Handpicked

by Dani Oden

  "Come up with a plan to save the chapter? Try to enjoy ourselves? Spend some time with our pledge sisters? Study? Watch some Netflix? Read a magazine?" I rattled off, spooning peas onto my plate.

  "Eh," she said. "I just don't see the point. I might pack,"

  "Suit yourself," I said, reaching the end of the buffet line.

  "What are you going to do?" she asked me.

  "I’m not sure," I said honestly. I knew what I wanted to do, but I wasn’t certain I could pull it off.

  After dinner, the members of Exec were all closed in Sister President's room for what seemed like their twentieth meeting of the day, leaving the rest of us without news and without any hope. I left Lindy’s couch to head downstairs to call my mom. I had four missed calls and three voicemails from her, each insisting I call to tell her I was okay and to explain the news articles she’d been getting emailed to her from the Iota Beta Parents Club.

  I walked slowly, dreading the call. It was impossible not to notice how eerily quiet our house was. The only sound I heard was canned laughter from a familiar sitcom laugh track. Someone down the hall was watching reruns to pass the time. Practically the entire house had all retreated to their closet rooms in silent acceptance of our fate.

  Just as I was about to start down the stairs, I heard someone stirring in the foyer below me. I stopped right in my tracks.

  It didn’t sound right.

  It wasn’t a girl coming home from a late class, or someone just getting back after a long weekend. It wasn’t fraternity boys sneaking in for a prank. This was someone rustling around, searching for something.

  I could tell it was a she. I could hear a soft female voice humming an eerie song. She had hard, uneven footsteps, maybe from carrying something heavy or wearing shoes that were too big for her, or both.

  I scanned the hallway to see if anyone else was around and hearing what I was hearing. There was no one. I was totally alone.

  I sank down onto the top step, hoping I could listen without being spotted. I held my phone tight in my hand, unlocking the home screen in case I needed to dial 9-1-1.

  The noise stopped, and there was a silence that lasted so long I was afraid I’d been spotted. Where had she gone? My heart began to pound in my chest, and I could feel the blood throbbing through every single one of my veins.

  I didn’t dare check over the railing. Was she watching me? I held my breath, glancing around, trying to determine my quickest exit route if she came after me. Just as the beads of sweat began to form on my forehead, I heard something wet get poured all over the floor, like she’d taken one of the flower vases and turned it over.

  Then there was a loud crash and the sound of shattering glass. I about jumped out of my skin, so shaken up that I barely heard her footsteps run through the living room and out the back door.

  A few girls in nearby rooms poked their heads out, with varying amounts of fear and curiosity on their faces.

  “Was there a noise…?” one girl asked. Her eyebrows lifted with concern when she saw my face.

  “What happened?” another said.

  “She was here,” I gasped. “She was here, again.”

  “She?” the nearest girl said.

  “It’s a she,” I confirmed, rising to my feet. “I heard her.”

  I darted down the stairs, with a line of girls following close behind me.

  There was blood everywhere, pooling on the ground, running in the cracks of the tile, staining the grout and slowly oozing like a drink spilled at the movie theater. Tiny chunks of darker flesh sat in the puddle resembling wet trash after rain.

  At first, no one made a sound. But then, someone behind me, I don’t know who, screamed.

  The smell reached me first, making me gag. It hit the girls behind me next, and I heard their coughing and sputtering. It was one of the worst smells I ever experienced in my life, like sewage mixed with the fish counter at the grocery store. I instinctively covered my nose and my mouth with both hands.

  Only after I moved to make room for all of the other girls did I notice there was blood on the wall, too. The glass on our framed composite picture, the sorority’s version of a yearbook, had been shattered and the blood thrown on the photos. The mess on the floor came from drips running down the jagged glass edges like gory icicles stabbing at the ground.

  TWENTY-FOUR

  I probably should have stayed. I knew the police would have wanted to get a statement from me about what I heard and saw.

