‘Please,’ He swept his hand towards the table. ‘Help yourself.’
I leaned forward a little and felt my legs shake furiously. I wouldn’t be able to stand without falling.
‘May I assist?’ he asked. The same words Uri had used, yet this time they caused a crawling sensation over my skin. I wanted to shiver but restrained myself.
‘No. It’s OK.’
‘Will you refuse me the same courtesy you gave my brother?’ He smiled slyly.
I looked down, feeling tired and beaten. ‘No. You can help.’
Before I even finished my sentence, I saw a mist flow from him to me. A slight dusting of colours shimmered within it like glitter. My muscles suddenly relaxed and I felt rejuvenated. I still ached like I had run a marathon, but it was bearable. I walked to the table and gulped down the water. It didn’t occur to me until I had finished every last drop that anything could have been in that glass. The fact was, I would have thrown back a glass of bleach as long as it was wet.
He watched me and sighed. ‘It’s always a little frustrating to be the second visit on a Grigori Trial, though I must say, they are normally in better shape than you. My brother must have shown quite an interest.’
I thought back to my meeting with Uri, which now seemed like a lifetime ago, and the total indifference he had shown me. ‘He didn’t seem overly interested.’
‘Perhaps not to you.’ He walked over to the table and stood on the opposite side. I strained to see his face.
‘You have come to save the one you love?’ he said conversationally.
‘Yes… No… He’s not the one I love, but I do want to help him.’ I was trying to convince us both.
He made a tsk tsk sound. ‘And for whose sake do you come?’
‘For his.’ Ah, duh!
‘Are you sure?’ The words teased their way through the air, landing lightly like the misty rain and seeping into me slowly.
I thought of the question, of who was really at risk. It was Lincoln’s life I wanted to save…because… I couldn’t fail him.
‘For mine.’ The realisation stung.
‘Very good. I am sure my brother told you how strong you appear. Did he tell you how very weak you are, too?’
I half laughed, but my heart wasn’t really in it. ‘Stating the obvious, don’t you think?’
‘True and not. Your current state is merely a physical reflection of your strength and your weakness. They compete in a wonderful battle within your soul. I wonder which will win… Don’t you?’
I swallowed and remained silent.
He chortled lightly. ‘It is a situation that we must contend with, our exiled flock. I do wonder, at times, if they find their paths fulfilling. I suppose I will never know.’ He was adjusting his jacket, tugging at the sleeves. It reminded me of Onyx. ‘I admit, it is quite satisfying being able to enjoy these material objects. Do you like my suit?’
I was a little taken aback. ‘I…I can’t really see it.’
He sighed. ‘Yes, the shadows do like to accompany me when I assume flesh.’ His next words came abruptly. ‘Who is the other who seeks claim to your heart and your body?’
How could they know all this?
‘Phoenix.’ My voice cracked as I spoke.
‘He is one of us?’
Nothing like you, I wanted to yell.
‘He’s an exile,’ I said, resting my hands on the table to help hold myself up.
‘Yet you wish to be a Grigori? Will you surrender him?’
‘I want to save my friend. I know that becoming a Grigori will mean dealing with exiled angels and I accept it as my future. But I have no reason to surrender Phoenix. He is good and he’s my friend.’
‘What if he gives you reason, will you surrender him then?’
‘I don’t believe that day will come.’
‘I can see that you do not.’ He smiled widely. ‘Do you have a question for me before I offer you the embrace and passage home?’
Home? Did he say home?
My mind went blank and I couldn’t think, though I knew I had questions. My words stumbled out. ‘Uri said he couldn’t answer my question.’
‘Annoying, isn’t he?’
I smiled a little and delivered the same question. ‘Was my mother a Grigori?’
‘Hmm…Evelyn… She was a Grigori of specific charge.’ He motioned with his hand towards the deck chairs. I shook my head.
‘What does that mean, “specific charge”?’
