Charlotte's Dilemma

by Diane Leyne

  He wasn’t what she’d expected to find in a Dom. Maybe it would have been easier if he was just strict and controlling. She could have had her fun with him and walked away without a backward glance. Instead, he had to be sweet and kind and loving. He was everything she was looking for in a man. The fact that he was twenty-seven-years-old and drove a boat for a living shouldn’t matter. She had more than money enough for the two of them to live on, and he wasn’t that young. Over time, that eight-year difference would matter less, wouldn’t it? Or maybe it really didn’t matter at all to anyone but her.

  She was an idiot, that was what she was. A stupid idiot who was afraid to take taken chances with her heart, and now he was gone. He’d walked with her down to the lobby and waited while she handed her bag over to the bellman to look after while she ate. She’d waited for him to hand his bag over, but he just watched her, his eyes sad and a bit hurt-looking as he shook his head.

  She wanted to touch him one more time. She moved closer to him. For the first time, it was awkward as they tried to hug. For the last few days, their bodies had meshed like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, meant to be together. Today, they were like strangers thrown together, which, she guessed, was what they were.

  For just a moment, she had revelled in the warmth of JJ’s arms around her one more time, but then he pulled away. As the bellman wheeled her bag away, Charlotte had waited, unsure what to say or do next. She didn’t want him to go, but he couldn’t stay either. And then she remembered the meagre contents of his wallet and worried. What if he didn’t have a job to go to?

  “I, uh, JJ, it’s been great. And I don’t know how to say this…”

  She’d looked at him, watching his face light up for a second, and she realized that she needed to stop talking, but the words just tumbled out, “I, uh, if you need taxi money or something…” She knew the words were wrong, even before they came out of her mouth, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. She saw his face fall and the shuttered look come back.

  JJ then leaned over and kissed her cheek gently. She watched him turn and walk out the door until he turned to the right and disappeared from sight.

  She wanted to run out the door and call him back, beg him not to leave. She wanted him to stay and make love to her again. She wanted to go out with him on his boat again, to one of those deserted beaches he knew, and they’d play Blue Lagoon together and leave the world behind. She wanted to tell him she was courageous enough to take a chance with her heart and ask him to stay.

  But she’d done none of those things. She was a coward. She’d spent five years risking her life, but she was too damned scared to risk her heart once. Hell, she’d let her fear of being loved and left rule her all her life, she realized in a sudden moment of clarity. She’d seen what happened to her mother when her father walked out when she was ten. He’d been her life and she’d been blindsided. From the time he left, there had always been a sadness about her after that and a bitterness, too, a distrust of men that she’d passed on to her daughters, Charlotte realized with sudden clarity. She could hear her mother’s words ringing in her ears. Protect your heart, girls, because men leave. Her sister Cassandra was thirty was a ball-busting, man-eating lawyer who used men for stress relief, as she called it, but had never married.

  Oh, god. She’d turned into her own mother. Instead of taking a chance on JJ, she’d let him go, pushed him away to be accurate, and, as a result, she was sitting here alone, watching the cruise ship pulling into the berth on the other side of the bay near Dock Martin where she’d find the boat that would take her to Libertine Island and away from JJ.

  She checked her watch. It was barely nine thirty, but she wasn’t hungry anymore and she couldn’t sit at the table any longer. She used her napkin, and then she left a tip and decided to go down to the beach. Maybe a walk would clear her head. She had no idea what to do. She wanted another chance, but she was still scared. She was afraid to ask for one. What if he rejected her? Wouldn’t that hurt even worse? And she didn’t even know how to get in touch with him to ask for one.

  And did she just feel this way because it was too late now and it was safe to want to be with him because he was gone now? Did she only want him because he was gone now? Her heart felt as if it were breaking.

  Charlotte was confused. She needed a sign. She’d take that walk and hope it cleared her mind and help her figure out what to do.

