I looked to Griffin, who couldn’t hide his concern. Lincoln was deteriorating. Fast.
‘It’s the painkillers,’ Magda said flatly.
I ignored her comment, though I could feel Phoenix shifting uncomfortably behind me. Again, I half expected to feel his emotions overflow into me. Surprisingly, I felt nothing.
I placed my free hand on Lincoln’s face and took a moment. This would be the first time I had actually been the one to kiss him, to instigate it. Somehow it made it seem different, more intimate. Phoenix huffed behind me. He was reading me. Crap. I just had to pretend he wasn’t there.
Before I could think about it any more, I leaned down and kissed Lincoln’s cool lips. My whole body relaxed and contracted at the same time. I could feel the death that was so close to him, hovering eagerly. Stirrings of power came from within me and I hunted it down, searching for its source so I could draw it up. I grabbed hold of it and steered it from me, into Lincoln, as if channelling a river, willing it to flow.
His lips parted, allowing the connection between us to open and I poured my power into him and he…kissed me back. Lips that were cool became warm. The hand that had held mine limply, tightened and pulled me in. He was healing, I could feel it, and it seemed to give me strength too.
The kiss intensified and together we grew strong. Power thrived through my whole being. My connection to Lincoln was like a living thing I could almost touch. His free hand reached out and curled around my waist as he brought his whole upper body to meet me and pulled us together.
We were like one person, giving life to each other. I felt a tear slip from my eye. I wanted to give this to him so much, but I couldn’t deny my anguish as I mourned the life I had sacrificed for him. I was bitterly aware that in healing him I had not struck anyone but myself that final killing blow.
The questions sliced through my mind like shards of jagged glass. Who was left dying in that desert? And even more disturbingly, Who returned?
‘Stop!’ An arm wrapped around my waist and ripped me back to reality.
Phoenix stood behind me, restraining me. I looked at Lincoln, now sitting up. Our eyes locked for a moment before I looked away.
Griffin stepped forward. ‘Well, that way works. Lincoln, how are your injuries?’
I appreciated his efforts at steering the attention away from the awkwardness.
Lincoln lay back down, pushing off the sheet to reveal his wounded torso. The bandages wrapped around his stomach were covered in blood. I gasped. I couldn’t believe he had made it to this point. Surely I couldn’t have healed that?
Magda moved over and started taking off the gauze. While she did I turned to Griffin. ‘His injuries are too severe. How does this work?’
Griffin gave me his tutor smile. ‘We give each other a little life force. It is one of our powers as Grigori. Unfortunately, we can’t give it to anyone, just our partner. This should give him enough strength to heal the wound himself… We hope. It sort of restarts his own enhanced self-healing abilities, so that although still hurt, he should be able to recover at a faster rate than humans.’
I fidgeted impatiently. ‘So, how long will that take?’
It was Magda who answered. ‘No time at all.’
We all looked at her.
‘What do you mean?’ Griffin asked.
Magda stood up and took a step back. ‘See for yourselves.’
Lincoln rubbed his hand over the wounded area. There was a lot of dried blood, but when I looked closer, I couldn’t see the wound. ‘Where is it?’ I asked.
He looked up at me, his beautiful green eyes glistening, bright as ever. ‘Gone. You healed me, Violet, completely. I feel…fantastic. Like I was never hurt.’
Then his eyes scanned my face and body. ‘You were hurt. When you first came in you had cuts, bruises. They’ve gone. You healed yourself.’
‘That’s impossible,’ exclaimed Griffin and Magda at the same time. They examined me, grabbing my arms, looking for signs of my injuries. My muscles weren’t sore, my thirst had gone, my throat wasn’t burning. My burned skin had returned to its normal shade. In fact, I felt good. More than that, I felt strong. Powerful. I yanked my arms back.
‘He’s right. I don’t know how, but I’m healed. Maybe Lincoln healed me at the same time.’
Griffin obviously wanted to discuss it further, but when he saw the look on my face, he wisely let it go.
