A Case for Forgiveness

by Carol Ross

  When she was sure they were out of earshot she turned and faced him. “Well?”

  “Shay, calm down. I—”

  “Calm down? Why wouldn’t I be calm, Jonah? Oh, right, because you’re here eating breakfast with your old posse while I’m up at the inn, concerned and waiting for you to call me with news about your grandfather?”

  He opened his mouth but she began firing off more words before he could respond. “Look at me.” She pointed at her face. “See these bags under my eyes? That’s because I barely slept last night. The inn is crazy busy, I’m short-staffed, and I have a guest bringing in valuable live koi that we have promised to take care of—but none of that really matters to me right now, Jonah, because I am worried about Caleb. You remember him? Your grandfather? The man who, outside of my own father and possibly my brothers, is the single most important man to me in the entire world.”

  “Did you say koi?” Amusement danced across his face and that spiked a fresh surge of annoyance.

  “Yes,” she snapped. He didn’t deserve an explanation.

  “Okay... Shay, listen—I was going to call you, but I left my phone—”

  She tipped her head down and tapped on her forehead, trying to rein in her temper. “Just tell me what Doc said. That’s all I really want to know anyway.”

  “He didn’t say anything definitive. He is sending Gramps to a specialist. His appointment is in three weeks.”

  Her eyes shifted upward, connecting with his. “A specialist? What kind of specialist?”

  “A cardiologist in Anchorage.”

  “A cardiologist? What...? He doesn’t have a heart condition, or any family history of heart disease.” She didn’t care that she was informing him of this like he didn’t already know his own grandfather.

  “He had some abnormal test results and Doc wants Gramps to follow up with a doctor in Anchorage.”

  “What tests? And you didn’t think this was important enough to share with me? After you specifically asked me yesterday to help you out with this? We were going to be a ‘we’ where your gramps is concerned. Isn’t that what you said?”

  Jonah stared into her eyes, and even in the dim light she could see the intensity shooting from their depths—pleading with her to listen. And there was some anger there, too, which she didn’t think she deserved, although she supposed she could dial it down a bit. She’d clearly gotten her message across.

  She remained silent, waiting for his explanation.

  “Yes, that is what I said. And that is what I want. Shay, I am sorry. I was on my way to see you... When we got home Gramps went into his room to take a nap. So I decided to jog up to the inn and talk to you in person.”

  “A nap?” Shay repeated. “Caleb doesn’t nap.”

  He pointed at his shoes.

  Her eyes drifted down, taking in Jonah’s faded Yale blue t-shirt, gray shorts—and running shoes.

  “I was doing that very thing when Bering pulled up behind me, stopped his pickup, and asked if I’d like to join him and some of the guys for breakfast. I agreed, thinking that I’d give you a call on the way over, but Bering didn’t have his phone with him. I’d left my cell phone behind—I don’t like to take it when I run—back in Chicago it’s the only time I have any peace. But, I was going to call you—” he paused and lifted one hand that held a phone, pointing at it with the other “—with Cricket’s phone.”

  Shay stayed silent and admitted to herself that this all seemed plausible. The men in this town liked to gather together any chance they had—in packs—like playful dogs.

  “I am sorry, okay? This town... It makes me crazy... How did you even know I was here anyway? I’ve only been in the place for maybe fifteen minutes—I haven’t even got my breakfast yet.”

  Shay felt her temper deflating slowly like a sad helium balloon. “Okay. I know what it can be like here, with the gossip sometimes, and—”

  “No, I should have called you—immediately. I forgot what this town can be like.”

  Small-town life was something that had always bothered Jonah. Shay didn’t like the gossip either, hated when it turned cruel or nasty, but she loved this town, loved the support. The strong sense of community in Rankins was constant—something she felt all the time. She thrived on that—giving it as well as getting it. And knowing she could count on that support comforted her like a warm blanket.

  “Do you forgive me?”

  She exhaled a tired breath. “Yes, of course. And I’m sorry, too. I just want to figure out what’s going on with your gramps. This is really scaring me.”

