Ian makes fun of me on a regular basis. I’ve been assured that sexual encounters do not automatically deem a mating. If it did, Ian would have been mated to countless women over the ages. But I’ve never trusted myself to maintain the controlled distance it would take to truly have a human woman and keep her separate from who I am.
The only Oneiroi females to ever exist were converted through the emotional bond of love. The rest of us were brought to this plane without knowledge of our origins or a rule book of any kind, other than what our tasks were and how to accomplish them.
Amelia walks by my side, silent. I expected her to bombard me with questions, but she seems lost in her own mind.
Her absurd doubt troubles me. If I give into my need to comfort her, to protect her, she will be more at risk of succumbing to the curse meant for me. Having her with me for eternity is my ultimate desire, yet I cannot allow her to give up a true form of life for me until I am certain I can overcome the curse. Without freedom, she will wither until her light is snuffed.
I reach out to take her hand. Her fingers curl around mine, surprisingly cold. Since she isn’t going to ask, I dive into an explanation. “When I was cursed, my realm was cursed also. I was essentially split from a part of my soul. It is the darkest parts of me. I do not believe Rhea intended to leave me with the lighter half, but it is what happened. This doesn’t mean I am without fault, but what it does mean is I am unbalanced. Each living creature has polarizing qualities. One without the other cannot grow, cannot truly live. You cannot know your true mettle without waging the inner struggles which come from your dual nature.”
Amelia nods. “I’m beginning to understand that, but are you saying there is a dark part of your realm you can’t access?”
I shake my head. “Unfortunately, it is easily reachable. It is a direct link into the Metaspace.”
Her mouth falls open with a gasp. She attempts to stop, but I pull her along. If we tarry, I will lose my nerve. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?” she asks.
“You asked me about the pendulum in my chambers. What I told you is true. It is a constant reminder of my curse, but it is also a barrier between the conflicting sides of my realm. If I were to cross over the pit, the pendulum would disappear. The dark space beyond is a direct passage to Volos’ lair. The reason the hallway adjoining my chambers has no other doorways is they are inaccessible right now. At any time, I could end my curse, but I would be giving over to the darkness. All light would be expunged from my soul, and the dual nature would be gone from me forever.”
Amelia’s fingers tighten around mine. “How horrible.” She shivers, so I pull her closer. “Have you ever been tempted to give in?”
My throat tightens with anger. I nod. “In my darkest moments the only thing which kept me from crossing the barrier was Baltek. He would have died here without me, and I couldn’t let it happen. With him to keep me company, my depression eventually lessened. Unlike my brothers, I cannot stay within the Dreamscape indefinitely. My realm pulls me back, sometimes at a very inconvenient moment.”
Amelia whistles. “Wow. That sucks.”
I laugh. “You have no idea. Let’s say I’ve lost several recruits because I could no longer stay in the Dreamscape.”
Amelia’s smile withers as we turn toward my chambers. “Why do you live so close to the barrier? Doesn’t it bother you to look into the darkness and know Erobos are right there?”
Without meaning it to, my voice grows distant. “Oddly enough, knowing they are close has helped me cope with my captivity a time or two. Having a choice, no matter how vile the option, is better than no choice at all.”
“Yeah. I get it.” She pauses for a moment, as if uncertain of her next words. “Is there a way for them to cross into your realm?”
Her fear is understandable. When I’ve allowed such a concern to occupy my time, fear ruled me. “The only way for them to enter is if I break the seal, and the only way I would ever do so is if you had the key.”
Amelia stops at the threshold to my room, her body stiffening. “Are you telling me once we find all the pieces of the key, I will have to face Volos?” Before I can answer her, she gasps and continues. “Wait. If you break the seal so I can get out, that means, they can get in.”
I hold myself straight. “Yes.”
Her head shakes violently, as if the idea is unfathomable. “But you said your realm was the only thing keeping them from truly invading Earth.”
