Until It's Time To Go

by Connie Bailey

  “I’m trying to type.”

  “I’m trying to show you how much I like you.”

  “Well, cut it out.”

  “So a bye-bye blowjob is out of the question?”

  “Damn it, Colby! You don’t have to come at me twenty-four hours a day. I get it. You’re a wild and crazy sex monster.”

  Colby stopped and stepped away from Isaac. “Well… I didn’t want you to forget,” he said.

  “I’ll see you later, okay?”

  Colby started to speak, but Isaac’s attention was already back on the computer screen. Quietly, Colby exited the RV and walked away with Laith.

  “HEY, we’re back,” Laith said as he entered the motor home.

  “I’m on the way out,” Isaac said, nearly bumping into Colby as he slid out of the booth seat. “Can you fend for yourself until I get back?”

  “No drama,” Laith said. “We had tacos a half hour ago and there are tons of snacks around.”

  “I’m done for the day,” Colby said. “I was thinking maybe I’d run Laith to your place and pick up some dinner on the way.”

  “No can do,” Isaac said as he tucked his laptop into his work bag. “I sense a late night coming on, and Laith is flying out tomorrow.”

  “That’s why my plan is perfect. You don’t have to worry about dinner, and I get to spend some extra time with Laith before he goes.”

  “Sorry,” Isaac said, going to the door. “Tonight is just family.”

  “He’s not trying to be a dick,” Laith told Colby as the RV door closed behind Isaac.

  “No? Then he’s a natural.”

  DURING dinner, Isaac heard his phone vibrating against the kitchen counter but ignored it. “Was that overnight bag big enough for all your stuff?” he asked.

  Laith nodded as he chewed and swallowed. “Yeah. I’m done packing.”

  Isaac rolled his glass of lemonade around on the coaster. “Well, that’s it. I’ve completely exhausted my stores of trivial chitchat.”

  “Thank Bog.”

  Isaac stared at Laith across the table.

  “What?” Laith grinned.

  “Thank Bog?” Isaac repeated.

  “It’s from A Clockwork Orange.”

  “I know. I was fascinated with it when I was your age.”

  “That explains the ratty paperback on your bookshelf.”

  “I hope you ignored the notes in the margins.”

  Laith chuckled.

  “Guess not,” Isaac said.

  “Don’t spazz. It was interesting.” Laith pushed a piece of steak into his mashed potatoes. “Now I know what you were thinking about when you were sixteen.”

  “And?”

  “I guess I’m not really all that screwed up.”

  “Good one,” Isaac said. “I never saw it coming.”

  Laith’s grin widened. “Just kidding.”

  “I’m going to miss this.”

  “Me too.”

  “I forgot how much fun it was to sit around the dining table bullshitting.”

  “It’s kind of hard to do by yourself.”

  “Shut up. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s overly precocious kids. They remind me of those saccharine situation comedies where the lead is played by members of a set of triplets. The concept of having spare babies on hand is—”

  “Uncle Zee, you’re blathering.”

  “But clearly not in an entertaining way.”

  “You don’t have to entertain me all the time.”

  “I don’t?” Isaac mimed wiping sweat from his brow. “What a relief.”

  “When you’re done with your dinner, you want to walk down with me to say good-bye to Punkin?”

  Isaac’s phone danced a few centimeters across the counter, producing a noise usually associated with a dentist’s office. “Yeah, let’s go before that thing drives me up a wall.”

  “You could answer it.”

  “I’m spending every minute we have left with you… even if it drives you up a wall.”

  “You’re weird,” Laith said. “I like that.”

  After a hike and several minutes’ communion with Punkin’s spirit—embodied by the small bird that shat on Isaac’s shoulder, or so Isaac claimed—they returned to the house and sat on the deck.

  “Want a soda or something?” Isaac asked as he flicked the nearly dry guano off his shirt.

  “Nope. You want anything?”

  “This would shock anyone who knows me well, but at this moment, I’m not feeling the lack of anything. I’m… happy.”

  “You don’t sound very sure.”

