“Ignore them,” Ian says. “A bunch of nosy people is all.” There’s a man standing outside of the room, dressed similarly to Ian. “This is Zane. He’s a teammate and a good friend. Z, this is Sydney and Savannah.”
“Hey, Zane!” Savannah says first.
I give him a small wave as he fist-bumps Savannah. We start walking.
“How was it in there?” Zane asks Ian.
“A madhouse.” Ian looks over at me. “How was it for you? I forgot that Sylvia would be nosy.”
I shrug. “I’d rather not do it again.”
He frowns, but doesn’t say anything else.
“I’m the sane one,” Zane says. “Most of the guys are pretty cool, but you have to watch out for some of them and their women. Sylvia is nosy and unless Scotty is around, she’s hard to contain. Most of the rest that you would hang with are cool, though.”
“I noticed.”
“How does it feel to be a dad?” he asks Ian.
“I’ll let you know when I feel like one.”
“Seem to be doing okay so far.”
On our short walk out of the building and to my car, Savannah falls asleep on Ian’s shoulder. It’s past her bedtime.
Ian shrugs at his comment. “All I did was carry her outside. I’ll catch up with you later. You seeing Deanna tonight?”
Zane shakes his head. “She said she had other things to do. Nice to meet you, Sydney.”
“You too.”
“How bad was it with Sylvia?” Ian asks.
“Awkward at first, but no one talked to me for the most part.”
“Really?” He seems surprised, but doesn’t see my nod since he’s loading Savannah into her car seat. She wakes up and smiles at him.
“Hey, show Daddy what we do when the Rebels score and that horn goes off.”
Savannah’s arms shoot up and she shouts, “Goal!”
Ian grins. “You are too cute.” Savannah gets a grin of her own at that. They say their goodbyes and Ian closes the door before facing me. “Thanks for coming.”
“No problem. I think she had fun.”
The lull that follows is awkward. We’ve never had any pauses where we didn’t know what to say. We’ve always had something to say. There’s never been any awkward silences. I hate this. It reminds me that things between us are not fine. Not even close.
“How long are you going to be mad at me?” I whisper, suddenly feeling emotional. I’ve been mad at Ian plenty of times. He’s given me lots of reasons to get pissed with him, not all of them fully justified, but not once has he ever been mad at me. I don’t know what to do with it. I don’t know how to handle it. I definitely do not like it. A stupid tear escapes and I quickly wipe it away.
Ian stuffs his hands into his pockets and shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“I forgave you for everything you did.”
“What did I do?” he asks as if he’s completely innocent.
“You cheated on someone with me, Ian! You broke my heart! You lied to me about living here.”
“And if you truly forgave me, you would be my girlfriend, but you’re not. I’m calling bullshit.” He shakes his head and rubs his beard. “Go home, Sydney. We can argue some other time.” He turns, walking away without another word.
God, I hate when he’s right.
“How’s it going with Ian?” Logan asks. It’s Wednesday and we’re having lunch together.
I shrug. “Fine. He’s still trying to get used to the idea of being a parent.”
“I guessed that. I meant between the two of you. Since he found out, you keep looking at your phone, but you aren’t actually on it. You’ve been moping. He must not be talking to you anymore.”
“I haven’t been moping!” I defend. “And he does text me some, but it usually has to do with Savannah.”
“So, I’m right.”
“Yeah,” I begrudgingly admit, causing him to laugh.
“What is it about him? Seriously? You’ve dated other people, but you always resort to him, even though you aren’t with him. Carey and I send you on dates all the time. They never go anywhere. You won’t let him go, but you won’t be with him either. What’s the deal with that?”
I’ve asked myself those questions many, many times. Why can’t I give him up? Why do we keep coming back together? All I keep coming back to is that he’s just Ian. He’s been so many firsts for me. He knows so much about me. I can’t picture life without him.
Apparently, I’ve been thinking too long.
