by Cybill Cain
“That’s very sweet of you,” she said to her coffee.
“Are you all right?” I reached out to her across the table, but she pulled back fast, making it very clear that she did not want to be touched. “I’m sorry.” I pulled my hand back, not understanding what had changed for her since we’d met. Last time she’d taken my hand, threading her fingers through mine like they were meant to be there. My circumstances had changed drastically in the time between then and now, perhaps hers had as well. Maybe she had a special friend she was reading for, too. “Is there anything I can do?” She shrugged off my question asking one of her own instead.
“Tell me, your special romantic friend, do you see a future with her?” I sighed, a little stunned that she had managed to cut right the heart of why I was here, and had spent the afternoon trying to distract myself from the fact that I still had not heard back from her.
“Honestly, I don’t know. But I think I want there to be. She makes me feel…alive.” She glanced up at me, questions that she wanted to ask filling her eyes. She picked one.
“And you didn’t before?”
“Not for a very long time. In fact, it was the desire to feel alive that set me on the twisted path that led to her.”
“Does she feel the same way about you?”
“God, I hope so, but I think I may have blown it.” She frowned.
“How? What happened?”
“I told her how I was feeling, and she said she felt the same, but needed some time.”
“You don’t believe her?” I ran my hand through my hair in frustration.
“I do, but I really hate that she ran away from me.”
“Maybe she’s scared.” My eyes met hers.
“So am I.”
“It all sounds very complicated.”
“That’s the understatement of the year.” I tried to laugh, but failed. Nothing about my situation was funny. “Truth is, I’m worried about her. There’s a lot happening for us both right now, and more than anything I want her to know that I am here for her. That I’m right beside her all the way. I just don’t know how to tell her that, how to make her believe it.”
“Tell her, just like that. Keep telling her until she believes it.”
“You make it sound so simple.” She smiled a little.
“It’s not though. But I believe that if a thing is meant to be, it will happen. Love will find a way.” She stood to go. This time I stood up, too.
“I never got your name. I’d like to stay in touch. Will you take my card?” I dug out a business card, and offered it to her. She took it, and glanced at it with a curious expression before looking up at me.
“Brandon Davies.” I smiled.
“Nice to meet you…and you are?”
“Going to call soon. I promise.”
“Seriously? You’re not going to tell me your name?” She smiled, a little bit of the woman I had met before shining through the cloud that now seemed to surround her.
“Nope. My sixth sense tells me you need more mystery in your life.” Fuck, was her radar off. More mystery was the very last thing I needed right now.
“Then I guess I’ll wait to hear from you.” I was sensing a pattern developing in my life. She stood on her tip toes, and brushed her lips against my cheek. The same spark I’d felt the first time came roaring back, making my breath catch.
“I’ll see you soon,” she whispered to me and then, like before, she was gone.
***
I refused to let my head get clouded by the spark I felt from Coffee Girl. Now was not the time to let myself be distracted, not with my life hanging in the balance, and the confusing affections I had for my partner in the game.
Nothing could be decided until after the game, there was no point in tying myself up in knots over things I couldn’t control. It was a speech I repeated over and over on my way home, as I poured a stiff whiskey and parked myself on the sofa, delving back into alien mating. It almost worked, but I admitted what a sham it all was when my phone buzzed and it was her.
C: I’m back now. Sorry to disappear on you like that. I was scared, but running didn’t make that go away.
B: I understand. What can I say that will make it better?
C: Some stuff you have to fix yourself. I had a talk with a friend, and he helped me see that I needed to either go all in or all out. There’s no middle ground here.
She talked to a friend? And he told her to go all in or all out? HE?
B: Is this a romantic friend?
Was I being an asshole or what? I’d talked to a friend, too, and there had been sparks. Did she have sparks? Was there sparkage between her and someone else?
C: No. Strictly platonic. I’m a rookie, remember?
Her code word for virgin. Right. And she’s never been in love before. It was her fear of what she felt with me that made her run. I should stop being a dick and focus on what she needs.
B: I’m sorry. It would seem that I am jealous, and acting like an ass.
C: There’s nothing to be jealous about. I’ve never shared with anyone else the things I’ve shared with you.
B: So, he doesn’t know you like alien romances?
C: You’re the only soul on the planet who knows that.
I felt stupidly appeased, and annoyed, but only with myself.
B: Speaking of alien romance, I bought some today, and spent the afternoon reading.
C: Get out! No way!
B: Yes, way. I have soooooo many questions.
C: Fire away.
B: Have you read Brides of the Kindred?
C: Yes, it’s my favorite!
B: I’m reading the first one, and you failed to mention that the alien males are so alpha. Is that something you like in your men?
