Running for My Life

by Lopez Lomong

  I headed to my locker. The mood in the hallway felt different. Something odd seemed to be going on, but I had no idea what. With the language and cultural differences, normal days felt odd to me. Even so, something felt even more abnormal than usual between first and second period. I overheard a few people talking about a plane crash, but I did not stop to ask questions. Next period was Miss Riley’s history class, and I did not want to be late.

  Tom waited at my locker for me. He wore a worried look. “What’s going on?” I asked him.

  “I’m not sure. A plane crashed in New York. It hit the World Trade Center. I heard it looks pretty bad,” he said.

  “That’s terrible,” I said. I didn’t know much about plane crashes or New York. I thought it might be far away, but I was not sure. My flight from New York to Syracuse didn’t last long, which made me think it had to be close by.

  “Yeah,” Tom said. “You good here? I gotta get to class.”

  I grabbed my books. “Yep. Me too. See you at practice.”

  “See you then,” Tom said and took off. I slammed the locker shut and hurried to Miss Riley’s class. I got there before the bell rang, which was always my goal. I hated being late for class. When your name is Fast, there is never an excuse for arriving late.

  The bell rang. Class started. Miss Riley took roll. “Ann?” “Here.” “Carl?” “Here.” “Lopez?” “Here.” The day was exactly like any other school day. “Turn to page thirty-seven of your textbook,” Miss Riley announced. Pages ruffled throughout the room. She started lecturing on some place far away, and I did my best to keep up with her. Even though my language skills had improved since July, I still had trouble following long, fast, complex sentences in that distinctive American accent. I think I caught about two-thirds of her lecture, which was a lot better than the zero percent I would have caught just three months earlier.

  Maybe fifteen minutes into Miss Riley’s class, the bell rang. Everyone jumped, startled. The bell wasn’t supposed to ring for another thirty minutes. It rang again, stopped, then rang again and again and again. I looked around the room. Everyone had the same confused look as me, including Miss Riley. “Fire drill?” I asked someone close by.

  “Doesn’t sound like a fire drill to me,” he said. “Fire drill is one long blast, not this on and off.”

  The bell rang one last time. Half the class stood up; part of us stayed seated. No one knew what to do.

  The principal came over the intercom. “All students proceed as quickly as possible to the auditorium. Leave your books and leave now.”

  Miss Riley stood. “You heard the announcement. Leave your books and line up at the door.” She led us out into the hall, which was now packed with people. A group of girls walked by, all of them crying. I glanced around. Even guys were crying. I heard someone say something about a second plane. A couple of people near me talked about an attack and war. Why would anyone in America use such words? Fear filled the hallway. The looks on the faces reminded me of my days long ago of running into caves with my family when the Sudanese jets flew over our village. I had no idea what was going on, but I seemed to be the only one. Everyone else seemed to understand that something horrible had taken place.

  We filed into the auditorium and sat down. Televisions had been placed on the stage where everyone could see them. All the talk died down. Everyone stared at the televisions. I recognized New York City on the television screen from when I flew into it back in July. However, New York was nothing like it was the day I flew in, or anything like I’d seen on television since. People on the streets ran in fear. A few stopped and looked up. Most cried hysterically. Up above them all, smoke poured out of the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center. The television announcers explained that the buildings had been attacked by terrorists. I did not know what a terrorist was, but the images on the screen made it clear what they were all about.

  I stared at the television in total disbelief. How could war follow me here? When I was in Kakuma, America was next to heaven. Everything I’d experienced since arriving only confirmed this belief. America means peace. Here, you are safe from war. Back in Sudan, war was inescapable. Even though our village was never attacked by government forces, my friends in Kakuma had their villages bombed into extinction. No one in America worried about bombs dropping on their homes, or at least I did not think they did. Watching the scenes from New York, now I was not so sure. I thought I’d left death and destruction behind me. I was wrong.