  Leaving the restaurant, she had to walk through the lobby to get to the stairs that lead down to the beach when she saw several people on their smartphones and she realized that she hadn’t checked her e-mail lately. She sat down on one of the loungers and powered up her phone. It didn’t take long to delete the junk mail and answer one from Cin, who was wondering why she hadn’t been in contact.

  There was one from Libertine Island confirming that the boat, the Libertine 1, would be at Dock Martin at eleven. A Michael Reynolds would meet here there and take her to the island.

  There was one last note to read, and it was from an e-mail address she didn’t recognize. SandyD? Wait. Sandy. Kristoff’s wife. Hesitantly, she opened it.

  You are invited to a PARTY

  Roy and Andre Dupris invite you to celebrate their joint birthdays

  With them on the 14th day of February @ 4 pm

  RSVP to Sandy Dupris at SandyD@islandmail.com

  Charlotte felt the tears that she’d been holding back spill over and run down her face. She was going to see him again. It was almost a month away, but he would be there. And she would be there, too, she decided. She would be there.

  But then her finger hovered over the send button as her fears came flooding back. Hell, maybe he would change his mind and not want her anymore. Maybe he would be embarrassed if she walked in expecting to pick up where they left off. Maybe he wouldn’t forgive what a bitch she’d been to him. She would never know unless she took a chance. She needed to show the courage her patients had shown.

  Standing, phone in hand, her finger moved back and forth between the send and delete buttons. She closed her eyes. I have to make a decision. She placed her finger over the send button. I can do this. Charlotte felt the fear flooding through her and started to lift her finger to delete her response, but just then, a large family arrived, laughing and spilling into the lobby, adults and children alike all delighted to be in St. Maarten. Charlotte found herself smiling at the small boy who reminder her so much of Andre. He had the same dark eyes and curly hair. She was so engrossed in watching him that she didn’t notice his slightly older sister who came barrelling around the table and ran smack into Charlotte, causing her phone to go flying out of her hands and skittering across the lobby.

  The little girl started wailing, and Charlotte knelt and gathered her close while trying to keep an eye on her phone. She hadn’t pushed delete. She needed to get to the phone and erase that party acceptance, or maybe send it. She tried to stand, but the little girl wailed louder. Resigned, Charlotte knelt back down and pulled the little girl close, surprised at how much she enjoyed having the small body cradled close and felt bereft when the mother took her daughter back and the father pumped her hand in thanks.

  It was only then that she remembered her phone again. She looked around and saw that the little boy had it. He looked up at her and grinned as he pressed all the buttons as fast as his little fingers let him until his father gently pried it out of his hands and returned it to Charlotte.

  Unable to look, Charlotte sank back into the lobby seat. She was about to turn the phone off without checking when she heard the sound of an incoming e-mail message. Looking down, she was that it was from SDupris. She held her breath as she pressed the open button.

  She wasn’t sure if she was more happy or scared when she saw that Sandy had sent a smiley face and directions to the party.

  She looked over at the little boy and smiled. She had her sign. She was going to see JJ again. And this time she wouldn’t blow it. Hopefully he’d still want her in a month.

  Cha
pter 8

  Charlotte walked down the dock she’d visited before with JJ. Everything looked familiar and reminded her of him. The sooner she got on the boat and away from St. Maarten the better.

  Looking up, she could see a tall dark-haired man at the end of the dock. Then he was striding toward her with a smile on his handsome face. He had a killer body and beautiful eyes, but he wasn’t JJ, and Charlotte found she wasn’t the slightest bit attracted to him.

  “Hi. I’m Mike Reynolds. Welcome to the family, so to speak.” He took her hand and pumped it enthusiastically. “Your medical bags all arrived safely and have been taken to your office on the island. I’m sorry I can’t go across with you. I have to head into town and pick up a few things for Duncan. He’s the boss on the island, him and his wife Andie. You’ll like them both, but Andie’s now pregnant and Duncan’s the one showing all the signs of a difficult pregnancy. Right now he’s moody, and I swear he’s put on more weight than she has. He claims that the ice cream is for her, but I’m pretty sure he’s the one scarfing down all the Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey.”