C: I like it in the story, yes. I liked that you took charge last night, and told me what you needed me to do. I was a little lost, even with all my “research”. I’ve never had a man, as they say, so I don’t know if I like it or not in my real life. I think it’s a fine line.
B: Esplain, Lucy.
C: Well, to me, an alpha would be like the males in the story. Strong, capable, decisive, protective, and most of all caring. He might use his brawn to beat down the world, but when he comes home to his woman he’s just a big softie. I think that the world choked on Christian Grey, and thinks an alpha spanks and whips his female into submission. They are two very different things that people mistakenly use the same label on. I don’t want to be whipped or spanked. Again, not a fan of the ball gag either, but in my heart of hearts I dream of what it would be like to have a strong caring man to back me up when shit gets real. And let me add, I like that you picked up those books because you know I like them. That speaks volumes about you, and frankly, it makes me wet.
B: That certainly got my attention. Speak on fair lady.
C: I may be a rookie, but in my observation all it takes to win a woman to your side is two things. 1. She wants you, because she has to want you, or you’re just a creepy stalker. 2. That you take the time to make sure she feels cared for and appreciated. It’s not rocket science, but people make it so hard when it doesn’t have to be. It turns me on that you want to be closer to me, to share in something that matters to me. It makes me feel special.
B: You are special.
C: Thank you. :) I would go so far as to bet there is nothing a woman wouldn’t do for a man who makes her feel special. But here’s the thing. In my “alpha strong man back me up scenario”, there has to be some times when he needs me. I don’t want to be dependent on him, I want to be a partner to him, someone that he can count on just as much as I can count on him. I don’t want to be shielded, and protected from everything all the time. Sometimes I want to shield and protect him, too.
B: You did, you know. Last night with me. There were moments when you were that shield for me, and I hope that I was for you, too.
C: You were. It’s what gave me the courage to do the things I did.
B: I wish I could
hold you right now.
C: Me, too. I want to feel your arms around me so much it hurts. If you felt cheated because you couldn’t hear my voice, know that I felt the same because I couldn’t feel your arms holding me.
B: I try to keep the thoughts away, but I feel like I’m coming out of my skin when I think of you being exposed in a room full of strangers on game night.
C: Thank you. Seriously, but Meenan explained it all to me in great detail before I agreed. This was my choice. Don’t go alpha on me now. I hate the idea of it, too, but this was a necessary choice for me. You have no idea how blessed I feel to have been partnered with you. Your thoughtful caring last night made all of this easier for me. You have to know that.
B: I’m going to keep doing everything I can to make this as easy for you as possible. I need you to believe that more than anything.
C: I do.
B: There’s going to be some things that I can’t prevent. I can see them coming, and I hate myself for the role I will play almost as much as I do the things themselves.
C: STOP. Listen to me, please.
B: K
C: I agreed to all these things with full knowledge and consent. This was a necessary choice for me. I don’t need you to protect me, or risk messing this up for either of us from some misguided sense of gallantry. We both knew what we were getting into. Our focus needs to be on winning the game. Period.
B: You’re right. I’m still going to be doing all I can. I’m still going to be right there beside you. I need you to remember that. You’re my partner in the game, and I want you to be my partner in the way you described before. If you can, if you want to, I want to spend time with you after the game. I want to get to know you, and if we both feel the same way, I want you to be a part of my life. I already know I don’t want to let you go.
C: If we both feel the same way after the game, I would like that, too.
B: Do you think we won’t feel the same?
C: I think that Meenan has some tricks we haven’t seen yet. Some things you can’t plan for.
B: You know something you think I don’t?
C: Yes, and part of the rules is that I can’t tell you, or we will both be disqualified. Believe me when I say I want to more than anything. Believe me, too, that I am just as protective of you as you are of me.
B: I believe you, baby.
And I did believe her, but I was pissed off, too. Not with her. I’d heard the rules speech enough to know that what she was saying, and not saying, rang true. I was definitely going to break that fucker’s nose when this was over. I needed to change the subject and fast.
B: Are you going to be disappointed to find I don’t have a “mating fist”?
C: Baby, there is nothing I find disappointing about what you have.
I couldn’t stop the big idiot grin from spreading over my face.
C: Didn’t you say something earlier about sexting me?
B: We are being monitored for rules and quality control, remember?
C: Yeah, fuck ‘em. Show me what you got. Talk dirty to me. :P
B: Oh, I have some thoughts on what you can do with that tongue.
C: Tell me. All of them, in full descriptive detail.
And I did. For the next hour I pulled out ever sweet filthy word and phrase I knew. Once I said something in French, and I could swear I heard her screams of pleasure float out over the city we shared.