  The school principal kept us in the auditorium for a little over an hour. On the television screen the nightmare grew worse. One of the Twin Towers collapsed on itself. The newspeople said as many as ten thousand people might be in the building. Their numbers were wrong, but no one knew it on this Tuesday in September 2001. About the time the first tower collapsed, the principal walked onstage and said, “Another plane struck the Pentagon. We have decided to dismiss school for the rest of the day. Everyone needs to go straight home. Buses are in front of the school. Go home immediately.”

  On the way out of the school building, everyone cried. No one in the school had ever lived through war before, not war in their own country. No one except me.

  In front of the school, confusion reigned. Cars and vans jammed the drive along with school buses. I looked and looked for my bus. The bus had a rabbit painted on the side, which made it easy for me to find. I did not see it anywhere. I stopped and asked one of the teachers who directed traffic outside which bus I should now take. He pointed to one, and I climbed on. Thankfully, it was the right bus. Onboard the bus, more kids cried. Looks of sheer terror surrounded me. This could not be America.

  No one was home when I got off the bus. I called Mom and asked her what I should do. “Stay inside,” she said. “Dad and I will be there soon.” I turned on the television and watched the news coverage for a little while. The second building collapsed. A chill ran down my spine. I thought back to a conversation a few weeks earlier when Mom and Dad had talked about taking me to New York City. “We will go to the tallest buildings in the world,” they said. They meant the World Trade Center. We could have been there just a month earlier, I thought.

  I sat and watched the television. Smoke and dust covered New York City. I was scared. This looked worse than anything I’d heard about in Sudan. The home phone rang almost nonstop. Another plane crashed, this time in Pennsylvania. The newspeople said the White House might be the next target. I could not keep watching. I turned off the television and went outside to wait for Mom and Dad to come home. Images of people fleeing New York on foot across the bridges felt far too familiar. I had to get away from it.

  Mom and Dad arrived a short time later. Both were visibly shaken. I sensed they too were very afraid. Mom hugged me and asked, “Are you okay?”

  “Yes,” I lied. My new country, my home, had been attacked. I had no idea where New York was. For all I knew, the World Trade Center and the Pentagon could be nearby. Earlier in the day I saw planes flying overhead, which made me wonder if Syracuse might be attacked next.

  “Let’s go inside,” she said.

  “Okay,” I said. We went inside. Dad turned on the television. I did not want to watch. I’d experienced war. Watching the start of another did not appeal to me. But I did not say anything. Instead I sat on the couch and watched with Mom and Dad.

  A newscast showed a scene from the other side of the world. People celebrated. Al-Qaeda claimed responsibility. I recognized that name. They had ties to the people who bombed villages in South Sudan. I felt like I was back there again. Every time we saw a fighter jet in Kimotong, we ran to a cave for shelter. I didn’t know where to run here in Tully. Maybe we didn’t have any place to hide. What, then, were we to do when the planes attacked us?

  Dad could tell I was afraid. “You know you are safe here, no matter what you see on television,” he said.

  “Yes, I know,” I said.

  “We don’t know where all of this will lead,” Mom added, “but it will never be like
it was in Africa. This is an isolated attack. You don’t have to worry about an attack around here.”

  “I understand,” I said. I watched them closely. Their actions matched their words. Yes, they were upset over the attacks, but they had a strength about them that told me everything would be okay. We watched the news for a while longer. After a while I announced, “I’m tired. I think I will go to bed.”

  Mom and Dad both hugged me good night. I went upstairs and climbed into my bed. As bad as this day had been, it was very different from the war back home. Lying there in the dark, listening to the television downstairs, I knew that in spite of everything I’d seen and heard that day, I was safe. However, my illusions about America being a land of peace were shattered. Bad people are everywhere. Unfortunately, that is a part of life no matter where you live.

