Escaping the Blackness (A Cooper Brothers Novel Book 1)

by Norma Jeanne Karlsson

  I turn away from her shocked stance and hurl myself toward the idling SUV. Mitch has us moving before I can order him to go.

  We ride in silence as all the possibilities whip around my brain. If Riley dies because of this, I’ll never survive. I can’t live without her.

  Cara, what have you done?

  Four Years Ago

  Warm air tickles the back of my neck as I move. My senses are on high alert as I scan the leafy neighborhood. It’s a quiet Sunday afternoon with only a few people enjoying their manicured lawns and barbeques. The smells of burgers and sausage fill my nose as the back of Smith’s house comes into view.

  Even though it’s perched high on the hill well away from any neighbors, the quaint Spanish-style façade complete with terracotta shingles fits in with the surrounding homes. It looks peaceful and put together when in actuality, the walls hold terror and nightmares.

  Not after today.

  “Moving around the front,” Mitch’s baritone voice filters into my earpiece.

  “Copy that. Moving toward the back gate,” I respond in a whisper.

  “Roger that.”

  I reach for the latch on the iron gate just as a squeal pierces the air. I freeze, shooting my gaze toward the sound. Soft, light brown curls bounce around her shoulders as she runs through the grass. She’s alone, no bomb vest strapped to her. Something’s wrong. I’m fucking up right now, but I can’t tear my eyes away from her.

  She makes a loop around the yard and races toward me, stopping on a dime when she spots me. Her light grey eyes hold no fear, only questions as she wrings her pudgy hands in front of her tiny body.

  She’s a toddler, maybe two at the most. Why is she here? Who the hell is she? Why am I standing here like an idiot staring at her?

  “Hi,” she says quietly.

  “Hi,” I respond in a soft voice so as not to alarm her, holding my weapon at my side out of her line of sight. “What’s your name?”

  “Wiwee.”

  The way she says it, I can tell her name is Riley. Her little toddler mouth can’t do the r or the l. It makes her even cuter, if that’s possible.

  “Riley, my name’s Jake Cooper.”

  “Pway?”

  “Yeah, let’s play,” I respond, thinking I can get her to hide before she witnesses something that will traumatize her for life.

  I lift the latch on the gate and start to move in when Riley’s eyes get huge and she begins to tremble. I try to reassure her when I notice she’s not looking at me. She’s looking beyond me, over my shoulder.

  I spin and aim my weapon. It’s too late.

  My gut screams in pain as the bullet rips through me, dropping me to my knees.

  “No!” Riley’s tear-ridden voice shrieks behind me.

  Two succinct shots puff from a suppressor as my would-be assassin collapses in front of me, Mitch running toward us.

  He rolls me to my back, barking orders in his radio as he applies pressure to my wound.

  “Get…the…girl,” I wheeze out as black dots blur my vision.

  “What?” Mitch asks, looking down at me with confused, smoky grey eyes.

  I can hear her sobbing. Why can’t he? I’m too weak to talk as blood races out of me so I point in her direction. Mitch swings his gaze and halts when he spots her. I press my own hand to my wound and shove him away. He won’t leave me unless I force him to.

  Reluctantly, Mitch rises to his feet and strides from my view. I try to stay conscious, but I’m fading away. My breathing is shallow, and my heart is thrumming an irregular beat. I’m dying. I close my eyes and start to make silent apologies to the people I love. I’ve failed them again. That seems to be all I’m capable of so it’s fitting that I’ll die this way.

  A failure.

  “Oof,” I grunt as my chest is pounded.

  I raise my free hand to cup the back of a small head buried in my chest.

  Riley.

  She’s shaking from head to toe as she clings to me while Mitch takes over the pressure on my wound.

  “It’s okay,” I assure her. “Everything’s okay.”

  “Don’t go,” she pleads.

  “Okay,” I agree and wrap her in my dying arms.

  I’ll die a liar and a failure.

  “Stay with me, Coop. You’re not fuckin’ goin’ out like this. You stay with me,” Mitch orders as I begin to slip away. “I’ll call your fuckin’ family. Is that what you want? You want me to tell them this shit? Stay the fuck with me!”

  “Don’t,” I rasp, locking my bleary brown eyes with his.

  “Then stay with me,” he dictates and I force myself to obey.

  I hold Riley a little tighter and breathe a little deeper until I can’t anymore. I’m always trying to escape the blackness, but it seems to catch me just when I believe I’m out of its grasp.

  Fuck, that hurts.

  I crack my eyes open expecting to see my parents glowering at me. Well, at least my dad will be. My second op and I’ve ended up shot. I’m a total fuck up, and Nick Cooper won’t allow that shit on his watch in his family.

  At least I’ll get to see my mom.

  I take a deep breath and swing my gaze around the room only to find Mitch and Shane sitting at my bedside. My parents aren’t here. It should make me sad that they didn’t come for me. But, I feel relieved.

  “Coop,” Mitch gasps. “You scared the shit outta me.”

  “Sorry,” I croak.

  I adjust my body as much as I can to face my spotter and my boss. Mitch looks awful. His messy, inky hair is in a worse state than I’ve ever seen it. His always confident grey eyes are rimmed in red with dark circles beneath them. My blood is stained on the khaki cargo pants he’s wearing. His shirt was probably ruined, judging by the fact that he’s practically busting out of a scrub shirt.

  “You look like shit,” I point out.

  “Look way fuckin’ better than you,” he scoffs, a small, lopsided smirk playing on his lips.

  “Give us a minute, Mitchell,” Shane directs.

  Mitch nods and bumps my fist before leaving the room.

  Shane Hollander’s Ken Doll look is sleek as ever. His blond hair is swept to the side and his bright blue eyes are shining. There isn’t a thread out of place on his navy suit. He’s perfection. Deadly perfection.