C: Oh, you sweet dirty man. I need a shower.
B: Baby, I’m just getting started with all the things I want to do with you.
C: I’m all ears.
B: I hope not. There are so many other parts that are better.
It was almost as wild as our first night had been, and just as intense in a different way. When I finally let her go to bed I took a shower, too, and floated off into dreams of what it was going to feel like when I was buried balls deep inside her, finally able to see her face when she came just for me.
8- The Game Part 1
Camille
An hour before Tony was supposed to pick me up, I was peeling off the walls of my apartment. I’d already showered, and dressed comfortably in jeans in a t-shirt as directed.
The last few days were a blur of texted secrets, laughter and hot blinding pleasure evoked by the words and images that Brandon had provided. I never dreamed that opening my heart up to someone could feel this way, and if it all went south when this was over I didn’t know what I was going to do.
A thousand times I had to stop myself from telling him who I was. Each time though I’d stopped both from fear of disqualification, and the sense of betrayal I was sure Brandon would feel when he finally knew. I wasn’t ready to let this go, even though every second only pulled me into caring for him more. I’d learned so much about him it felt like I’d known him my entire life.
He was silly, and sexy and above all kind and warm, in all the ways I never knew I needed from a man in my life. He’d kept reading the books he’d gotten, and teased me with plot points and questions throughout our time together.
I’d loved it so much that I already had this fantasy in my head about how he could read them to me in bed while we lay tangled together, no longer sure where one of us ended and the other began. I’d even gone so far as to tell him that, my cheeks flushed with embarrassment despite all that had transpired between us.
B: That sounds amazing. Will you kiss me while I read to you?
C: Try and stop me.
B: But what if I get distracted and can’t go on?
C: We’ll pick it up later, after you’ve given me what I need.
B: God, I love the way you said that. It makes me feel…important. Vital. Needed.
C: You are. Any man who can read sweet dirty romance novels to me while I have my way with him is THE most important, vital and needed man I can imagine.
B: You’re killing me.
C: I hope not. I need you alive for role playing.
B: Role playing??? What did you have in mind?
C: You’ll have to wait and see.
B: Okay, but I call dibs on being the princess. I want you to compliment my long wavy hair and kissable lips while you seduce me. You can be the space pirate, out to find my booty.
C: Will you make it hard for me?
B: Jesus, I’ve been hard for three days. It shouldn’t be difficult for a swashbuckler like you to find it.
C: I’ll wear my eyepatch for you.
B: So…torn… I want to say ‘and nothing else’, because it sounds sexy, and ‘OMG! You have an eyepatch?’ which is not as sexy, but really more what I’m feeling right now.
Later that night I burst into a fit of giggles when I recalled that exchange as I was dozing off. I’d gotten very little rest, but felt so full of energy and happiness that I was like a bomb waiting to go off.
It was all like the best of dreams, but it was nearly time for me to wake up, and face the part that I’d been so afraid of. I wanted to say something to him. I’d been carrying my phone around for fifteen minutes looking for the words to reassure us both, and maybe build a bridge between the magical moments we had made together into the waking world about to take control. I glanced at my watch. Thirty minutes until my ride appeared. My phone buzzed.
B: How you doing?
C: Terrible. I’m scared.
B: Of me?
C: Never. Only of what happens next.
B: I’ll be there with you. Right there close by, all the way.
C: I hope so.
B: No hoping. Believe. These past few days have been the best days of my life.
C: Mine, too.
B: Just put your hand in mine. I won’t let go, baby.
B: On another note, I started book 3 last night. One girl, two guys. I’d like to get your thoughts on that.
C: Are you distracting me?
B: Yes, but don’t avoid the question. I’m also on a journey of knowledge and exploration into your psyche here.
C: Being a rookie, I can’t say. Like an
yone would, I think I would love the attention, the idea of being necessary and needed is a powerful aphrodisiac. What about you? Are you a master of ménage a trois?
B: I’ve done it, with ladies only, and while it was a memorable experience, it lacked the intimacy I prefer in physical encounters. I like devoting myself to full attention of the person I am with, and more than one leaves me feeling unable to balance the equation. It feels like someone is always getting left out.
C: I’ve heard people say that sometimes fucking is just fucking.
B: When it is, it’s even less than that.
C: What do you mean?
B: Even if it’s only once, it’s still a unique experience with another living being. Dismissing it as just a physical need lessens the experience to the equivalent of eating a sandwich, and I don’t think that you should ever treat a person that way. I would never want to be treated that way. I’m losing alpha man card points here, aren’t I?