‘She had only one task. To return one exiled angel for judgement. She was charged with the mission by her angel maker directly. Very rare.’ He was pondering something as he spoke.
‘She knew where her angel essence came from?’
‘Yes, I believe she even left you a trinket of theirs.’
My hand went to the outside of my pocket, tracing the outline of the necklace. ‘The names on the back of the amulet.’
He just smiled.
‘Who did she have to return?’ I asked.
‘That question, I cannot answer. I believe the seed is planted…for now.’
He returned to his chair and reclined, crossing his legs at the ankles and placing his hands behind his head. He looked like he was relaxing in his backyard – a very dark, desolate backyard.
‘Will you send me back now?’ I tried to sound like it didn’t matter.
‘Of course. You need only pierce your way to freedom.’
‘What?’ Dread pumped at the base of my heart.
‘Take the dagger from the table; it is yours now.’
I looked down to where the glass had sat on the table. A silver dagger lay in its place.
‘When the figure appears,’ he continued, ‘give it form and pierce it with a killing blow.’
‘I have to kill someone?’ Is he mad?
‘Details, details. It’s really just pretend – think of it as a game. Of course, if you prefer, you could stay here with me.’ He was enjoying himself. He lay back in his chair and looked to the sky.
I reached out, my hand shaking. One finger at a time I wrapped my hand around the dagger, lifting it into the air. The cold steel responded warmly to my touch, as if it recognised me. A chill ran down my spine and I flinched. The table disappeared and in front of me stood a figure. Neither man nor woman; a blank canvas, just a silhouette.
Nox had said I needed to give it form. I thought of a form, if there would be one that I could kill. Then he stood before me. My hands shook with pure fear and adrenalin.
‘Can you speak?’ I asked him. My voice was shaky. I realised I was crying. He said nothing, remained still, watching me.
I looked in the direction of Nox; he was still casually reclined in his chair.
‘Is there another way?’ I called out to him.
‘Not one you would prefer,’ was all he said.
This was it. This was what I had to do to get back. To become a Grigori, to get my powers, to heal Lincoln, to return to Phoenix. My grip tightened around the dagger, weighing heavily in my hand.
I had to stab the man who had destroyed part of my world, taken part of my innocence, my trust, who had betrayed me and God knows how many other girls. I took a step towards him, the teacher I had feared more than anything else. Until now. Until these trials, until knowing Lincoln might die, until knowing I might die. I stared at him and I didn’t need any more reason. With all the other forces in my life straining to consume me, he had been the first to shatter the perfect prism of my life. I pulled my hand back for leverage; I only planned on doing this once. But when I closed my eyes, I found myself. One moment of simple clarity absorbed me and my decision was changed, and made. I opened my eyes and plunged the dagger into the stomach, tilting it up towards the heart, as I had seen Griffin do. Only then did I allow myself to take in the full scene, to lift my eyes to meet those of my victim.
I was staring at myself.
I would ask myself another time, if it had been strength or weakness that led me to change the image o
f the figure.
I heard Nox chuckling. ‘So, a new chapter has begun.’
Blood poured onto my hands as once again I searched within myself for an anchor and heard the faintest thrum of a heart. This time, though, I wasn’t sure whose it was that was struggling to beat. Perhaps it had always been the sound of my own fading heart that I heard.
Vision abandoned me and the darkness consumed me, a willing victim.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
‘What was I once, what have I now become…’
Symeon
My head rolled to one side. To the other.
‘Violet. Violet! Wake up!’
Someone was talking. Words, I could hear words. My mind sniggered at me when I strained to hear them again but I was lulled back into nothingness, content in the quiet.
Bam!
My head snapped to the side with hard, fast impact.
‘Violet – wake up, damn it! Open your eyes!’
That voice again. Eyes? My eyes? Oh…I opened them a little.
‘It’s me, it’s Phoenix.’
Phoenix? My hazy vision came into focus and I saw his perfect face and opal hair looking down on me from above.
‘Phoenix, you look like an angel.’ My voice sounded gravelly.
