Forever, My Homeland: The Final Book in the All My Love, Detrick Series

by Roberta Kagan

  Marilyn smiled, shrugged her shoulders and said, “Sure, why not?”

  CHAPTER 24

  The following day, Elan returned from work early. He’d promised Noa that he would take her into the city, to buy new ballet slippers. She had been complaining that hers were getting too small. They would shop for slippers, and then have dinner before returning home.

  Elan poured a shot of whiskey as he waited for Noa to finish dressing. Then he leaned against the countertop in the kitchen and noticed that the light on his answering machine was blinking. It was rare that anyone left him a message unless it was work, and he’d just left the office, so he was pretty sure that it was not them calling. Perhaps it was Katja, he thought, and his heart skipped a beat. Elan Amsel pressed the message button on the machine and listened.

  “Mr. Amsel. My name is Ido Hadar. I am in charge of a group of Jewish–American teenagers who are touring Israel with their synagogue. I don’t know how to tell you this, sir, but I have failed you terribly. Your daughter, Bari Lynn Allen, has gone missing. I am hoping that she is with you.

  She told me that she was here in Israel looking for you. So I am assuming that she might have made contact with you already. Please telephone me and let me know if you have seen her. We are very concerned about her safety. So please call as soon as you get this. My number is 546-7488. I will wait by the phone for your call.”

  Beep, Beep, Beep. The machine made this noise to indicate that the caller had hung up the phone.

  Elan was puzzled. He tilted his head to a side, and his eyes scrunched as he thought about the call. He didn’t know of anyone named Bari Lynn Allen. His only child was Noa, and she was in the other room getting dressed. In fact, from where he stood, Elan could hear Noa singing to herself as she was getting ready.

  There must be some mistake. But still, someone’s daughter had gone missing. What was this all about? It sounded like a young person was in trouble in Israel. If there was a child who needed help, especially a Jewish child in Israel, Elan would certainly do what he could. That was his way; it had always been his way. He replayed the message so that he could write down the phone number then he picked up the receiver. Elan would return this Ido fellow’s call and find out what the hell was happening.

  The phone only rang once.

  “This is Ido Hadar…”

  “This is Elan Amsel.”

  “I’m so glad you called back. I don’t even know where to start, but I will try. I met your daughter a couple of days ago. She came to Israel with her synagogue. Her name is Bari Lynn Allen. Before she went missing, she told me that she was going to look for you while she was here. Apparently, her mother had not told her that you were her father until a few months ago. Once she found out that she had a father who was alive in Israel, she wanted to know more about you.”

  “This is clearly a mistake. It must be another man. I don’t have a daughter by that name. But I am with Mossad, and I will go to the agency and see what we can do to help.”

  “Mr. Amsel. Do you know a woman by the name of Janice Lichtenstein? She’s Bari Lynn’s mother.”

  The shock of hearing the familiar name left Elan speechless. Janice was his ex-wife. It seemed like a thousand years ago that she’d left him and gone back to America. When she left him, she was pregnant. But she’d sent him a letter a few weeks later telling him that she miscarried. He had no reason to doubt her. And…at the time, he’d been relieved to be rid of her.

  The marriage was not a good one. A sense of anguish spread over him. Could Bari Lynn be the child Janice was carrying when she returned home to America? Was it possible that she lied to him when she said that she lost the baby? Elan felt a teardrop of sweat trickle down his chest.

  “Mr. Amsel, are you still there?” Ido asked, in a firm voice.

  “Yes…” Elan cleared his throat. “Yes, I’m sorry. I’m just a little surprised to learn all of this. I know Janice Lichtenstein. She was my ex-wife, but I never knew that we had a child. Can you get me her telephone number in America? I need to speak to her…”

  “Of course, Mr. Amsel. Hold the line and I’ll get it for you…”

  Elan’s hand trembled as he held the receiver, waiting for the phone number that would send him on a freight train back into his past.

