Jackson's Destiny (Sawyer Brothers #2)

by C. A. Harms

  Jackson’s Destiny

  Book Two of the Sawyer Brothers Series

  C.A. Harms

  Jackson’s Destiny

  Copyright © 2015 by C.A. Harms.

  All rights reserved.

  First Print Edition: October 2015

  Limitless Publishing, LLC

  Kailua, HI 96734

  www.limitlesspublishing.com

  Formatting: Limitless Publishing

  ISBN-13: 978-1-68058-328-1

  ISBN-10: 1-68058-328-X

  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to locales, events, business establishments, or actual persons—living or dead—is entirely coincidental.

  Dedication

  Losing someone is never easy. You can never be prepared, and even when you know it is coming, it hurts all the same. Treasure each moment, because you never know when it may be your last.

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Epilogue

  Prologue

  Jackson

  In a matter of minutes, my world changed forever.

  We were all standing in the lobby of Heavenly Temptations, watching Bailey fume at Amber’s mother when the phone rang. The pain and sadness in my momma’s voice as I answered immediately put me on high alert.

  “Jackson, please hurry, he won’t get up, and he won’t open his eyes. I don’t know if he’s even breathing.”

  The fear that hit me almost stopped my heart. My eyes locked on Ryan’s for only a split second before I spun around on my heel and raced out the door of the bakery toward my truck. I didn’t even take the time to hang up my phone.

  The entire drive to my parents’ home was a blur. I don’t remember turning onto Thomas Drive or speeding up Campton Lane, yet I could hear the wail of the sirens from my brother’s squad car as it followed me. I couldn’t get my mother’s words out of my head. Images of my father lying helpless on the ground ate away at me with each mile marker that passed.

  I didn’t even turn off the engine when I slid to a stop right next to the ambulance on the gravel of the driveway. I jumped out, leaving the door open, and sprinted toward the barn with my brothers close behind. I could hear their footsteps in the gravel and both of them calling my name, yet I didn’t hesitate for a second.

  As I rounded the corner of the barn, the scene hit me. My throat immediately went dry, and chills covered my body. A sense of helplessness washed over me, something I was not familiar with.

  My father lay just outside of Midnight’s stall with two paramedics kneeling over him. My mother sat on the ground not even three feet away, staring at the man she had spent her life loving, tears rolling down her cheeks. The strong, confident woman I knew, whose presence alone made the three of us boys cower, looked so frail and devastated.

  I wanted to rush to her, comfort her, yet my feet would not move. My gaze shifted back to the man who I could say without a doubt was my best friend and my hero from day one. My father had always been the one person I could turn to no matter what, someone who accepted me without judgment.

  I just couldn’t fathom the scene before me. It was almost surreal, like watching something from a movie.

  Noah rushed past me toward my mother, and Ryan stepped up to my side. The sounds of more sirens blaring only made my heart beat faster.

  The male paramedic began compressions on my father’s chest as the young woman at his side monitored Dad’s pulse. I felt as if I had tunnel vision as I focused on the man’s lips as he counted out before each pump of his hands. When he stopped and looked down at my father before shifting his gaze toward the woman, my own line of vision followed his.

  A small shake of her head brought from my mama one of the saddest sounds I had ever heard in my life, a cry of pure agony and despair. The life we had led with the most amazing man any of us had ever known would now only be memories.

  My eyes blurred with tears as I took a step toward my father. A strong hand gripped my arm to stop me, but I jerked it away. I reached Dad’s side in three long strides, crumbled to my knees, and placed my hand against his chest. I didn’t speak, just stared back at the man who molded me into who I was today.

  “I’m so sorry.” A soft whisper broke the silence, but I couldn’t look away from my father. The young paramedic inched back, allowing me the time I needed to accept that the man before me was gone.

  I couldn’t speak. I felt like I was breathing in fire, and my chest ached with every breath. I struggled to hold myself together, but I was slowly falling apart. The idea of a world without my father in it was something I couldn’t wrap my head around. Just three hours ago, we were sitting on the back porch, drinking coffee, and going over everything that needed to be done on the ranch.

  Now he was gone.

  I’m not an emotional man, but as the loss washed over me, tears filled my eyes and I hung my head, giving in to the overwhelming sense of loss that filled my stomach and made my heart ache. In that moment, I realized just how sad and lonely the world could feel.

  Chapter One

  Bailey

  I wiped the tears from my cheeks and gently blew my nose as I watched everyone begin to walk away from the graveside. Off in the distance, Ryan and Noah were attempting to console Jackson. He was always so assured and confident—hell, he intimidated me, and that was not an easy task. But today he was holding back his emotions. The death of their father was devastating to all of them, but Jackson in particular just seemed lost.

