by Mary Monroe
“It’s Joan!”
I immediately let her in. “What the hell—” She didn’t give me time to finish my question before she brushed past me.
“Thank God you’re here! I’ve been waiting all day for you to get home from work!” she hollered. There was a wild-eyed look on her face. Her hair was matted, and her makeup was smeared.
“You look like hell! What’s going on? Why didn’t you call or come to the store?”
“I was too pissed off to come to the store, and I didn’t want to tell you over the phone!”
“Tell me what?”
Joan took a deep breath and held it for several seconds. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen, so I knew she’d been crying. “Reed left me!” she boomed.
If she had told me that somebody had just dropped a nuclear bomb, it would not have stunned me more. “You’re kidding!” I shrieked. I followed as she stumbled to the couch. Instead of sitting down, she stopped and started shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “Joan, what the hell is going on? Why did Reed leave you?” I asked with my arms outstretched.
“He’s having an affair!”
My jaw dropped. I was so dumbfounded I could barely talk. “How . . . how did you find out?” I stammered.
“He told me this morning!”
“This morning?” I glanced at my watch. “Where have you been all day?”
“I’ve been home most of the day trying to digest this shit.”
“If you had let me know sooner, I would have left work early so I could be with you.”
“I just told you I didn’t want to tell you over the phone.”
“You didn’t have to tell me why you needed to see me. All you had to say was that you had a serious situation you needed to talk about, and I would have been there in a flash.” I sighed and gave Joan a pitiful look. “Well, you’re here now and that’s all that matters. Sit down and let me get you some wine.” I headed toward the kitchen with Joan right behind me cussing and fussing so hard, it felt as if the words were bouncing off the back of my neck. When I stopped at the counter where I’d set a half empty bottle of chardonnay, she stopped so abruptly she bumped into me.
“I could kill him!” She paused long enough to catch her breath. “Don’t even bother with a glass!”
I handed her the bottle without pouring any for myself, and she started drinking immediately. I waved her to one of the four chairs at the kitchen table that the previous tenant had left. I sat down and dragged my chair closer to hers. “Who is the woman and when did he start seeing her?”
“I don’t know all the details yet, but I will find out!” In all the years I’d known Joan, I had never seen her so angry. Her light brown face was rapidly turning red with rage.
“This is the last thing I expected to hear about Reed. Where is he now?”
“I don’t know. When he saw how mad I was, he left the condo running!” She drained the bottle and set it on the table. “What else do you have in here to drink?” she asked before she let out a mighty belch.
“Nothing except soft drinks until I can get back to the liquor store. You want a Pepsi?”
Joan ignored my question. “He’s probably at the house he’d already leased for them to shack up in.” She grinded her teeth for a few seconds, and after a loud snort she dropped another bombshell. “And she’s pregnant with his child!”
“Oh my God! Then there’s probably not a chance that you and Reed will live as man and wife again, huh?”
“HELL NO! I’d rather be the bride of Satan! I wouldn’t take that potbellied pig back if he came gift-wrapped with a halo above his head! Anyway, he’s going to marry his whore.”
“Joan, I’m so sorry. This is awful and so hard to believe. What are you going to do now?”
“I’m going to take everything from him except his American citizenship!” She had yelled so much, her voice had become hoarse, but that didn’t stop her from yelling some more. “By the time I get through with him, he’ll be so broke he won’t even be able to pay attention!”
I gave her a sympathetic look and shook my head. “He accused you of cheating for years, as if it was the worst thing in the world. Now he’s doing it. On top of everything else, he’s a hypocrite too.”
“Tell me about it!”
“Remember when you told me to look at Bertha’s passing as a blessing in disguise?” I asked gently as I rubbed her shoulder.
“Yeah. What’s that got to do with Reed?”
“Well, look at this as a blessing in disguise. Now you won’t have to sneak around and tell a bunch of lies so you can spend time with other men. I always thought you’d be glad to get rid of Reed. So why are you so upset about him leaving you for another woman?”
