Until It's Time To Go

by Connie Bailey

  “Another couple of showers and you’ll be blond again,” Isaac said.

  “Right. I should pick up some dye.”

  “Don’t do it for me. I’m a big fan of natural hair color.”

  “I figured, since you haven’t covered up your gray hair.”

  “I have gray hair?”

  “You seriously didn’t know?”

  “I don’t look in the mirror that much.”

  “I can understand why.” Laith smiled to show he was joking.

  “Is that really how I talk to people?”

  “Huh?”

  “Colby said we sound alike. Is that how I communicate? In insults?”

  “Mostly, why?”

  “I didn’t realize.”

  “Hey, you’re funny. Don’t sweat it.”

  “It’s only funny if you’re in on the joke.”

  “Duly noted. What are we having for dinner?”

  “Are you kidding? We just had lunch at eleven.” Isaac looked at the time and was once more surprised at how much of it had slid into the past while he was writing. “I didn’t realize it was after five. I just have one meeting before I can leave.”

  “No biggie. Callie said I could graze at the crafty whenever I want.”

  Isaac smiled at the speed with which Laith had picked up the slang. “Okay, have a snack and I’ll call you as soon as I’m free.”

  “OKAY, I think we’ve made a lot of progress today,” Isaac said as he closed his laptop.

  Colby was immediately suspicious. “You sound awfully cheerful.”

  “I’m trying to get rid of you.”

  “You really are a breathtaking tool.”

  Colby didn’t sound like he was joking, and Isaac looked up in surprise. “I always talk to you this way,” Isaac said.

  “Well, I don’t like it anymore.”

  “You said it was funny.”

  “Yeah, but it also hurts.”

  “Get over yourself, drama princess. Why would anything I say hurt your feelings?”

  “If I tell you, you can’t repeat it to anyone.”

  “Then maybe you shouldn’t tell me.” Isaac glanced at the door and then at his phone.

  “I want to tell you,” Colby said quickly. “It’s important to me.”

  Isaac decided it wouldn’t kill Laith to wait a few more minutes. “Then by all means, go ahead.”

  “I’m serious. It would ruin my career if anyone found out.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “No you’re not. You’re humoring me. Well, try and shrug this off.” Colby leaned a few inches and covered Isaac’s mouth with his. While Isaac was paralyzed with shock, Colby moved his lips in a subtle caress.

  “What the fuck!” Isaac drew back.

  “Sorry. I know that wasn’t cool, but I couldn’t think of a faster way to convince you.”

  “Of what? That you’re a lunatic?”

  “No. That I’m bi and attracted to you.”

  “Get the fuck outta here.”

  “I’m not screwing around. It took a lot for me to be honest with you.”

  “You sure got my attention.” Isaac pressed his lips together to stop the tingling. “If you were anyone else, you’d probably have my tongue down your throat right now, but you’re… you.”

  “What’s that mean?”

  “I’ve seen you at work. You’re a master manipulator.”

  “Why would I manipulate you?”

  “To motivate me to write great lines for you?”

  “You’d do that anyway.”

  Isaac paused before he answered. “True. So why are you doing it?”

  “Do you really think I’d pretend to be gay to influence you?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe. You’re an actor. All actors are crazy.”

  “That’s funny. I heard the same thing about writers.”

  “Even if I wanted to like you, how could I ever be sure you were being sincere?”

  “You think I’m that good an actor?”

  “I think you’ve improved by an order of magnitude from the last thing I saw you in.”

  Colby was silent for several moments. “Thanks,” he said at last. “That means a lot to—” His voice choked off.

  “Right now, for instance,” Isaac said. “I’ve seen you cry on command, so how can I be sure those are real tears?”

  “What proof do you want?”

  “I’d have to be able to read your mind.”

  “This isn’t fair. I’m baring my soul to you and you’re doing the equivalent of grading my love letter. Why won’t you take me seriously?”

