Second Thoughts

by Clarke, Kristofer

  Chapter 24

  Vanessa…

  Why Her?

  Before I answered the phone, I grabbed my watch from the nightstand. It was exactly 6:15 Tuesday morning. Last night’s forecast had promised another hot day in July. The summer was already being penned one of the hottest in decades. I had fallen asleep under the artificial cool from the air conditioner, talking with Dillon about Taylor. I’d told him she had finally agreed to talk to Dr. Reeves about the difficulties she was still having dealing with Mother’s death. I waited for him to confirm what I already knew was going on between him and my sister, but he just lay there on his back with his head resting in the palms of his hands. His eyes pierced through the darkness. What I didn’t tell him was that I’d heard more than just a snippet of the conversation he had in the kitchen with Taylor that morning after.

  I heard Taylor telling Dillon she couldn’t look into his eyes because he knew what it did to her. I had stood in the hallway along the wall on the other side of the kitchen listening to them. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. They talked as if they had nothing to hide. Damn, they could have at least whispered. Why didn’t they whisper? Instead, they loudly confirmed my suspicion. Where did they think I was? When I couldn’t take anymore I interrupted. Taylor was always quick with her lies and, without even a second thought, she had used my mother’s death as a diversion from the truth. In that moment, I decided to follow her lead and offered up my friend Dr. Isis Reeves to discuss her issues. Hell, she wasn’t the only one who was quick on their feet.

  I’ve had my suspicions about Dillon and Taylor since my conversation with Shelby, but I never gave it more attention than it needed─after all, I had my husband, and I didn’t want to lose him by asking him to confirm or deny something I was told by his sidepiece. But after my overheard, I needed a way to find out what was really going on between my husband and the woman I called my sister. I wasn’t relying on either Dillon or Taylor to tell me the truth, especially since she had looked me square in my eyes and lied, and he just stood there without objection, supporting her lies.

  That night I took a longer than usual bath, my body wrapped in the scent of Patchouli Lavender Rose. I tried to escape my thoughts. It didn’t bother me that my sister was screwing my husband─that I expected. But that my husband was screwing my sister was like nails from a nail-gun piercing through my chest. I tried to control the tears, but rather than bawling, I just cried silently. Dillon tried to ask what had me so bothered, but I blamed my emotions on the patient I had just lost. He was satisfied with that explanation and inquired no further. Hell, he should have known. He knew what he had done the night before.

  After talking to DaMarcus, I sat up in bed with my back against the dark leather headboard with my knees pulled up to my chest. I still had the cell phone in my hand, replaying in my head the conversation I’d just had with him. I stayed in the bed while Dillon showered. I listened to his muffled rendition of Frankie Valli’s Second Thoughts. "Second thoughts about our love...should I stay or go? Second thoughts about our love…Is it gonna grow? Every time I think of leaving you behind… baby then I find, I still love you," he sang. It was his favorite song. I’d heard him sing it several times before, but this morning I paid attention to the words. I wondered, has he been singing about Taylor or me? I thought about asking him point-blank “are you fucking my sister,” as soon as he walked out the bathroom door, but I wasn’t sure if that approach was wise. I cocked my head to the side and continued listening to his failed attempt at a falsetto. “I keep thinking every night about you…wondering what I’m gonna do. Can I live with you or live without you? Baby I’m torn between the two,” he continued. When the shower went off, he fell silent, as if he was hiding his confessions in the water’s fall.

  He came from the bathroom with his towel draped around his neck. That was all he wore. His baldhead looked baby-bottom smooth. He flaunted his impressive erection as if he were doing something in that shower other than pretending he could carry a tune. He exuded sexual confidence, and I loved that about him. Evidently, I wasn’t the only one.

  “You like that, don’t you?” he said, looking at his erection and then at me with a crooked smile.

  With his menacing brown eyes, he thrust his pelvic forward.

  I didn’t respond.

  “I think I can be a little late going into the office this morning. At least I’ll get there with a smile on my face.”

  He walked across the room and stood in front of me.