Lincoln sprang out of bed. He walked over to me and took my hands in his. ‘This is what the markings meant,’ he said, examining my wrists. ‘The lines running through your arms. They were forming wristbands. They’re within you.’ He marvelled at me and I felt his thumbs brush over my wrists. My body betrayed me, reacting to his touch. Just as quickly, I felt a strange surge of anger towards him.
Phoenix moved forward. It was understandable. I dropped Lincoln’s hands and took a step back so I was beside Phoenix.
‘Violet?’ Just the way Lincoln said my name held within it so much.
I stood staring at him, power coursing through my body. I ran my hands through my hair, stalling.
‘I’m glad you’re better. I…It was more important that you were OK and so I made my choice, Linc. I don’t regret it, but…I don’t know if we can ever really be OK.’ Even as I said it, I felt the anger still bubbling beneath the surface.
His eyes shot to Phoenix. ‘Does this have anything to do with him?’
Phoenix stiffened beside me. Lincoln watched as I stood in silent panic. I didn’t know how to have this conversation; there were too many people in the room and too much emotion was riding on it.
As his eyes penetrated mine, comprehension flickered. ‘Something happened. You… Please tell me you didn’t.’
He looked like he didn’t know whether to yell or beg.
Phoenix put an arm around my waist, claiming me. ‘She doesn’t have to answer to you. She just saved your life. A simple thank you will suffice.’
Lincoln jabbed his finger towards Phoenix. ‘You don’t talk. You son-of-a-bitch! If you touched her, I’ll kill you!’
I flinched when he turned his daggered gaze back to me. ‘Violet, answer me.’
I could do this, I had to do this. I’d made my choice. Why then did I feel so wrong at the same time?
‘Can we have a minute?’ I said quietly.
Griffin and Magda couldn’t have vacated the room faster. I think they had already been inching their way to the door. I bet Magda was loving this.
Phoenix, however, remained where he was. ‘No,’ he said. ‘Last time I left you alone… No.’
‘Phoenix, please, I can’t have this conversation with you in the room. I know I’ve asked a lot of you, I know you must think I’m awful, but please just give me this minute.’
His arm dropped from my waist and his other hand went to my face. ‘I’d never think that of you. You could never be awful. It’s just…’ His eyes darted to Lincoln. ‘He’s trying to manipulate you and he irritates me…a lot.’
He shot Lincoln a hateful glare and then turned his attention back to me. ‘He loves you, Violet. But I hope he’s explained to you that Grigori partners are not compatible. There is no way he can ever have you, yet he still wants to stop anyone else from having you. He leaks his love for you everywhere. It’s clumsy, it’s…messy.’ He screwed up his face a little. I stayed very still, trying not to react – not even to Phoenix telling me that Lincoln loved me.
‘But I love you too,’ Phoenix went on.
Oddly, I couldn’t feel that emotion from him as he said it. The only thing I felt was anger, but it didn’t seem to be coming from him – it must have been mine.
‘Knowing that,’ he continued, ‘tell me it’s safe for me to leave you in here with him.’
Conflicting sensations ran through my body. I couldn’t tell him that I loved him, and saying that I would try wouldn’t cut it. Worse still, he could probably read my emotions, anyway.
I settled for the words, ‘You can trust me.’
He stalked out, throwing a final glare of contempt at Lincoln, who was shooting back a special look of his own.
Lincoln moved over to his wardrobe and grabbed a fresh T-shirt. He didn’t say anything, just moved things around, throwing them with excessive force. He unravelled the last of the thick bandages that covered his torso, leaving his chest bare. He took a cloth from a bowl of water on the dresser and used it to wipe away the rest of the dried blood before putting on the clean T-shirt. With his back still to me, he pulled a painting off the wall and hurled it across the room.
‘I gave you that,’ I said quietly, looking at my painting on the ground.
He was breathing heavily. Part of me wanted desperately to run from the room, from the conversation. The other part wanted to comfort him, reach out to him.
‘Tell me.’ He was almost trembling with restraint.
‘What, Linc? What exactly is it you need me to tell you?’ Familiar defences were coming back to me and I was grateful. We had only been back around each other for minutes and we were already fighting.