  Charlotte laughed. “Nice to meet you, Mike. What do you do on the island?”

  “I’m in charge of the physical fitness program. My brother Mal is in charge of the overall guest entertainment program, and our sub Rebecca teaches yoga and does personal training. She’s also working on her thesis and will soon have her PhD, so she’ll be a doctor, too, but of French Literature, not medicine, but still, a doctor.”

  He looked and sounded so proud. Charlotte had to smile. It was nice that he was so proud of her accomplishments. She’d just ignore his reference to the fact that he and his brother shared a sub.

  He checked his watch. “Damn. I have to go in a minute. Let me just walk you down to the boat. Maybe we can meet for dinner tonight? I can give you the lowdown on the place.” He grinned. “I’ll tell you all the gossip and all the other good stuff that you won’t get from the official briefing.”

  He took her bag and dragged it behind him down the dock. Mike’s large body blocked most of her view of the boat, but she got the impression of someone moving around on it and then climbing out onto the dock.

  Mike reached the stranger and stood aside.

  “Charlotte, meet JJ. He’ll take you to the island. JJ, meet Dr. Montgomery.” He checked his watch. “Gotta go. You don’t have to come back for me. I’ll catch a ride back with Fred.”

  And then he was gone and Charlotte was alone with JJ.

  She was in shock. JJ worked on Libertine Island?

  “I don’t understand. Why didn’t you tell me you worked here?” she asked.

  “You never asked. You never asked me anything about myself. Why didn’t you tell me where you were going to work? I asked you more than once.”

  Charlotte colored. He was right. He had asked, and she hadn’t.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah. Whatever.” He grabbed her bag can carried it onto the boat. She watched the ripple of the muscles in his shoulders as he easily hefted her bag. Then he looked at her.

  “What are you waiting for? An invitation? Or maybe an order?”

  Her face was flaming now. She stepped forward.

  “Stop. What’s with the shoes? You know better than that.”

  “I, er, I wasn’t thinking.”

  “Obviously not.”

  He didn’t move to help her. He just folded his arms and waited while she awkwardly bent over and slid her strappy sandals. Holding them in one hand, she stepped forward, nervous about falling as she stepped onto the bobbing boat.

  JJ cursed under his breath and stepped forward, reaching up with both hands and lifting her down onto the boat. Then he let go so fast she might well have been on fire.

  “Take a seat while I cast off. You can sit up front.”

  It was a different boat than they had been taking out each day. It was maybe twenty-five or thirty feet long, with a covered area about two-thirds back. There was bench seating along each side in the front that would hold four people on each side and a smaller bench for two at the back. Under the covered area, there were two seats besides the captain’s that JJ occupied.

  JJ stored her bag in the small hold at the front of the boat. She could see his bag was already inside. She stared at his broad shoulders as he squatted low and stowed her bag. She wanted to reach down and run her hands over his rippling muscles but was too afraid to touch him.

  Then he was standing and moving around her, careful not to touch in the tight space. It was like she was contagious or something. She’d been scared. Things had moved so fast. Okay, she’d been a bitch to him in the morning. Hell, she’d dumped him. Of course he was mad at her.

  Charlotte was tempted to go back and take the seat beside him, but one look at his face and she settled down in one on the benches near the front. This might be harder than she thought. She watched as he climbed up on the dock and unfastened the rope, first at the front and then at the back of the boat, before jumping back down.

  He was barefoot and shirtless, wearing only a pair of faded board shorts that she hadn’t seen before. When he passed by her again, she realized why. They had the Libertine Island name and logo on the right leg. She looked toward the open mouth of Great Bay. Libertine Island was out there, somewhere. And she’d be spending a year there, and she’d see JJ, maybe, hopefully.

  She’d go slowly, she decided. First she’d just chat casually with him. Put him at ease. Show him that she enjoyed his company. Then she’d work up to a stealing a kiss. Or two. She had a month until Roy and Andre’s birthday, and if all went well, they’d be going as a couple. If it didn’t, she’d go anyway and enlist Sandy and the others to help her win JJ back.