  CHAPTER 25

  Gerhard had awakened early that same morning. He called room service and ordered breakfast. When he’d talked to Max about coming to Israel, they’d both been drinking, and it sounded like a perfect plan. But now that he was here, he was finding it hard to go to the prison where Demjanjuk was being held and ask to see him. The night he’d decided to make the trip, in his drunken stupor it had seemed logical to him to go to the prison and claim to be a journalist. Now that seemed foolish.

  The madness that had been haunting him was subsiding, and he began to feel intimidated. If he told the Israeli officials the truth, the real reason he’d come, what would they think of him? After all, was he not his father’s son?

  Gerard ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head as he realized how irrational he’d been to come here. It had cost him all of his savings. He was a civil engineer, and he made a decent living, but his ex-wife had an addiction to redecorating the house, so there wasn’t much left after the divorce. What was he thinking, spending everything he had to come to a country that would undoubtedly condemn him for his father’s sins?

  There was a knock at the door to his hotel room. It must be the food he’d ordered from room service. Gerhard took a few shekels out of his pants pocket to tip the delivery person and opened the door.

  CHAPTER 26

  “Janice?” Elan had dreaded making this call. It had been eighteen years since he’d heard her voice.

  “Elan…” Janice and Lucas were sitting on the sofa, waiting for a second call from the Israeli police.

  “Yes, it’s me,” he said.

  “Oh my God, Elan.” Janice was hysterical. “I got a call from the Israeli police. Bari Lynn has gone missing. If something has happened to her, I will never forgive myself for having allowed her to go to Israel.”

  “You never told me anything about Bari Lynn...”

  “She’s your daughter, Elan, and I am praying that she is all right. Help me, please… Tell me the truth, Elan. You must tell me...is she with you?”

  There was an uncomfortable silence. Lucas sat beside Janice and remained silent. She was furious with him. After all, he was the reason she’d finally agreed to allow Bari to go to Israel and now…

  “I am still in a state of shock. First, I didn’t even know I have a child, and then I find out she has gone missing.”

  “So Bari is not with you?”

  “No, she is not with me…”

  “She should be showing up there anytime…I am sure she’s gone looking for you. You’re not keeping the truth from me, are you? I mean, as a punishment for not telling you that you had a daughter? Is she with you? Please, Elan, please tell me she is.”

  “I wish I could. If she were here, I would tell you, Janice. I am not vengeful. In fact, I’m worried. If she is missing, she could be in trouble.”

  “Yes, I know. But I am hoping that she will show up at your door very soon, or call you.”

  “I hope so. Then, at least, we will know she is safe. But until she arrives, I am going to have to act as if she is in danger. In situations like this, time is of the essence. I will go into the office at Mossad and begin the proceedings to find a missing person.”

  “Mossad? The secret police?”

  “I work there, Janice. I am a Mossad agent.”

  “Oh… I didn’t know.”

  “Of course you didn’t. We haven’t spoken for eighteen years. A lot has happened.”

  “I’m coming to Israel. I have to find my daughter. When I get there, how can I find you?

  “I’ll give you my number; call me when you arrive. But listen to me, Janice, this is very important. Make sure that you don’t tell anyone about Bari Lynn being missing
. Until we know what is going on, it is best to keep this whole situation quiet. If the word leaks out too early, it could cost us Bari’s life. It all depends on where she is, if she’s out looking for me, or if she’s been kidnapped. And if she’s been kidnapped, who has taken her and why. At this point, we just don’t know. So don’t talk to anyone, not the police, not anyone. Do you understand?”

  “Yes…” Janice felt her hand trembling and sweating as she held the receiver.

  After Janice had hung up the phone, she turned to Lucas. He sat beside her quietly. There were tears in her eyes. She’d never considered that Bari could be in real danger. In fact, when she was told that Bari had strayed from the group, she’d been certain that Bari was with Elan.

  “I’m going to Israel, to get my daughter…”

  “I’m coming with you.”

