Forever My Own

by Tracie Peterson

“I’m going to see if I can find the boys,” she told Mormor.

  “I’ve come for a dance,” Morfar announced, appearing behind Kirstin. She turned and found his gaze fixed on her grandmother.

  “I will give my permission, but only if you dance very respectfully,” Kirstin teased.

  The old man laughed heartily. “Your mormor would pinch my ears if I did it any other way.”

  Kirstin stepped aside. “Then have fun. I’m going to see where the boys got off to.”

  “Last I saw them, Ilian was showing Domar something in the workshop.”

  “Thank you.” Kirstin stretched up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “I’m so glad you’re about to be my grandfather.”

  “Or better still, your father-in-law, eh? I think that boy of mine is finally getting his head on straight. I told him he’d better ask you soon, or some other good man would steal you away.”

  Kirstin felt her cheeks grow hot and was grateful for the dim light. She left without saying anything more, knowing that if she opened her mouth, she might very well insert her foot.

  The workshop had few windows, but light radiated from within, leaving Kirstin no doubt the boys were there. She wondered if they would mind her intrusion. Would it be possible to get Ilian to share his heart with her about his father and whatever had happened between them?

  The door was already open, but Kirstin paused just inside all the same. “Mind if I come in?” she asked, spying the two men sitting across the room.

  Domar laughed. “Your timing is impeccable. Ilian was just saying he needed to tell me something but wanted to do it when he could explain it to us both at the same time.”

  She breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn’t annoyed them with her interruption. “Well, I’m happy to oblige and hear anything Ilian wishes to say.”

  Ilian got up from his chair and offered it to her. “Sit, and I will try to explain. It’s all so new to me that I will probably make a mess of it.”

  She looked into his face and found his expression edged with worry. “I’m sure whatever you have to tell us will be just fine. Don’t worry about the presentation. Just speak.”

  Ilian nodded, and Kirstin took her seat. She couldn’t imagine what weighed on him so heavily, but she whispered a quick prayer for God to give him strength and that she would have understanding.

  “My father . . .” Ilian began, then hesitated and fell silent. He seemed to consider his words, then began again. “My father and I had a long talk the other day. He felt it was time to reveal the truth to me about my mother and her unhappiness.” He began to pace and then stopped. “I’m sorry. This is a difficult thing for me—a confession, of sorts, that I feel is very necessary yet painful.”

  “Go on,” Domar encouraged. “You are with friends who will not condemn you.”

  Ilian gave a hint of a smile. “You needn’t bother. I’ve thoroughly condemned myself. But thank you. You have always been a good friend to me, Domar. Strangely enough, I feel the things my father told me tie you and me together in a way that makes our relationship even stronger.” He drew a deep breath. “As you know, I always felt my mother was treated badly by Far. I sympathized with her and held such anger and bitterness toward Far. I thought Far selfish and mean-spirited. All Mor wanted was to go home to Sweden.”

  Kirstin heard the regret in his voice. Everyone had their missed opportunities and sorrows, and she wondered if Ilian’s would always be centered around his inability to take his mother back to her native land. Poor man. After all, there was nothing to be done about it now.

  “Far never spoke against her. Even when I was hard on him and confrontational. Even after all these years of my anger and unwillingness to discuss the past. Far had wanted to explain himself before now, but I wouldn’t hear it. I was wrong, and I want to confess that here and now. I let the devil keep spite and malice in my heart toward a good man.” He looked at the floor. “I wronged Habram Farstad. He is a good man. A better man than most know.”

  “But you’ve made it right,” Domar interjected. “You’ve come to see the truth.”

  “I could have seen it years earlier if I hadn’t been so stubborn.” Ilian held up his hands and looked at Domar and then Kirstin. “That’s neither here nor there. The fact of the matter is that my father had every right to have nothing to do with me. To put my mother and me out of his house and never look back.”

  “How can you say that?” Kirstin asked.

