Holding Out For Love (Windswept Bay Book 5)

by Debra Clopton

  “I believe you can because I’ve known you all these years. Do you know why you were the focus of all my adolescent infatuation, crushes, and total and complete adoration?”

  That made him smile. “No, actually, I don’t.”

  “My brothers are great guys and they had a lot of friends, so I was around a lot of guys growing up. But you, Ryan, were always kind to me. Always took up for me or my sisters, and I knew that I could always count on you. You can’t help that I had a crush on you—you couldn’t help that I threw myself at you on prom night. Being a great guy just has consequences.” She cocked her head and smiled a little bit. “Yes, I’m still mortified and was so much so that it made me angry at you. That was wrong on my part, but you being a good, kind, caring man was not wrong. I’m surprised you didn’t have more girls throwing themselves at you.”

  “No, no one but you ever did that,” he said, and she saw the teasing light return to his eyes.

  Overwhelmed by everything, she turned away. Her heart thundered and her knees were weak. She knew she loved Ryan Locke.

  Moving away, she sank to the blanket and looked into the picnic basket, needing something to do as her thoughts whirled. As the truth sank in. It wasn’t just an adolescent crush from years ago but a real emotion for the man he’d been and the man he’d become. The devoted fighter for injustice who felt so deeply. She was stunned by the revelation. She had fallen for a good, kind, upstanding young man all those years ago. And just through his words, the deeply moving way that he felt about what he’d been through, she knew that he was still that person. A man worthy of love… But what did that mean for her? If he happened to fall for her, she had nothing to offer him.

  Jillian closed her eyes as the reality of everything she’d feared fell on her shoulders.

  Chapter Eight

  The day before the Thanksgiving gathering, Jillian and her sisters were busy with the last details. She had been tremendously busy since her lagoon date with Ryan. No one seemed to notice that she was preoccupied at times and that was a good thing. Shar was busy at the sea turtle hospital; Cali had Grant home again and was preoccupied herself. And Olivia and BJ were starting to think about when they were going to try to fit in their wedding plans. So everyone was tied up with their personal lives while also keeping the resort going and planning for Thanksgiving. No one noticed Jillian’s withdrawal. Even Blair seemed preoccupied since Jax had come home and so there was no intrusion from her friend either. Jillian, though, as preoccupied as she was with her worries about what to do about Ryan and having babies, noticed that Blair was not herself. She was a nervous wreck. And Jillian wondered what was going on.

  She might have to ask…but really, it was not her business.

  Today, everyone was on the sand, in full prep mode.

  Jillian and her sisters were helping set up the children’s festival area with games and activities. Her mind kept wandering back to Blair, who’d called in sick today.

  “Oh, that looks so cute,” Olivia exclaimed as she stood back from the banner that Max and BJ had just erected for them.

  “It is,” she agreed as she took in the cute picture of two turkeys inviting the children to enter the festival area. The resort was a hub of activity and her entire family was involved in getting the Thanksgiving Beach Celebration going. There would be a large turnout. Many of the visitors of the resort were people who’d been to the island for Thanksgiving before and returned again just to be involved with the event.

  Jillian concentrated on creating a festival that would bring smiles to all who came and ate lunch with them on the beach. She did not concentrate on wondering about Ryan. He had been busy also since they’d gone down to the lagoon and hadn’t called or come by.

  The last part of their date had been good but…stilted. She knew on her part that it was her being overwhelmed by realizing she loved him and what that meant for her. But she wasn’t sure why he’d gotten quieter. Had she gotten him to open up too much about his problems?

  Cali stopped where she was setting up a station of apple bobbing. “This is going to be a fantastic celebration this year. I know the community is excited. And I’m so glad Mom and Dad started this when we were kids.”

  “Me too,” Shar called from where she was helping her coworkers from the sea turtle hospital set up portable aquariums that would house some of the permanent resident turtles for everyone to see. “And we are so excited about adding the sea turtle awareness section for the kids. They are going to love this.”