  But, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t stay there for one more minute. I was tired of creepy surprises, of feeling threatened, of being afraid. The only thing keeping me from turning into a complete mess right there in our bloody entryway was the thought of leaving. And so, as soon as I could get a text sent off to Tad, and as soon as I could tell Lindy where I was going, I left. I went straight through the commotion and out the front door.

  Most of the reporters were gone, and the few remaining were smoking cigarettes and not paying much attention to the front door. I was halfway down the sidewalk before they even focused their cameras.

  The rain from earlier in the day had mostly stopped, but the street was still wet and sparkling under the moonlight. I stepped between the puddles, careful not to splash on my jeans.

  Tad got my text. He was waiting for me at the end of the block with a baseball hat pulled down so snugly over his ears that the only part of his face I could see underneath the shadowy bill was his smile. He greeted me with a kiss on the forehead and a squeeze on my arm.

  "How’s it going over there?" he asked.

  "You don’t want to know,” I said.

  "That bad?" he said.

  “That bloody.”

  “Wait, what? Whose blood?”

  “I don’t know where it came from,” I said, my voice cracking as I told him what I heard and what I saw.

  He was almost just as horrified as I’d been, but he held it together, putting an arm around me protectively. “I’m glad you’re safe," he finally said.

  “Me, too.”

  “Is everyone else okay?”

  “I think so.”

  “What was happening when you left?”

  “Girls were running down the stairs, screaming.”

  “You left in the middle of it?”

  We kept pace together, and I found myself noticing how little my feet were in my flats, compared to his in his athletic shoes.

  “I had to,” I said tearfully.

  Nu Mu Chi had never been so inviting. When we got to the door, Tad turned to me. He reached and wiped a lone tear from my cheek with one thumb.

  I don’t know why, but for some reason that tiny gesture was the tipping point. I totally lost it, leaning into him and crying into his shoulder.

  He guided me downward, and together we sat on the front steps. I cried as he patiently rubbed my back for as long as it took me to calm down.

  “Everything will be fine,” Tad finally said sweetly.

  “I’m pretty sure it won’t be,” I shook my head.

  He didn’t respond.

  I didn’t have the energy to say anything else about it, so I simply said, “Let’s go inside.”

  He started to stand, but I tugged on the sleeve of his jacket, “Wait.”

  “What?”

  “Can we not talk about anything scary for the rest of the night?”

  “Sure,” he said easily.

  Their room was just how I’d left it that morning, with Evan's stuff strewn all over, but with no sign of him. "Roommate's out for the night?" I asked, sitting on their dingy couch.

  "Yep," he said, peeling off his jacket and lifting his hat off of his head. "Studying with the other guys, I think,” he speculated. His hair was messy from his hat, reminding me of the way it looked after he slept on it. I kicked off my shoes and laid my head back against the cushion.

  "If it were me, I'd just study here," I told him.

  He smiled and sat down at his desk, turning on some lo
w music from his computer. "You should, you know you can come over anytime."

  "I know.”

  He scooted his chair over to me. Putting a hand on my knee, he asked, "Can I still see you if your house closes down? Is it okay to talk about that?"

  I smiled weakly at him. “I hope so. Can I still hang out here if I'm not technically a sorority girl anymore?"

  "Of course you can. How fast do you think it could close?”

  “I don’t know, people are talking like it could be pretty fast. Tomorrow, maybe.”

  “This could be our last night as neighbors," he speculated, running a finger up and down the sleeve of my cream-colored sweater. "I hope wherever you go next is still within walking distance." He moved from his computer chair to the couch. For a moment, I expected him to kiss me but I was touched to see that instead, he pulled me closer to him. Instinctively, I let my head fall onto his shoulder and he tipped his lips to my forehead.

  "It’s like the last night of summer camp or something," he observed.

  I laughed lightly. "Please don't say that."

  "Why not?"

  "I don't want to think of this as the last of anything."

  "I didn't mean the last of us hanging out," he backtracked. "I just meant a lot of things could change tomorrow.”