‘Did you sleep with him?’
‘Yes,’ I said, determined not to be pushed around and made to explain myself. Not after everything that had happened.
He turned to face me, hurt glistening in his eyes. ‘Do you love him?’
‘I…I don’t know.’
‘But you’re with him?’
‘Yes.’
‘And what about me, Violet? Do you love me?’
‘That’s not fair.’ I looked down at my feet; my pants were covered in dirt and dried blood.
He gave a sarcastic, empty laugh. ‘A lot isn’t fair. It’s not fair that I had to be the one to train you to be a Grigori. It’s not fair that I couldn’t tell you the truth, even though I knew you’d hate me for it. It’s not fair that I was dying and became the reason you embraced, which only gives you more reason to push me away. It’s not fair that I know how great we would be together, except that we can’t. It’s not fair that, even though I know I’ll never have you, I had planned everything – the candles, the lilies – replayed the words I wanted to say a million times when you and I finally made love. I get that it’s not fair, but I’m still going to ask because we’re on a roll of all that is unfair, so what’s one more thing?’ He grabbed the wardrobe door and slammed it so hard it almost broke off its hinges.
My mind was boggling at everything he’d just said. ‘Lilies?’
He half laughed. ‘White. You don’t like roses.’
My heart cried out from a muffled place. Only Lincoln would ever know all the little things. But instead of making me feel better, it just made me bitter.
He dropped his head and took a step towards me, closing the distance. ‘Tell me you love me.’
When he looked up, our eyes met and I couldn’t stop the words. It was like when I had felt compelled to do what Onyx asked of me, but I knew this time no one else was pulling the strings. It was my own soul compelling me.
‘I love you,’ I whispered, unable to deny the buried feelings.
His shoulders relaxed and he moved closer to me. ‘We’ll work it out. Find a way.’
There was a time I had wanted to believe that. But not now. Even as my heart sang, I felt a rush of hatred and rage, overpowering everything else. I was surprised by its vehemence.
Lincoln’s hand reached out, towards my face. I stopped it with mine and took a step back.
‘Violet, don’t, please.’
‘You can’t have it both ways, Linc. I’ve loved you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I just went to hell and back for you, maybe even in the literal sense. And even knowing what I know now, I’d do it again. I’m trying to do this, trying to live up to my end of the bargain and the promises I’ve made along the way… But you need to know, the part of me that loves you…it also hates you, Linc. I’m with Phoenix and right now that’s what I need. I trust him.’
The words cut into Lincoln as he took in their meaning. They cut into me too.
‘He’s not what he says he is, Violet. He’s taking advantage of you. You’re only young. He’s manipulating you.’
‘I’m only young?’ My anger boiled over. It was the wrong choice of words. ‘But not too young to become some kind of angel warrior? Not too young to jump off a cliff, not knowing if I would live or die? Yeah, I’m too young to make a decision about a guy, but when it comes to driving a dagger though myself to become this…’ I held my wrists in the air, my markings reflecting a rainbow of colours. ‘I’m old enough for that, right?’
Lincoln looked shocked and I knew why. Admitting I’d stabbed myself had surprised us both.
‘What do you mean you drove a dagger through yourself?’ Worry creased his eyes.
I stared into space, distancing myself from the memory. ‘Nox, the angel of dark, made me kill someone of my choice before he would send me back.’
‘And you chose yourself?’
I didn’t answer.
‘Of course you did… You’d never willingly hurt someone else if you didn’t have to. Oh God, Violet, I’m sorry.’ Rather than taking a step forward, he took one back and ran a hand through his hair.
‘I know,’ I said.
‘Look, I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but something’s not right. I can see a shadow on you, a mark. Surely you feel it?’
‘No, don’t do this. Don’t turn me against him.’ Phoenix was all I had left.
He stared at me. I waited for him to fight back, but he didn’t.
‘OK,’ he said. Sadness rang in his voice. He was letting me go. He didn’t want to, but he would do it…for me.