  Ilian wasted no more time. “Because I am not his son. My mor was unfaithful. My father lives in Sweden, married to a nobleman’s daughter.”

  Kirstin was stunned. She shook her head. “How can this be?”

  “My mother was in love with this man, Lars Nyberg, despite them both being married. The nobleman found out and came to my father with threats of charging my mother and seeing her imprisoned for adultery. He demanded my father take his family and leave Sweden for good. He even gave Far money for the trip so that we would be gone and his daughter could have peace of mind once again.

  “Far forced Mor to leave Sweden, telling her of the threat but not believing it for himself. He thought her simply flirtatious and foolish. But when I was born a few months later in America, Far knew what she’d done. He never confronted her about it. He told me he had no wish to shame her. He loved her. Even after everything she did to refuse him . . . he loved her.”

  Kirstin heard the emotion in Ilian’s voice, and it brought tears to her eyes. She could see how much it hurt him. He had believed his mother’s lies. He had blamed the wrong person for their misery.

  Ilian held out a daguerreotype. Kirstin took it. It was a picture of Ilian. She looked up in confusion.

  “That is my father.”

  Her hand went to her throat. It was the exact image of Ilian. She shook her head and handed it to her brother. “It could be you.”

  “It is me, in a way. It’s my blood,” Ilian declared.

  Domar studied the picture for a moment. “It’s uncanny.”

  “Yes, but absolute proof that everything Far said was right.”

  “What do you plan?”

  Ilian shrugged and leaned back against the carpentry table. “Nothing. I can hardly go back and declare myself without bringing greater shame on my mother. Her family is still there to bear the brunt of gossips and maligners. Not only that, but the only father I’ve ever known—or needed—is right here. Far told me he has never cared that I wasn’t his by blood because he chose me to be his by love.”

  Tears trickled down Kirstin’s cheeks. “How beautiful. I’ve always loved your father, but now I love him all the more. He is a good man.”

  “He is an amazing man,” Ilian continued, “and sadly I am only now seeing it. When I think of all the wasted years, it grieves me as nothing else can.”

  Domar handed back the photograph. “Why are you telling us about this now?”

  “Because I wanted you to know, first of all. I want no more secrets between us. When I put all the pieces together, I thought of how uncanny the similarities were in our lives. The prices we paid for the indiscretion of others. The betrayals and wrongs done changed everything for us.”

  “And neither of us handled it well,” Domar murmured.

  “No. No, we didn’t, but we are making it right now. We are working toward restitution and reconciliation. We are willing to let go of the past thanks to God’s grace. A grace I might have missed but for your family.”

  Kirstin dabbed her eyes with the hem of her apron. “I’m just so sorry you’ve both had to endure such pain. You’re good men, and you will become even better men with God’s help, but these are painful wounds that I wish you did not have to bear.”

  “We will be stronger for them,” Ilian assured her. “But it was important for you to know the truth because of my second reason.”

  “And that is what?” Kirstin looked at him, wondering what else he might have to say.

  The edges of his lips turned up in a smile. “In your far’s
absence, I want Domar’s permission to court you—to marry you.”

  Kirstin’s mouth fell open in a gasp of surprise. She looked at Domar and then back to Ilian. She had anticipated his declaration but hadn’t thought it would come in this old-fashioned manner.

  Domar laughed and got to his feet. “You know my feelings on the matter. I only wanted you to get your life in order before proposing to her.”

  “You knew he cared for me?” Kirstin asked.

  “Of course I knew. How could I not? Every time he thought no one was looking, he watched you with such intensity that I thought he might lose all other rational thought.” He went to Ilian and hugged him close. “I don’t care whose son you are, but I will cherish you as my brother.”

  Ilian hugged him, then let go. “I’m Habram Farstad’s son. He’s the only father I’ve known and the only one I care to know.” He smiled. “And I feel as though I’ve been your brother for more years than I can remember. We will always be brothers.”