  "But whatever happens, we still have tonight," I said, squeezing him tight.

  He lifted his head. "Where have I heard that before? From a movie?"

  "I think I made it up," I said.

  "Are you sure? I feel like people say that in movies before they do something reckless," he said.

  I tried to play it off. "What? No, I don't know. I'm pretty sure I made it up," I said, the tips of my ears burning. I nestled my head back down to his shoulder.

  He gently stroked my hair, and I imagined all the outcomes possible for our night. I pictured myself just falling asleep in his arms, or him walking me back to Iota Beta. I imagined Evan interrupting us. I imagined my phone ringing and delivering news about the fate of Iota Beta.

  I imagined us tuning out everything else, and wiping away all the stress and fear, all the danger and scariness I'd been exposed to. We would only have each other.

  "Would you want to do something reckless?" I ventured. Seconds ticked by before he responded. I watched my finger tracing his kneecap, noticing how my nails were in terrible shape, with chipped pale pink polish. I hadn't touched them since rush. With all the attention I'd been paying to other hands lately, apparently I forgot about my own.

  "I don't think it's necessary," he said slowly.

  I bit my lip, afraid of losing my chance. "What's that mean?"

  "I mean, we don't need to treat this like some last or final night, I was only joking about the neighbors thing. Whatever happens with Iota Beta, I still want to keep seeing you."

  "You do?"

  "Of course I do."

  "Well I want to keep seeing you, too. More of you." I turned so I was straddling his lap, facing him.

  "More of me?" he said.

  "Yes," I said, trying to stretch whatever seductive muscles I had.

  I kissed him, and he picked me up in a dramatic swoop with one arm under my knees and the other behind my back. Together, we tumbled onto his bed.

  It was the fourth time I'd been in that little golden cave of his and it hadn't gotten old yet. Tad rolled me onto my back and sat above me, his knees squeezing my waist.

  "Have I told you you're beautiful?" he said.

  "No," I said, suddenly self-conscious.

  "It's important you know that."

  "It is?"

  "It is, it's really important. You are the most beautiful girl I've seen since I got here. Maybe even ever."

  "Thank you," I said.

  "I feel lucky you picked me to keep visiting," he added.

  I'm not sure he knew at that point, but I did. It was already clear to me what was going to happen.

  I'd never done it before. I always thought it'd be a super-momentous occasion, with a fancy hotel room and champagne and chocolate and something silky, either sheets or like, a nightie.

  But in that moment, that setting felt so distant. There with him, in a bed I stayed in more than my own for the last few nights, I couldn't picture it any other way. A hotel and champagne now seemed stuffy. I wanted his cozy cave and his minty breath and his sweaty skin.

  I practically got light-headed as the intensity of our kissing grew. With each piece of clothing that was removed, I could feel my pulse throbbing throughout my whole body. I tried to clear my mind and focus on the moment, but my thoughts were moving too rapidly. I fought flashes of excitement mixed with anxiety, topped with desire and curiosity. "Is the sock on your door?" I breathed.

  "Yes," he said, peeling off his pants. He leaned down and softly kissed my forehead and I could feel my window for final decision-making slowly slipping away.

  "Wait," I commanded.

  He sat back up, his mouth open and his expression confused.

  "I just need to think, for one second," I said, trying to catch my breath. I closed my eyes, noticing everything about the moment. It had rained earlier that day. The room smelled better than usual, like he just did laundry. Someone's radio on the floor above us was playing loudly. His hands were warm, the bedspread was soft.

  I opened my eyes.

  "Are you sure you want to...?" he said. "We don't have to, we don't at all. We can just be here together. Or we could watch a movie, or whatever you want. It doesn't matter to me. I just want to be with you."

  "That's why I want to," I told him.

  "Yeah?" he said excitedly. His expression changed so dramatically and he was so happy, I had to smile.

  "Do you have...?" I asked, unsure what to call it. All the words that came to mind would have spoiled the mood.