  His hand came up toward her shoulder and Shay anticipated his touch. But he lowered his arm instead, tucking the hand into his pocket.

  “So, you’re admitting that you lost your temper?”

  “Don’t push it, Jonah.”

  He was grinning at her and Shay wished he would stop. A grinning Jonah had gotten her into deep trouble once upon a time. She immediately banished the memories.

  If she were honest with herself, she knew she was going to be facing this situation with Caleb on her own now, at least until he consulted with the heart specialist.

  Her brain began buzzing with possibilities, some of which she voiced aloud. “So, when are you returning to Chicago? Will you fly back and meet us in Anchorage for the appointment? I’ll have Tag fly us—or Cricket if need be. Do you think I should stay with Caleb at the house until then?”

  “No, actually, um...I’m not leaving.”

  “What?”

  “Remember I told you last night that Gramps had something he wanted to talk to me about?”

  “Yes.”

  “Apparently there are some issues with his practice, too.”

  That knocked her back for a moment. “With his practice? What kind of issues?”

  “He has quite a backlog of work and he’s asked me if I could take a look at some cases while I’m here. Help him sort through them and catch up. So I figure I’ll be here at least another month.”

  Shay frowned. They both knew that Caleb was meticulous where his practice was concerned. “A backlog? I don’t know anything about this either. I could have found someone to help him. I’ve told him for years he needs to hire a paralegal. And I love Betty, but she’s not a paralegal. Don’t get me wrong—she’s a great typist who knows her way around a legal document, but a paralegal could give him a hand with some of the more technical stuff.”

  Jonah took a step closer and lowered his voice. Shay knew he would never want anyone to hear them talking about Gramps not being on top of his game.

  “I had a quick look last night. It’s kind of odd because some things are absolutely perfect—classic Caleb Cedar legal perfection. But then, there are others that are just a mess.”

  Shay tried to wrap her brain around what he was telling her. Caleb mentioned cutting back once in a while, spending more time fishing and less time “fiddling with the law,” as he liked to refer to his practice, but she knew he’d never really retire. He loved the law as much as Jonah did.

  He’d been so proud when Jonah had chosen to follow in his footsteps, and he’d been downright giddy when Jonah had been accepted to Yale, his alma mater. Ironic that it was one of Caleb’s proudest moments that had marked the beginning of the end of her and Jonah’s relationship.

  Still, one of the biggest differences in her mind between Caleb and Jonah was that Caleb loved other things, too, besides the law—and not just things that could be bought. Caleb loved life.

  “So...maybe he is feeling worse than he’s been letting on. What should we do?”

  Jonah raised a hand and squeezed the back of his neck.

  His movement combined with her own ill-timed inhale resulted in a blast from the Jonah-scented past. He smelled like citrus and sweat and cedar trees. Bittersweet memories stabbed her in the chest—the pain located right in the middle of her heart. She squeezed her eyes shut and Jonah mistook the action.

  “Hey, I’m worried, too. But I don’t think th
ere’s much we can do until we know more—other than keep an eye on him, right?”

  She opened her eyes. “And I think it’s important for us to stay positive, because although he says he’s fine—this still has to be scary—even for someone as strong as your gramps. My mom went through some of this last year—heart attack and then bypass surgery. It was terrifying.”

  Jonah nodded. “Thank you, Shay. I can’t tell you how much this means to me. Your help and everything you do for him... I—”

  Shay wondered...did he just not hear the me’s and I’s?

  “—know this isn’t about me. You love Gramps as much as I do. And he loves you—probably more than he does me. Hell, you certainly deserve his love more than I do.”

  Well, she thought as her eyes traveled up to meet his again, that statement was a nice surprise, and strengthened her hope that he shared her level of concern.

  Jonah’s lips turned up into a grin, one side higher than the other. Her stomach tightened and then stirred with anxiety, because he was reminding her too much of the boy she fell in love with—too much of the man she used to love. Too much...Old Jonah.