‘OK?’
His head shook even as he repeated the word. ‘OK.’
He made for the door, his next words just loud enough for me to hear. ‘But we both know you’re lying to yourself.’
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
‘Take care, then, that the light in you not become darkness…’
Luke 11:35
‘Angels!’ Steph said, practically bouncing up and down in her chair. ‘No way! Wait, this can’t be real…’
We were sitting in the food court at the mall. It had been a strategic move on my part, putting her in her comfort zone.
After the trials, whatever it was that had prevented me from telling Steph and Dad about the whole Grigori thing seemed to dissipate. Whatever – or whoever – had been interfering with me had stopped. I had made the choice to tell Steph and hoped it might help me build up to telling Dad…one day.
At first Steph had laughed. She thought it was some elaborate joke. It wasn’t until I pushed up my sleeves and put my arms on the table that she started taking me seriously. The sudden addition of markings on my wrists, which on close inspection proved so inhuman that only the extraordinary was acceptable, left her momentarily stunned. Once she recovered and I swore truth on our very friendship, she pretty much took care of the rest of the conversation, asking a million questions and examining my wrist markings in awe. It was a relief to be with her again and out of the intensity that now surrounded almost every facet of my life. A breath of much-needed ordinariness.
‘So, let me get this straight…’ she said for the hundredth time. ‘You’re part angel and now you have powers and you can heal people?’
‘I can only heal Lincoln.’ I glanced around the food court. Kids our age were milling around, not a worry in the world. Well, maybe that wasn’t entirely true – being a teenager is tough most of the time – but I was willing to bet not many of them were dealing with my lot.
‘Because he’s your destined partner,’ Steph continued. When we’d first sat down, she’d slurped at her iced coffee, attacking the scoop of ice cream bobbing on the top with her straw. But now it sat untouched and Steph leaned forward on the edge of her seat, staring at me with wide, unblinking eyes.
‘Yep.’
‘Holy crap, Vi! If you’re bullshitting me you better say now! You’re telling me you actually went on some mystical quest and met
a good angel and an evil angel?’
‘It’s a bit more complicated than that, but sort of…yeah.’
‘Jesus.’
‘No. He wasn’t there,’ I joked, trying to lighten the mood. I wasn’t sure if I was doing it for her sake or mine. I couldn’t believe she had taken everything so well to this point.
‘You’re not going to go all religious on me now, are you? If you tell me you’re joining Sunday School, I don’t think I’m going to cope.’
‘Trust me. Church is way down on my list of places to visit.’
‘But you are going to become a Grigori?’
‘It’s already done. It’s a one-way ticket.’ I tried to sound on top of it, but Steph could sense my sadness.
‘Vi, I can’t believe you’ve been going through all of this on your own. I’m kind of shitty you didn’t tell me sooner, but I get it too. We’ll work it out. Sure, it’s not your everyday kind of problem, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up your life as you know it.’
‘I just can’t pretend that I’m normal, no matter how much I want to.’ I rolled my sleeves down, masking the now permanent reminder on my wrists. Steph viewed my markings from a cosmetic point of view and thought they were fantastic. They were beautiful. They would be more beautiful if I could take them off, though.
She smiled sympathetically. ‘You’re still you, Vi. I know things must seem crazy right now, but maybe doing normal stuff is exactly what’s going to give you sanity.’ Her eyes brightened. ‘Starting tomorrow night!’
Trust Steph to find a silver lining. ‘What’s tomorrow night?’ My words dragged with suspicion.
She gave me her best innocent look, which of course meant the exact opposite. ‘You and I are going out. There’s a party on at Hades and my brother has spare tickets.’ She flipped open her phone and started texting. ‘I get that things are crazy, but you need to do something fun and forget about all this stuff for a while.’
It didn’t sound like such a bad idea. ‘Is Jase playing?’ I asked.
‘Yep, and he promised me he could put some names on the door if we wanted to go…’ Her phone beeped. ‘And,’ she said, reading the message, ‘it’s all organised – four golden tickets!’ She slapped the phone closed.
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