  “It’s just too unlikely. You’re an international movie star and I’m a broken-down hack. The notion that you’d be in lust with me is a bad rom-com plot device. How can I take it seriously?”

  “Are you afraid Tony and Callie are going to burst out of hiding with a film crew or something?”

  “Exactly. I feel exactly like I’m being punked.”

  “Boy, do I feel like an idiot. I put my career in your hands and you shoot me down.”

  “I won’t say anything.”

  “Could I kiss you one more time? Just on the off chance that—”

  With thoughts of calling Colby’s bluff, Isaac took hold of the actor’s jaw and took his mouth in a lingering kiss. When he drew back, Colby’s eyes were closed and Colby’s tongue came out to circle his lips.

  “Wow,” Colby said. “Did you feel that? Must have been about an eight on the Richter.”

  “I felt something,” Isaac said grudgingly. “I’m not dead.”

  “I’d like to feel it again.”

  “Not a good idea.”

  “Why not? Look, if you don’t want to get into a relationship, I understand. I’m fine with fucking you until you realize you can’t do without me.”

  “Cute, but that’s exactly what I’m afraid of.”

  “I’m taking the same risk.”

  “Sure you are.”

  “You really don’t believe I could be attracted to you?”

  “I’m eleven years older than you and a lot tireder.”

  “Tireder?”

  “That’s what I said. Come on. It’s absurd to even contemplate anything happening between us.”

  “Why is it so absurd?”

  “For all the reasons I’ve already mentioned.”

  “So you don’t even have enough interest to give me a chance?”

  Isaac hesitated, almost lied, and then chose the truth. “I can’t say I’m not interested. You’re so beautiful, so sexy, and you’re not the empty-headed camera whore I thought you were. I like you even though I tried my hardest not to. That has to mean something.”

  “That’s exactly what I thought when I met you. You were such a son of a bitch, but I still liked you. I figured I just needed to put in the effort and you’d see that I’m what you want.”

  “I’m not saying I don’t want you. Fuck! Why is this so hard?”

  “Because you don’t want to hurt me?”

  “Here’s what it comes down to,” Isaac said. “You have a new girlfriend every six months, and you’ve already been divorced once. Your lifestyle isn’t the sort that would make a lover feel secure about your fidelity. I can’t get into something with you if it’s just going to fizzle out a year from now. I just can’t.”

  “Jesus, Isaac, do I have to tell you that there aren’t any guarantees in life? Sure something might take me away from you, but why would you let that stop you from being happy for a little while? Your way is to be miserable all the time. My way at least lets you have some laughs and some good sex before you go back to being miserable—if you go back to being miserable.”

  “I need to think about this.”

  “Well, that’s better than a flat no.”

  “It’s been so long since I even considered thinking about being with someone.”

  “You must be so horny.”

  “I have Internet porn, baby oil, and privacy.” Isaac paused. �
�I am kind of lonely, though. I didn’t realize it until Laith showed up, but I actually enjoy having someone around who can talk back to me.”

  “If that’s what you want, I’m your man.”

  “Let’s talk about this later.”

  “I can come over around dinnertime, hint, hint.”

  “I should be home around six.” Isaac groaned as he rolled his head on his neck. “I’m not ready for this,” he said.

  “Wrong. You’re way past due.” Colby went to the door. “See you later.”

  Chapter 6

  WHILE the pasta cooked, Isaac went out back to turn on the sprinkler system, and his attention was caught by movement at the periphery of his vision. When he realized what he was seeing, his heart rate tripled as hot blood flooded his system. It took every iota of will power he possessed to remain where he was. Every instinct clamored at him to grab hold of Colby Lightner, pull him away from Laith, and punch his lights out.

  Isaac deliberately turned his head so he couldn’t see the kiss. Just as deliberately, he turned the dial on the sprinkler pump’s timer. He was rewarded by two shouts of surprise as he went back to the picnic table to collect his drink. A few minutes later, Colby came onto the deck, his wet hair pushed back from his face.