  Jillian agreed. “You had a great idea to bring the turtles here. It adds another layer to this wonderful event.”

  “I can’t wait to have a child of my own to celebrate this with.” Cali beamed. “I’m so ready—” She paled and her gaze met Jillian’s. “I mean—”

  Jillian realized she was worried about mentioning babies because of her. “It’s okay, Cali. I’m hoping you have a baby soon too. I’m ready to at least be an aunt. Do not feel bad that you want to be a mother. Not because of me.”

  “I know, but I can’t help but hurt for you over this—”

  “Thank you, but please don’t. So are you wanting a baby soon?”

  “Jillian,” Shar called. “You are one sugar-coated sweet sister. And we aren’t giving up on this for you.”

  “Me either,” she said.

  “Gage can’t wait to have babies. So Cali is going to have to hurry to beat us. But really, who knows who will be first?”

  “We are trying.” Cali smiled. “But so far, it’s not happened. Maybe we can have a baby before next Thanksgiving, though.”

  “Mom will be thrilled when she finally gets a grandchild.” Jillian tried to smile. Despite what she’d just told them, she had to ignore the reminder that she might never carry a child but she was determined that she was going to focus on the blessing of adoption.

  “Jillian, come over here please,” Trent called from where he and Jake were constructing a climbing wall. Both her brothers had their shirts off as they worked and had gathered quite a gallery of females standing around, watching their progress. Her brothers were all in shape and trained heavily because of their military years.

  “Oops, I’ll be right back,” she said, relieved to leave the conversation. “You gals carry on.”

  Trudging through the sand, she reached Trent. “What can I do for you?” she asked.

  “Did you say you were going to add something here?” He made circular motions with his hands, which flexed his muscles, and she heard a few oohs and ahhs from the admiring public. Trent shot a grin in their direction.

  “Yes, plants. I want to add greenery around the base of these barriers to give you guys something more to jump over. It’ll make it more exciting for your fans to watch.”

  Max looked dubious. “What fans?”

  “Ha, you know who I’m talking about.”

  Trent grinned. “It’s tough, you know.”

  “Sure, I know—it’s a hardship.” She laughed, remembering a time when she used to be the one standing off to the side, listening to all of her friends and all the older girls admiring her older brothers while she secretly admired Ryan.

  “I’ve got them lined up over there.” She pointed toward an area where supplies were stacked. There was a line of potted shrubs. “Just plant the pots in the sand and we’ll pull them out on Friday. It’s simply for looks.”

  “Hardship, you mean,” Max corrected her.

  “Oh, right. Extra work for you boys. And the water trench is going to be fun. All for a good cause. You men raise a lot of money every year and don’t you forget it.”

  First responders, military, firemen, police: they loved the competition of the obstacle course challenge. It was for a great cause, as the entry fee and the donations that were taken up during the day went to the local food banks.

  “Spectators are going to be busy either admiring our battles with each other or laughing at the fools we make of each other.” Trent chuckled.

  Max grinned.
“There have been a few battles going on in the water trenches at times over the years.”

  “I doubt that’ll change,” Ryan said from behind Jillian.

  She turned to find Ryan approaching, carrying a tarp. Her pulse danced.

  He looked at her. “Speaking of a trench, we’ve come to build a water trench just for the purpose of battling it out.” Ryan smiled at her. “Levi couldn’t make it. He got called out, so he asked me if I could run this over to you. I’ve been off all day. Jax is handling the Lagoon since he’s back in town.”

  “Sure.” She led the way over to the stakes that marked where the water pit would be. “Thanks for bringing that over.” She felt awkward. Not that she was sure what she needed to do or wanted from all of this.

  “I was glad to do it,” he said. “How you doing? I’ve been thinking about you.”

  “I hope it was a good day off. I’ve had you on my mind too,” she said, unable to deny the truth.

  “It’s looking good.” He looked around. “It looks busy. You want this in the obstacle course?”

  “Sure.” She was aware that her brothers were staring and her sisters were too. The girls knew there was something going on but did her brothers suspect something was brewing between her and Ryan?

