The Mirror's Gaze

by Rae D. Magdon

  My stomach gave a slight lurch. Neva was only a child, but she had seen far more horrible things than most girls her age could even dream of. She knew death, and not only because she was Kira'baas. I hated to think that she had been imagining her own death, let alone mine or anyone else's.

  "You and I will be perfectly fine," I said, crouching down to meet her eyes. "The dragons are going to help us get inside the city where we'll be safe, and—"

  "I meant once the fighting is over. If we lose, I'll be dead, and I won't miss you. But if we win, that means I have to be the new Queen. And it means you and Belle will go home to Seria and leave me here."

  Although she spoke casually about the possibility that she might not survive, a tremor broke through in her voice when she spoke of becoming the new Queen. I set Jessith down—a decision she seemed to understand and did not protest—and squeezed Neva's shoulder. "I understand why you might not want to be Queen. I'm not sure I would be up for the job either, and I'm grown up."

  Neva's expression melted into one of relief. "Really?" she asked, brightening noticeably. "I thought you were going to tell me I had to. No one's even asked me whether I wanted to be Queen or not. They all think…I don't know what they think. Jett Bahari would be a much better ruler than me. Or anyone else, really."

  I laughed despite the weariness weighing on my shoulders. "You're right. Jett Bahari would make a wonderful ruler. But you shouldn't be worrying about this right now. No matter what happens, I promise I won't leave you alone. Belle and I aren't going back home to Seria the second the war is over."

  "Do you think Lok and Ulig will stay, too?" Neva asked, unable to disguise her hope.

  "For a little while, maybe."

  Neva leaned in closer, as if she was whispering something secret. "Gurn says he and the others are going to stay with me. He said Belle wanted to go into the caves with Cate and Larna and Ailynn, but Lok told her to stay behind with us."

  That piece of information was new to me, but with some effort, I managed to keep my expression neutral. Though the thought of sending her off into danger with only a few weeks of sword training under her belt terrified me, there would be a time and a place to confront her about it, and that time and place was far away from Neva.

  Neva didn't seem to notice my pause, but Jessith gave me a knowing feline smirk. "I suppose you and Belle are going to have words later, aren't you?"

  I aimed a subtle glare in her direction before returning my attention to Neva. The girl bit her lip, and a shadow of fear returned to her face. "I know why they don't want to go with the rest of the dwellyn. They think the Queen is going to try and take me. And if she does, we won't be able to stop her."

  "The Queen isn't going to take you. And Gurn is right. You're going to stay right here with me and Belle. If anything, we need you to protect us, like you did in the Forest. Feradith can only burn so many of those creatures, you know."

  "It isn't their fault," Neva said with a sigh. "They don't know what they're doing. Someone has to put them to sleep."

  "You will." With a short embrace, I stood and scooped Jessith back into my arms, handing her over again. "Go find Raisa. I'm sure she could use your help," I said, shepherding her away. "And I need to find my wife before we go over the walls," I added under my breath.

  "And you complain about my claws," Jessith drawled, peeking at me from over Neva's shoulder. "You might check your new tent. I believe she's still there, polishing her sword."

  She isn't going to need it. I made my way back into the remains of camp. And I think she'll find that my tongue is much sharper.

  ***

  Belle wasn't polishing her sword when I entered the spare tent that had been hastily set up for us, but the clothes she was wearing were enough to make my stomach lurch all the same. As much as I had grown to appreciate the sight of my wife in pants and more practical Amendyrri clothes, the pads across her shoulders and the light leather breastplate she was currently sporting were far from reassuring. Bent over to pull on her sturdiest set of boots, she looked like she was in the middle of dressing for battle. Even though I knew it was necessary, the thought was deeply unsettling.

  "Ellie," she said, smiling, "I see you've found me. Did Jessith tell you where I was, or is this a pleasant coincidence?"

  "Oh, she told me," I said, closing the flap behind me. I doubted anyone outside would hear us, but I still felt an instinctive desire for privacy. "And Neva informed me that you volunteered to accompany Cate, Larna, and Ailynn into the palace. Please tell me she was mistaken."

