Without a Doubt

by Lindsay Paige

  THE ONE GOOD thing to come from this weekend is that I settled things with Glen. I let go of my anger before Sunday, but I hadn't let him know yet. Besides, if there was any anger left, it went away when he brought cookies, which were gone by lunch yesterday, from my mother. When we went to Emerson's bedroom, I told him I was sorry for ignoring him all week. I was mad he lied, but I did put him in the middle, too. I promised I wouldn't ask and he didn't have to offer information. I don't want to pit him against his best friend just because we're family.

  Glen seemed relieved. He doesn't want to be in the middle either. However, he promised that if he knew something and felt like I needed to know, he'd tell me. Only then would he intervene. We hugged and our spat was officially over.

  Then, I had to ruin the entire day by asking how many girls Emerson had slept with. My worries are twice as bad now. He lost his virginity to Kelly. I'm the first girl he's been with since her. Their history scares the hell out of me. I don't know if I should still be worried since it's been a little over a week with no call from Kelly. I do trust Emerson, so what I need to do is stop thinking about her. It's not helping and it's driving me crazy.

  Maybe I was crazy to think I could handle this. And by this, I mean Kelly calling, which she isn't doing anymore apparently. I tug a little too hard on one of my curls in frustration. Then I wash my hands because a customer has walked in, hopefully, my last of the night. I'm working every day this week since I'm taking the weekend off to go home. Emerson's schedule is pretty much the same, so I doubt I'll see him much this week.

  When I make it back to the dorm, Catherine is just arriving as well.

  “What? No Parker tonight?”

  “What? No Emerson tonight?” she smarts back. We walk in, drop our bags, and plop onto the beds. “When is our next break? I'm sick of school already.”

  “Not until next month for fall break. We need a girls' night soon. Emerson's driving me crazy. Well, this thing with Kelly is.”

  Catherine props herself up on her elbows. “She call again?”

  “No, but ever since he told me, I've been driving myself crazy. Not to mention, I asked him how many girls he's had sex with and guess what? It's only me and her.”

  “Why would you ask him that?” she asks, shaking her head in disbelief at me.

  “I don't know!” I throw my hands up before turning my head to look at her, desperate for a change of topic. “How are you and Parker?”

  “I think I'm going to break up with him.” She falls back onto the bed.

  “What? Why?” I sit up and look at her.

  Catherine is quiet for a minute before she finally speaks. “I never thought I would say a guy is too clingy. Or clingy period. But I think he is. He calls or texts too much. He wants to see me all the time. I need space, Eva! Parker is suffocating me.”

  “Sorry. Have you told him? Maybe try that first because you like him, right?”

  She sighs heavily. “Yeah, I like him a lot except for this particular trait.”

  “Then talk to him.”

  Catherine nods. “I guess I will. Better to try and make it work than run the first chance I get, right?”

  “Right.”

  “Besides, I'm woman enough to admit I'll find any reason to run,” she mumbles. “I don't even know why I date.”

  Catherine does have that issue. She's a serial dumper. All she needs is one thing she doesn't like and she's leaving to move onto the next guy. I don't know why because she doesn't ever explain when I ask. Only recently has she admitted it's a problem.

  “Because you want the fairytale ending even though you prevent yourself from getting it.”

  Catherine shoots me a glare. “Don't you have boy trouble to worry about?”

  “Don't you have a book to read?” I mock in return.

  “Good point.” She grabs her book off the nightstand and begins to read.

  I leave her to it, go shower, and start working on homework afterward. All I want to do is sleep. And the problem with homework is that I'm relatively still while I work on it. Having a long day doesn't help either. My phone vibrates with a text.

  Emerson: Long day?

  Me: The longest. Yours?

  Emerson: The same. Are you busy right now?

  Me: No...why?

  Emerson: Come outside and find Sweet Irene. I have a surprise for you.

  “What are you doing?” Catherine asks as I jump off the bed.

  “Emerson is here with a surprise for me.”

  “You saw him two days ago,” she points out.

