Just What the Truth Is

by Cardeno C.

Micah was in full-on traffic tension mode when he finally got to my condo. “Damn, Ben, I don’t know how you’ve lived out here and made that drive every day for so long. I guess I’ve been out of LA long enough to have forgotten how much I hate being stuck in traffic. On the plus side, though, I learned a lot about people’s political affiliations, personal causes, and the number of pets and children they have. How did we ever find out random and unnecessary trivia about people we don’t know before bumper stickers? Oh, and what’s the deal with the cartoon kid pissing on the different truck brands? Is there some sort of turf war going between Ford and Chevy? And where does that leave Dodge?”

  All that came out in one fast rant, and then Micah looked closely at my face and his entire demeanor changed. He set the bag of takeout on the table and walked up to me, circling one arm around my waist and the other around the back of my head, threading his fingers through my hair. “What’s the matter, honey? You don’t look so good.”

  I snorted out a humorless laugh. “Thanks a lot.”

  The hand on my waist dropped to my ass and stroked me gently, not trying to arouse, just to calm. “Come on. You know what I mean. You’re still my pretty boy, but I can tell you’re down and that you’ve been crying. Talk to me.”

  I dropped my forehead onto his shoulder and let him hold me up, physically and otherwise. “My parents stopped by. It feels like they’ll never get past this. They can barely look at me, we can’t talk about anything. We used to be close. I mean, they didn’t really know me, so I guess we weren’t actually close, but in a lot of ways we were…. I’m not making any sense.”

  Micah kissed the side of my head. “You’re making perfect sense. And you’re doing everything possible to stay available and open to them when they finally realize you’re still the same son they love and they want to have a good relationship with you again.”

  I tilted my head and pressed my face into Micah’s neck, nuzzling his warm skin. “What if they never want that?” I asked.

  “They will, honey, they will. It’s just taking them a long time to get there.”

  “You promise?” My voice cracked and I sounded like a pathetic kid, but I so needed to know that someday I would be reconnected with my family.

  “Aww, honey, I wish I could make you that promise, but I can’t. What can I promise you is that you’re not alone and you never will be. You have your brother and Clark. And you have me. I’m here, Ben, and I want to be your family too.”

  I tried to blink back tears, but I’m pretty sure I failed. Again. “You’re already my family. And you’re my future.” I raised my head and kissed him, just a tender meeting of our lips to show him how much he meant to me. “I love you, Micah.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  “BEN FORMAN. With a name like that, I’m sure your ancestors must be Jewish. How much do you know about them?”

  Ooookay, that one came out of left field. It was absolutely not on my list of possible introductory sentences or questions from Micah’s mother. I had been prepared for repulsion along the same lines as my parents (even though Micah had repeatedly assured me that his parents had no issue whatsoever with his sexual orientation). I had been prepared for anger that I had moved into Micah’s house without her ever having met me (even though Micah was certain all anger would be directed squarely at him). I had even been prepared for her to think I wasn’t good enough for her son just because, well, I wasn’t (Micah doesn’t know about that particular fear. It was too pathetic for me to share, so please keep it to yourself). But comments about my religious heritage right off the bat? Uh, yeah, not so much on my overly thought and stressed-about what-will-happen-when-I-meet-Micah’s-family list.

  I stood paralyzed in the entryway of his parents’ house with a suitcase in my left hand and my right hand about a quarter of the way up toward a handshake. I hadn’t made it to a full extension before Micah’s mother had thrown her question at me, and after that… like I said, paralyzed.

  “Mom, come on! That question has been asked and answered. Three times. I told you on the phone already, Ben’s family is Christian. Let. It. Go.”

  She rolled her eyes at Micah and then took a couple of steps toward me before nudging my hand aside and giving me a tight hug. “Are your grandparents still alive, dear?” she asked while giving me a warm embrace that was completely incongruous with her debilitating interrogation.

  “Mom! Seriously, stop it.”

  She ignored Micah completely. “Or maybe you can ask your parents.”