  Belle's smile vanished. She sighed, abandoning the laces she had been fiddling with and straightening up. "I did offer to go with them, but you'll be happy to know they didn't want my help. They think it would be better for me to stay with you and Neva."

  Despite the disappointment on Belle's face, I couldn't hide my relief. "Thank the Saints," I murmured, suddenly feeling like I could breathe again as the large knot in my chest loosened. "Belle, I know you want to help, and I'm amazed at how much you've transformed in just a few weeks, but the thought of losing you terrifies me. It's bad enough I have to see Cate off. Don't make me say goodbye to you too."

  "It wouldn't be goodbye," Belle protested, taking a few hesitant steps toward me. "For someone who claims to be amazed at how much I've transformed. You have remarkably little faith in me."

  "I do have faith," I insisted, but I couldn't quite meet her eyes. My own started to sting, and I cast my gaze at the floor instead. "Can you blame me for being afraid? You saw all the corpses out there. You saw the army that's coming for us. How can you look at all that and tell me you aren't scared?"

  Warm hands cupped my shoulders, and I looked up at last. "Oh, Ellie. Of course I'm scared." Belle's voice had lowered to a whisper, and her lips trembled ever so slightly. "Who wouldn't be? But I haven't given up hope, either. I think we can win. No, I'm certain we can win. A notion you don't seem willing to consider, even when it would do you some good."

  At first, I was angry. I wanted to argue, to pound my fists into that stupid breastplate, to bury my face in something and scream. Instead, I made a cracked noise of pain and frustration, swiping at my eyes with my sleeve. "How can you be so certain?" I asked, my voice slightly muffled by the edge of my arm. "How can you make yourself believe in something so tenuous? When we might not even live out the night?"

  "It isn't easy." Belle continued holding my arms, gently, but refusing to let me shy away from her embrace. "I find it comforting to imagine what our lives will be like after all this. You know, when the two of us go home to our quiet, boring lives, and our biggest worry is the gossip about us at Prince Brendan's palace."

  The palace recently overrun with the undead. "It won't be the same as before," I muttered, still sniffing even though I hadn't really let myself cry in the first place. "Even if we survive this war, it's going to stay with us."

  "So did what happened with Luciana two years ago. That doesn't mean we didn't get our happy ending. Don't be so quick to give up hope."

  "My hope has been in short supply lately."

  "Then let's pretend." Belle began toying with a lock of my hair, and I shuddered as she twirled the strands through her fingers. "Let's pretend it's several months from now. We're back home with all our friends, and everything is normal again. No more dragons, no more Luciana, no more Queen, no more Mogra, and no more undead armies."

  "That's your suggestion?" I asked, half exasperated and half impressed. "Just pretend none of this is happening?"

  "Why not?" Belle's hand curled behind my neck to draw me closer, lighting up the sensitive skin there with the edges of her nails. "We both have vivid imaginations, and this isn't so far off from reality."

  "Sometimes I think it's bad luck to believe in a happy ending. I'm afraid if I imagine this mess turning out well, it won't." I sighed, lowering my eyes again, but she didn't let go of me. "That sounds foolish, doesn't it?"

  "No, it isn’t foolish, but I'm not convinced it's heal
thy.” Belle began kneading my stiff shoulder muscles, and a groan slipped from my lips. Everything about her touch tempted me to let go of all the tension I was carrying. "You've already spent months considering the worst possible outcomes. Why won't you let yourself imagine the best?"

  I couldn't see the flaws in her argument. I leaned forward, resting my forehead against her shoulder and inhaling her scent. The leather was different, but underneath, her smell was the same, warm and sweet. "You're so optimistic these days," I murmured. "What happened to the gloomy, woe-is-me Belle who was content to mope and brood while her sister ruined her life?"

  Belle stroked up and down my back, soothing the tightness there as well. "She fell in love, of course. With a beautiful woman who never let her doubts keep her from reaching for the happiness she knew she deserved."

  A flush heated up the points of my cheeks, and I placed a kiss against her throat, pulling back enough to gaze up into her eyes. "Thank you for reminding me," I said, giving her a genuine smile. "So, it's a few months from now. We've returned to Baxstresse."