  “Or not,” I said, tossing the cover to one side of the bed. “I’m not in the mood.”

  He shrugged his shoulders and started back towards the bathroom. I hopped out of bed and adjusted my V-string panty. Before I headed out of the room, I grabbed the white deep v-neck t-shirt I had tossed at the foot of the bed and hastily covered my naked breasts. I grabbed the sheer robe and loosely tied the belt around my waist. I looked intently, not at him, but in his direction. When I reached close to the bedroom door, I turned around to face him.

  “You’re not even going to…” I paused. “Never mind,” I added.

  I turned and continued my quick exit.

  • • • • •

  I sat at the kitchen island with my coffee mug in both hands and my elbows resting on the counter. I sat with my right leg crossed over the left with my robe falling to either side of me, revealing long, newly-shaved legs. My hair was loosely tied in a ponytail that hung over my right shoulder, exposing the back on my neck. Dillon entered the kitchen wearing a blue seersucker suit. He rested the jacket over the back of the chair where he had left his briefcase the night before and then kissed the back of my neck. I cringed. How many times had he kissed Taylor on that same spot on the back of her neck? I thought. He walked to the kitchen counter and began pouring his coffee. He replaced the coffee pot, checked his pockets, and then his waist. He walked out of the kitchen without speaking a word. I sat there staring at my reflection in the black liquid.

  “Have you seen my cell phone?” he asked, walking back into the kitchen a few moments later.

  He didn’t wait for my response. I watched Dillon walk from one room to the next, searching for his cell phone. By now, his coffee had gone from steaming hot to room temperature cold. He loved his coffee steaming hot.

  “Are you sure you didn’t leave it at the office last night, or maybe in the car? Did you check the car, Dillon?”

  “I know it’s not in the car. Maybe I did leave it on my desk. After that long meeting yesterday, I just wanted to get home.”

  He pushed his right hand through his jacket sleeve and then looked at his watch.

  “Shit, I’m gonna be late for another senseless meeting.” Funny he wasn’t worrying about being late a few moments ago.

  “I guess you better hurry.”

  He grabbed his briefcase he had left sitting in the barstool next to me. He kissed me in the middle of my forehead as he had been doing since we first met, and then headed towards the door.

  “Oh, honey.” I swung the chair around and then walked up behind him. “I’m having dinner with Isis and Telia after work.”

  He turned, grabbing his heart with his free hand and smiled. “So you’re on your own for dinner,” I continued.

  He kissed my lips with his hand on the side of my face. I closed my eyes pretending to enjoy the moment. I quickly opened them when the image of him kissing Taylor appeared in the darkness before me.

  “I love you,” he said. I felt the tears taking a familiar path to my eyes. “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “I’m fine,” I said, looking away from him.

  “I’ll call you as soon as I get to the office.”

  He kissed the side of my mouth and headed out the door.

  I closed the door behind him, keeping the palm of my hand pressed against it. I quickly wiped the tears that had started to fall.

  “I love you, too,” I whispered, and then turned and walked back towards the kitchen.

  I empti
ed Dillon’s untouched cup of coffee in the sink and placed his cup and mine in the dishwasher. I walked upstairs to the bedroom, reached across the bed for my cell phone, and then I began to dial her number.

  As I waited to be connected to her, I thought about the very first time I met Dillon. I’d noticed him from behind, even standing more than twenty feet away from him. He was built the way I liked my men─broad shoulders, small waist, and big feet. And the theory that men with big feet had big things in all the right places was definitely true─at least Dillon had proven it to be true. I couldn’t hold that my man did not disappoint in the bedroom, and me and my big-ass mouth bragged to the wrong person─my sister. Still, that wasn’t an invitation for her to screw my man. Of course, he probably thought with the wrong head and fell for her temptation. Hell, there’s no probably about it. I’m certain that’s what happened. The devil will always tempt you, and if you weren’t strong enough, you will succumb to his temptations. Well, my sister was the devil, and she doesn’t disguise, either. I never trusted my sister farther than I could throw her, but I never thought my husband would touch her with a ten-foot pole. The thought that Dillon was also touching her with the ten-inch thickness between his legs made me throw up in my own damn mouth.