  “Is he clingy now too?” I tease as I slip my feet into flip-flops and grab a hoodie since I'm in my pajamas with no bra on. It should be cool enough that I won't be too hot.

  Catherine rolls her eyes and I head outside. Emerson's truck isn't in the first row of vehicles facing the building. He must see me though because lights flash on my left. I head that way and see Sweet Irene parked in the second row. My excitement causes me to break out into a run and hop into the truck.

  “Why am I meeting you out here?” I ask as I close the door.

  “Because it's late and I didn't want to disturb whatever Catherine may be doing. Get over here and kiss me.”

  I scoot to the middle seat. Emerson closes the distance between us to kiss me. His lips sliding against mine, his hot, minty breath mingling with mine, and the smooth glide of his tongue as he becomes reacquainted with my mouth is too much. My heart rate soars as my skin flushes with heat. I could kiss him forever. How could I not when he kisses like I'm divine, like he needs to inhale my every breath to survive? His groan when I accidentally rest a hand in the middle of his lap makes me smile.

  “Don't tell me you're my surprise,” I joke breathlessly, breaking our kiss and moving my hand to his thigh after a teasing squeeze.

  “I wish.” His brow furrows as if he's just now realizing what I'm wearing. “Why are you in a hoodie?”

  “I didn't want to waste time with a bra.” The heat in his eyes burns hotter. “What's my surprise, Emerson?” I ask to get us back on track.

  “Would you have still come had I not mentioned one?”

  “Yes, but maybe not as fast,” I grin. “You know, you're slacking with manners now that you're my boyfriend.”

  “How so?”

  “You made me come all this way for a surprise which may not exist. You didn't meet me at the dorm entrance at least and it's dark! What happened to not wanting me to walk alone at night? And you didn't open the truck door for me. You're slacking.”

  He laughs. “I'm sorry. I will do better.”

  “You set my expectations high in the beginning. I'm just saying.” I shrug, trying not to smile.

  “Well, the surprise does exist,” he says. As he reaches out, I notice the two Styrofoam cups from a fast food restaurant. “If you're like me, I interrupted you doing your homework and I thought we could both use a break. And by break, I mean, drinking milkshakes. Chocolate or vanilla?”

  “Vanilla,” I answer and he hands me one of the cups. “Thanks, Emerson.”

  He nods and we begin to suck hard on the straws. I love milkshakes from this place because they are so thick and delicious. By the time you finally get a good flow going, your cheeks ache, but it's well worth it.

  “Tell me about this weekend. What's the plan?”

  “Well,” I begin. “I thought I could stay with you Saturday night. Glen could pick us up Sunday morning and we would drive up. I want to visit my dog, Lady, before the party. Then, we'll head to the dinner and drive home afterward. I figured you'd be sick of me by then and I would drive back to campus.”

  “Plan to stay with me Sunday night.”

  “Why?”

  He smiles. “Because I won't be sick of you by then and since I won't see you again until Saturday, I want all the time with you I can get. I mean, I bought milkshakes as a surprise so I could see you today.”

  I squeeze his thigh. “You don't have to bribe me for my time, you know. I would h
ave come running with or without the surprise because I like you.”

  Emerson leans over to kiss me, his tongue cool and tasting like chocolate. “You're too much for me, Eva,” he whispers against my lips.

  Hopefully, I'm just enough.

  Emerson and I have spent the day shopping for my mother's birthday present. Mom loves bracelets and has more than she'll ever wear probably. It only makes sense I add to that by getting her yet another one. I kept waiting for Emerson to complain about how long it was taking, but he never did. I was pleasantly surprised when he pointed out a bracelet, which ended up being the one I bought.

  Having him there with me and helping me made me fall for him a little harder. When we got back to his apartment, I thought he deserved a little treat. We haven't left his bed since.

  “I'm hungry,” I breathe. Time for dinner has long since passed. “Actually, I'm starving. Let's order a pizza, so we don't have to waste any energy.” I turn my head as Emerson laughs.

  “I just gave you the best orgasm of your life and your first thought afterward is pizza?”

