Sands of the Soul s-5

by Voronica Whitney-Robinson

  Tazi crawled over on her hands and knees to where he had propped himself up against the rocks. She looked at the parchment he was studying, and recognized it as one of the few she had stolen from Ciredor two years before.

  "From what I can tell," Steorf told her, "those minarets are somewhere near a place called Teshyll."

  Tazi studied the words he was translating. The elaborate scrawls meant nothing to her. They were vaguely reminiscent of Alzhedo in their physical beauty, but that's where the similarity ended. From the corner of her eye, she saw that as Steorf pointed out the name of Teshyll to her on one document, all the other pages shimmered. The writings came alive like slender worms and repositioned themselves on the vellum. Every page except the one Steorf held in his hand was a mystery again.

  How are we going to defeat him? Tazi wondered morosely.

  "Teshyll was a city that provided a centralized farmer's market eight thousand years back when the Teshyll Fields were rich and fertile," Fannah told them. "Calim also kept his harem there in a palace that was one of the greatest examples of gravity-defying architecture ever seen."

  Tazi smiled at her friend's keen hearing. Fannah had looked deeply absorbed in preparing a plate of succulent fruit for them all, yet she had been listening closely to their exchange.

  "Is there anything left of this city?" Steorf asked and took a bite of a slice of fruit.

  "No, there isn't," she informed him. "All that remains of the buildings are a few cornerstones."

  Even though she was thirsty, it was hard for Tazi to eat much. She noticed Steorf had the same problem. The overwhelming heat was like a heavy blanket, and putting food in her stomach was the last thing Tazi wanted, but she knew it was necessary for all of them to maintain as much strength as was possible. She forced herself to eat and reminded her friends to do the same.

  "Let's close our eyes for an hour or so and pack up," Tazi told them.

  Fannah curled up and went to sleep almost immediately. Tazi realized that while she and Steorf might have been sore, the trek was a thousand times more arduous for their blind friend. While Tazi marveled at her mental calmness, she knew that Fannah's body didn't posses the same stamina.

  She watched Fannah's deep breathing for a while and lay back with her arms behind her head. She could see golden lizards no bigger than her hand dart between the cracks in the rocks. The lizards were the only wildlife they'd seen since entering the desert. Not even birds, it appeared, ventured into the Calim.

  We should count ourselves fortunate, Tazi rationalized to herself, that those lizards are the only creatures we've come across.

  She tried to close her eyes, and though she was tired her mind refused to stop turning. A crinkling to her left caught her attention. When she opened her eyes and rolled onto her left side she saw that Steorf was back studying the parchments.

  "I thought we were all going to rest," she whispered, not wanting to disturb Fannah.

  She looked over her shoulder and saw that Fannah's even breathing hadn't changed.

  "I can't," Steorf answered without looking at her. "There's still so much we need to learn from these pages."

  Tazi scooted closer to him and touched his hand.

  "We do need the information, I won't argue that, but we also need to get as much rest as possible."

  Steorf gazed up at Tazi, then at Fannah, and finally at their meager supplies.

  "I don't think rest is going to turn the tide for us," he said quietly.

  His words struck deep into Tazi. She had been thinking almost the same since they'd left Calimport. The fact that she had failed to purify herself hounded her ruthlessly, but she couldn't let the others see her worries. Fannah's life depended on her, and she wouldn't let Steorf fall victim to that despair either.

  "We've come this far," she told him with false confidence. "We've survived every pitfall that has come our way. If Ciredor wasn't frightened of us, I don't think he would've run here. I believe he would have stayed behind in Calimport to kill us. That's worth something."

  "I wish that were true," he told her kindly. "I'm afraid he went into the desert because this is where he needs to be to complete his gift to Shar. His time is running out to finish this so he had to come out here. I'd love to believe he was frightened of us, Tazi, but I know he's not."

  Everything he said made complete sense to her, but Tazi refused to accept it. To do so would be to accept defeat.

