love me, you will get out of the car and walk away.”

  My heart shattered, and I couldn’t get a deep breath. My eyes were clouded by unshed tears. But I didn’t move, I couldn’t.

  “I don’t want to walk away from you. I love you, but how can you ask me to do this?” I whispered.

  He studied me with hard eyes. “Sadie, I was leaving anyway in a few short weeks. We couldn’t have kept seeing each other after I left. This, and more, would happen if I tried to come back here during my free time.”

  “But you said you loved me.”

  His laugh sounded hard and mechanical. “Sometimes, Sadie, love isn’t enough. This is one of those times.”

  The door on my side opened, and Kane stood with his hand held out to me. Jax eyes seemed void of emotion.

  “Goodbye, Sadie.”

  I always knew he would have to be the one to end this. I could never walk away from him any other way. But he wanted me to now. He wanted me to leave. I was a hindrance to his life. I couldn’t fit in. I hated myself for my weakness and my emotions. But I knew they were a part of me, and I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t be what he needed. I stepped out of the car and headed toward the door where my mother stood waiting on me. She had known somehow I would be coming back this way. The tears rolled down my face as I made my way to her, and for the first time since I was a little girl, I hurled myself into her arms and wept.

  * * *

  Chapter Fifteen

  I’d never been empty and void before. Even during hard times, I’d had a dream for my future. To live without a daydream or hope for happiness was like walking around dead. There was no future I could see that gave me reason to daydream. I hadn’t left my room for days, I’m not sure how many, but I couldn't bring myself to get up. Jessica stood outside my door everyday and talked to me. She left food that I didn’t eat, and she threatened to have me hospitalized. But when someone doesn’t care if they take their next breath, threats mean nothing.

  Jessica had begun leaving the house for hours at a time. The sound of her car starting up let me know she had left. After sunset, her car returned. She always asked me if I was okay and encouraged me to eat. But I couldn’t eat. My appetite had gone. I knew without my working, we would run out of money, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Something inside me wanted to stay in this room and not move. If I moved, it hurt, and I couldn’t deal with the pain again.

  Somewhere in my darkness a phone rang. The ring of a familiar song that sent arrows through my heart. I knew it was for me, but I couldn’t answer it. His voice on the other line would open the blackness I had wrapped around me. I needed the blackness it kept out the pain that wanted in. So I let it ring. The song eventually stopped, and I knew I’d never hear that ring again. I had the darkness to hold onto. That kept the pain out. It was so much easier this way.

  A knock on my window startled me, and I jumped. The window opened, and I sat motionless, unable to stop the intruder. The fight in me was gone. I watched as my intruder stepped into the darkness, and the familiar face of a friend broke through the dark blanket, and my tears began to fall.

  Marcus sat down beside me against the wall and pulled me into his arms. I went like a child and curled up in his lap and cried. He didn’t speak. He just held me, and his silence and acceptance soothed the pain. When my crying eventually mellowed, I stared up at him and touched his face. He was real, and he was here. Even after I had been the reason he lost his job, he had come
to me in the darkness.

  “Sadie,” he whispered, as if his words might be too much for me. “I need you to eat for me.” He continued and shifted me so I sat beside him.

  I frowned at him, confused. Why was he talking about food?

  “Sadie, listen to me. You have been in here for three days without food or drink. You have to eat, sweetheart, or I'm going to have to take you to the hospital.”

  There they went again, threatening me. I shook my head. I didn’t want food. Marcus held my face in his hands as if I were fragile and might break at any moment.

  “Sadie, do you want to get better?”

  Even in the darkness, I knew I didn’t want to get worse. I did want to get better. I wanted to have a reason to smile.

  “I know you do. Now, I have some water and bread, and I am going to sit right here with you, and I want you to eat for me, okay.” He held the glass of water up to my mouth, and I obediently drank. It wasn’t going to make me better. I knew water wasn’t the answer to the pain, but I drank it anyway. I wanted to take the scared look out of his eyes.

  “Good girl,” he said softly, and he broke a piece of bread and held it up to my mouth. “Now, take a bite for me.”

  I did, and he broke into a grin. Seeing him smile reminded me that I might never smile again.

  “That’s good. Now, take another drink.”

  I did, and he seemed thrilled. So, I ate more as he offered it and drank from the cup in his hands. When I had finished what he brought, he grinned like he had won some kind of medal.

  “You did wonderful. Now, why don’t we get you cleaned up, and we can go down to the beach and watch the waves.”

  I realized I wanted to get out of this room with the darkness. Maybe I could find another way to deal with the pain. The ocean was always soothing. I liked the ocean. I nodded, and he stood and pulled me up. My legs wobbled, and I held on to his arms for support.