  “That’s not true, Jonah. It’s that I’m the one who’s here.” She broke eye contact and tried to focus on the giant moose rack hanging on the wall behind him. “We’ll figure this out. I’m not going anywhere—you know that.”

  His eyes somehow lured hers back in again. But now they were hard and flat and she was a little startled by the change in his expression.

  “Yeah, that much I do know, Shay. I learned that a long time ago—the hard way.”

  His tone was bland, but she felt the words like a sharp bite. She took a step back—his bitterness toward her a welcome reminder that she was bitter, too.

  Goodbye fond memories and heavenly man-scent and good riddance. He blamed her and she blamed him. That was it, in a nutshell, and she certainly was in no mood to rehash old relationship issues that would never—could never—be solved.

  She sighed. “Whatever, Jonah—let’s just stay focused on your gramps, okay? Your breakfast is probably getting cold, so I’ll let you get to it. I have to be back at the inn anyway. You’re bringing Gramps to bingo, right?”

  “Oh, yeah, I can’t think of anything I’d rather do with my time than play bingo. Gramps said the entire town is atwitter with talk of the record-breaking jackpot.” His mocking pretty well summed up his feelings about Rankins. “And, gosh, there are hundreds of dollars in prizes.” He worked in one of his eye-snaps. “Does he not know how long it takes me to make hundreds of dollars back in Chicago? A matter of minutes. Bingo isn’t exactly my thing, Shay.”

  Shay’s jaw fell open. “Jonah, sometimes people just do things because they’re fun, without giving a thought to much else. People enjoy spending time together for the sake of nothing more than that. You’ve been in town for about twenty minutes and you can’t at least go along and pretend to enjoy something—for your gramps’s sake? Did you know your gramps never even keeps his winnings? He always donates them back to whatever cause is being played for.”

  “I...” He let out a frustrated groan. “That really did sound bad, didn’t it?”

  “Yes, it did.”

  “I’m just... I’m out of my league here, Shay.”

  Out of his league?

  “You grew up in this league, Jonah, remember? And you used to kind of like it. At the very least—you liked some of the people. And you know what? Many of those people still think highly of you and some of them consider you a friend, although why that is I don’t know because I’m almost positive you don’t deserve it. But right now there’s a whole table of them waiting to have breakfast with you, so before you head back there, you might want to rethink that condescending attitude. People will catch on, Jonah. And they won’t like it.”

  She turned to leave.

  “Shay, wait.” Now he did touch her, reaching out and grabbing her elbow, but she had no problem shrugging him off this time.

  He pushed his fingers through his wavy black hair, making it look messy and frustrated, like she felt.

  “Look, you’re right. I’m sorry. It’s not that I think I’m better, it’s just being here again—like this...it makes me feel off-balance.” He inhaled a deep breath and then exhaled a sigh. “Of course I’ll go. Gramps is excited about it.”

  Shay watched him, waiting. It was a pretty good apology, but... “And...?” she drawled.

  He grinned—a sheepish, boyish grin and she had to resist its sneaky attempt to sweeten her mood.

  “And, I will have a good attitude. I will do my best to have fun at bingo with Gramps.”

  She gave him a short, single nod of satisfaction. “Good. I’ll see you there.”

  * * *

  “THAT WAS A terrible cast.” Doc clucked his tongue, his lips twitching in amusement.

  Caleb yanked on his fishing pole. “Don’t you think I know that? That’s why I’m reeling back in.”

  Doc chuckled. “Okay, don’t get all riled up now. But you are a little off your game—you have to admit that. This is the third time you’ve casted and that last one only went about four feet. You sure you’re all right?”

  “Yes,” Caleb snapped, “for the third time. I feel fine.”

  “I’m not talking about your health. Is something else bothering you?”

  “Something besides this piece-of-junk reel my best friend gave me for my birthday, you mean? No.”

  “That’s operator error where that expensive, state-of-the-art reel is concerned and you know it.”

  Caleb snorted.

  Doc executed a perfect cast. “You’re positive? Nothing is bothering you?”