  “I don’t know if I can trust it yet.”

  Laith nodded. “I know exactly what you mean.”

  “Hey, the whole gay thing doesn’t have to be a big deal, you know?”

  “Why are you talking in that phony, cheesy voice?”

  “I thought this was the point where I should have some sort of meaningful conversation with you about your sexuality.”

  “That sounds more like you. You always use too many words. It’s cute.”

  “Yeah, well you sound like Sally from the Valley.”

  Laith laughed. “You’re so weird,” he said.

  “So do you want to talk about sex or not?”

  “I’ve formed the opinion that it’ll happen for me when the time is right.”

  “Meanwhile, there are some very creative ways to jack off.” Isaac paused. “I’m still feeling my way here. Was that inappropriate?”

  “No, but it was embarrassing and completely unnecessary. Barf.”

  “Maybe we should change the subject.”

  “Okay, but I don’t want you to worry about me. I’ll deal with being gay.” Laith shrugged. “I don’t mind at all, to tell the truth. It’s just a part of me. I wish it wasn’t a big deal for other people, but there’s not much I can do about that.”

  “First, I’ll always worry about you because I love you. Second, you give me hope for the next generation.”

  “Maybe we should just enjoy the quiet.”

  “As long as you understand that being gay isn’t a problem. It’s the bullies who have a problem.”

  “I got it.”

  “And if there were times you needed me and I wasn’t there because I was drunk, I’m sorry.”

  “I missed you when you went away after Uncle Steve died, but I got used to it. I was just a little kid then.”

  “I wish I’d made more of an effort to see you.”

  “You did what you could.” Laith shrugged again.

  “Maybe, but you deserved better from me. Thank God your moms are awesome.”

  “You’re pretty awesome too.” Laith yawned.

  “Yeah, I can tell.” Isaac smiled. “Why don’t you take your shower and go to bed?”

  “I’m not tired.”

  “You want to show me how BotLL works, then?”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah. I’m thinking of taking up a hobby. Video gaming might be the perfect waste of time.”

  “It’s really cool. The graphics are crisp and—”

  “Slow down. I’ll learn the language as we go,” Isaac said as he followed Laith to his room.

  IN THE morning, Laith’s minimal luggage was loaded into Kylie’s Eagle station wagon, and Isaac drove him to the airport. Janelle was waiting at Arrivals and hugged Isaac and Laith for so long that a security guard had to remind them to keep traffic moving. She got into the backseat, and they went to the nearest taxi stand.

  “Sorry to hit-and-run,” Janelle said as she came around the car. “But Kylie couldn’t find anyone to fill in for her, and I can’t be away for long right now.”

  “I understand,” Isaac said. “Natural babies are due at any moment in New Age-ville.”

  “You sure you don’t mind taking a cab? It’s just that I’d be backtracking if—”

  “It’s fine,” Isaac said.

  “Thanks for understanding.” Janelle kissed Isaac’s cheek as she slid into the
driver’s seat. “Bye, Zee. See you soon?”

  “I promise”

  Laith gave Isaac a hug. “Bye, Uncle Zee.”

  “Bye. Don’t forget it’s okay to ask for help if you feel threatened.”

  “You just can’t stop, can you?” Laith grinned as he pulled away. “You’ve turned into a real mother hen.”

  “I can’t figure it out,” Isaac said. “I was a normal son of a bitch before you came back into my life.”

  “STFU,” Laith said succinctly as he got into the car.

  “I love you too,” Isaac said cheerfully, waving as Janelle pulled into the slow-moving stream of cars. He got into the taxi queue and took out his phone. When he turned it on, he saw he had fourteen missed calls. Thirteen were from Colby. One was from Callie.

  “Hey, Isaac,” Callie said when she answered her phone. “This is a fucking nightmare.”

  Isaac stepped out of the line. “What’s wrong?”

  “I can’t believe I have to be the one to tell you this, but Colby was in a car accident last night.”

  Isaac’s brain seized for a second, and then the gray cells started firing again. Why did this have to happen just when he was beginning to believe it was okay to be happy?