“Okay, forget that he’s Savannah’s dad and that you love him, but don’t want to love him. He, Carey, and I are your best friends. If we were all drowning in the ocean and you could only save one of us, who would you save?”
“Ian,” I answer immediately. My cheeks redden because there wasn’t even a second of hesitation. Hell, Logan barely had time to finish asking the question.
“Damn, Syd. Don’t take time to think about it.”
“Sorry. I mean, I love y’all.”
“Yeah, yeah.” He waves me off. “We’re replaceable. He isn’t.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” I start with a frown.
He laughs. “That’s basically what you just said when you saved him from drowning. It’s okay. I get it, I guess. How would you feel if he all of a sudden left for good and said he wanted nothing to do with you ever again?”
“I’d be devastated.” I’m halfway there just hearing him say it. My heart hurts to think about that as a possibility.
“So, are y’all going to start dating, then? You’re all set to be with him.”
“To your delight, I’m sure, probably not. Ian’s pretty pissed at me for waiting so long to tell him about Savannah once I knew that he didn’t know. I just want things to go back to normal.”
“So, you want him to be a father to your child, be your best friend, and warm your bed at night, but you don’t want to have a relationship with him?” My eyes widen. “Don’t look so surprised. No one comes home from work looking like they just had great sex. We could tell and considering you lied, we knew it had to be him.”
My shoulders sag. I ignore that they apparently knew and focus on what he said before that. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Stop being stubborn, Syd. He’s the only one you’ve ever wanted. He hurt you; you’ve hurt him. Consider yourselves even and move on. If he can get over you keeping the Savannah secret, then jump on the opportunity he gives you.”
“Since when do you even like Ian?” None of this makes sense!
“Since I realized hoping you wouldn’t was hopeless. Besides, if he makes you happy, then I guess I can live with that.”
I laugh at his answer. “Good to know.”
“And he’s a pro athlete which means he makes a lot of money. Let him take care of you and Savannah.”
“You had to go and ruin it, didn’t you?” I don’t want anyone to take care of me and I don’t care if Ian has money or not. I’d much rather he be good to Savannah and me.
“Hey, I’m just saying it would be a perk. When does he get back into town?”
“Monday, I think.”
“Then you tell him that you two need to talk and I’ll make sure Savannah is taken care of. You need to figure things out between the two of you and you can’t do that with her around. Go on and text him right now.”
“And say what?”
“Just hand me your phone.” I don’t know why he says this because he reaches over and plucks it off the table before I can hold it hostage. “I’ll do it myself.”
“I think I liked you better when you were Anti-Ian.”
“And I think I liked you better when you were happy and fucking him. Time to get y’all together once and for all even if I have to help. There you go.” He gives me my phone, so I can see the text he sent.
Me: Ian, I’m sorry. I miss you. Can we get together, just the two of us, when you get back?
He shouldn’t have sent the text because now it’s going to be
agony waiting for him to respond. Not to mention that he might say no. Ian might finally give up on me after what I’ve done.
God, I hope not.
We’re on a bus on the way back to the hotel after the game. I’m checking my phone as Scotty takes a seat next to me. There’s a text from Sydney, but I put the screen to sleep and look to Scott.
“What’s up?”
“I, um, first want to say that I’m sorry I’m about to turn into my wife, but it’s one question and I’m only looking out for you.” I don’t like where this is going, so I brace myself. “Are you sure Savannah is yours? I don’t know much about your situation, but—”
“I trust Sydney more than anyone else,” I interrupt to answer him.
He nods. “Okay. That’s good enough for me. I also wanted to give you this in case you might need it.” He hands me a business card for a lawyer. “He’s a fantastic guy, and I can promise that if you tell him you want everyone’s best interests kept in mind, then that’s what he’ll do. He could answer any questions you may have or do whatever you may want him to do. Just tell them I referred you and his assistant will be sure to get you an appointment.”
“Thanks.” I slip the card into my wallet, wondering why in the world Scott knows a lawyer who deals with family situations and has his business card on hand. Maybe there’s something about him and Sylvia that I don’t know.