  He smiled at her as she walked beside him toward the stakes. “I’ve been thinking about what we talked about the other day. I actually slept two nights in a row a little better than I have in a long time.”

  They stopped beside the stake. Butterflies were multiplying at the rate of bunnies inside Jillian’s chest. “I’m glad for you. Really, I am. You have decisions to make and I hope that maybe I can help in some way.”

  “You have. Now, how do you want this pit done? It’s been a few years since I was here for the obstacle course. I better grab a shovel too.”

  “Yes, I think you need to get a shovel and grab some of my brothers to help you because there’s no sense you doing this all by yourself. Besides, it would give all those spectators more to watch. If you rip your shirt off like Trent and Max, you’ll probably grow the crowd more.”

  “Long as it grew by one, that’d be fine with me. Would you be in that group?”

  She laughed. “I have much more to do than stand around watching a bunch of guys flex their muscles in the sunshine.”

  “Well, that’s a little disappointing.” He laughed and they headed over toward the rest of the group.

  “Okay, big guys,” she called to all her brothers. “I know that you’re thinking that I was going to have Ryan here dig that pit by himself, but it’s not happening. You all know where the shovels are.” She turned toward the swimsuit-clad women. “Come back tomorrow for Thanksgiving lunch. Everyone is invited and this obstacle course is a yearly highlight. Donations go to help our community. They’ll be battling it out on the course. It’s always fun to watch. What do you think of that?”

  Clapping erupted as well as a few whistles and cheers; Jillian winked at her brothers and Ryan. “There you go, guys. Now get to work.”

  Ryan shot her a grunt. “Gee, thanks.”

  “You’re very welcome. Remember, it’s for a good cause.” She laughed and headed back to the kids’ area. She was going to have to concentrate on not becoming one of the adoring fan girls watching him.

  But, a peek every now and again might be okay.

  Cali, Olivia, and Shar all watched her as she walked their way.

  “So,” Cali said. “That’s the way it is.”

  “Uh-huh.” Shar grinned. “I don’t even think she needs to say anything. It’s written on her face.”

  Olivia just smiled. “I think tomorrow and the next few weeks are going to be fun to watch and see what happens to our Jillian, the quiet one.”

  Jillian felt her cheeks heat in a blush. “I’m in trouble. I haven’t told him anything. He might leave.”

  Shar put her hand on her hip and cocked her head. “And he might stay too.”

  And that was the problem. She had to tell him.

  Jillian was too busy, a very good thing, to think about anything but the Thanksgiving Day lunch and festivities. She had to put her personal life on hold—all of it—to deal with the day. The night had been pretty sleepless but she’d managed a few hours and had arrived early to help in the kitchen and anywhere else she might need to lend a hand.

  The chefs at the resort had prepared so much turkey and assortments of delicious dishes and would keep them coming as needed. The resort charged a nominal fee for lunch to cover expenses but made sure that anyone who wanted to come was able to. No one had to spend Thanksgiving alone unless they just wanted to. That was her parents’ reasoning for starting the tradition and they were here today, carrying it on.

  People came from all over and the ticket sales had been brisk; the resort itself was booked. The small kids’ festival had been added when Jillian and her brothers and sisters were young and was an attraction all by itself. Families had built traditions around attending year after year.

  When Ryan showed up, Jillian was visiting with a couple of older women who were widows and had been booking a night in the resort for years. Patsy and Francine were lively and had taken a special liking to Jillian on their first visit about four years ago. Probably because she’d sat down and ate with them.

  Francine was in her eighties and was still an avid golfer who loved to tease. She nudged Jillian’s arm as Ryan came through the crowd and headed toward them.

  “Now that is one handsome young man. Oh, Jilly, he’s coming this way—act normal,” she said, using the name they’d started calling Jillian years ago.

  “How else am I going to act?” Of course, her blood pressure had spiked but there was no way she was letting Francine or Patsy know that.