  “You realize that this is all your fault? All we had to do was say no when she asked us to go…”

  “Yes, I know all about it… I’m sorry. You know I love Bari as much as you do, and I am sick with worry,” Lucas said.

  “I know you love her, but this was a mistake… You couldn’t possibly love her as much as I do. After all, you’re not her real father,” Janice said, but she was immediately sorry when she saw the hurt on Lucas’s face. Damn, she always spoke without thinking. “I’m sorry. That was wrong of me. You’ve been a good father to her. I know you would never have agreed to allow her to go to Israel if you thought she was in danger. I’m just scared.”

  “It’s all right. We don’t need to fight. Right now, we need to give each other strength. Come on, let’s pack. Let’s go and find our daughter,” Lucas said, gently rubbing her shoulder.

  She looked up at him. “I told you it was a bad idea for her to go to Israel. I knew. I knew, Lucas. Israel was really bad luck for me when I was younger. I tried to tell you that…” Janice crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him.

  CHAPTER 27

  The sun was so bright against the crystal-blue sky that it burst through the window into Gerhard’s hotel room. Outside, the leaves on the treetops sparkled with the morning dew. It had been such a day such as this when his father had passed away, the kind of day that was so beautiful it seemed as if nothing could go wrong. Except that for the Helmut family, everything had been shaken to its very core that day.

  Gerhard was pulled back to that summer morning. He’d sat beside his mother and brother in the hospital room watching, helpless as his father took his last breath. The doctors explained that he had no brain function. The only life still left within him was coming from the machines that filled his body with fluid and oxygen. It was made clear to the family that the machines must be turned off, and Gerhard’s father must be allowed to go in peace.

  His heart pounded as the two doctors and the nurse began shutting down his father’s connection to life. Gerhard wanted to scream to say, “No, you can’t do this! He’s not dead! Maybe he will come back.” But it had been made very clear to the family that the man who lay on the table was already brain-dead.

  His mother held Gerhard’s arm so tightly that he felt her nails penetrating his flesh. She was terrified of losing her husband, her security, the only man she’d ever known.

  Gerhard knew how hard it was for her. His parents were childhood sweethearts. They’d grown up living across the hall from each other in the same building. Then when his mother was seventeen and his father twenty, they married.

  His father had been the oak tree that held the family together. Until his father began to work for the Nazis, the family was poor, very poor. The Nazi party had given the Helmuts food, status and a way of life that his parents had never dared to dream was possible.

  Gerhard didn’t remember the poverty, and he had been too young to realize much. But he did remember the house outside of Ravensbrück, the garden, the friends he played ball with, and the boys whose fathers also worked at the camp. None of them ever discussed their father’s work. It was just something taken for granted. He wondered if any of them knew what was really going on at the camp. He doubted it. They were too young to understand.

  Then he remembered how tense things became in his house. At night, he would hear his parents whispering that Germany was losing the war. Gerhard had no idea what the consequences of this might be, but hearing the worry in his parents’ voices made him afraid.

  Then it happened, the war ended. The Americans, the British, and the Russians came barging into Germany. His mother held his shoulder as he watched the troops march in, wearing the uniforms that Helmut had been taught to fear. The invaders were cruel to the Germans, and Gerhard, who had been just a boy at the time, was frightened of them. They called the Germans murderers and devils.

  At the time, Gerhard thought it was because of the war and all of the soldiers that had been lost on the other side. Knowing that the victorious army had suffered many casualties worried Gerhard. Would they take their anger out on the German citizens, and if so, what would they do?

  His father had tried to make light of the situation, at first, telling Gerhard that there was nothing to be afraid of, that this was the way things were at the end of a war. Once again, Gerhard had wanted to believe. But then, things became tenser in the Helmut home. His parents were awake late into the nights, speaking softly, words that Gerhard could not hear or understand.