  It was highlight reel worthy, but my stomach is demanding food. “Yes,” I answer simply.

  He leans over the edge of the bed and grabs his jeans off the floor. “What do you want on it?” he asks as he fishes his cell phone out of one of the pockets.

  “Bacon and pineapple.” Emerson raises a brow as he lies on his back, propped up against two pillows. “It's delicious, I promise.”

  “Bacon and pineapple it is.”

  “And get some of those cinnamon stick things and those little bread bite things with the Parmesan cheese.”

  “You read my mind,” he grins.

  While he calls to place our order, I disappear into the bathroom to clean up, grabbing my underwear and his t-shirt on the way since it'll cover me up more than mine would. When I return, he leaves to do the same.

  “Are you nervous about meeting my entire family?” I ask, snuggling against him once he's laid down again.

  “Yeah,” he sighs. “I'm nervous enough to want to back out, but I like you and do want to meet them, so I'm sucking it up.”

  “At least you got a heads up,” I point out. “You didn't tell me until we were already on the way that I would be meeting your parents. And I didn't get a heads up at all when it came to your uncle.”

  “Yeah, but you're amazing and we were still new.”

  “You don't need to worry, Emerson. My family is great and so are you. You're two for two already between Glen and me. You'll be a hit,” I reassure.

  “You're probably right.”

  I laugh. “I was starting to miss those words. It's been a while since you've told me I was right.”

  “You're always right, Eva.”

  When I lift my head, he's smirking. Before I can respond, there's a loud knock coming from the door. Emerson hops out of bed, thankfully already wearing his sweatpants. I can hear him talking and then a few minutes later, he walks in with his arms loaded down with pizza boxes and two cans of Pepsi stacked on top.

  “Dinner is served,” Emerson says, placing the food on the bed.

  “I feel so honored to eat pizza in bed.”

  “You should.”

  He takes a seat next to me, both of us sitting with our legs crisscrossed. He sets the cans on the nightstand, which is on his side of the bed. He hands me the boxes of cinnamon sticks and bread. Then, he opens the pizza box and places them in the top half, opening those.

  “Dig in, Miss Starving.”

  I smile and pick up my first slice. It was just what I wanted, a little slice of delicious heaven to fill me up. We eat quietly with Emerson passing me my drink every so often. Today has been perfect, simply perfect in every way, from the shopping to the sex to the pizza. I'm hoping our perfectness carries over to tomorrow.

  “Are the guys bummed about not being able to come over tomorrow?” I ask, finally finding energy again.

  “Not really. It happens every now and then anyway. How do you think the trip will be with Glen?”

  “Worse than if it was only you and me. Have you ever ridden with him before?” I don't wait for him to answer. “He's a control freak. He controls the AC, the radio, and I'm surprised he doesn't try to control the conversation. He's a good driver though.”

  Emerson laughs. “Are you sure he just doesn't like when someone else gets in his vehicle and starts messing with stuff?” He gives me a pointed look and I roll my eyes.

  “Like I said, he's a control freak.” I glance down at our food. There are two slices of pizza left with half of the sides gone. “We're pigs,” I comment.

  “We earned the right.” He looks thoughtful for a moment, but then he says, “Seeing you chow down on half a pizza all by yourself is a turn on.”

  My jaw drops. “I didn't eat half the pizza!” Right? I've been so busy stuffing myself, I'm not sure, so maybe I did. Then I realize what else he said. “Me eating is turning you on?” I ask, tilting my head and raising a brow. Surely not.

  “You're always turning me on,” he shrugs, closing up the boxes. “We should get ready for bed since it'll take me forever to wake you up in the morning.”

  Just like that, he walks away. Huffing, I go to his bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready for bed. Emerson joins me after a minute or so.

  “Since you're not going to fulfill the standard fantasy of wearing a sports jersey, I'm glad you're doing the wearing my t-shirt one.”

  “You're welcome,” I say with a smile as I brush past him on my way. While it's been a good day, it's also been a long day. I'm nearly asleep before Emerson makes it to bed when his phone rings on the nightstand. I keep my eyes closed and hear him walk into the room.