Joan parted her quivering lips and exhaled. “What I’m really upset about is him manipulating me for so long when it wasn’t necessary if he had another woman. He could have left me months ago, or whenever it was he started cheating. That’s what I’m really angry about! I’m going to make him suffer!”
“Joan, I know you. You’re just as angry about the other woman as you are about him manipulating you. Any woman would be angry if her husband left her for another woman. Even if she didn’t love him.”
“Yes, I am mad about that too.” I was glad she had stopped yelling. She didn’t even look as angry anymore. But she looked sad. “It means I wasn’t woman enough for him.”
“That’s not why people cheat. One day I overheard my daddy tell one of his friends that none of his girlfriends were half the woman my mama was, but that didn’t stop him from cheating. Some people need attention from more than one mate. I mean—now don’t take this the wrong way—what about all your lovers?”
Joan’s eyes got big. She looked at me as if I had lost my mind. “What’s wrong with you, Lola? Why are you asking me such a ridiculous question? I had lovers because Reed was not the man I wanted to be with. You knew that.”
“Yeah, I did.” I hunched my shoulders and gave her a pensive look. I swallowed hard before I gazed at her sternly. “Now, I don’t blame you for wanting to make him suffer, but don’t do anything too bad to him.”
“Like what? Right now I can’t think of anything bad enough that’ll really make him suffer!”
“Just don’t do anything you’ll be sorry for. Especially if it involves violence,” I said.
Joan gave me a blank stare. Then she narrowed her eyes and a wicked smile crossed her face. “As long as he stays out of my way, I won’t touch him. But if he provokes me, he’s the one who’s going to be sorry!” She fumbled with her purse, pulled out a small canister, and waved it in my face.
I gasped and blinked. “That’s pepper spray!”
“Exactly. I picked it up on my way over here and I’m itching to use it.”
Chapter 47
Calvin
SYLVIA HAD BEEN SO FRISKY SINCE WE’D RETURNED FROM SAN Ysidro a week ago yesterday afternoon, we’d made love every day since then. You would have thought that we had not had sex in years. All the attention I got from her did wonders for my already huge ego.
She told me almost every other day that she loved me, and I knew she meant it. I also knew that she was being faithful to me and believed that I was being faithful to her. Well, for a man, being faithful was easier said than done. I had more women available to me than I could handle. I was not always up to making love when Sylvia was, so our latest lovemaking marathon had really taken a toll on me. However, I tried to accommodate her as often as I could. Since she was going to be my bride in a few weeks, it was the least I could do.
“Calvin, you seemed distracted,” she told me as we lay in her bed. It was eight p.m. We had eaten dinner at Red Lobster two hours ago. “I’d love to know what’s on your mind right now. You’ve had the same Cheshire cat smile on your face since you got here.”
My next run was coming up on Tuesday. I had to haul some electronic equipment from Portland, Oregon, to a new computer store in Burbank, California, in time for
their grand opening at the end of the month. Time was going by too fast for me. I had to juggle my hours so I could find enough time to deal with my routine personal matters and Sylvia and keep Lola on the hook until I was ready to make my fatal move on her.
As anxious as I was to kill the bitch before Sylvia and I exchanged vows, it looked like I was going to have to delay it a little longer. Only a few more days, I hoped. Before I had arrived at Sylvia’s house this evening at six-thirty after a brief haul I’d made from Sacramento to Berkeley, I’d made a call to Lola. Since the end was so close for her, it was important for me to keep up with her movements. She had sounded surprised to hear my voice when she answered her phone. I recalled our conversation with a smile on my face.
“Oh, Calvin! I am so glad you called! I was going to call you!” she’d squealed. “Another crisis has come up that I’ll have to deal with before I can see you again.”
“Oh? More problems with your stepsiblings?”
“Not this time. It’s my best friend. I’m going to be spending a lot of time consoling her. I wouldn’t feel too good about having some fun with you while she’s so miserable, so it may be a while before I can see you again.”