  After the services, we all came back to the ranch to pay our respects to the family. I felt a little out of place, but Amber insisted I was part of this group too.

  I let my gaze wander around the porch, and the moment it landed on Olivia, my chest ached heavily. The sweet girl had already lost so much, and now she had another loss to bear. Her gorgeous blue eyes were highlighted by glossy tears. Red and swollen, her lower lip trembled as she attempted to hold it together. Amber sat at her side, holding her hand, offering comfort.

  Olivia looked up, and her eyes met mine. She forced a smile, and damn if it didn’t make me feel nauseous. Too many memories came back all at once, along with the raw, exposed feeling of loss. Yes, the circumstances were different, but the outcome was the same. We were both lear
ning to live a life without someone we loved being a part of it.

  On my way to Gabe’s apartment that day, I told myself I had allowed him enough time to regroup. He’d been home from his deployment to Afghanistan for a few weeks, and it was time for him to rejoin society. I planned to force him to go to Lake Michigan for the day with a group of our friends who had decided to make a day of it. If he refused, I had a bag of chick flicks I would force him to watch.

  When I found him hanging from the beam that separated his kitchen and living room, I was shaken to my very core. Gabe had always been my hero, the big brother that kept me safely tucked at his side, shielding me from all harm. We were always so close, and we’d shared a lot of the same interests and dreams. His death broke something inside of me. Something I knew would never fully heal.

  Today brought back so many memories of that dark time. My world had fallen apart in the blink of an eye. Not only had I lost my brother that day, but my once-loving family became cold and angry. My father blamed my mother, and in turn she blamed him. Neither of them wanted to admit we’d all missed the signs. We all thought Gabe needed time to heal from what he’d been through in the war, when in reality he needed us to save him. We’d all failed him, and in the end, the world lost an amazing man.

  “You okay?” Amber asked as she placed her hand on my shoulder. I hadn’t even realized I was crying. This entire day brought back so many feelings I wasn’t prepared for, including that deep emptiness nothing could fill.

  I nodded and wiped away the tears that had escaped. “Yeah,” I whispered hoarsely. “I’m okay.”

  I could tell by the look on her face that she didn’t believe a word I had said. Amber knew me too well.

  I looked past Amber and noticed Ryan approaching from behind. He wrapped his arm around her waist and placed a gentle kiss on her temple.

  “We’re gonna take Jackson for a ride. He needs to clear his head, and being here with all this as a reminder doesn’t seem to be offering any peace,” he said.

  I looked back out at the stables and found Jackson still sitting in the same spot, his head hung as his elbows rested against his knees. My heart instantly ached for him.

  “Do you wanna take Liv home? Maybe do something to keep her mind busy?” he asked. “Aunt Jeannie is staying with Mom for a few days.”

  “Sure,” Amber assured him as she rubbed his arm soothingly before giving him a kiss. “Bailey and I can take her back to the bakery. Spend some time with your brothers. If you need me, just promise me you’ll call.”

  “I will, baby,” he whispered before kissing her once more.

  My chest tightened as I took in the love they shared. Ryan adored Amber, and I longed to have a man look at me and adore me the way he did her.

  After gathering Olivia, we walked to my new Jeep and piled inside. As I backed down the driveway, I looked toward the barn one last time and saw Jackson hunched over at the waist as both his brothers knelt at his sides, consoling him. Watching his grief made me feel so raw inside, as if his pain was my own.

  When we arrived back at the bakery, we busied ourselves baking cookies and even slinging batter at one another on occasion to provide Olivia with as much distraction as we could. I too tried to refrain from letting my mind wander, but I couldn’t shake the grief. I may not have known Bill too well, but he was a good man, and he had meant so much to his family that everyone felt their sadness.

  Chapter Two

  Jackson

  I hated feeling helpless. I didn’t like the lack of control or the inability to make the hurt go away. But the ache in my chest and the emptiness my father’s death brought upon me were things I knew I would never get over. I felt hollow. I knew my brothers were only trying to help, but I honestly just wanted to be left alone to grieve. I wasn’t used to showing weakness around others, so it was something I definitely didn’t want to share.

  I had tried more than a dozen times to enter the barn, but I just couldn’t do it. Every fucking time I tried, the vision of my father lying helpless on the ground came crashing back. Seeing it the first time was crippling enough; the flashbacks felt a hundred times worse.

  “Let’s just take a ride,” Noah offered. “We’ll take the path Dad always led us on. Check on the gates, the fence. We’ll just ride, brother.”

  His voice wavered when he mentioned our father, and I only shook my head as I looked out over the open land. The sun had begun to set, and the rays of light glistened off the lake in the distance, highlighting it.

  “Then let’s just take a walk,” Ryan said.