  "He should be," she said seriously. "He should be very frightened.

  "What else have you figured out?" She added to focus them both on something they could do.

  Steorf replied with a faint smile, "I am getting closer to the exact distance that the minarets are from Calimport, but I don't quite have it yet. Every time I put these papers down, they're all rewritten the next time I look at them "

  His voice was heavy with barely concealed frustration,

  "I've been wondering something," Tazi said. "Why do you think Ciredor even wrote this down if it holds so many clues?"

  "I've been wondering that myself. We've probably been less than accurate thinking of him as a mage. I think he must be a nightcloak of Shar's, one of her elite priests.

  "As far as I know," Steorf went on, "they aren't supposed to take on any special tasks without orders. Ciredor might have been reporting to someone else, and this was the way he did it.

  "Or," he added thoughtfully, "he might be operating on his own, and this collection is his written record for others to find after he presents his gift to Shar."

  "Something to leave behind for others to find," Tazi whispered, her mind only beginning to guess at the ramifications of what Ciredor might be attempting.

  "That may be why he told the followers of Ibrandul that it was a book from their god," Steorf agreed slowly. "He wanted a dedicated group to protect it for… afterward."

  They were both silent for a time. Eventually, Steorf turned to Tazi. "There is something I would like you to know," he said.

  The tone in his voice made Tazi nervous for some unexplained reason. She drew shapes on their ground-cloth with her finger but didn't look at him.

  "What is it?" she asked.

  "I don't know how this is going to end for us," he started.

  Tazi looked at him and placed her fingertips over his chapped lips.

  "Don't," she implored.

  He gently took her hand away from his mouth and squeezed it briefly.

  "I have to," he told her. "Neither of us can say what will happen. I just want to make sure that you understand something, and there might not be another chance to tell you."

  "Make sure this is something you're going to be able to live down," she told him lightly. "You know I will forever remind you of it when we get back."

  "If we get back," Steorf corrected her gravely, "I don't want you to ever forget it."

  "All right," Tazi answered, no longer flippant.

  "I know how much it hurt you when Ciredor told you that I was on Thamalon Uskevren's payroll."

  He watched as Tazi dropped her head. He reached over and cupped her chin in his hand and tilted it up to face him.

  "It was true that your father paid me for many years to watch over you as best I could. What you don't know is that I've been watching you far longer than that. I've been watching you since we were children."

  "What?"

  "Ever since you saved that baby from the midden and Durlan rewarded you with your ring, I've followed you. The mage, Durlan, was one of my instructors back then, and he shared your exploits with me," Steorf explained. "Needless to say, the story made an impression, and I decided one day to see more of you."

  Tazi was surprised, and she had thought she was beyond such things.

  "My mother, just like your parents, is very conscious of social allegiances. As the premier mage of Selgaunt, she has to be. My childhood was rather secluded," he said, and Tazi detected a note of sadness in his voice. It was an aspect of his younger years she had never known before. "I think I sto
le out at nights for the same reason as you: freedom. Freedom from duties and obligations and watchful eyes.

  "As my prowess and skills progressed, your father approached my mother, Elaine. He was hoping to strike a bargain with her. He felt that my abilities were advanced enough that I might be a guard of sorts for you. He reasoned that since we were of a similar age, I could become acquainted with you and you wouldn't suspect me of anything other than another admirer," he finished.

  "Why didn't you just come out and tell me the truth?" Tazi said, torn between anger and an emotion she refused to name.

  "First," Steorf replied, "your father rightly suspected that you would resist any offers of protection."

  When Tazi remained silent, Steorf said, "Tell me honestly that if you thought I was a bodyguard you wouldn't have escaped from me-and had a bloody good time doing it-the first chance you got."

  Tazi lowered her gaze and stifled a giggle, not wanting to wake Fannah.

  "I would've done a good job of it, too," she answered when she lifted her head.