  “I bet I know why you’re calling,” Isis answered, as if she had been sitting by the phone waiting for my picture to display across her screen.

  “Tell me everything Taylor told you in her session. And I do mean everything,” I ordered.

  “You know I’m bound by patient confidentiality.”

  “Bitch, please. Since when?” I walked into the bathroom and began to prepare my bath. “You breached that shit a long time ago. I know as much about your patients as you do. Stop playing with me.”

  I sat on the edge of the tub with my back against the glass partition that separated the bathtub from the shower area.

  Isis laughed.

  “Is Dillon there?”

  “He left for work a few minutes ago,” I said, passing my hand under the spout to check the water’s temperature.

  Though it was already a humid Tuesday morning, a warm bath was definitely needed.

  “Meet me at Reserves on Chestnut for lunch,” I added and waited for her to respond. She knew I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

  “See you then,” Isis agreed without hesitating.

  After hanging up, I placed the phone on the tiled floor beside the tub. I stood and stared at my reflection in the rectangular-shaped mirror above the bathroom sink. Something tells me this is going to be a long day, I thought, shaking my head. Then I noticed Dillon’s sweatpants in the corner behind the door. When I walked over and picked it up, his cell phone fell to the floor. I picked up the phone and touched the screen. I was surprised it wasn’t password protected.

  I stared at the screen before pressing the messages icon. His last message was to T.D.―that was it, just the initials―at 6:45.

  Me: Good morning, beautiful. Yesterday was amazing.

  T.D.: Wouldn’t have been so without you, baby. Can’t wait till next time.

  Me: Next time can’t come soon enough.

  I’d seen and read enough. I tapped on the message. Why would Taylor have a phone number that my husband knows and not her own sister, I thought, and then pressed the call option.

  “He wouldn’t be that obvious,” I said after the first ring. “T.D. couldn’t possibly be Taylor Duncan.”

  “Are you calling to say you miss me already, or because you forgot to say you love me?”

  I removed the phone from my ear and looked fixedly at the screen before ending the call.

  Chapter 25

  Taylor

  Three’s a Crowd

  Have you skipped stupid and gone straight to crazy? I thought. What the hell are you doing here? I walked through the sliding glass doors and into the foyer of the Radisson Plaza-Warwick Hotel on South 17th Street. I’d been there on other occasions at Dillon’s request, and though it was wrong on so many levels, those visits found me waiting for his arrival in one of the king suites. I never asked him what he was telling Vanessa on those weekend nights he spent with his head between my breasts and his legs between my thighs. He would explore my body in the darkness and quiet of the night and then smiled that perfect smile when morning broke, even though he had, again, broken all promises he made to Vanessa. Honestly, I didn’t care. Though when morning came, or when the weekend was over, he was leaving me to be with the woman he married, I was content knowing I had just slept with my head in the arms of the man I loved. He never asked what I was telling DaMarcus or Chad because my explanations or excuses to them never mattered to him. He knew where my heart was. He knew where my heart had always been.

  I didn’t think twice when I’d received Dillon’s text message that morning. I had just walked back into my office after a quick conversation with my secretary, Roz-Lynn, over black coffee and cinnamon buns. A few moments before, I’d stood looking through one of the two floor-to-ceiling windows, admiring the view from the 76th floor of Park Towers that had been the backdrop since my relocation. My russet brown skin felt Shea butter smooth and glistened under the fluorescent lights. I wore my dark brown hair with honey highlights sweeping across my face. The short cut tickled my collarbone. I smiled as I admired the bouquet of red roses and purple tulips that were delivered the day before. I’ll admit, before his text message, I had no idea who’d sent the flowers. Now I know it had to have been Dillon, his text message had confirmed it.

  Dillon: Meet me for dinner and a nightcap

  Me: Where, and what about Nessa?