A while could mean anything from a few days to a few weeks. Maybe even longer! My brain felt like it was about to explode. I had literally been counting the days to the kill date! There was no way I was going to let this nasty skank string me along too much longer! “I hope it’s not a long while,” I whined.
“It could be sooner, but I can’t promise anything right now,” she’d told me with her voice cracking.
It took all of my strength to continue speaking in a normal tone. I’d wanted to shout every cuss word in the English language to let this bitch know exactly how disgusting she was. I silently counted to five and forced myself to remain calm. “I hope your friend is not in any serious trouble.”
“It’s pretty serious. Her husband left her for another woman and she’s taking it real hard. The woman is also pregnant by my friend’s husband,” Lola said with a sniff.
“Damn! That is pretty serious. I can understand why your friend is so upset.”
“Since I’ve never been married, I can’t imagine how painful it must be to lose a mate to someone else. I hope it’s something I never have to experience.”
“Unfortunately, I’ve been in that boat so I know what it feels like. It’s pain in its purest form. It took a long time for me to get over my wife leaving me for another man.”
“What’s so strange about my friend’s situation is that Reed—that’s my friend’s husband’s name—accused her of sleeping with other men on a regular basis for years.”
“Hmmm. Is she the same girlfriend you told me about? The one who turned you on to the club?”
“She’s the same one. Joan. Her club screen name is HotChocolate.”
“Oh yes. I read the club’s reviews and the blog at least two or three times a week. HotChocolate is mentioned quite often. She has a lot of happy admirers.”
“You’re right about that.”
“Since we’re already on the subject, you’re a very popular club member yourself.” It was hard to keep myself from screaming obscenities at this slimy whore! “I saw your post about that real estate mogul from Ohio. . . .”
“Oh . . . well,” she’d said sheepishly. “I read the reviews and the blog all the time too, so I guess you know I read what that woman in Mexico said about you.”
“Oh . . . well,” I snickered. “Touché.” We’d both laughed.
Lola’s voice had suddenly sounded extremely serious. “Joan is devastated, but she’s a strong woman, so I know she’ll be all right. In the meantime, I don’t want to go on a date and have a good time while she’s in so much pain. That would make her feel even worse, and I know she would do the same for me. I hope you understand. And I want you to know that I really am anxious to see you again.”
“I do understand, and I respect you for letting me know instead of ignoring my messages.”
“Calvin, I would never not respond to one of your messages,” she’d assured me.
“Thank you, Lola, honey.” I’d decided to throw her an occasional term of endearment to sweeten the pot. But I was not going to overdo it. “I’m glad to hear that. How are things going for you otherwise? There has been a lot of turmoil in your life lately.”
She heaved out a loud, long sigh. “I’m doing all right, I guess. I’m still angry with my stepsiblings and I’m still sad about my stepmother passing. But I’m moving forward.”
I had to ask a very important question next. “Did your landlady get the lock on your back door fixed yet?”
“Nope. The maintenance man got back from his vacation early, but now he’s sick with some bug he picked up when he was in Mexico.”
“Can’t she find somebody else to come fix your lock?”
“I’m sure she could if I asked her to. I can live without a lock for a little while. This is a very quiet and crime-free neighborhood. But the sleeping bag I’ve been using is so uncomfortable. Starting tonight, I’m going to sleep on the living-room couch bed that the previous tenant left until I can get a bed to replace the one my evil stepsister gave to the junkman. Unfortunately, the living room is right next to the kitchen, so I’ll have to listen to that leaky faucet, but I can deal with that for a little while too. It’s so nice living by myself that I can put up with some minor inconveniences for a few more days.”
Yes, a few more days....
Sylvia pinched my cheek and interrupted my reminiscence. “Hello, Calvin. Come back down to earth,” she said, giggling. “I hope I’m the reason that smile is plastered on your face, or something else just as nice.”