  "You would've tried," he told her with some of his old cockiness. "But the issue was moot, because my mother refused the whole arrangement. She felt someone would eventually find out about it, and she didn't want to have too close an alliance with any one member of the Old Chauncel.

  That should have been the end of it, but I caught wind of the bargain and approached your father discreetly to accept his offer. He said he was impressed with my ability to 'see past my mother's robes,' but I secretly suspected he was just pleased to get his way. Little did he realize it was me who was getting my way.

  That was how I managed to live the life I wanted for over seven years. You didn't know of the bargain I struck with your father, and my mother never discovered my secret outings. I don't think she would've understood. Elaine so wants me to be the next premier mage of Selgaunt. Our forays just don't fit into that plan."

  "But you do have the talent for the job," Tazi told him.

  "I know I do. I just don't know if I want it," he answered. "I want the choice to be mine, not something that is simply foisted onto my shoulders. I want the freedom to choose. You, more than anyone else, know the value of choice."

  Tazi nodded.

  "With you," Steorf went on, "I was free somehow. I recognized that kindred spirit in you. There were many times I wanted to tell you about the deal with your father, but I was afraid of your anger. I hoped you'd never find out. Keeping that secret from you made us both vulnerable to Ciredor. I won't let that happen again. Not any longer."

  "I wish you would've told me from the beginning. I'd like to think I would've appreciated the joke on my father," Tazi replied, though she was not entirely convinced by Steorf's confession.

  "You don't know that you would've. I didn't want to risk that after I had become so close to you," Steorf said.

  "No, I don't know for sure what I would've done," she agreed. "We'll never know nor will we ever get these last two years back that we lost. Now we can only go forward."

  "I hope so."

  "I think we should start to pack up," Tazi told him.

  She wanted to get moving, but she also wanted to have some time to herself, even if it was in the saddle, to mull over Steorf's revelations. She wanted and needed to believe him, but the wound ran deep, like a fault line in the bedrock of their friendship.

  Tazi woke Fannah, who was on her feet straight away. It took only a short time to break down their impromptu camp and pack everything onto their mounts. Tazi inspected them briefly and hoped they had had enough rest.

  Don't fail us, she thought as she stroked the side of her mount. I can't imagine doing this on foot.

  Steorf got them on course, and the three of them traveled for several hours almost in single file. While it made sense to stay as quiet as possible to conserve strength, Tazi knew that Steorf was leaving her to think over what he had told her. She wanted to believe in him again, like she used to.

  But how do I go back to the way things were when the trust has been so damaged? she asked herself.

  She remembered the answer she had given Steorf: We go forward.

  "Steorf…" she said, breaking the silence and spurring her mount ahead.

  She was unable to finish her sentence. Fannah let out a short gasp as her mount stumbled and fell to the ground. Tazi and Steorf dismounted swiftly and went over to Fannah and her horse.

  "Are you all right?" Tazi asked Fannah as she helped the blind woman to her feet.

  "Yes," she replied, somewhat shaken. "I seem to be in one piece. What's the matter with my horse? Did it turn a leg in a sinkhole?"

  Steorf knelt by the quietly whimpering beast. It had snapped a foreleg in its fall, but there was nothing around to explain why it should have tumbled.

  "Should I try to repair the damage?" he asked Tazi.

  Her heart went out to the suffering stallion but she knew they had to conserve every bit of their resources and that included Steorf's strength. She shook her head sadly and knelt by the beast.

  She drew her small, razor sharp dagger and said, "I'm sorry."

  She stroked its neck as she prepared to cut his throat, and the horse jerked as her hand neared its jaw. Puzzled, Tazi lay down her dagger and gently opened its mouth.

  "Ugh," she gasped.

  It was lined with swollen, black leeches. She expertly slit the animal's neck to end its suffering, realizing there was nothing more to be done for the creature. Its blood pooled black in the sand around Tazi's knees. She rose to her feet.

  "We need to check the other two," she told Fannah and Steorf.