  Dillon: The Radisson on 17th…around 5. You don’t worry about Nessa.

  I was tired of playing hard to get, living under the same roof with Dillon and Vanessa. I hated pretending I didn’t want him, acting as if I couldn’t stand being close to him when I knew I wanted him even closer. Over the last week, I’d spent less time at home to avoid any slippage of the tongue with Vanessa. I still spoke to Dillon, but only from work. At home I acted as if I couldn’t stomach the pavement he walked on. Now I get to have him in a place where I’ve had him times before, without interruptions, without Vanessa.

  I’d stood behind my desk, looking at the printout of meetings, conference calls, and appointments I had for the day. I didn’t know how I was going to concentrate with my secret rendezvous with the love of my life just hours away. I sat back in my chair with images of Dillon and me―mostly Dillon...naked―floating in my head. The day couldn’t go by fast enough. I’d called the sitter and asked if Quinton could stay the night with her.

  After my 11:30 a.m. conference call with Jeremy McIntosh from the D.C. office and Naomi Grant from two floors down, I received a call from Nessa.

  “Are you busy,” she asked.

  “I would have been had you called a few minutes ago,” I said, leaning back in my chair. “What’s going on Nessa?”

  “I was hoping you could tell me that.”

  I got up from the chair and stood looking out the window. I used the silence between my sister and me to craft a response.

  “I don’t know what you mean,” I said, turning back to face my desk.

  “You haven’t said anything about your session with Dr. Reeves,” she said, sounding agitated. “I haven’t seen you much since Thursday. Are you okay? You’re not avoiding me, are you?”

  “Slow down with the twenty questions. First of all, I’m fine. Second, what reasons do I have for avoiding you?” I paused and acknowledged Roz-Lynn who had appeared in my office door. I pointed at my watch and mouthed for her to come back later before I continued. “And why would I tell you anything Dr. Reeves and I discussed? I thought Isis would have given you the 4-1-1 by now.”

  “Why would she do that, Taylor?”

  “Maybe you could tell me that,” I repeated sarcastically.

  “You know I’m here if you want to talk. Why don’t you meet me for dinner after work?”

  I thought about Dillon’
s text message from earlier that morning, and then politely declined. “I already have plans,” I said.

  I waited for Nessa to press for more details, but all I got was a long pause.

  “Okay. I guess I’ll see you when you get home.”

  “Have a good day, Vanessa,” I replied and then quickly hung up.

  I’d left work at exactly 4:30 and now stood in the grand lobby of the Radisson surrounded by hues of gold and yellow. A magnificent Phantom of the Opera-like chandelier of gold and crystals hung above. I walked to the middle of the three check-in counters.

  “What are you doing here, Taylor?” I asked aloud.

  “Excuse me?”

  I didn’t repeat.

  “Dillon Aldridge,” I announced. “Has he...?”

  Before I could finish my question, my cell phone indicated a new message: Suite 1248. Perfect timing, I thought. I thanked the front desk assistant then turned and headed towards the elevator.

  In the elevator, I smiled from ear to ear, thinking about the evening and what Dillon had planned for me. He never disappoints. I exited the elevator and turned right towards the room. When I got to the door, it was slightly ajar. I pushed the door and smiled when I saw him standing across the room, looking out the window.

  “So, what are you going to do with me, now that you’ve got me here?” I asked, closing the door.

  I walked towards him, removing my suit jacket and then stood behind him wearing a white sleeveless cowl neck blouse, white pencil skirt, and rouge pointed-toe metal-heel pumps. I tossed my purse on the couch and slung my jacket over the back. I posed with my hands on my waist and waited for him to turn around.

  “Taylor,” he said, looking perplexed, “what are we doing here?”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, smiling. “I got a message from you telling me to meet you here.” I folded my arms across my chest. “You specifically said to meet you here, Dillon. I asked you what about Nessa, and you said not to worry about her. Now, if you’re still playing games to see if I still have feelings for you, you won. I showed up,” I said, reaching for my purse and jacket.