  “Oh,” Patsy muttered under her breath as she pushed her glasses closer to her eyes. “He is one foxy man.”

  “Hush, Patsy. They don’t use that term anymore. He’s a hunk.”

  The younger woman, by a decade, frowned. “Well, I use it. He’s a fox. Do you know him, Jilly? He has his eye on you.”

  “Like a heat-seeking missile,” Francine added and rammed her arm again when Jillian didn’t answer.

  “Yes, I know him.”

  “Well, this should be interesting,” Patsy said.

  His eyes were sparkling and his smile reached them. “Hi,” he said to her and then smiled at her friends. “I’m Ryan. I don’t believe we’ve met.”

  “Francine, and this is Patsy,” Francine said.

  “Are you competing?” Patsy asked.

  Francine leaned close to Jillian and muttered, “I hope so.”

  Ryan couldn’t help but hear and he chuckled. “I am. First time in a long time. It will be fun.”

  “I didn’t think I ever saw you before.” Patsy shot a coy glance at Jillian. “So you know our Jilly?”

  “She’s the best,” Francine stated.

  “Yes, we’ve known each other for a long time.”

  “Really? Then what’s your holdup?” Patsy demanded.

  “Excuse me?” he said and Jillian suddenly felt very uncomfortable. As if she sensed a bad case of flu coming on or something equally terrible.

  “You like her,” Francine snapped.

  Ryan’s eyes met Jillian’s. “Yes, ma’am, I do.”

  Patsy rammed her glasses closer to her eyes since they’d slid down again. “Yes, those eyes don’t lie. So why haven’t you made an honest woman out of her?”

  Jillian gasped. “Girls, we’re not—”

  “Why not?” Francine cut her off.

  Jillian sputtered. “I, he…okay, hold on,” she warned, getting her feet back under her. “You two mischief makers need to go grab some turkey.”

  Ryan was grinning and she could tell he was holding back laughter.

  Francine gave him an up-and-down look. “We’ll do that. But, remember, cutie-patootie, we saw the look.”

  “Time is wasting. We both know,” Patsy said. “We’ve had sweet love and l
ost it. But we remember.”

  And with that, they walked off.

  “You have fun friends,” Ryan said. “Do they try and match you up often?”

  Jillian bit her lip. “Actually, no. That was the first time.”

  “Oh,” he said. “Well—”

  “They are huge teasers. Bad teasers. But they do know a good man when they see him. I’m glad you’re here. It’s a great turnout.”

  “Yeah, it is. Sorry I’m running a little late.”

  She chuckled. “If you had arrived earlier, you may have been harassed more. Eating is just getting started, so go say hi to Mom and Dad—they’ll want to see you again. And then grab a plate. You’ll want to eat soon before the challenge starts.”

  He nodded and looked around. “Wow, Jillian, there are a lot of people here. This is unbelievable. And look at your parents. They are beaming and completely in their element.”

  “Yeah, this is their vision working.” Her eyes welled with tears of pride. “It shows what a small idea can do. Seeing it makes me happy.”

  Ryan was studying her. “Of course it does. It suits you too.”

  It did. “It makes my heart happy.”

  “I’m glad I get to be a part of it this year.” He sobered and glanced around, watching kids running around, laughing. “I spent many Thanksgiving Days here while Dad was working. I’m very grateful and very, very thankful to be a part of this.”

  “I’m glad you are too. Where is your dad today? Is he still fishing?”

  “Yes. Called and said he had another group to take out. He loves it. I’m glad he’s enjoying himself. That’s what retirement is for.”

  She eyed him. “Says the man who doesn’t know when to quit.”

  His expression clouded. “Right. But, I’m a fast learner.”

  “Oh really?”

  He nodded and he leaned close. “When I really want something, I make changes.”

  A shiver raced over Jillian and her breath caught just as he smiled and then he walked off.

  Her heart squeezed so hard it hurt.

  She wanted good for Ryan so much. She wanted him to be free of the false belief that she feared he carried that he didn’t deserve to feel simple pleasures.