  "Yes, yes, I do. We'll be safe," he said gently, moving to retrieve something from the back of his closet.

  In the cocoon of his bed, it was easy to pretend we were the only two people in the world. There were no lockdowns or weird girls from the school paper or fears of having my sorority shut down. There were no hands, no blood, no creepy dolls. There were no reporters milling outside his bedroom, or school officials knocking down the door.

  It was just us. It was our sheets and skin. It was the awkward rhythm we struggled to find but that was perfect once we did. It was him nibbling on my ear, and me gasping into a pillow. It was his fingers and tongue, and my breasts and mouth. It was my legs opening in a way I didn’t know they could, and him helping it happen. It was our stomachs touching, and my nails digging so hard into his back he softly whispered, "Careful there, gorgeous."

  “Sorry,” I blushed, glad he couldn’t see in the darkness.

  “It’s okay,” he said, kissing my forehead. He seemed to know what he was doing, but with a way of still making me feel like I was the only girl who ever could, or would, matter to him.

  He was generous, gentle, and kind. I never missed the imaginary champagne and hotel room, not that night or any after.

  In the morning, I woke early, before Tad had even stirred. It was a cloudy morning, and there was no streak of sunlight coming into our fort of sheets. Instead, a light splattering of rain was lazily slapping the roof and dripping down the gutter outside.

  I sat up carefully, trying not to rustle the sheets or shake the mattress. As soon as my feet hit the floor, Tad murmured, "Mmph," and sleepily reached a hand toward me, bumping it into my back. "Where...?" he asked without opening his eyes.

  "I'll be back," I told him.

  "Mm-hmm," he said, nestling further under the covers and deeper into sleep.

  I carefully got dressed and slipped my shoes on. I had my hand on the doorknob, ready to go, when second thoughts hit me. Without over thinking it, I scribbled a note that read, Had to get back. Miss you already, J.

  I reached through the sheets to deposit it on the pillow, and found Tad just as I left him. As I placed the note down, he whispered, "Take a sweatshirt.”<
br />
  "What?"

  "I hear rain," he said, rubbing his face. "Take one of my hoodies."

  "Thank you," I said, not sure how else to respond.

  "Just bring it back."

  "Okay," I said, swallowing hard.

  "Promise?"

  "Promise,” I said, hoping I’d be able to keep my word.

  TWENTY-FIVE

  Instead of going straight home, I took a walk. I didn't have anywhere to go, or anything special to do, it was just a normal walk with one foot in front of the other. It seemed like the right thing to do, to slow myself down before the world was going to speed up again. I was expecting to get worked up or cry or do something melodramatic like kick a rock the entire way home, but actually I felt surprisingly calm after only the first few minutes. Within a few hours, the fate of Iota Beta would be decided, and along with it, much of my college experience would be defined for me. And so it seemed fitting to take the long way back, wandering up and down the residential streets encircling campus with Tad's hood pulled over my forehead. The rain had let up to a light sprinkle, one that was easy to ignore as I moved down the sidewalk.

  The further I went, the bigger and nicer the homes became. Some of the properties were clearly rented to college students, with their chipped paint and crooked shutters, and the occasional and random piece of furniture sitting on the front steps, but most of them were kept up fairly well. I even passed a couple of churches, a vegan bakery, and an Indian restaurant, all of which were complete surprises to me.

  Lindy and I had gone to youth group together a few times back at home, so for a few brief moments, the idea of checking out a church service and stopping for coffee and dairy-free dessert afterward didn't sound all that bad. We'd sing a few songs, hear some inspirational words, and be reminded that there was more to life than Iota Beta. I considered picking up a flier from the church but since that would have required going inside, instead I vowed to visit their website.

  I did go into the vegan bake shop, though. It was decorated with rainbow flags and random art, and staffed by a guy and a girl not much older than me, with matching dreadlocks. I tried to imagine a guy like him joining Tad’s fraternity or a girl like her in Iota Beta, but it was impossible to picture.