  “That’s what I said.”

  “That’s your official statement? You’re ready to sign it?”

  Caleb moved to face him. “Doc, you been nipping at the schnapps already this morning? It’s not even close to noon yet, and that would be early even for you. If you’ve got something on your mind I wish you would spit it out. I feel like I’m sparring with a cagey client here—and I’m not working today, remember?”

  “That reminds me—how did you get out of the house? Where did you tell Jonah you were going?”

  “I told him I needed a nap, asked him to turn off the phone and not bother me before noon. Then I climbed out the window.”

  Doc belted out a laugh as he slowly worked the lure toward the boat. “You climbed out the window?”

  “Yep.” Caleb’s lips curled up with the threat of a smile.

  “Till noon, huh? That’s not a nap, that’s a whole night’s sleep.”

  “You know I’m not a napper, Doc. Why don’t you tell me how long they usually last?” Caleb bit his line in two and stowed the flasher along with the lure he’d been using in the tackle box.

  Doc shrugged. “Mine are usually an hour or two at the most. But let’s get back on track here.”

  “I didn’t know we were off of it.”

  “So, you’re not feeling the slightest bit guilty?”

  Caleb didn’t answer and Doc finally, blessedly, remained silent as he shifted things around in his tackle box.

  All that could be heard was the soft lapping of the water against the side of the boat. An eagle sailed overhead and they both looked skyward to watch it. Caleb didn’t know a soul who could stop themselves from pausing to watch a bald eagle fly by. Then he tied a favorite lure to the end of his line.

  Eventually he answered, his tone taking a serious turn. “It doesn’t matter. I’m committed. There’s no turning back now.”

  “Well, I don’t like it, Caleb. I’m feeling guilty. It’s dishonest, and I’m not a dishonest person.”

  “What have you done to feel guilty about?”

  “Besides lying to Jonah about what we’re up to today?” Doc fiddled with his own reel for a few seconds and then, instead of casting again, he laid the pole across his thighs. He leaned his head back and stared up at the clouds.

  Caleb followed his gaze and m
arveled at the luscious blue of the sky. Alaska in the summertime, he thought, as he let the sheer beauty of it soak into him—there was nothing like it in the entire world. He used to take weeks off every summer so he and Jonah could enjoy as much of it as possible.

  Jonah used to love summers here—fishing, hiking, biking, exploring...surely, being in Rankins now would make him realize how much. And hopefully before this thing was through his grandson would realize some other things, as well.

  “Shay,” Doc muttered. “That’s the thing. That’s what I feel bad about. I understand what you’re trying to accomplish as far as Jonah is concerned, but I feel guilty about deceiving Shay. I didn’t think that through when I agreed to this. At the risk of waxing poetic—that woman is a shining example of all that is right with this town. She doesn’t deserve to be dragged into this. And I don’t like being a part of causing her any more pain.”

  “Yep, she is a shining example. And, yes,” Caleb confessed, “I’ll admit that has been poking at me a bit, too. But I’m not doing it on purpose, Doc. That girl is like my own granddaughter. I promised Gus if anything ever happened to him that I would watch out for her.” Emotion clogged Caleb’s chest.

  It took a minute before he could speak, and when he did he let pride fill his voice. “Gus would be so proud of her, Doc. With what she’s done with the inn—it looks like something from a darn magazine now.”

  Gus had loved all of his grandchildren, but Shay had been a little extra special to him. Her love for the inn was one reason certainly, but Caleb always thought it was her personality that so closely mimicked Gus’s that had truly stolen his heart—kind, thoughtful, generous to a fault, but feisty, stubborn and strong-willed at the same time. It had stolen Caleb’s heart—and Jonah’s, too, once upon a time.

  Doc smiled wholeheartedly. “Every time I go there I think that same thing. I imagine that ole Gus is smiling down on her every single day. But that’s what I’m saying, Caleb. The devotion Shay has for her family...well, she showers it on you, too. And you’re sure lucky to have it. But now, well you know she’s got to be worried plum out of her mind.”