‘Are you OK?’ He patted me over urgently, looking for wounds.
I ran through the inventory. Legs and arms were still working. I knew this because I could feel pain through every inch of them. I also had the pleasure of realising one half of me was lying on a bitch of a rock, which was digging into my butt.
Phoenix helped me sit up. I took in my surrounds and could see the mountain I had climbed with its haunting cliff top towering above me. I was in the valley that lay beneath.
‘Are you OK? Did you fall?’ He was wiping my hair from my face. ‘There’s blood on your hands, your skin – it’s red and blistered and…you have cuts all over yourself.’ He was almost mothering me and I fought the urge to swat his hands away. It helped that I wasn’t sure that my arms could move.
Thoughts of Uri and Nox circled my mind. The desert, the lion, the faceless figure.
‘I…I…’ I started to say that it wasn’t my blood. Then I remembered – it was. I threw myself into his arms. I was so frightened I couldn’t even cry – I could barely breathe.
He held me tight. ‘You’re safe, you’re safe. It’ll be OK.’ I hoped he was right.
‘What time is it?’ I asked, suddenly remembering, jerking away from him and wincing at the price for such abrupt movement.
‘Just after sunrise.’
‘Oh no! I’ve been gone a whole day and night?’ I asked, frantically.
‘No, you’ve only been gone a couple of hours. Violet, what happened?’
Maybe I had fallen? Maybe I had never been anywhere. Had I just been lying at the bottom of the mountain after miraculously surviving the fall?
‘Water?’ I asked, increasingly lucid. Phoenix disappeared for a moment and returned with a water bottle. He would only portion the liquid out to me slowly, despite my protests. I dropped my face into my hands, struggling to grasp all that had happened.
‘Your arms,’ Phoenix said quietly. I lifted my head and looked at them. The strange markings had converged to create an intricate weaving, which wrapped around each wrist like a wide bracelet. It looked like a kind of mercury, light bouncing off it in a rainbow of colours.
I marvelled at the markings. ‘Steph is going to freak.’
Phoenix was watching me with trepidation.
‘It felt like I was gone for days,’ I said, picking up the bloodied dagger that lay in the leaves beside me.
‘They can do that. Remove reality and make your imagination control you.’
It was more than that, though. It had to have been.
I tossed the dagger around in my hand a couple of times, spinning the hilt and then catching it again. Phoenix looked at me dubiously.
‘What? It’s mine. Trust me, I earned it.’
I started to feel much stronger with each passing moment. I rubbed my face, which was stinging on one side.
‘Did you hit me?’
‘Just a tap,’ he said, kicking at the red dirt.
‘Then why do you look so guilty?’
‘I don’t,’ he said defensively, stilling his feet and looking away.
‘I think I can walk. We have to go.’ I tried to start moving and flinched with pain.
Phoenix sighed. ‘Stand up. I’ll do the rest.’
Phoenix had to catch me from falling when we walked through the door to Lincoln’s warehouse. The dehydration was still affecting me and though the water helped it also made me feel sick. Cradled in his arms, he looked over me, his worry showing.
‘There is something I need to tell you.’ His voice sounded grave.
My stomach was flipping out on me. My mouth watered, not with apple this time. ‘Does it have to be right now? I think I need a bathroom.’
He bit his lip. ‘It can wait.’
He carried me to the bathroom, where I threw up all the water I had managed to swallow.
When I emerged, Griffin and Magda were in the kitchen. Phoenix was nowhere in sight. They both froze with looks of horror as they took in my appearance.
‘Are you…?’ Magda started.
‘I think so.’ I held my wrists in the air. ‘If this is anything to go by.’
They stared in disbelief until I broke the silence. ‘How’s Lincoln?’
Magda looked down. ‘Worried about you. He’s dying and all he wants is to see you.’
I actually felt a tiny bit bad for her, but I also couldn’t help a brief wave of guilty satisfaction.