  "With all our friends."

  "And the animals.”

  Belle laughed. "And the animals, of course. And Neva."

  I knew that was unlikely, but I didn't correct her. If this was supposed to be our ideal future, I wanted it to be a good one. "And I come up to the library after helping Mam and Sarah with dinner. You've started a fire, and you're curled up in your favorite chair, reading a book."

  "What sort of book?" Belle began undoing the laces on the back of my traveling dress, something she could accomplish without even looking.

  "A treatise on Amendyr's people," I suggested, remembering the many nights I had observed her with her nose buried in a book. "Your brow would furrow, and you would complain about how inaccurate the information was."

  Belle peeled open the top half of my dress, sliding the sleeves down from my shoulders. She took her time stroking the newly exposed skin, and I shivered at the contrast between the cool air and the warmth of her hands. "Actually, I think I would be reading a romance novel. Something completely inappropriate, so I start to put it away before I realize it's only you."

  "Then what?" I lean closer. Soon, her lips hovered less than an inch above mine.

  "Then you pluck the book out of my grasp and drop it on the floor beside the armchair," she whispered. "And you tell me that you think you can show me something far more entertaining."

  "Think?" I slid my hands up from her waist, letting them wander beneath the hem of her shirt in search of more bare skin. "I know I would be able to show you something far more entertaining."

  Belle's eyes flashed, and the need in them stole my breath. "Show me now?"

  I kissed her with all the passion I could. Even in darkness, Belle could always awaken a brilliant light inside of me. Her lips were warm and welcoming, and at last, I let myself believe in a happy ending. The two of us had made one before. There was no reason we couldn't do it again.

  We clung to each other as our mouths tasted and took, stumbling back toward the pallet on instinct. As we sank to the ground, stripping out of our outer clothes as best we could without breaking our string of kisses, I imagined we really were in the library, tumbling in a tangle onto the armchair instead. The library was the place where Belle and I had first declared our love for each other, and it was the place I wanted to be more than anywhere else.

  Eventually, we had to part for breath. I took the opportunity to finish shoving down Belle's pants and strip her breastplate and shirt over her head, groaning a little as I realized her chest was directly in front of my face. "Then what happens?" I slid my mouth along her collarbone, teasing before I reached my goal. "What do I do after I throw your book away?"

  "You mean after we kiss each other breathless and tear off our clothes?" Belle ignored my wandering mouth in favor of shoving the top half of my underdress down to my waist, although she trembled as I drew closer to the tight point of her nipple. "The chair can't hold both of us for long, so we sink to the rug beside the fire."

  I took her mouth in another kiss, angling one of my knees up to press between her legs. Heat glided along my thigh, and I gasped. Without her smallclothes, I could feel how eager she already was. Her hips bucked, and I braced my heel on the ground, giving her a steady surface. "And?" I whispered, trapping her lower lip between my teeth for a soft tug. Her pelvis jerked again, and more wetness painted my skin. "Which one of us was on top?"

  That was a difficult question. Imagining myself straddling Belle's waist was an appealing picture, but feeling her solid weight on top of me in the present sent a rush of warmth straight to my core. "You for now, my beautiful swordmaiden," I murmured into her mouth, unwilling to give up our current position. "But after that," I ran my hand down her back, brushing her long hair aside, feeling coiled muscles bunch beneath smooth skin, "I can't make promises."

  Belle only tolerated my slow pace for a few moments. She snatched my wrists in a steel grip and dragged them above my head, pinning them beneath her forearm. This time, she was the one nipping at my lips and trailing a chain of bite marks down the column of my throat. I closed my eyes, focusing on the heat of her mouth and the blunt edges of her teeth. With her help, I was transported to someplace safe, someplace where only she and I existed.

  While her arm continued pressing down on my wrists, her other hand slid lower, following the curve of my side to cup my hip. She pushed into my thigh, sending more slickness spilling beneath my knee.

  "So beautiful," she muttered, mouth lingering near my pulse point. "What did I do to deserve you?"

