There was more he should say but the words vanished as swiftly as they had come. He’d hit a kind of verbal wall and it felt jarring. Had he said the wrong thing?
No. From the way Ellie’s gaze was softening, his words had hit the right note. He could close the gap between them now and kiss her and everything would be okay.
Except that Ellie shifted her head back a fraction. Enough to stop his movement.
‘You don’t need to lie to protect me, Jake,’ she said. ‘I can look after myself. And—if this is real, it can’t stay hidden for ever, can it?’
‘No.’ Jake touched her lips softly with his own. ‘And I don’t want it to. But let’s just get through the next few days and get this filming finished before the world goes crazy.’
The next kiss made it feel like it should. Made Jake feel like they were back on Half Moon Island and the whole world was right there in his arms.
‘Does anyone know where you are?’
‘Only Steve. He won’t say anything.’
‘So you could stay for a while?’
‘Oh, yeah...’ It was becoming such a familiar pleasure, scooping Ellie into his arms and taking her somewhere.
And taking her to bed was the best possible place.
* * *
Cathedral Cove was a perfect location for what would be the most dramatic scenes of this movie. The marine reserve area was only accessible by boat or on foot, which led to some major logistical issues for the huge crew, but the setting was a jewel in a country already renowned for its unbeatable scenery. With a backdrop of sheer limestone cliffs topped with ancient pohutukawa trees, the cove was named for the spectacular archway rock formation that linked its two beaches.
The frame of the archway, with the sinking ship in the sea beyond would be used for the scene in which Jake saved Amber’s life and ensured that history would stay the same. First he had to persuade her to jump off the ship, keep her afloat in the waves despite the dead weight of her long dress and petticoats and then carry her through the surf and onto the safety of the beach.
Everybody was hoping a single take would be enough, especially Ellie, who’d had to carry all the gear she might need to the scene in a backpack. There were rescue boats available and she had lots of foil blankets in case of hypothermia but it was going to be a long and tense day.
No amount of anxiety or tension could undermine how happy she felt, though. Jake had told her he was in love with her—albeit in a roundabout way—with what he could have told those reporters. The time he’d spent with her last night had told her more than any words could anyway, and soon—when these final scenes were in the can—he would stop trying to hide anything and then she could really trust that this was, in fact, real. That she and Jake had a future together.
Her heart was in her mouth as she watched Jake jump from the tilted ship. Why wasn’t he using a stunt double, like Amber was? Boats stayed near enough to help if needed during the difficult swim and then they had to reposition everyone to do the bit where an exhausted Jake staggered through the shallower surf to carry the heroine to safety.
Just like he’d carried her when they’d still been strangers.
She could remember the comfort of being encircled by those strong arms and being carried to safety. She’d thought later how amazing it would be to be able to trust someone as protective and caring as Jake.
And she was so nearly there. As scary as it was, she was ready to trust him completely with her heart. With her life. To banish for ever those warning whispers in the back of her mind.
She was close enough to hear every word of the final beach scene to be filmed. To be so proud of Jake as he played his role to perfection—using modern medical resuscitation procedures to save the life of someone who would have died if this had really been back in the eighteenth century.
The portal that would take him back to the present day was within the ancient stone archway and the heart-wrenching scene where Jake had to leave the woman he thought he loved but could never be with was gripping.
Especially that last kiss.
Was he still pretending that Amber was her? Ellie was having trouble hiding a tender smile as she watched. And listened. She could certainly pretend that she was the one being kissed and, yes...it did make her feel uncomfortable, watching Jake kiss another woman, but she’d have to get used to this, wouldn’t she? She had to remind herself that he was only acting here. When he was with her, it was real.
Jake was holding Amber in his arms now. The cameras moved in for a close-up.
‘I can see the future in your eyes,’ he said softly. ‘My future. Without you, it’s not going to happen and...and you can’t begin to know how much that scares me...’
The smile on Ellie’s lips died. Those words he’d said to her that had finally won her fragile trust had been nothing more than lines in a script, written by someone else. A rehearsal for an upcoming scene.
She felt faint. Dizzy and sick.
A huge cheer went up from cast and crew as the director signalled that this was a wrap and filming was over. Even if she’d wanted to, she couldn’t have got near Jake in the midst of the congratulatory buzz and the chaos of moving all the people and gear from this location.
But that was fine.
Because she didn’t want to get near him. Not before she’d got her head around this. Before she knew how on earth she was going to handle what felt like a kind of death.
* * *
There was nothing like the buzz of a wrap party.
The hard work was over, at least for the cast and crew. There was still a lot to do, of course, and Jake would be very busy for the next few weeks because he wanted to be involved with the post-production work. Thank goodness Steve had contracted some brilliant New Zealand musicians to write and record the score, and this country was beginning to lead the world in special effects. It gave him a reason to stay here for some time. Enough time, hopefully, for he and Ellie to figure out how they were going to make things work. To nurture their newborn love and make it strong enough to withstand the pressures that would inevitably come.