  “Isaac?” Callie said. “Let me know when you’re ready and I’ll give you an address. Assuming you want to see him.”

  “Yeah, of course I do. Give me the address.”

  Callie gave Isaac the street name and number. “It’s a private hospital and they’re very strict about unauthorized visitors so you’ll have to show ID to a security guard.”

  “What happened?” Isaac said as he walked over to a limo that was decanting passengers and approached the driver.

  “DUI,” Callie said. “Apparently he got bored of the party he was at and wrecked his car about half a mile later. He was shaken up but walked away with just a few bruises.”

  “Idiot!” Isaac gave the limo driver an apologetic look. “Hold on a second, Callie,” he said before he spoke to the driver. “Looking for a fare back to the city?” he asked.

  “Sure am. Where you want to go, sir?”

  Isaac repeated the address Callie had given him, and the driver nodded.

  “I’m Hector. Do you have any luggage today?”

  “No luggage,” Isaac said as the driver opened the limo’s back door. “And I’m in a hurry.”

  “No sweat.” Hector got behind the wheel and pulled smoothly away from the curb. Moving through lesser cars like a shark through a school of mackerel, the limo surged up an on-ramp and joined the flow of the interstate. A short time later he pocketed sixty dollars plus tip and bade his passenger have a nice day before leaving him at a clubby-looking private hospital.

  THE guard checked his clipboard and found Isaac’s name on the list of approved visitors. After taking a long look at Isaac’s driver’s license, the unsmiling security man waved him through to the nurses’ station. With a sickening sense of déjà vu, Isaac followed a cat-footed nurse down a shiny-floored hallway. Though he knew Colby was alive and reportedly well, the notion that his lover could have died provoked several strong emotions: fear, anger, and knee-weakening relief among them. He did his best to get himself under control before they reached Colby’s room, but he had a tenuous grip at best when the nurse showed him in and left.

  “I can’t believe you’d be so thoughtless,” Isaac said as he walked into Colby’s plush, private suite. “Did you even consider how your friends would feel?”

  “I know. I know. You don’t have to rake me over the coals. It was a stupid thing to do.”

  “Don’t you dare apologize yet. I have a hissy fit to pitch.”

  “Can we skip it? My therapist already gave me an earful.”

  “Can we skip it?” Isaac’s eyes bulged. “No, because I won’t let you treat this like just another day in Hollyweird. Maybe you thought it would look like a car accident, but it wasn’t, was it? No, we can’t skip it.” He blew out a big breath. “Thank God Laith isn’t here.”

  “So… no sympathy for me at all?”

  “I can’t even talk to you until you stop acting like this is a joke.”

  “Look, Isaac, I never meant to kill myself. I had a few drinks and a few pills and made the supremely bad decision to drive myself home. The fact that you’ve been dodging my calls for the last twelve hours had nothing to do with it.”

  “Is that what you told your therapist?”

  “Yep. Apparently, we’ve barely begun to address my daddy abandonment issues. Same old crap. I’m not manic-depressive, for God’s sake.”

  Isaac made an irritated noise. “Have you been doing drugs the entire time I’ve known you?”

  “We’re not really going to play Mr. Pot and Professor Kettle, are we?”

  “Did all your energy and high spirits come out of pill bottles?”

  “Everyone uses chemicals. Sometimes you just need a little boost to get through the twenty-seven-million interviews promoting your new movie. It’s like extra makeup.”

  “Don’t you realize how serious this is?”

  Colby rolled his eyes. “It won’t make a single wave. No one knows a thing about it, and they won’t find out. This hospital is very discreet.”

  “I don’t give a damn how it affects you at the box office. Your solution to your problems was to pull a James Dean. That’s not good.”

  “I already said it was an accident, and I didn’t get hurt. So what’s the problem?”

  “Ask your therapist. I’m sorry, Colby, but I can’t— I just can’t be with you.”

  “Hang on a second. Don’t say things like that off-the-cuff. Hear me out.”