  Over the next few days I discovered how different America was from Sudan. Back home, we had to run and hide. We didn’t have a way to stand up and fight. Then I saw President Bush on television, standing in the midst of the carnage in New York, a bullhorn in his hand. Rescue workers stood all around him. I could hardly understand anything he said, but the image of him standing there was the most powerful thing I’d ever seen. He inspired me more than words can describe. Watching him there, I knew I was safe.

  The next day I went to school, a table was set up in front selling T-shirts. I picked one up. There across the front were the words “United We Stand” with an American flag in the background. I bought one. Everyone in school bought one. We all wore them the rest of the week. This was another change for me. I realized the American people love their country and, more important, are extremely proud of it. I had never been proud to live in Sudan. I never knew it was possible to be proud of a country. I was proud of our community, and I was especially proud of my mother and father and all their hard work to provide for us kids. I always walked with my back straight and proud when I walked with my father to our farm or helped him with our cattle. But I had never been proud of my country.

  Now I was. I would not become a citizen of the United States until 2007, which was the earliest I could become a citizen, but after September 11, I was an American. The terrorists’ attacks bonded the country together, and it made me a part of it as well. This new place was now my home, a home I loved and was proud of, a home I hoped to represent someday and make my home proud of me as well.

  There was another casualty of the September 11 attacks that very few people knew about at the time. In the wake of the attacks, the United States halted the program that brought me and many other lost boys to America. Heightened concerns over security left officials wary that terrorists might sneak into the country posing as lost boys. I had friends waiting in Kenya whose entry into the United States was delayed indefinitely.

  Although a few boys were allowed into the country a few months later, the resettlement program did not begin again in earnest until 2004. By then, it was too late for many of the boys I knew in Kakuma. The screening process became much stricter. Those who were in line to come over here in 2001 who did not get in after 9-11 found they had to start the process all over again. I have friends who were supposed to come to America, but they never did. That could have been me. Knowing this only strengthened my resolve to take full advantage of the opportunity I had received, not only for myself, but for all the lost boys left behind.

  FIFTEEN

  They’re Alive?

  I settled into life in upstate New York. My days revolved around school, cross-country practice, and homework. Race days were the best. As part of my pre-race ritual, Dad woke up early in the morning to cook me a special breakfast. He made the usual eggs and toast, but he also had a secret ingredient that he said was the key to running fast. On race days he cooked crispy strips of zebra for me. “This is our secret,” Dad told me. “You don’t want those other guys to start eating zebra and outrun you, do you?” Of course I did not want that. I loved zebra. Every race day morning, I hurried into the kitchen, sat at the table, and ordered “zebra.” Afterward I went out and crushed the other kids. Perhaps I am too trusting, but it took a year and a half before I figured out the secret to my success was really bacon, not zebra.

  The weather turned cold early my first fall in Syracuse. At least I thought it was cold. When you grow up in a place that sits just above the equator with an average temperature of 104 degrees twelve months a year, any temperature below eighty feels like an arctic blast. By October the temperature in upstate New York rarely climbs above seventy. I thought I’d moved to the North Pole.

  One Saturday we caught a break. The sun came out, the temperature warmed, and it was a perfect fall day. Mom suggested we take advantage of the weather and spend the day on the lake. “We probably won’t get another chance like this until next spring,” she said. The concept of spring was new to me. Equatorial Africa has two seasons, the dry season and the rainy season. We call the rainy season winter. The dry is summer. Spring and fall do not exist.

  Dad got the boat ready, while Mom packed a picnic lunch. I found a heavy jacket to wear. A warm fall day still felt cold to me. We loaded ourselves into the boat and pushed out into the lake. Hills rose up from the water on all sides, with every hill covered by a sea of trees. I thought the trees looked amazing in the summer. Now that fall was here, the explosion of colors took my breath away. I did not know it was possible for leaves to turn red and orange and yellow. I sat and stared out at the show as Dad motored the boat out into the middle of the lake. The warm sun felt good against the cool air rising up from the water.