  Domar nodded. “I think now is the moment that I should take my leave, brother, and let you speak to my sister. I’m sure she’s longing to hear all your flowery declarations of love.” He winked at Kirstin. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

  “I’ve got a pretty good idea.” Kirstin smiled as Domar came to embrace her. She rose and held him tight for a moment.

  Domar said nothing more before leaving. He’d always been a man of few words, and his lack of them now did not surprise her.

  “I hope it didn’t bother you that I spoke to Domar about my feelings for you before I told you,” Ilian said.

  She looked up to find him watching her. “I don’t mind. It’s very old-fashioned, and so am I.”

  He smiled and closed the space between them. “I think I’ve loved you since you fainted into my arms and then sat on my lap afterward as if it were nothing at all. I thought I might faint.”

  She couldn’t help but laugh. “I honestly thought nothing of it. I wasn’t thinking of love or propriety. I was so shocked to find Domar alive. But when you were brought to the hospital all broken and hurting, my heart went out to you. I can’t say I fell in love then, but it pushed me in that direction.”

  He took hold of her hands. “And now? Is there love in your heart for me, Kirstin?”

  “There is so much love there that I can scarcely breathe. I think of you all the time and long for the day we might be married.”

  “And you don’t care about the past and the circumstances of my birth?”

  “No.” She shook her head. “You are a story of grace. Of mercy and love. I will always think of that when I think of your birth. I am sorry that it took so many years for you to know the truth and find peace.”

  “There are other things to consider as well. I am still rather crippled.”

  “You are getting stronger every day and have little trouble working on the Mackinaw boats. I think one day you’ll have quite an industry with it, if you want one. And if you want something else, I’ve no doubt you’ll figure that out as well. You aren’t crippled anymore.”

  “But I’ve still much to learn about God.”

  “And so do I. Let us learn together.” She squeezed his fingers. “Or are you trying to talk me out of loving you? If so, it won’t work.”

  He shook his head. “I want you forever my own without any secrets between us.”

  “And I want the same.”

  He lowered his head to kiss her. Kirstin put her arms around his neck and pulled him close. This was her first kiss, and she intended it to be perfect.

  It was.

  Chapter 25

  Kirstin and her grandmother stood on either side of Domar as Pastor Persson asked if there were any objections to the marriages that were about to take place. Kirstin gazed at Ilian, who stood before the altar with his normal stoic expression. If it was the last thing she did, she planned to see that he smiled more. She hoped she might always give him something to smile about.

  “It isn’t every day that I perform double weddings,” Pastor Persson began, smiling. “And I don’t believe I’ve ever married fathers and grandmothers while also marrying their family members, but I’m quite honored to do so today. Who gives these lovely ladies to be married?”

  “I do,” Domar declared.

  The pastor nodded. Domar handed Mormor off to Habram Farstad and then gave Kirstin to Ilian.

  “You’d both better take good care of them, or you’ll answer to me.” He smiled and went to sit in the first pew.

  Kirstin held fast to Ilian’s arm. She was determined not to repeat their first meeting and faint, but she was overwhelmed by the meaning of this day. She was about to become a wife. Five months earlier she had just arrived in this country, eager to help her grandmother and craving adventure. Now she had learned her dead brother was alive, helped Ilian recover from a near-fatal accident, packed up an entire household to move across town to a beautiful new house, and was about to marry. Mor had always said she was a person of action. When she set her mind to accomplish something, Kirstin always forged ahead full speed.

  Pastor Persson chose to read through the entirety of the wedding vows for Mormor and Mr. Farstad first. There was an impish grin on the older man’s face. Mormor was going to have her hands full with that one.

  “Well, Ilian and Kirstin, it’s your turn now,” the pastor finally said, turning to them.

  Kirstin looked up at Ilian and smiled. She wished her father and mother could have been there to experience the wedding. She tried not to think about when they might receive her letter telling them about Domar, but she prayed they’d be happy.