  “I don’t need to. For a while, you had me believing you were different, but you’re not. You’re playing the Hollywood game, and I can’t do that again.”

  “Isaac, wait. Listen to me,” Colby said.

  “No. You’re part of a world that I won’t be a part of anymore. It’s best for both of us if I go now.” Isaac swallowed. “When you come back to the set, I’ll be friendly, but anything else between us is over, so please don’t bring it up.”

  “Fuck!” Colby wrestled with the sheets as Isaac walked out of the room. “Wait!” By the time Colby made it to the door, Isaac was out of sight. He summoned nurses, but even their uncanny powers were of no help. Isaac had made his escape, and Colby knew how useless calling or texting him would be. A nurse offered Colby a sedative, but he declined. He needed to think, and for that he would need a clear head.

  Chapter 10

  TONY looked across the table at Isaac. “I know this sounds harsh, but we have to be realistic. I know Colby wasn’t hurt, but we have no idea when he’ll be back, so we need to talk about how, or if, we can work around his absence.”

  “We have to work around it. We can’t replace him now.”

  “I know. I just didn’t want to be the one to say it.”

  “Fucking actors,” Isaac said. “You can’t rely on them.”

  “Let’s try and be productive,” Tony said. “How many scenes do we have left that don’t have Dorian in them?”

  “I guess you’ve already shot everything the CGI guys need.”

  “That was the first thing we did.”

  “Yeah, thought so.” Isaac tapped a pen against his lips. “Fuck.”

  “What?”

  “I’m just so pissed off at Colby.”

  “This is more than just business, isn’t it? It’s personal.”

  “Damn right, it’s personal.”

  “So you’ve slept together.”

  Isaac scrubbed his face with his palms. “Go ahead and tell me what an idiot I am. I won’t deny it. In the lengthy annals of my fuck-ups, this one deserves a chapter all its own.”

  “You’re not implying that Colby’s accident had anything to do with your relationship, are you?”

  “Of course it did.” Isaac blew out a big breath. “Look, I’m not saying I broke Colby Lightner’s heart or anything like that. He’s j
ust an unstable guy who didn’t get what he wanted when he wanted it. Simple as that.”

  “Sounds a little oversimplified to me.”

  “It didn’t have time to get complicated. All that happened is that Colby and I hooked up, despite the obvious lunacy of it. I was coming off a long dry spell, and for some reason, he developed a fascination with me. Actors are always in the throes of some obsession or other.”

  “So you didn’t feel anything for him at all?”

  “I didn’t say that, but it’s definitely not something I want to talk about.”

  “Not so fast, Sunny Jim. Your shagfest has put paid to my little dream of directing a film I have total control over.”

  Isaac stared at Tony until Tony gave him a sheepish grin.

  “Thought I could get you wound up enough to spill your guts,” Tony said. “I’m a terrible gossip.”

  “Never knew a director who wasn’t.”

  Tony shook his head. “It’s not in my nature to stop a man from dipping his wick, but I do wish Colby could have chosen a better way to say he likes you than smashing a car.”

  “I knew it was a bad idea from the beginning, but damn, it felt good lying next to someone in bed again.”

  “I hate to sleep alone, too.”

  “I got real used to sleeping alone in the last ten years, and then I let a punk actor weasel his way into—”

  Callie knocked and stuck her head in the door. “Colby’s here,” she said. “He wants to see you, Isaac.”

  “Tell him he’ll have to wait until after the meeting.”

  “Isaac!” Colby shouted.

  Isaac wasn’t surprised when Colby pushed past Callie into the room. He didn’t expect someone like Colby Lightner to give up easily. What he didn’t expect was the hug. And he most definitely didn’t expect the kiss.

  “Why did you do that?” he asked.

  “Because I wanted to.”

  “Aren’t you afraid you’ll ruin your career?”

  “Of course, but you know what? Acting’s not the only job in the world.”

  “What?”

  “I can always direct. No one cares if directors are bisexual.”

  “I appreciate the gesture, but can we go somewhere less public and talk about this?”