  Sure enough, both of the other horses' mouths also contained the bloodsuckers, but to a lesser degree. She and Steorf pried the parasites from the animals' mouths. As they were almost totally engorged with blood, the leeches came out easily. They squirmed, bloated, on the hot sand. Tazi stomped on them callously and tried to keep her stomach from turning at the moist sounds they made under her boots.

  "How did the horses get infested?" Fannah asked after Tazi and Steorf were done with the vermin.

  "My fault," Tazi said, shaking her head once. "I shouldn't have let the mounts drink from that marshy water at our last stop. It looked clear enough, and I only wanted to conserve our water for as long as possible.

  "Your mount," she told Fannah, "must have been so weakened by blood loss that it stumbled and snapped a leg."

  She went over to Fannah's horse and began to move the supplies over to Steorf's mount.

  As she struggled angrily with one of the straps on the packs, she told Steorf over her shoulder, "I'll have Fannah ride behind me, and you can carry the other provisions. Hopefully, that won't put too much strain on the horses."

  Steorf helped her with the gear and said, "You couldn't have known. None of us did."

  "But I've got to know," she snapped. "I can't afford to make any more mistakes out here."

  "We won't," he promised her.

  Tazi turned away and walked over to where Fannah was waiting for her, looking extremely vulnerable with the massive Calim Desert around her.

  "I just can't fail," she muttered.

  CHAPTER 13

  DESERT LIEE

  "How is your mount holding up?" Steorf asked Tazi, breaking the hot silence.

  "He's all right," she replied.

  She was certain her horse was as exhausted as they were but they had no choice other than to continue forward and drive the animals on with them. The loss of the third horse was wearing the other two animals down very quickly.

  The salt flats had given way to rolling sand dunes as far as Tazi could see, and their progress had slowed considerably. Traction was much more difficult and the two horses were overburdened, which didn't make it an easier. Tazi recognized that she was becoming inured by the constant sameness of the desert and was mentally wearing down.

  "Blue and gold everywhere," she whispered.

  "What was that?" Fannah asked and leaned closer in the saddle to Tazi.<
br />
  "I'm sorry," she apologized. "I didn't realize that I had spoken aloud."

  "It's fine," Fannah told her through chapped lips. "What is it?"

  "Everywhere I look, it's always the same thing: empty blue sky over unchanging golden-white ground."

  "There is something to be said for constancy," Fannah quipped, but the joke sounded weak to Tazi.

  "I could use some change," she said quietly.

  The three trudged along. Tazi knew they were getting weaker the farther into the desert they went. Tazi refused to allow Steorf to expend any sorcerous strength on anything other than decoding Ciredor's book. Water was now rationed between them and the mounts since they no longer trusted any of the sporadic water holes they came across to slake their horses' thirst. They had no way of knowing if the sources were infested by leeches or some other waterborne parasite.

  One of the insidious facts about desert travel was that they were all losing moisture through perspiration but the desert wind wicked it away almost immediately. They had no way of accurately gauging how dehydrated they were becoming. Imperceptibly, the wind picked up and shifted.

  "Calim's Breath," Fannah said.

  "What?" Steorf asked.

  "Whenever the wind changes direction out here they say it is the djinn, Calim, making his presence known," she explained.

  "I hope he's trying to bring us some good news," Steorf commented.

  "Look to the east," Tazi told him excitedly.

  "What is it?" Fannah asked.

  "I see what can only be a pool of water, not too far away," she anxiously described to Fannah.

  "I don't think that can be possible," Fannah replied doubtfully.

  "I think Tazi's right," Steorf agreed. "It must be a natural pool. I can't detect anything magical about it."

  "The only pool of water of any noteworthy size that exists out here is what's known as the 'Walking Oasis.' It's a traveling pool of water and shady trees that appears in a different section of the Calim every year in the spring. By this time of the season, it would be mostly gone, its trees withered and brown."