  That seemed to be the last straw for Micah. He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around so she was facing him. “So help me, Mother, one more question about Ben’s family and we’re staying in a hotel.”

  She managed to sound genuinely surprised and sincere when she said, “Did I say something wrong, Micah? I’m so sorry. I had no idea. It must be because I got so little sleep last night getting everything ready for your visit. I’ve been cooking practically nonstop for two days. I have a brisket ready for dinner, and I even made your Bubbe’s sour cream coffee cake so you’d have something to eat after your flight. Ben might be hungry too. Is it okay if I offer him some cake and coffee, or is that offensive too? I wouldn’t want to upset you, dear.”

  “Dad!” Micah shouted. “Dad, we’re here!”

  Was he planning to just ignore her question? The interaction was completely foreign to me. In my parents’ house, things had always been cordial and nonconfrontational. Well, not including my recent coming out debacle. Oh, and any conversation involving Noah since about the age of twelve. But other than that….

  “Micah!” An older version of Micah walked into the room and smiled broadly at his son, giving him a quick hug. Then he walked over to me and opened his arms. “And you must be Ben. We’ve heard so much about you. We’re so glad you’re here.” He put his arm around my shoulders and guided me into the living room. “Micah tells me you do corporate work, a lot of M and A. I do the same thing on the real estate side. I bet we can share some good war stories.”

  I knew Micah’s father was an attorney, but Micah hadn’t ever mentioned his particular practice area. I was about to respond to his greeting when I became distracted by Micah’s mother once again. She was talking to Micah in what I think was supposed to be a whisper but really wasn’t.

  “So tell me this, is he circumcised?”

  That’s it. I was scarred for life.

  “Are you fucking kidding me right now, Mom? Did you seriously just ask me about my partner’s penis?”

  I wasn’t sure which was more shocking, the fact that Micah’s mother had made a reference to my dick or the fact that Micah had just said “fuck” in front of his parents.

  His father apparently considered both things to be nonevents, because he just kept right on talking about work. “Just last week, I closed a three-party deal that was really fascinating. We drew up a PSA, a lease-back agreement, and….”

  Should I tell Micah’s mother that I was, in fact, cut? I mean, if it mattered that much to her…. Holy crap, I was actually giving serious consideration to describing my dick to a sixty-something-year-old woman. Of course, it wasn’t like I was just volunteering the information out of thin air. I mean, said woman had been asking about my dick. Wait, did that actually matter, or was it a distinction without a difference? And was I seriously having this internal debate? Yeah, sadly, I was.

  Tell me the truth, nothing’s gonna be normal ever again, is it?

  “ALL right, so if you want, I can create a distraction and you can make a run for the rental car. Give me like two minutes, and if I don’t make it out there, just gun it and save yourself,” Micah said.

  We had just walked into the guest room to unpack after spending about thirty comparatively uneventful minutes eating a delicious cake, drinking tea, and chatting with his parents. I draped my arms over Micah’s shoulders and leaned in for a kiss and a nibble on his lips.

  “Are you kidding me? There’s no way we’re leaving. W
hen else am I ever going to have the opportunity to see the unflappable Micah Trains completely unravel? Your mother is fiercely skilled. Do you think she’d mind if I videotaped this visit? We can show it to young associates as a CLE in deposing adverse witnesses.”

  He chuckled. “Where do you think I picked up my greatest tricks? But lest you think my mother can undo me, just wait and see. The student has outgrown the teacher, and I’ve figured out how to beat my mother at her own game. If she wants to know so much about your dick, I’ll make sure to be extra loud tonight when I sing its praises.” He got an evil glint in his eyes. “Come to think of it, why wait until tonight? I can take care of this right now.”

  He jogged over to the bed and threw himself down on it, making it squeak loudly. “Oh, Ben, yeah!” he shouted.

  My eyes widened in horror, and I hissed at him, “Micah! What in the hell are you doing?”