  “We need to talk,” Isaac said.

  “I’m glad you feel that way. I’ve wanted to have a private talk with you for a while.”

  “You’ve got balls. I’ll give you that.”

  “Thanks, but what prompted that?”

  “Don’t be coy, even if it does suit you. You know what I want to talk about.”

  “I hope I do.”

  Isaac gave Colby a disbelieving look. “You hope? Do you really think I’m going to thank you for seducing my godson?”

  “What?” Colby blinked. “Oh.” He looked down and back up again. “You saw us, I guess.” He grinned. “You turned on the sprinkler on purpose.”

  “Why are you smiling? I want to kick your ass so badly right now.”

  “My ass? Why?”

  “Are you fucking kidding?”

  “What are you so mad about? I didn’t kiss Laith. He kissed me.”

  “What?”

  “If you don’t believe me, ask him.”

  “You bet I will.” Isaac stood uncertainly for a moment before he continued. “And if you’re lying, you still have an ass-kicking coming to you.”

  “I wouldn’t blame you a bit. Tell you what. I’m not exactly thrilled that you think I’d jump a sixteen-year-old.”

  “What was I supposed to think?”

  “You could have given me the benefit of the doubt, at least.”

  “You’ve got a reputation. And you’re an actor.”

  “So that’s how you judge people? By their reputations? I thought we knew each other a little.”

  “I know you want me to say I’m sorry, but—”

  “No. I’d never hope for an apology from you. What I wanted was to get to know you and maybe, just maybe, it would turn out that we liked each other. And if we liked each other, who knows where it could lead? But you….” Colby took a deep breath. “You just keeping taking a step back for every step I take toward you.”

  “Just because you take a notion to try the gay thing—”

  Colby interrupted again. “Shut up. Just shut up if you’re going to keep saying stupid things. God, you’re an asshole!” Spinning on his heel, Colby walked rapidly away from Isaac.

  Isaac felt as though he should call Colby back. He felt as though the conversation was incomplete. He felt like he had just lost something he didn’t know he had, but he pushed the feelings aside. He had to talk to Laith. Turning off the burner under the pasta, he went looking for him.

  ISAAC found his godson in his room, downloading ringtones.

  “Come in,” Laith called out when Isaac knocked. “How’s it going?”

  “Pretty shitty, actually.”

  “I can relate.” Laith put down his phone and looked at Isaac. “What happened to you?”

  “I almost got in a fight with Colby.”

  “About what?”

  “You.”

  “Me? Why?”

  “I think you know why.”

  “Look, I’m old enough to—”

  “Before we get into a discussion about age and entitlement, I need to ask you something. Did he kiss you, or did you kiss him? And don’t tell me it’s none of my business. I may not be prime parent material, but as long as you’re underage, I’m going to look out for you in this area.”

  “This is so embarrassing.”

  “So it’s okay for you to ask me all kinds of questions about my sex life, but I can’t ask you about one kiss?”

  “It’s not that.” Laith looked down. “I’m embarrassed because I like Colby so much. I really wanted my first kiss to be with him.”

  “I don’t think you’re alone in that ambition.” Isaac felt some of his tension drain away when Laith smiled at the comment.

  “I was showing him the path along the ridge. My foot kind of slipped on the clay, and Colby grabbed my arm. The next thing I know, I’m throwing myself on him.”

  “I almost decked him.”

  “Seriously?”

  “You don’t believe me?”

  “Yeah. Sure. I just didn’t know you cared that much.”

  “Well I do, judging by how mad I was at Colby.”

  “God, now it’s a million times more embarrassing.” Laith flopped face down onto his bed. “Not only did Colby reject me, you know all about it, and you confronted him. Why is this happening to me?”

  Gingerly, Isaac sat on the side of the bed. “This kind of crap happens to everybody. I swear to you that you aren’t being singled out by God or Fate or whatever.”