I make myself answer her. “It’s true.”
She stares at me in disbelief. “You can’t be serious.”
I close my eyes against her ridicule. “I truly wish I weren’t, Amelia.”
“Won’t you turn dark?” The agitation in her voice lifts her tone two levels. “You’ll become one of them!”
I tell myself she is ready for the truth before I say, “Yes.”
No doubt lingers. Seth’s lost his mind. “No way,” I tell him. “There is no freaking way I will ever let you turn Erobos!”
He’s still standing there with his eyes closed, as if he’s taking a damn nap. “Amelia, you need to calm down.”
I shove a finger into his chest. “Don’t you tell me to calm down! I won’t do it.”
He grabs my hand, entombing it in his. When he opens his eyes, they laser into mine. “There is no other way to defeat them.”
Disbelieving, I frown. “There’s always another way. There has to be.”
Eyes full of fire, he shakes his head. “If there is, I haven’t found it. You don’t know how long I’ve searched for another portal.”
I rush on, not willing to take his truth. “They’ve gotten into the Dreamscape, so there has to be one. This can’t be right. It’s a trick. Don’t you see that? If you give in to them, I’ll never get you back.”
His expression softens. Lifting my chin, he places a gentle kiss to the top of my head like I’m some kind of little girl who doesn’t know what the crap she’s talking about. “If anyone could find a different way into the Netherworld, it would be you.”
I so didn’t expect him to say that. How can I be angry now, and I want to be furious with him. “We’d lose anyway if you weren’t here to keep the Dreamscape balanced.”
Sadness fills his voice. “I’m doomed one way or another. Please, Amelia, come inside. I’ll show you, and then you will see the truth of my curse.”
Man, I want to tell him to go to hell. I want to turn and run to the library and forget this curse while I dream. There’s too much to think about already.
The thing is he’s right. I have to know what I’m up against here. After a moment, I nod and let him guide me through the door.
The swish and clang of the pendulum draws my eye immediately. The cavernous space beyond it always creeps me out, but now, knowing what’s there, I hesitate. “Can they see us?”
Unbelievably Seth chuckles. “Not to my knowledge. Only when the flames are activated can they see directly into my realm and only if they can find my base portal.”
The knots in my shoulders loosen a bit until a thought trips me up. “Can we see them?”
He shrugs. “I’ve never had the desire to look too closely into the darkness.”
“Yeah, neither would I.” At that, my eyes shift just beyond the swinging pendulum. I blink and force myself to look away before I do see something I’d rather ignore.
“Are you ready?” he asks.
I take a deep breath before I nod. “Let’s get this over with.”
“Your enthusiasm astounds me,” he says with a smile.
I shove him forward, and he turns to grin at me. He’s so beautiful, so frightening already. I can’t help but wonder what he’d be like with his whole soul. Would he be different? Would he be darker? No matter what, he’d be Seth: the man I love. The man I want to spend forever getting to know. I think it might just take me that long to understand him.
We walk to the very edge of the pit. His gaze drifts downward, so I let mine follow.
/> Along the barrier, words are engraved into a line of stone. I can’t believe I never noticed this before. My mind halts as I take it in. This is Seth’s curse:
Listen hard and listen well, and learn the words you’re bound to tell. Within these walls you’re cursed be, throughout all of eternity. Until the time you choose a mate, who with a key your curse to break. But if she fails to find the path, your doom is sealed, your fate and fast. To us you’ll come, our brother kin, to lead and rule the damned of men.
A line of chills breaks over me, until I shiver to shake the feeling. I read the thing again and again. It’s simple, not much to misconstrue, but I have to wonder if there are hidden meanings within the words.
I turn away, blinking a few times to allow my eyes to focus again before I head to the sofa where I plop myself. Seth meanders to his chair and takes a seat. Since he won’t start the conversation, I delve in. “So what do you think it means?”