  I often asked myself the same question, but in that moment, I didn't care. I was simply grateful. Then, I forgot everything else as her fingers moved purposefully between my legs. As soon as they found me, my eyes fluttered shut. Belle knew just how to touch me, the perfect stroke and speed to use. When she began circling the stiff bud of my clit, I had to bite the inside of my cheek to stifle a scream. I pulled in swift, heavy gasps of air, but it wasn't enough to stop my head from swimming. The taut muscles of my thighs twitched each time she trapped me beneath her fingertips, and I couldn't keep from squirming.

  "Belle, please," I breathed

  Belle stopped in the middle of marking my shoulder. Her tongue dragged back up along my throat until her mouth was close enough to whisper in my ear. "Please, what? Belle, please, faster?" She sped up her fingers, and my eyes snapped open again just in time to see stars. Before the brightness could overwhelm me, she eased up, leaving me pulsing and unsatisfied. "Or Belle, please, harder?" She increased the pressure of her fingers, and my hips snapped up. "Or." Her lips wandered closer to mine, covering them in a series of short pecks. "Maybe." Kiss. "You want me." Another kiss. The soft slide of her tongue. "Inside?"

  I couldn't remember how to say “yes.” Her hands and mouth had the power to make me forget everything else. I locked one of my knees around her hip and rocked forward to encourage her. Thankfully, she didn't tease. She slid deep inside of me with one smooth thrust, first with one finger, then two. I whimpered at the sudden stretch, but she hardly gave me time to adjust. Her fingers formed a hook, dragging over the sensitive place she always found so easily.

  The blissful fullness helped me reclaim my voice. I cried out, completely forgetting about the other tents surrounding ours. In my mind, we were still in the library. The flickering flames painted moving shapes over our bodies, and the rug rubbed along my back as Belle began to move on top of me. She used her whole arm to increase the force of her thrusts, curling at the end of each one. I tried to reach down, desperate for something to grip, but she kept my wrists pinned high above my head. A bolt of need shot through me. I was trapped, unable to do anything but submit.

  I had felt nothing but helpless for the past few months, but somehow, choosing it came as a relief. I quivered, but my entire body relaxed at the same time, and warmth spread through every inch of me. Pressure began pounding along my front wall, straining each time Be
lle's fingers found it. I looked up into her eyes, and I was lost. She was staring down at me with such passion, such hunger, and such love I couldn't hold back. Heat raced through me, and I clutched tight at her fingers as my muscles shuddered with heavy pulses.

  A beaming look of pride broke across Belle's face as she felt my release spill out around her fingers. She buried them one last time and kept curling up, offering me the heel of her hand to grind against. It pushed exactly where I needed, and my clit throbbed against the welcome pressure. I filled her hand all over again, arching beneath her as the fullness inside me continued spilling out in thick bursts. Just when I thought I couldn't stand anymore, her lips seized mine in one last scorching kiss. I shattered to pieces, shaking as I surrendered everything I had.

  At last, the powerful waves became soft ripples. I blinked to clear the light, hazy layer of tears from my eyes, and my cheeks hurt from smiling. Even with everything else falling apart, being with Belle was always perfect.

  "Your turn," I rasped when I finally recovered enough to speak. "I never promised you could be on top the entire time."

  Belle's eyebrows arched, but she removed her forearm from over my hands and allowed me to sit up. "So, what happens in this story after I ravish you by the fire?" Her voice was tight with need, and I could tell she wouldn't last long once I started.

  "After that, my mouth relearns every inch of you."

  I launched myself into her arms, and we fell over in the opposite direction, trading short kisses back and forth. She laughed as my fingers skimmed her sides, and I couldn't resist digging in a little more to make her squirm. After a brief "scuffle" and another fit of giggles, I succeeded in straddling her hips.

  "Not fair," she gasped. The points of her cheeks were flushed, and her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath. "You know I'm ticklish."

  "Oh? I had no idea." I lowered myself onto my elbows, letting the edges of my hair skim her chest as I began kissing down from her collarbone. "Does this tickle?"