  “It sure feels like it. I really thought things would be different here. I thought I could find someone who loves me for who I am.”

  “And you thought that someone would be Colby Lightner?”

  “Not specifically.” Laith sighed. “But after I met him it started to seem like destiny.”

  “Weren’t you listening when I told you about Eddie Vandenheim?”

  “Who?”

  Isaac shook his head. “Never mind. I remember what it was like to have a crush and to imagine he’s sending you secret signals or something. That’s normal.”

  “Yeah, well, he let me know that wasn’t the case. He told me I should find someone my own age. It was so humiliating.”

  “I can imagine, but he’s right.”

  “How am I supposed to meet other gay guys my age?”

  “You’ll be going back to school soon. Hopefully not at the same school. I’m sure you’ll meet someone.”

  “Are you? What makes you sure? Because I’m not sure at all. In fact, I think it’s much more realistic that I’ll go back and spend all my time in my room where I’m safe.”

  “We keep putting off telling your mom about this. Why don’t we go ahead and do that?” Isaac put a hand lightly on Laith’s back. “If I call, she could be here in a few hours.”

  “Okay, let’s do it. I can’t mooch off you forever.”

  “Laith.” Isaac squeezed the boy’s shoulder. “This isn’t about me wanting you out of the house.”

  “But you like having the place to yourself, don’t you?”

  “Not really. I just got used to it after Steve died.”

  “I don’t want to push it, but if Mom agreed, I’d really like to live in LA and go to a performing arts school like the one Colby went to.”

  “First let’s tell her why you want to leave the school in Colorado. It’s just possible that one of the public schools would be less intolerant.”

  “Okay.” Laith raised his head. “Is Colby still here?”

  “I don’t have any idea. He was pretty pissed at me when I accused him of seducing you.”

  Laith sat up. “Maybe you should go apologize.”

  “I’m calling your mom first.”

  “I’ll do it.”<
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  Isaac hesitated for a moment before he went to the door. “Tell her to call me later, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Well here’s another fine pooch you’ve screwed,” Isaac told himself as he walked through the house to the front porch. “A gorgeous, funny, somewhat articulate man expresses an interest in you, and you call him a pedophile.”

  Colby’s car was gone. Taking out his phone, Isaac called Colby’s number as he went back inside. When it went to voice mail, he left a message.

  “I know you aren’t a pervert. If you want to talk to me, you know what to do.”

  “Isaac,” Colby said as he picked up. “That didn’t sound like a heartfelt plea for forgiveness.”

  “You’ll get that in person.”

  “I can be back at your place in—”

  “No. Pick a place and I’ll meet you.”

  Colby didn’t argue. “I just passed the Country Store. I could go back and wait for you there. I’ve heard they have a good selection of wine.”

  “That’s fine and yes, they do. Bye.” Isaac hung up and stood staring into space for several seconds. “What the hell am I doing?” he asked Punkin.

  Punkin stared back at him from the top of the bookcase. His expression said he knew exactly what was wrong with Isaac, but nothing could induce him to reveal the secret.

  “Just as I always thought,” Isaac said. “Excuse me.” He walked back down the hall to Laith’s room and knocked. “I have to go out for a while. Can you feed yourself?”

  “No problem. I’ll finish cooking the pasta and watch something on TV.”

  “I shouldn’t be long, but if I get delayed, I’ll call.”

  “Why don’t you just call me a babysitter? Get out of here.”

  Isaac got in his car and drove to the Laurel Canyon Country Store. When he walked in, Colby was talking with the woman at the cash register. From her expression, she was a fan.

  “Here he is,” Colby said when he saw Isaac. “Come tell me if you agree this is a good red.”

  “I’m no connoisseur,” Isaac said. “If the lady recommends it, buy it.”

  “He’s got no patience at all.” Colby winked at the woman.

  “Hi,” the lady said to Isaac. “I hear you’re quite a writer.”

  “I do my best.”