  He winked and kept bouncing as he yelled. “Harder, Ben, harder. Pound that big, hard, circumcised dick into me. Oh, yeah!”

  Life doesn’t do much to prepare you for watching your boyfriend put on a sex show for his parents, even if it is just auditory. But this was actually happening. Like for real. Swear to God. The Jason meets Freddy movie was less horrifying.

  There was a knock on the door right before it swung open. I jerked my head over, ready to see angry parents, and instead there was a pretty brunette standing there with a sardonic grin on her face.

  “Wow, Micah. If he can work you up that much without taking his pants off, I can’t wait to see what his big, hard, circumcised dick can do when he actually sets it loose.” And the parade of horrors continued. “In fact, I’m sure my children are wondering the same thing. I believe I’ll help Ben unpack and get to know him a little better while you go out there and explain to Isaiah what exactly it means to pound your dick. Thanks for saving me the uncomfortable sex talk, Uncle Micah.”

  My face must have shown my mortification, because Micah’s sister took my hand and smiled at me. “I’m just playing around. The kids are in the kitchen with their grandmother. They didn’t hear a thing. I’m Sarah, by the way.” She looked me up and down before continuing. “You know, you’re even more gorgeous in person than you are in the pictures Micah e-mailed. What on earth are you doing with a troll like my brother?”

  Micah jumped off the bed, marched over, and flipped Sarah onto his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. “Buzz off, squirt. If Ben hasn’t figured out that he’s out of my league yet, then I don’t need you pointing out the obvious.”

  “Micah, put me down! I’m not a kid anymore, Micah, I’m thirty-two years old. Seriously, put me down!”

  He ignored his sister and looked at me. “Want to meet the greatest almost-six-year-old on the planet and his adorable baby sister?”

  It turned out that Micah’s nephew was able to broker a release of his mother. It wasn’t so much because the boy was concerned about her well-being. More like he wanted to take her spot. So Micah dumped Sarah on the geometrically-patterned sectional couch and then lifted Isaiah onto his shoulders and started running around the house, making the kid giggle madly.

  We heard a baby crying, so Sarah leapt off the couch and ran into the kitchen. She came back a few moments later with a sniffling baby. “Adina needs her binky.” Her eyes darted around the room and landed on the diaper bag. She put the baby, who’d begun crying again, on one hip and bent over the bag, shuffling through it.

  “You want me to take her while you do that? Seems like you have your hands full there.”

  She looked up at me gratefully and handed over the baby. “Would you? Thanks.”

  I held Adina against my chest and walked around the room, bouncing a little as I went and patting her back. She must have liked it, because she stopped crying and even rested her little head against my shoulder. I melted just a tiny bit. Okay, maybe more like a lot.

  “Darn it! I think I forgot to pack a binky. I might have an extra one in the car.” Sarah looked up from her diaper bag search, and her eyes warmed when she saw me. “You’re great with her. Adina normally doesn’t let anybody except for me and occasionally my mom hold her. Even Gabe, my husband, can’t get her to settle when she’s already in one of her moods.”

  I blushed at the compliment and dipped my face, inhaling Adina’s sweet baby scent. “Thanks. She’s adorable.”

  Sarah smiled and set the diaper bag back down on the floor. “I’ll be right back. She seems fine now, but she could fall apart in a heartbeat. I better track down a binky or ask Gabe to stop by the house after work instead of coming straight here.”

  The baby was asleep in my arms by the time Sarah came back with two pacifiers in her hand. I couldn’t tell whether she was happy or sad, because she was smiling, but her eyes looked decidedly wet when she looked at me holding her daughter. “Be right back.” She cleared her throat. “I just need to clean these off; they were buried underneath the seat.”

  Forty minutes later, I was sitting on the couch, holding a still-sleeping Adina and getting to know Micah’s sister and his parents while he played any number of games with his nephew. I think they were on hide-and-seek when Micah’s mother got back to her earlier interrogation.

  “So when Micah says your family is Christian, what does that mean exactly?”