“No problem. If you need any help in the parenting realm, I’m around for that, too. She can hang out with the girls, if she wants.”
“Thanks.” Then, I realize I do have a question. Probably not the one he’s expecting, but it’ll do. “I was wanting to maybe teach Savannah how to skate.”
Scott starts nodding. “I’ll text you where Stella gets her lessons.”
I nod because I’m tired of saying thanks. Scott returns to his seat and I finally read Sydney’s message. So, she wants to get together. Now that she might lose me, she finally wants me? I scoff. We arrive at the hotel, and I think about this screwed up situation as Zane and I walk to the lobby to wait for the elevators to decongest with people. What’s fucked up about this situation is that both of the people I would discuss this with are the people who screwed me over to start with.
Dad is on the shit list until further notice. It’s somehow easier to shut him out than to do the same thing to Sydney. Dad and I have always had a good relationship, aside from the past few years when he would comment his disapproval over my relationship with Sydney. She’s been the only point of contention between us. That and the fact that now that I’m older I have less to do with my mother and my sisters, who turned out just like my mother. We don’t talk about them that often, though.
“What are you mulling about over there?” Zane asks.
“My fucked up life.”
“Everyone’s life is fucked up in some way.”
“How is your life fucked up?” I ask curiously.
He laughs, but I’m not sure that it’s genuine. “Currently? Well, you know that Deanna is a bit of a free spirit and she likes the idea of no strings attached, right?”
“Yeah. That’s why you like her.” There isn’t a relationship between them as far as I know. They go out sometimes, and they fuck, but there’s not an actual relationship. Ha. Sounds a bit like my history with Sydney.
“I’m pretty sure she’s seeing at least one other person.”
I lean forward. “At least?”
“Yep. When she’s with me, she’s totally with me, but when we’re not, I’m pretty sure she’s with other people. Which is fine because she said she doesn’t want to be tied down, but I guess I wasn’t really expecting for her to be sleeping with someone else at the same time.”
“You should probably cut your ties, Z.” Only because I think he’s starting to really like her. I’ve never met her because that would mean a string is being formed, according to Deanna.
“The sex is amazing. I think I’ll stick around.”
I laugh and we finally head up to our rooms. Once there, I unlock my phone once again to reply to Sydney. I go with my gut instead of my head or my upset heart.
Me: I can do something Monday afternoon.
I’m surprised when she texts me back immediately.
Sydney: Thank you.
Me: Why are you up?
It’s about two in the morning back home.
Sydney: I’m at work. It’s a little slow at the moment. Where are you? Why are you up?
Me: Calgary. Just got into bed. There was a game tonight.
It bums me out that she hasn’t looked at the schedule to figure it out, but Sydney isn’t a sports fan. She isn’t going to suddenly get interested now. The most she asked when I was in college was if we won once I brought up the game. It’s not even that she needs to like it or be a fan. I want her to support me and my job. Ask how my day was, which doesn’t even have to mean asking how the game went. Know where the hell I am. Just care.
Honestly, it bothers me that she works the shift she does, even though I know it’s the only one she can do and make it work. If I knew she would let me pay for all her bills while she focused on school, I’d offer in a heartbeat. Sydney wouldn’t ever go for that. She probably wouldn’t see why I would want to do that in the first place.
Sydney: I hope you had a good day. We’ll talk later, I guess.
Me: Sydney?
Sydney: Ian.
Me: I miss you, too.
“Okay, we have to know what the hell happened with you and your woman and you’re going to tell us, yeah?” Noah says, glancing around the table where EJ, Marc, and Zane also sit. We’re in Winnipeg because there’s a game tomorrow, but right now, we’re at a restaurant for a late lunch.
“You actually want to know?”
“I’m only mildly curious, but Mere won’t shut the hell up about it. I think she’s been hanging around Sylvia too much.”
“I actually want to know,” Marc says.