  Dad stopped the boat. Song birds filled the air with music. I could not imagine a more beautiful or peaceful place on the planet.

  “Are you hungry, Joseph?” Mom asked. She always calls me Joseph. Dad and all my friends call me Lopez.

  This was a silly question. I was always hungry even though I ate all the time. Mom loved trying to make up for all the meals I’d missed in Kakuma. It was a good thing I ran several miles every day, or we might have needed a bigger boat to float me out into the lake. “Very hungry,” I said.

  “Chicken?” she said, holding out the basket.

  “Yes,” I said. I plunged my hand down into the basket and pulled out a huge piece of chicken. Mom was a great cook. I couldn’t get enough of her food.

  I sat back and munched on the chicken. Dad took a piece. “You know, this is pretty much a perfect day,” he said.

  “We never had days like this in Kakuma,” I said. “It was always hot and dry. The wind kicked up dust storms that made it hard to breathe. We didn’t have any grass, only dirt. I don’t know if grass would not grow, or if all the people trampled it down.”

  “That had to be a hard place to live,” Mom said. I could tell she had a lot of questions, but she didn’t ask them. This was the first time I had talked about what life was like in the refugee camp. Mom and Dad were very respectful of my past. They never tried to get me to open up about what I’d been through. I didn’t want to talk much about it either. The past was the past. I had a new life in America. Besides, I didn’t dare say too much about my old life. If Mom and Dad found out the truth about me, they would realize that I did not deserve to live in such a nice place.

  However, after four months in the Rogers’ home, I realized I was not here by mistake. Mom and Dad wanted me here. A little light clicked on for me during the cross-country season. They came to every single meet. They never missed one. No other parents came to all the meets, or hardly any others did. But mine were always there. And they weren’t just there; they cheered for me and celebrated when I won like I was their real son. That’s when I started to understand that they genuinely loved and cared about me.

  “Very hard,” I said. I paused for a moment, took a deep breath, and started talking. I talked for a long time. Mom and Dad sat and listened. I told them how the soldiers stole me from my mother’s arms at church in Kimotong and took me to a prison camp. I told them about escaping in the night with my three angels and our th
ree-day run across the savannah. When I came to America, the Rogers knew nothing about me except for the fact that I was one of the lost boys of Sudan. Now it was time to tell them my story, and I held nothing back. I talked about day-to-day life in Kakuma and how we looked forward to Tuesday trash day for our best meal of the week.

  I talked and talked. Mom cried. Dad fought back tears. For me, I felt more than relieved to finally have my story out there. I felt at home. That day on the lake, Rob and Barbara Rogers stopped being two very nice but naive mzungu who allowed me to live in their house. They became my mom and dad.

  Hearing my story affected the two of them as well. They had already figured out I was lonely. I went from living with ten brothers in a very small space, to being an only child in a really big house. Robby, Mom and Dad’s biological son, came home from college on holidays and some weekends, but it was not the same. I love Robby and think of him as my brother, but I wanted someone close by all the time. At first I was afraid to say anything to Mom and Dad. However, once I opened up about the rest of my life, I didn’t see any point in holding back. “I would like to have another lost boy live here. I have lots of room in my room.”

  “I think that’s a good idea,” Dad said. I could not believe my ears.

  “Really? Are you serious?”

  “Of course I am serious. It will take a while to get approved for another son. That will give us time to get the house ready.”

  I didn’t know what we had to do to get the house ready besides throw another bed into my room. Dad had bigger plans in mind. “We need to add another closet,” he told me, “and I want you to help me. What do you think? Are you up to it?”

  I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I uttered my favorite English word, “Yes.”

  Dad’s idea of adding a closet meant more than adding a wall or two inside my room. The roof of the house sloped down at my room, which made the ceiling come down at an odd angle on one side. “We’re going to open up the roof and add a dormer,” Dad explained. “That should give you some head room and make space for another closet.”