  I’m not sure how he heard her over his own voice, but Micah stopped counting in the middle of the word “six” and sped over. “Mom, we already talked about this. What’s your obsession with Ben’s religion? Seriously!”

  “It’s not an obsession, Micah. I’m just curious. It’s important for us to carry on our traditions, and I worry that in an inter-faith household, the children will end up falling away from Judaism because Christianity is so much more prevalent in our society. It’s easy to become enamored by Christmas trees and Easter eggs. I’m sorry if your heritage means so little to you.”

  Micah’s shoulders hunched and his hands flew up. “What children are we talking about here, Mom?”

  She answered him in a very slow cadence, like he was having trouble understanding her words rather than her meaning. “We’re talking about your children, Micah. Yours and Ben’s. You did call me and say you were bringing home the young man you’d be spending your life with, right?” She nudged her head toward me. “I gather this is him, seeing as how you’ve told me that you’re living together.”

  I was momentarily distracted from the odd conversation by that little anecdote. I loved that he told his parents about me, loved that he said we would be spending our lives together, loved him.

  “Yeah, I said that. But Mom, you do realize we didn’t move in together because either of us is knocked up, right? You get that it’s not biologically possible, no matter how hard we try?”

  His mother scowled at him. “Don’t get fresh with me, Micah Trains. You can adopt or get a surrogate. Erma Stein’s neighbor and his husband just did that very thing.”

  Micah looked at his father imploringly. “Dad? A little help here, please.”

  The man barely concealed a smirk. “Oh, I assure you, son, it’s perfectly legal.”

  Honestly, I had never seen Micah so frazzled. It was even better than when his mother had asked about my dick. He collapsed onto the couch next to me, causing my body to shift in a way that jostled the baby. I immediately pressed my face to her ear and made a soft “shhhh” sound. She settled back down easily.

  The same couldn’t be said for Micah. “I know it’s legal, that’s not the issue,” he responded to his father in an agitated tone.

  “If you’re worried about where to get an egg, I’m happy to donate mine,” Sarah said. “You’ll definitely want to make sure Ben’s looks get handed down, so he should contribute the sperm. Otherwise, the kids might get teased at school.”

  It seemed as if Micah just gave up on his family at that point. He turned to me and kissed my cheek before smiling apologetically and whispering, “I’m sorry about this. For some reason, they’ve all chosen today to lose their e
ver-loving minds. Do you think we can get all three of them involuntarily committed at the same time, or would a judge frown on that?”

  I winked at Sarah before shrugging and looking into Micah’s eyes. “No reason to apologize to me. I agree with them completely. Surrogacy sounds like a great idea.”

  And with that, I rendered my always eloquent boyfriend completely speechless.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  I THINK the only thing I heard Micah say over the next three hours was, “Can you please pass the salt?”

  By the time we got back into the guest room for the night, I was a little worried that we had all pushed him too far. He was leaning down, untying his laces, when I stepped up behind him and rubbed his back. “You okay?”

  He straightened up, toed off his shoes, and then turned around. I stepped closer, and he embraced me, dropping his forehead against mine. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’ve just been thinking.” He took a deep breath. “Listen, Ben, did you mean what you said out there, or were you just joining in with my family to take the piss?”

  “I meant it.”

  He pulled his head back and searched my eyes. “You really want kids?”

  Why was that so strange? Didn’t everyone want to have a family? “Sure I do. I like kids. Don’t you? You seem to get along great with your nephew.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, I like kids. I guess I just never thought of having any of my own. It never seemed, I don’t know, possible or something.”

  I cupped Micah’s face in my hands and stroked his beard with my thumbs. “It is possible. I like the idea of hiring a surrogate. The question is, do you want it? Not right away, I mean. We should enjoy some time with just each other first. But eventually, do you want to have kids?”

  He was quiet for a long time, but his eyes never left my face. Eventually, he turned his lips into my hand and kissed my palm, before gazing back at me. When he spoke, his voice was a hoarse whisper.