Jake’s heart sank when he saw Ellie finally arrive but stay on the outskirts of the exuberant gathering. She looked tired and less than happy despite the smiles with which she was greeting the people she’d come to know. She wasn’t enjoying being with them and that was a worry. These people were his colleagues. The faces might change from movie to movie, but the feeling of camaraderie was always the same. By the time they got to the end of a big production like this, having coped with all the hassles and hiccups, there was a real sense of being comrades-in-arms. A family.
It took a while for him for fight his way to where Ellie was standing.
‘It’s over, babe. Real life can resume.’ He couldn’t wipe the grin off his face. ‘As soon as we’re back in Auckland, I’m heading straight for the barber shop. You won’t know me.’
‘Yeah...’ Ellie’s smile looked brittle. ‘It is over.’
Someone thumped Jake on the shoulder as they went past. ‘Well done, Doctor.’ They laughed. ‘Another life saved.’
Jake ignored them. He was staring at Ellie, trying to make the connection that should automatically be there when he looked into her eyes.
But it wasn’t. It was like shutters were down and there was no way he could see past them.
‘I’m all packed,’ Ellie said. ‘I’m heading home as soon as I’ve said goodbye to everyone.’
Jake simply stared. Bewildered. Demanding an explanation for the inexplicable. Why was Ellie raining on his parade like this? Okay, they’d hit a speed bump yesterday but they’d sorted all that last night, hadn’t they?
More than sorted it, as far as he’d been aware.
‘I thought you’d been honest with me last night.’ Ellie’s voice was dangerously quiet. ‘I actually believed what you said about the future, but you were just practising your lines, weren’t you? “I can see the future in your eyes.”’ The mimicking of his voice w
as painful. ‘“My future.”’
Oh...God... He had used those lines. Because he’d been lost for words and that bit of his script in the back of his head had happened to be just what he’d wanted to say. No wonder the words had come so easily. Why hadn’t he realised why they’d suddenly jarred?
He must have looked as horrified as he was feeling. The look Ellie gave him dripped with pity.
‘You didn’t even notice, did you? I don’t think you even know the difference between reality and fiction. It’s all fake, isn’t it?’
‘No...’ But Jake could hear echoes of the accusations Ben had levelled at him so many times.
‘Do you even know who you really are, Jake Logan?’
‘Of course I do. And so do you. You know me better than anyone, Ellie. You know more about who I am now than even Ben does.’
His tone was fierce enough for someone approaching them to take a second glance and turn away hurriedly.
‘But I can’t trust you.’ The words were clearly being torn from a painful place.
‘Don’t do this.’ Jake cast a desperate look over his shoulder. How could the party be still going in full swing when the bottom was falling out of his world? He had no idea how he could fix this.
If he could fix it.
And a tiny voice in the back of his head was asking him if he even wanted to if it was going to be this difficult.
‘You said I’d tell you what I’d been hiding when I was ready to. Well...I’m ready.’
‘When you trusted me enough, I said.’
‘What comes first, do you think? Trust...or love?’ Ellie didn’t wait for an answer. ‘I grew up with my parents and my grandfather—people I loved with all my heart and trusted without ever having to question it.’
He could see the muscles move in her throat as she swallowed hard. ‘When you lose someone you love that much you lose a part of your soul and I...I lost everyone I had.’
He wanted to touch Ellie. To try and comfort her. To let her know that she still had someone. Him. But Jake knew that she wouldn’t welcome the touch. She had more she wanted to say.
‘It took a long, long time before I was ready to risk that kind of pain again. To love again. But I finally did. I met Michael and I fell in love. We dated for about two years and when he asked me to marry him, I was happy to say yes.’
Her tone was almost conversational. ‘I already had the house with the picket fence but I was so ready for the husband who would be the father of my babies. The wedding was all planned. He travelled a lot with his consultancy work, but he promised me that we’d make it work. I just had to trust him.’
Jake knew this story was not going to end well. The sinking feeling he’d had when he’d first seen Ellie this evening was getting rapidly stronger.
She had an odd smile curling her lips now. There was no hint of genuine amusement in it.
‘I guess I’m lucky that his wife and three kids didn’t turn up at the church in that bit where they ask if anyone knows any reason why someone can’t be lawfully wed. He left his phone behind one day when he went out to the shops to get some milk and for some reason I picked it up and answered it when it rang. His wife thought I was a colleague who was attending some conference with him. She asked me to pass on the message that he needed to remember to pick up the birthday cake for their daughter on his way home.’
Jake was stunned. ‘He wasn’t really going to go through with a bigamous marriage, was he?’
Ellie shrugged. ‘That’s not the point, is it, Jake? The point is that I trusted him. Believed everything he told me. I’m willing to bet that his wife believed everything he told her, too—all the lies that covered the time he spent with me.’ She turned her head enough to break their eye contact. ‘I loved him and I trusted him and when I lost him I realised I’d lost another part of me. On top of all the other parts I’d already lost. And I knew there wasn’t enough of me left to risk that again because if I lost any more there might be nothing left.’