His head falls forward and his hair follows, shadowing his eyes so I can’t see them anymore. “My fate belongs to you, Amelia. It always has.”
The soft desperation in his tone pricks my heart. I lift myself from the couch and walk to his side. Kneeling in front of him, I clasp his hands. “I’ll find the way to free you, Seth. I promise you.” I hesitate, but he must understand how much I love him. “If not, I will become queen of the damned.”
His head snaps up. “This is no joking matter, Amelia.”
My expression hardens with my resolve. “Who said I was joking?”
Despair wants to settle into my soul, yet with Amelia here before me, giving me her vow to help me, to love me, how can I be anything but elated? She clearly understands the cost of the curse, which both frightens and sustains me.
“I don’t understand,” she says, nearly making me laugh at myself. Of course she would have questions.
I take a moment to gather my thoughts before proceeding. I worried once she knew the full extent of the curse, she would abandon me. “What do you mean?”
“Why are you delaying the inevitable?”
I frown. “What exactly are you asking? There are many inevitable things in my life.”
“The key. I’m never going to find it if we aren’t mated. Why are you holding back when you don’t need to?”
Even allowing myself to think of loving her physically makes my mouth go dry and fists clench. “This is where I will have to disagree with you. You’ve already found part of the key. It might be possible for us to maintain a distanced relationship—”
She lifts a hand to halt my speech, eyes afire. “Hold on just a minute there, buddy. You aren’t the one who gets to decide this. I understand you’re trying to protect me, but if the curse is legit, then there is no point. I’m going to end up in the same predicament you are no matter what. If you don’t want to . . . ” She cocks her head to the side and screws up her face. “ . . . to mate with me, just say so.”
My muscles tense. I’ve got to stay where I am. She’s not being rational. “I thought we had settled this dispute.”
She shoves herself away from me and jumps to her feet. “You thought wrong.” Pacing the room, she stares at me. “What is it? Are you worried I’m going to betray you? Are you’re concerned I’m going to go gaga over Volos, because if that’s what you’re thinking, you couldn’t be further from the truth. He’s sick. He’s a walking disease I have no desire to catch.”
Only she could make me smile at a moment like this. “Amelia, you don’t know the half of what goes on in my world. It would be unfair of me to take advantage of your naïveté.”
She grumbles under her breath, her face reddening. “My what?”
I hold up my hands, hoping to calm her insistent anger. “Being naïve is not a bad thing.”
She cocks her jaw. “It is from where I’m standing. Those are the people who get dumped on, taken advantage of, and totally run over.”
I shake my head. “You’re simply new to the Dreamscape. You can’t possibly be expected to know everything in a few months’ time. I don’t even understand everything about the place, and I’ve been around far longer than you could imagine. You’re eager to conquer the Erobos, but sometimes it is more efficient to take a step back and observe your surroundings before plodding on.”
Her lips curl. “Did you just say plodding?”
Another word apparently no longer in fashion. “Yes, Amelia. Would you like the definition?”
“Haha, you’re too funny, old chap.”
“Old?”
She gloats. “Are you disputing it?”
I’d love to do more than argue with her, but it would be pointless to debate eternal age to a mortal. “May we please resume our intended conversation?”
She cringes. “Man, you seriously need to get out more. What do you do in the Dreamscape, anyway? Haven’t you noticed you don’t exactly fit in?”
This makes my back stiffen. “For your information, I’ve never fit in. As far as the Dreamscape goes, I have little time to mull colloquialism. I manage my duties quite well. Besides, the Dreamscape affords me insights I do not possess here.”
Taking a deep breath, she scoffs. “Yeah, your mindreading voodoo.”
How does she know about my abilities when I haven’t used them on her? Frustration lifts the tenor of my voice. “Amelia!”
She walks away. “Fine . . . whatever. You should work on your lingo. That’s all.”
I give a slight bow of the head. “I shall try. Will it satisfy you?”