  My stomach drops when he answers quietly, “Hey, Kelly,” and proceeds to leave the room to talk to her. She's calling again? God, I don't like this at all, but I also know I'm not going to tell Emerson that. I want her to give him closure and let him go already. Hopefully, I can stay quiet until that happens.

  THE MIXTURE OF guilt and happiness I feel when I see that number on my cell phone is overwhelming. At least the ringing didn't wake Eva up. She fell asleep quickly tonight. I kick back on the couch with the phone pressed to my ear.

  “How are you?”

  “Fine. How are you? You sound tired,” I say.

  “It's been quite a day is all.” There's an undercurrent of defeat in her tone.

  “Everything okay?” I ask.

  “Yes, of course.” She pauses before adding, “Are you surprised to hear from me?”

  “Yeah. Every call is a surprise. I never thought it would be this way with you,” I confess. All the memories of our time together surge forward with a touch of longing. What we had was spectacular and she wanted to put it on hold or let it go, whatever her true intentions were. I can't help but ask, “Why did you want the break, Kelly?”

  “I already told you,” she says softly.

  Before she can repeat what she told me over a year ago, I interrupt her. “Are you sure that's why?”

  “Yes.”

  I sigh. She isn't giving me anything. “Do you regret it?”

  Kelly is quiet for so long, I double check to make sure I didn't lose the call. “No, I don't,” she says with conviction. “Even though it may not always feel like it, I know I made the best decision for us.” Before I can comment, she speaks again. “Besides, aren't you happy with your girlfriend?”

  “Yeah,” I answer automatically. “But—”

  “Then that's all that matters.”

  “No, it isn't!” Anger floods me as my hands turn into fists and I clench my jaw. “How can I move on when I feel like we're not over? We're unfinished and unresolved because you wanted a two-year break. And now, halfway through, you start calling me. What am I supposed to do with that, Kelly? I don't know what you want from me and I don't know how to stop feeling like I'm in the middle of two women when there's only one. You can't tell me you want a break with some shitty excuses and tha
t you want me to see other people. Because then I don't know what to do when I meet someone like—” I stop short before I can say her name.

  “I don't know what I'm supposed to do,” I continue, calming myself and ejecting the fury from my tone. “I've known you since I was five and you've always been in my life. You were my best friend, Kelly. I can't let you go without an explanation.”

  Her voice is soft with resignation. “I wanted you to know it's possible to be happy without me.”

  “Why?” That doesn't make sense.

  “Emerson, you were going away to college and I didn't want you to feel tied down to what you were leaving behind.”

  “But I wasn't leaving you behind,” I adamantly tell her. “You didn't have to make these decisions for me. I loved you. I didn't feel tied down. I was ready to take on the world with you, Kelly, and then you asked for a fucking break.” I wince a little as the anger returns. We argued here and there, but I've never felt this furious with her.

  Silence answers me until she says, “I'm tired, Emerson. I'm going to go.”

  “Okay, bye,” I sigh.

  She ends the call and I take a deep breath, wanting to clear my head before going to bed. I used to understand Kelly. There were never any doubts, never any misunderstandings, and now, she confuses the hell out of me all the time. The conversation has left me exhausted, so I stand and head to bed. A smile lifts my lips when I see Eva, wrapped up in her comforter like a caterpillar in a cocoon.

  I climb in beside her, kiss her temple, and settle in, feeling more relaxed by being near her.

  Eva's been quiet all morning, but I think it's just her usual morning grouchiness. She tossed and turned all night, so I don't think she slept well. When we meet Glen outside, she goes for the backseat, so I take the front passenger.

  “Eva says you're terrible to ride with, Glen,” I tell him.

  He chuckles. “Only because I don't let her control everything. What did you get Aunt Beth for her birthday?” he asks her.

  “A bracelet,” she answers.

  Glen laughs. “Me too.”

  Eva's hometown is only an hour away. Glen and I talk for forty-five minutes of it before he asks the same question I'm thinking.