He could see the slow tears tracing the side of her nose and the tremble in her voice was heartbreaking. ‘I knew I’d never be able to trust another man like that, but then I went and fell in love with you. Of all the people in the world, I had to pick an award-winning actor.’
She looked back and Jake had never seen so much pain in anyone’s eyes. He couldn’t hope to make this better. It was too big.
But he had to try.
‘So you’re going to throw away what we’ve found together? Because I made the stupid mistake of saying something that was in my head thanks to a script? Because I couldn’t think of a better way to say it myself?’
That tiny voice in his head was there again. Man, she’s got issues, it said, but it’s not your job to try and fix her. Maybe nobody can. And if she’s prepared to throw it away this easily it can’t mean that much to her anyway.
‘What we had wasn’t real. Any more than my “engagement” was real. It’s all a fantasy. You’re watching yourself on a big screen all the time, Jake—whether you’re aware of it or not. It’s the way you live your life, but I can’t live like that. I don’t have a script and I don’t want one.’
Not being able to help soothe the pain of someone he cared about this much felt like an epic failure. Jake wasn’t up to the task and it made him feel inadequate. As useless at keeping a woman happy as—God help him—his father had been?
What had he done that was so wrong? All he’d tried to do was love Ellie. And keep her safe. She wasn’t the only one with trust issues and wasn’t she doing pretty much what she thought he’d done to her? Offering something precious, only to snatch it away again?
This wasn’t fair, but it was happening and now fear kicked in. He was going to lose Ellie and there was no way this scene could end well.
Fear and frustration were easy to twist into anger, but was he going to harness that anger to fight for this? For them?
‘I can never, ever know whether you’re for real or whether you’re acting because I’ve been there before. Michael may not have been a famous actor, but he was as good at pretending as you are.’ She seemed to get taller as she straightened her spine. ‘I can’t ever trust you and without trust there’s nothing. Nothing worth fighting for anyway.’
She wasn’t going to fight, then. So why should he?
‘You’re right,’ she said softly. ‘It’s over. Really over.’
This time, when she turned her head, she began to walk away as well. But she had one last parting shot to send over her shoulder.
‘Reality isn’t that bad, Jake. Maybe you could try it one day.’
CHAPTER ELEVEN
NOTHING WORTH FIGHTING FOR.
The words were a mantra now. Part of him agreed wholeheartedly. The part that wanted to argue just needed to be reminded that it took two to tango and if one of them didn’t think it was worth fighting for, it was pointless for the other to batter themselves to bits in the name of a hopeless cause.
There were elements of drama queen in it as well that reminded Jake disturbingly of his mother’s reaction to life. Blowing things out of proportion. Overreacting. Making grand gestures. Did her suicide have anything to do with trying to turn real life into a scripted drama? A grand gesture gone wrong?
Maybe he’d finally find out.
Ben was unexpectedly in the country and they’d arranged to meet in Auckland after Jake’s busy day of setting up the post-production work he was really looking forward to.
Had been looking forward to, anyway.
The creativity that came with the editing and sound and special effects were more satisfying than acting in many ways. Jake had been seeing his future moving in this direction for a while now and he’d viewed the next few weeks as the highlight of this whole project.
Even more so, given that it would have provided extra time with Ellie.
But Ellie was gone and her cutting last words had fuelled an anger that he was trying to hang onto because it made her disappearance from his l
ife easier to handle.
Or not.
He couldn’t keep her out of his head. No matter how hard he tried to concentrate, it seemed like every few minutes something would sift through a tiny gap in the barrier. Images of her face—the way it changed and softened with that special smile that he knew was only for him. The tone of her voice—and her laughter. The way the connection between them had made him feel...like that moment they’d looked at each other when Pēpe had been hatching.
Even Steve noticed that he wasn’t entirely present in some of those meetings.
‘You don’t like the music?’
‘I love it.’
‘Could’ve fooled me. And the workshop for special effects? It’s going to be fantastic, don’t you think?’
‘Absolutely.’
Steve just gave him a look. Shook his head and moved off to talk with the crowd of technical wizards they were pulling together.
No wonder he wasn’t in the best of moods when he walked down to the bar he’d heard of near the Viaduct to meet Ben. It was late. He was tired.
Tired of the silent battle going on in his head.
And his heart.
He missed Ellie...
She was no drama queen like his mother. You couldn’t get more real than Ellie. She didn’t have a script and she didn’t want one.
She thought he was fake. And here he was about to spend time with his brother, who also thought he was fake.
It was important to see him, though. If there was some way they could resolve the lingering tension between them, at least he’d have someone back in his life who meant the world to him.
He wouldn’t continue feeling so...so lonely.
* * *
It had been weeks since the brothers had seen each other and initially it was too much like a rerun of their reunion after the rescue. Huge relief at seeing the other was okay but there was an undercurrent that was swirling over rocks that weren’t very far below the surface. Weird to feel nervous about talking to Ben but Jake felt his heart skip a beat as the small talk faded. Jake needed to find a way to steer the conversation towards what really mattered.
The Maverick Millionaire Page 13