  “Thirsty?

  Charlotte jumped.

  “What?”

  JJ thrust a cold bottle of water into her hand before heading back to the driver’s seat. Surely he must care just a little bit if he cared about her hydration.

  * * * *

  JJ moved back to the pilot’s chair and started the engine. The motor roared to life like the well-maintained piece of equipment it was. He watched Charlotte as she took the top of the bottle he’d thrust at her and took a swallow. He could see her profile as she tipped her head back. Damn. He looked at her gently arched neck, and he wanted to kiss his way down it. But clearly, she didn’t feel the same way. She’d pulled away from him when he helped her onto the boat as if she’d been burned.

  Now she was sitting just as far away from him as she could, up at the front of the boat in the bright sunshine. He saw her dig her sun glasses out of her bag and placed them on her face. He didn’t like not being able to see her eyes, but there was a lot of glare on the water and she wasn’t used to it. She placed a hat on her head, but that wouldn’t last, not at the speed they were going. Sure enough, she soon placed it on the seat beside her, sitting on the edge to keep it from blowing away.

  He found himself frowning. She wasn’t used to the glaring sun, either. He’d spend many enjoyable hours rubbing sunscreen into her pale, delicate flesh. He knew she didn’t put any lotion on in the morning, and her skin hadn’t felt like it had lotion applied recently when he’d handed her the drink.

  The engine was too noisy to be heard over, and there was no one here to drive, so he only had one choice.

  Sighing, once he was clear of the busy boating lanes in and out of the bay, he pulled into a sheltered cove and dropped the anchor. He could see her head turned his way, but with the glasses, he couldn’t see her expression.

  He walked up to her.

  He could see her tense. What the hell did she think he was going to do? He moved past her and squatted down again in front of the locker. He opened it and pulled out the boat’s emergency kit. The island had sunscreen stations everywhere. Guests spent much of their time in swimsuits or even less than that around the island and were in constant danger of burning parts of their bodies that were rarely, if ever, exposed to the sun. So the resort stocked sunscreen
everywhere, even on the boats.

  He pulled out a spray bottle and a tube.

  Locking back up, he turned to her.

  “Stand up.” She obeyed without question, which pleased him before he remembered that she wasn’t his sub any more.

  “Arms out.” He shook up one of the cans of sunscreen. “So, Dr. Montgomery, what happens next?”

  He sprayed up and down both arms and then squatted to do her legs.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Our relationship. Do we still have one or was it slam, bam, thank you, JJ? Turn.”

  He could feel her tense as she turned. “Of course we have a relationship…just, I, maybe it’s not such a good thing if we have one in public. You know how it is, coworkers and all. I’m the island doctor and you, er…”

  “I just drive the boat.” He squatted down to spray the backs of her legs, glad she couldn’t see his face. It felt like she’d driven a stake through his heart. A good thing he wasn’t a vampire. “Does that mean you want to sneak around, or are you dumping me since you don’t want to be seen screwing the help?”

  “No!” She turned to face him and pulled him up until he was standing. She reached up a hand and pushed his hair back out of his face. “No. I love being with you. We just have to be, er, discrete. I think they call it friends-with-benefits. I’m not sure what the quarters are like, how private, but maybe we can, I don’t know, visit the Sonesta occasionally?”

  “You’re the island doc. You’ll have a nice little cabin to yourself. It’s empty now, in fact. Caleb, Rey, and Jen have already moved their things out so you can get settled.”

  “Oh, that’s nice of them.” He could see her struggling with something. “You can…you can come and stay with me, if you like. We won’t be able to hang around much during the day, but…”

  “Don’t worry. I have my own room that suits me just fine. But don’t be too disappointed. I’ll be discrete when I come and visit you so I can claim my benefits. Maybe we can work out a signal or something when you want me to come by and service you. Sit.”