I nodded. “It is,” I assured her. “You have no idea how nice.” And then we made love again.
Chapter 48
Joan
LOLA HAD INVITED ME TO SPEND THE NIGHT AT HER PLACE, BUT I was so angry I couldn’t sit still for more than a few minutes at a time. I had to keep moving. I wasn’t ready to go back to the condo. I needed to face my family soon so they could hear the news about Reed from me, not the gossip posse. That’s how they heard about it anyway.
When I left Lola’s place at six-thirty p.m., I went straight to Mama’s house, and she was lying in wait. As soon as I walked in the door, she got in my face. “Well, Miss Prissy, you don’t know what a good man you done lost,” she said, looking disappointed and confused at the same time. “What done got into you, girl?”
“Nothing, Mama. Reed left me.” I strode into the living room and stopped in front of the couch, where Elmo, my sad-eyed stepfather, sat with a beer in his hand. I sank down onto the couch like a lead balloon. Mama stood in front of me with her arms folded, shaking her head as I continued talking. “He wanted to leave me and I couldn’t stop him. We’re getting a divorce.”
“Don’t do it, girl!” shrieked my sister, Elaine, as she stumbled into the room and stood next to Mama. I was sorry to see that Elaine no longer resembled the glamorous swimsuit model she had been twenty years ago. Now she was just as frumpy looking as our mother. I was not the least bit worried about ending up like them. I was way too vain. I worked out when I could and I didn’t overeat. And DrFeelGood had promised to perform all the cosmetic surgery I wanted, so I knew I’d be able to maintain my shape and looks a lot longer than most of the other women I knew. Especially since I would need to look good enough to land another husband now. “Baby sister, don’t you let that man get away. You’ve stayed with him this long, what’s another thirty or forty years? You want another woman to start getting all that dentist money?”
“Humph! Another one is already getting that dentist money. Reed told me he’s in love with another woman.” I paused and had to practically force the next sentence out. “He wants to marry her.”
“I can’t believe Reed ain’t in the picture no more!” Elmo hollered. He gave me a hopeful look and lowered his voice. “I guess I don’t need to worry about paying him back som
e of them loans I owe him, huh?”
“That’s between you and Reed. Don’t drag me into that,” I said.
“What I want to know is, when did this thing between him and this other woman jump off?” Mama asked with a neck roll.
“I don’t know exactly when it started. It took me completely by surprise. He went to his office this morning and came back home a little while later and told me that he wants to marry her.” The words left such a nasty taste in my mouth, I had to switch gears and talk about something else for a while. “Where’s Too Sweet?” I looked around, expecting to see my plump, elderly cousin waddling into the room.
“She’s at Kandy’s beauty salon. She called home a little while ago and told us about you and Reed,” Elaine said. “Reed’s mama got her hair done this afternoon and she’s the one that broke the news to Kandy and she told Too Sweet. She called us on account of she couldn’t wait until she got home to let us know. ”
“One thing I know for sure, when it involves news, you can count on the telephone, a telegraph, television, and ‘tell Kandy,’ and she’ll broadcast her head off.” I was trying to lighten the situation. I laughed, but I was the only one who saw the humor in my comment. Everybody else looked so serious, you would have thought their faces had been carved out of stone.
“I’m surprised we didn’t hear it from you before now, like right after he took off. You made us wait almost all day. It makes our family look bad to be among the last ones to get the news,” Elaine complained.
I let out such a hard snort, my nose started throbbing. “I wasn’t in the mood to talk about it this morning. I wish you would all consider my feelings for the next few days until Reed and I sort things out.”
“Sort things out? Girl, according to what Reed’s mama told them big-mouth heifers in the beauty salon, that sucker done already rented a house for him and this new woman!” Elmo hollered.
“And she’s pregnant,” I replied. By now my jaw twitched every time I spoke. Everybody in the room gasped. Mama’s jaw dropped. “Didn’t Kandy include that juicy piece of information when she told Too Sweet?”