Phoenix was sitting beside Lincoln’s bed when I walked into the room. Lincoln was heaving as he tried to speak to him. I had clearly interrupted something. Phoenix shot up from his seat to help me over to the bed. I looked at him questioningly, but he just shrugged it off.
Lincoln looked like death, but when his eyes found me, he smiled. I clenched my jaw and my heart squeezed with restraint. His brilliant green eyes were dull and tired, but there was no arguing they were still the most exceptional eyes mine had ever taken in.
‘Vi, you OK? They t-t-told me you were going to embrace,’ he said, struggling with his words.
‘I’m here, aren’t I?’ I said, trying to reassure both of us as best I could.
‘I didn’t want… Not like this. I’m sorry.’ He was in so much pain. With every word he grimaced and I knew he would be trying to hide as much of it as he could from me.
‘I know. So…let’s see if this healing thing works.’
I looked towards Phoenix. ‘Can you ask Griffin to come in?’
He left the room without responding. Something had upset him.
‘Vi, there’s some…something you need to… I can see…’ He was straining himself too much, looking towards the doorway, making sure we were alone.
‘Tell me later. When you’re better.’
‘I…I’m s-sor…’
‘I know.’
Griffin explained how the healing was supposed to work. In theory I should have been able to just channel my will to heal Lincoln. As he was my destined partner, it would happen naturally. It all came through the power of the angelic qualities I should now have had and the wristbands – or in my case, the markings on my wrists.
‘OK, so I just take his hands or something?’ I asked.
‘You need to find your own way to connect with him and open yourself,’ Griffin explained. He sounded nervous and I could see Magda fidgeting. They weren’t as sure as they were trying to make out. They stood at the back of the room, giving us space. Phoenix hovered in the doorway.
Lincoln was drifting in and out of consciousness. He took shallow breaths and his lips were almost blue. Connecting with him had been something that I had been trying very hard not to do of late. How could I open myself to him? My mind drifted to the dream I’d had, to the stranger who said he was me. Was he my a
ngel maker? With all I now knew, it seemed more plausible that the dream had really meant something. I remembered the painting, the colours. And I remembered the question. ‘What are we to become?’
I didn’t realise I had spoken aloud until Lincoln whispered, ‘Everything we can.’
I took his hands, closed my eyes and tried to centre myself and concentrate on my will, directing it all towards healing Lincoln. After a few minutes I couldn’t stand it. ‘Nothing’s happening!’ I snapped at Griffin.
He was calm, like a Zen master, which only irritated me more.
‘You have to find your own way to connect. Maybe you need to try a different tactic. Remember when Lincoln helped you the other night, he focused your senses, brought them through you and out. Maybe…’
I cut him off. ‘You are kidding me. You want me to kiss him?’
Griffin just gave me a look of pity, but I could swear there was a touch of amusement mixed in. I caught Magda rolling her eyes to the ceiling. Phoenix, on the other hand, stepped forward.
‘No. You can find another way; you just have to tap into it. You need to rest.’
But we both knew there was no time for rest.
‘He’s barely conscious now. We can’t risk it – otherwise this has all been for nothing.’
Phoenix slammed the wall with his fist and I flinched in shock. I waited for his emotions to bleed into me. They didn’t. After he composed himself he turned to me, his hands clenched tight.
‘Fine, but this is the last time.’
It was fair enough given all that had happened, but the way he said it was frightening. I looked down, avoiding his eyes. ‘Maybe you should wait in the living room.’
‘I’m not going anywhere.’
I didn’t dare challenge, but he did step back to the doorway.
‘Lincoln.’ I stroked his hair, trying to get him to come round. ‘Linc.’
His eyes fluttered. ‘Hey,’ he said, as if I had just appeared.
I smiled. ‘I can’t heal you like this. I have to try something else. I’m going to kiss you, OK?’
He smiled like he was drunk and took hold of one of my hands, even though it must have hurt him. ‘I…You don’t ever need to…ask. We…loong…gether.’
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