  “I can’t. I just need some time.” I tried to control my irritation, but I was nearing my breaking point. “I know you guys are trying to help, to offer support.” I turned to face my brothers. “But right now, I’m feeling like I’m gonna lose my shit, and when that happens, I just need to be alone.”

  Tears were not an option, not now. That was something I needed solitude for.

  Noah stepped forward, and I held up my hand. “You can’t fix this, Noah. You can’t give me your words of wisdom and make everything all right. It will never be all right, no matter what you say.”

  “We all lost him, Jack,” Ryan said.

  “Yeah, and each one of us will deal with it differently. This is me dealing. I need to be alone for a while. Just give me that,” I begged.

  Ryan nodded as he placed his hand on Noah’s shoulder. I could see the battle in Noah’s eyes. He didn’t like the idea of leaving me, but Ryan tugged him back, giving him no choice.

  “You call. I don’t give a shit what time. You need me, you need us, and you call.” Ryan stared at me until I nodded in agreement.

  I turned on my heel and began to walk down the hill in the direction of my place.

  Right now, drowning out the ache inside sounded real good. I had a bottle of Johnnie Walker that promised to make my troubles go way, even if it was only for a little while.

  ***

  I woke to a loud, incessant pounding on my front door. Startled from my drunken stupor, I sat up quickly, spilling half a glass of whiskey over my lap. The pounding continued, and I looked down at the crotch of my jeans, which now looked as if I had pissed myself.

  “What the fuck?” I mumbled before rubbing my tongue against the roof of my mouth. A nasty-as-hell taste lingered from my night of drinking. The knocking continued as I stumbled over the throw pillows on my couch and staggered across the room before I fell against the wall at the side of my front door. I groaned as I twisted the handle and yanked the door open, shielding my eyes from the sunlight that spilled in.

  “What the hell?” I asked, backing up so the awning on my porch would cut out enough of the light for me to get a better view.

  “Don’t ‘what the hell’ me,” Noah said, and I squinted as I looked back at my brothers standing on the front porch, looking back with concerned expressions. “We’ve been beating on your door for close to thirty minutes.”

  Ryan brushed past me as he walked inside and wrinkled his nose in disgust. “This place smells like ass.”

  “Shit, it smells worse than ass, what is that?” Noah asked as he leaned down and picked up an open can with the label hanging half the way off it. Syrupy contents dripped onto the hardwood floor. “Is this dog food?”

  I took it from his grasp. “No, asshole, its corn-beef hash.” I twisted the can from side to side, second-guessing myself. I had no memory of even opening it, yet it looked familiar.

  “You sure it ain’t dog food?” Noah asked.

  I shook my head. “It ain’t dog food, dumbass. It’s hash. I just can’t remember eating it.” I turned back toward the couch and flopped down against the cushions.

  Ryan scanned the room before his gaze settled on me. “You get so drunk that you pissed yourself too?”

  I let my head fall against the couch and let out a huff. “It’s whiskey. You smartasses made me dump it on myself when you beat on my door.” I looked up just in time to catch the two of them look at one ano
ther like I was full of shit. “You don’t believe me, take a whiff.” I grabbed my crotch and smirked up at them.

  I was definitely still drunk. Hell, the room was still spinning and they both looked like they were swaying back and forth.

  “Ain’t smelling your dick, man, especially since I don’t know where it’s been,” Noah taunted.

  He was always trying to get a rise out of me, and on any other day it would work. Today I just didn’t have it in me to care. So I ignored his dig and relaxed my head back against the cushions once more.

  “So you ready to go tend to the horses?” Noah asked.

  “We got a shipment of feed and the thoroughbred coming in later today. The stall needs to be hosed down and stocked before two,” Ryan reminded me.

  “You guys take it,” I said while keeping my eyes closed.

  “We’ll help, but you need to lead the way, brother. This show is yours now.” Ryan was not going to let me back out.

  The reminder that my father was no longer here hit me deep in the gut. I could run this ranch with my eyes closed. I had been doing it right alongside Dad since I was in junior high. But running the place wasn’t the problem; it was the knowledge I no longer had my father at my side. We’d always started our days out the same, with a cup of coffee on the back deck while discussing the daily chores that would need to be completed.

  I swallowed past the burn in my throat. “I can’t,” I confessed. “Not yet.” The emotions filling my chest were threatening to spill over.

  “Jack.” Ryan’s voice was hesitant. Of all people he knew where my head was right now. After his wife, Claire, died, he checked out for months, then years. He pushed everyone away, pretending he was okay when on the inside he was falling apart.

  I felt the couch dip at my side but refused to look up. “Life will always be different now, feel different,” he said. “It feels like the actions and tasks of everyday life are pointless now. Believe me, I know. We all lost Dad, and it hurts.”