She stares, her face a wall of serious. “Sure thing. It’s not like we’re getting anywhere with this conversation anyway. I just want you to know when I make up my mind, it’s done. I don’t need time. If you do, it’s cool. I’m going to go take that bath now. You do whatever.”
She stomps into her room and slams the door behind her.
I’ve never quite understood the phrase that people were so angry they could spit nails; now I get it. If I had some in my mouth a minute ago, Seth’s lips would have been skewered shut. After half a second of silence, he knocks on the door over and over. I tell him to go away, but he won’t leave me alone.
When I can’t take the banging any longer, I throw open the door to glare at him. He takes an immediate step back.
I let my eyes tell him, “Yeah, that’s right.”
He frowns at me; I frown right back. To one up him, I cock my hip. He rolls his eyes. When I go to slam the door, he shoves his big boot in the way.
A gigantic huff puffs out of me before I move for the bed. When I turn, he looks ten ways uncomfortable, so I pat the space beside me, partly hoping he’ll bite and partly hoping I’m making him as crazy as he’s making me.
His jaw clenches. “You’re more than a temptress. You’re a hellcat.”
I give him a gloat of a smile. “Sticks and stones, Seth.”
To my surprise, he sits on the bed before he spreads out beside me. When his arms come around my back, my heart explodes at his touch. The second my breath catches, it refuses to release. Time holds no meaning as I wait for him to come closer, to show he trusts me, to take away the pit weighing in my gut.
His fingers trace along my hairline. “You’re everything a man could desire, plus some. I want nothing more than to hold you, to love you over and over until I collapse with exhaustion. As much as I want you, I cannot proceed until I’m sure you’ll have a chance of success. For all I know, the curse will resolve upon our mating.” He edges away from me, his eyes intent on mine. “Are you so eager to become the queen of darkness? Before you rush on with the answer I see in your eyes, you need to know you have no idea what the title truly means. You have an extraordinary amount of light within you. If we were to join and fall, your light would be expunged. Everything I love about you would be gone. You would crave darkness, destruction . . . despair.”
I press my fingers to his lips, not able to take his lecture. “I don’t want a life that doesn’t include you in it. I don’t have anyone else, Seth, and I
wouldn’t be happy with another guy, so don’t even suggest it. If you’re meant to spend eternity in hell, then so will I.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t know how you would react if I were gone. I cannot—no will not condemn you so easily. Before we make such a rash choice, we shall explore every option available until we are sure there is no other way.”
As pretty as his words are, he’s not getting it. “This is more than about you and me. We’ve got the whole team to think about here, and I’m not willing to wait forever just because you don’t want to take a chance. If we wait long enough, we’ll all fall anyway.”
He growls before he answers me. “It isn’t merely a chance we’re talking about. We’re dealing with the truest form of damnation. My team is a priority to me, but you will always come first.”
I press my hand against his chest, curling my fingers when his hand covers mine. I look up at him, my heart leaping at the intensity in his gaze. His spicy scent intoxicates me. I shake my head. “I’m not more important than any of the rest.”
He squeezes my fingers. “You are to me.”
Why does he have to be so great and so stubborn? “Fine. I give. We’ll wait.” He smiles. I continue, determined to wipe the grin from his face. “That being said, I will not wait forever. If we don’t find a different path soon, we need to solidify our relationship so we can get somewhere. If that means sex, I’m game.”
He half chokes, half laughs. “I don’t wish for you to feel cheated of the human rights you no longer have access to. For Oneiroi, choosing a mate is the most important event of our lives. It is a marriage of body, mind, and soul. The union cannot be severed. What happens to one happens to the other. Even though all I have are words to give you, they are from the deepest parts of my heart. I love you, Amelia. I want you to be my mate. Make no mistake. I have claimed you in every way I am able at the moment. Rest assured the minute I am sure it is the right course, you will become mine.”
Tainted (Netherworld Book II) Page 12