  Then one day without warning, Gerhard returned from school, to find that his father was gone. His mother explained that his father had to leave Germany. She made it clear to both Gerhard and Max that the family did not know where he had gone. All they knew was that his father had been forced to go underground, to hide because he was an important person in the Nazi party. It was several years before Gerhard heard from his papa.

  His mother was poor, and money was scarce, but that was no surprise, all of the Germans were poor. There were displaced Jews wandering the streets. They looked skeletal, their dark, sunken eyes fixed upon Gerhard, sending shivers through his body. Food was scarce. Gerhard and his brother were always hungry. He still remembered his mother going without eating, saying she was not hungry so that her boys would have her share. God bless his poor mother.

  But Gerhard, as hard as he tried, could not forget the whispers of his neighbors, of his parents’ friends. There were things implied, things he didn’t understand, things that were silenced when the children appeared.

  These conversations were small indications of what had happened in the concentration camps. Of course, he had not been privy to the whole story. But if he were truly honest with himself, Gerhard would have to admit that he knew something—suspected something was terribly wrong with the work his father did at the camp. Deep down in his heart, hadn’t he suspected that something had occurred at the camps, something terrible—but what and why?

  Until the truth was forced upon him like a slap in his face, he refused to believe. When he could no longer deny his father’s guilt, the truth was like an army tank running right over him and smashing his world into the ground.

  A knock at the door forced Gerhard to come back to the moment. He assumed it must be room service. He took several bills out of his pants pocket to tip the delivery man. Gerhard felt like his mind was running away with him. He had come here to Israel for a reason.

  There was another knock at the door.

  “I’ll be right there,” Gerhard said, his robe closed before he opened the door. Again his mind raced. How was he going to request a meeting with the imprisoned Nazi?

  Gerhard opened the door.

  “Are you Gerhard Helmut?”

  It was an IDF soldier in uniform. Gerhard had no idea why the IDF would be at his door. He felt his heart begin to race. What did they want with him? They knew his name. Did they think he had something to do with his father? Or maybe they thought he’d come to help the Nazi escape. How would he ever make them understand why he’d come to Israel?

  “Yes. I’m Gerhard Helmut,” Gerhard said. The sound of his own name sounded like a curse wor
d in his ear. It was the name he carried along with the sins of his father. He bit his lower lip.

  “You’re under arrest.”

  “What? Arrest? Why?” Could they arrest him for his father’s crimes? Was that possible? Would he ever be able to make them believe that he was only a child when it all happened? Would they believe him when he told them that he’d felt guilty his entire life for what his father had done? He should never have come to Israel. This was the Jewish homeland. In the eyes of the Jews, Gerhard Helmut was the enemy.

  Gerhard coughed a little, as the soldier burst through the door into his hotel room. He could see the man from room service with his tray, standing dumbfounded behind the soldier outside in the hallway.

  “You were talking to two young girls last night in the lobby?” the soldier asked.

  “Yes, I was.” Gerhard cleared his throat. What would last night have to do with anything? What had he been accused of now? He was forty-eight, and his looks were beginning to fade. That was why he loved the attention of young women. But he hadn’t tried to take either of the girls to his bed. He’d only taken the young girls to dinner. It made him feel good to walk into the restaurant in the company of pretty, young women. He felt as if he were still desirable. This insecurity stemmed from his wife, Abigail, leaving him for another man less than a year before.

  She’d never been satisfied with what he could provide for her, and then after he had himself sterilized, she had had enough. She began staying out late and refusing to communicate with him. Then when she met Norbert, who had an important position in international banking, she’d asked for a divorce. He knew that a good part of what had caused her loss of love for him stemmed from his obsession with his father’s past.

  Abigail hated the Nazis. She was ashamed of being German because of what had happened under Hitler. She had tried to coax Gerhard to leave the past behind, to pretend it had never happened. But her family had only been working people. They had not had a hand in the murders. She was able to forget. But Gerhard’s father was directly involved, and he was haunted.