  She made her vows to Ilian and he to her, and soon enough he was giving her a chaste little kiss before escorting her from the church. The minute they were outside the door, he loosened the tie he’d worn and drew a deep breath.

  “I thought maybe you’d be picking me up off the floor. It was warm in there.”

  Kirstin grinned. “You were just nervous. Are you worried about me being a difficult wife?”

  He stopped walking and gave her a serious look. “I never had a good example of a happy marriage. What if I’m no good at this, Kirstin? The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

  She took his hand. “We’ve talked all of this through. One step at a time is all God calls us to. We’ll work through it if bad times come. We’ve promised each other to be tolerant and loving. You’ve always been a man of your word, and I expect you always will be.”

  He rubbed his thigh. He’d chosen not to use his cane today, and Kirstin worried it was too much.

  “Would you like to sit for a while?” She looked around, hoping there might be a stump or rock nearby that he could use.

  “No. I’ll be fine.” He glanced back toward the church, where his father and Kirstin’s grandmother were just emerging. “I wish we didn’t have to worry about the party and that I could just whisk you away and keep you to myself.” He smiled and touched her cheek. “I can scarcely believe I’ve married. I never intended to wed. It seemed like such a miserable institution. But then I met you. All spit and sass, a strong woman to match my own . . .”

  “Spit and sass?” she replied with an impish grin.

  “Temperament,” he countered. “So much has changed since we first met.”

  “It’s almost frightening.” Kirstin shrugged. “But then I remember I have you to bear it with me, and I’m not afraid.”

  “What are you two discussing?”

  Kirstin startled. She hadn’t realized Ilian’s father and her grandmother had joined them. “I think we’re still in shock that we’ve done this,” she declared.

  “You’re not regretting it, are you?” Mormor asked.

  Ilian chuckled. “Not at all. Just amazed.”

  “Well, I think we should return to the new house and show Kirstin the surprise. You can be amazed the rest of your life,” Ilian’s far said, pulling Mormor close.

  Ilian gave a nod and pulled Kirstin to his side as
well. “Come, wife. I have something to show you.”

  They made their way back to the new neighborhood in a leisurely fashion. There, gathered with Domar on the little porch of the new house, they found all of their friends, who had gone ahead to prepare the reception. Domar looked like he was about to make a speech.

  “Three cheers for the newly married couples!”

  The crowd let out a whoop and cheer. Kirstin laughed. She gave a wave, not knowing what else to do. When the people had concluded their greeting, Domar raised his hands.

  Mormor and Morfar drew up to the front steps of the house with Ilian and Kirstin staying a little farther back. Kirstin knew the house wasn’t complete, but they’d agreed to finish it together as time permitted.

  “We have a surprise for you,” Domar said, grinning from ear to ear.

  Kirstin looked at Ilian. “Do you know what this is about?”

  He shook his head. “No idea.”

  “While you four have been off planning your wedding and then getting married, we took it upon ourselves to finish painting and staining and readying your house for your new life here. This morning we moved the last of the furniture from the old place into this house, and it’s more than ready for your wedding night.”

  The crowd made teasing sounds of approval, causing Mormor to blush. Kirstin laughed, but she was afraid of what lay in store for her.

  “Welcome to your new home and new life,” Domar continued. “We have prayed for you to be blessed here, and we know that God will always be present at every meal and celebration, every heartache and tragedy.”

  “Amen,” Ilian’s father said. He pulled Mormor with him and climbed the steps to where Domar stood. “Thank you for this gift. I am honored and blessed to have such a fine young man in my life.” He turned and looked down at Ilian. “Did you have a hand in this, son?”

  “No. As you’ll remember, we had our own project to tend to.”

  “That’s right. There’s a surprise for Kirstin as well,” Domar said, motioning toward the workshop building. “I think you’ll be very happy, little sister.”

  Kirstin could see how pleased he was with himself. “I’m sure I will be. I find my happiness is overflowing today.”