“It is a bit interesting that you suddenly have a kid you never mentioned with the girl who wasn’t your girlfriend and the kid isn’t a baby either, so it’s not like it just happened,” EJ adds.
“It’s a long story,” I say. They all shrug. With that, I start from the beginning. By the time I finish, they seem speechless. I didn’t leave anything out.
“And now,” Zane starts. “He basically doesn’t know when to stop being pissed at her and get back to annoying the hell out of her into being with him.”
I shoot him a glare. I didn’t annoy her before. I was simply insistent.
“Sounds to me like you’ve already stopped being pissed at her,” EJ says. “You’re meeting with her when we get back, right? If you spend any time alone with her, you’re probably done for. If you’re not ready to forgive her, I would cancel.”
“I disagree,” Noah says. “If you love her and you want to be with her, then you better get started on that now, especially if she might be resistant at first because of your past.”
“I say do whatever the fuck you want, Bruiser. You don’t want too many people butting into your relationship with advice.”
Everyone nods at that.
“But you’re all saying you would forgive her?”
“It’s not about what we would do; it’s about what you would do,” Noah says.
“I can see her side of it.”
Everyone looks at Zane, who shrugs from the attention. “You came back into her life. She was shocked you didn’t know on top of you hounding her for her forgiveness. And then, things went right back to normal between the two of you. Once that happened, she lost her moment to say anything without any consequences and you were pushing for more. I can see how she let it go on for so long. You said so yourself that she’s scared of being with you and you didn’t get it. You should now. On top of everything else, she has a little girl to look after and take care of.”
Well. Leave it to Z to shock the hell out of me. That makes more sense to me, even though it definitely doesn’t excuse her action
s. Man, I wish I was home to see her. The rest of lunch is free of any talk about me or Sydney, which I’m grateful for. I want to focus on the remaining games on this trip, so that when I get back to Raleigh, I can focus on Sydney.
The next day, we’re on the ice. Less than a minute into the game, the Jets score a goal. But thirty seconds later, they turn it over in the neutral zone and Nathan O’Donnell is the one who ends up with it. Donny is halfway to the net when he rears his stick back. The puck dances through the air. The goalie lifts his body, but it goes right over his shoulder.
Tie game!
There is energy from the start, obviously. The fans are rowdy and loud with their chants. Kellan Hellsberg fights for the puck behind our net and I keep an eye on those around me. The puck comes free, going toward the guy I’m closest to, so I poke my stick out to try to get it while bumping into him while I’m at it. Ross Strome is right there with me.
Rossy helps me clear it from the boards and thankfully, it goes in the direction of Gus Zito. He darts down the ice with a pair of Jets on his heels. Soon, we’re all following after him as the play goes down the ice. He takes a shot. There’s a ring of the iron as it bounces off. As the play starts to head back down the ice, I head for the bench for a line change.
Aaron Peters steals the puck, which gets stolen back, and we spend some time in our own zone before finally heading down the ice. Tommy nearly loses a pass to him, but he quickly recovers and shoots. The goalie’s arm waves up, but he misses.
Two-one game.
The first game of this road trip, we lost, so it would be great to win this one and the next one and have a good trip overall. We seem to be on top of it tonight; the other night, Brayden took too many penalties. Granted, I took a few myself and so did some other guys. Basically, the penalties killed us. Coach was pissed. We’re supposed to behave tonight and keep our hands and sticks to ourselves.
So far, so good. I have a feeling we’ll be able to come away with the win tonight at least. As long as we can keep the pace and take advantage of every opportunity we get. That’s the game plan. Let’s just hope we can stick to it.
There’s a banging on my door. It’s Monday and I’m back home. We won the last two road games, so I’m feeling pretty damn good today. I’m supposed to meet with Sydney soon, and I’m not expecting anyone, so I’m curious as to who may be here. The banging is persistent and loud, annoying really. I jog to get there faster and open the door.
It's Our Time (Carolina Rebels Book 4) Page 4