  “How’re you feeling?” he asks thoughtfully.

  “Like I got shot.”

  “I need to call Nick and Kat. Mitchell was adamant that I wait until you woke up, but you’re awake now and I need to call ’em.”

  “No,” I grunt, forcing myself to sit up.

  My body resists and stabs me with breath-stopping pain, but I push forward. I can deal with pain to save the people I love.

  “I’m your department head, Jake. I don’t take my orders from you,” he growls.

  “I’ll leave the DCA. I don’t want them to know what happened. It’ll kill Mom and Dad’ll think I can’t do the job. Keep your fuckin’ mouth shut, Shane,” I snarl.

  I hear a tiny sniffle come from the foot of my bed and bug out my eyes at Shane.

  “Yeah, there’s that problem too,” he huffs.

  A little head of brown hair pops up at the end of my bed before light grey eyes hit mine.

  “Hi,” I say sweetly.

  She’s in my lap, knee digging into my wound before I see her move. Riley’s little arms are like vice grips around my neck as she weeps against my skin.

  “She won’t leave you. We’ve tried and she fights like crazy every time we try to pry her away. She’ll stay with Mitchell or you and that’s it. I don’t know how your spotter kept her calm through your surgery,” Shane explains with worry on his pretty face.

  I hold her slight body closer to mine as I move her knee out of my gut. She fits against me perfectly, like she’s been here her whole life. I like it more than I should.

  “We’re still tryin’ to run through everything that happened. I’ve got nothin’ for you on this,” Shane says, motioning tow
ard Riley.

  “We’ll talk later,” I clip. I don’t want her to hear anything that Shane has to say. It’s shit not meant for a toddler’s ears. “Don’t call my family, Shane.”

  “We’ll talk later,” he agrees, climbing to his feet. “I’m glad you’re okay, Jake.”

  I nod and watch him leave the room before turning my gaze down to Riley. She’s in different clothes now. A little T-shirt with purple hearts on it and jean shorts. I don’t see any bruising or marks on her, but I know the worst could lie beneath the fabric covering her body. She’s wearing a diaper. I can feel it against my lap. She’s too little for that sick fuck to have had her. He only takes girls when they’re eight. Not babies. Riley’s still a baby.

  “Are you okay?” I ask quietly, stroking her hair away from her face.

  She shakes her head against my neck and clings to me a little tighter.

  “You’re safe now,” I growl protectively. She doesn’t cower at my gruff, deep voice. Riley just hangs onto me.

  “Don’t go,” she requests.

  “I’m not goin’ anywhere, Riley.”

  Shane walks into the tiny kitchen of the safe house we’re staying in. I’ve been recovering for a little over a month now. It’s time to get back to work. But we’ve got some shit to settle first.

  Mitch nods at me and walks down the hallway toward my room where Riley’s playing. He’ll keep her back there until this is done.

  “Jake,” Shane grunts at me, offering his hand.

  “Shane.” I grasp his palm and nod toward the couch for him to take a seat.

  Mitch walks back into the room without Riley, and I shoot him a questioning glare.

  “She passed out on the floor. I put her to bed,” he explains and takes the chair next to the couch.

  “This’ll never work,” Shane starts as I sit next to him. “You can’t work your ops with a baby on your hip. I know you’re attached to Riley, but this is so far outside protocol…” he trails off, urging me to understand.

  “Then I’m done with the DCA. You don’t know where she came from. Smith got away and almost killed me and two other agents in the process. There’s no way I’m leaving her. She’s not safe. You know he’ll come looking for her.”

  “Then let your parents take her. Let your aunt. Fuck, Jess and I will take her. You’re not in a position to do this. You’re twenty. You just started out in life. Don’t give up now.”

  “I’m not givin’ up shit. I’m doin’ the right thing. Riley trusts me. She wants to be with me. You really want me to pass her off to my family? What happens when Smith comes after her and kills one of my brothers? When he puts a bomb in my parents’ house and takes out my family? I’m not risking their safety,” I growl.

  Shane flops against the back of the couch and pinches the bridge of his nose. He knows I’m right. I’m the safest place for Riley. There’s no record of her anywhere. She doesn’t match any DNA on file. Her fingerprints aren’t in any databases. Her face isn’t on any billboards.

  It’s like she didn’t exist until I found her.

  With her age and the messy fucking op, there’s no way I’m letting anyone near her other than me or the people I trust in the DCA. Which means the people in this room.

  My family would take Riley. No question. My parents. My aunt. My uncles. Anyone who loves me would step up. But there’s so much that we don’t know yet. I can hide us and keep her safe in a way my family can’t. I’m the best option.

  None of that really matters at the end of the day. I want her. She’s mine now and that’s the real reason I’m not letting Riley go.

  “Tell my family I’ve gone dark. I’m on an undercover op and I’ll be gone a long time. Keep them safe, Shane. That’s the whole fuckin’ point of this shit. I left to keep them safe. You agreed with that shit. Don’t back out on me now.”

  “I’m not,” he huffs. “I’ve got a new recruit with me. Gage Williams. He’ll be at Riley’s side at all times. I’ve already hidden you in the DCA system. No one’s gonna find you or Riley. I trust you, Jake. You’re my family before anything. Fuck the DCA and everything else in life. You’re part of my family. It’s my job to keep you safe.”

  Shane and his wife, Jess, are my mom’s best friends. They’re basically family, and I know asking him to keep my parents in the dark about me and my life is a huge betrayal. It’s not fair to ask him this. But I’m asking all the same.

  “I can keep myself safe. You know that. And I am your family, Shane. But I’m Riley’s now too. She needs me. I’m not walkin’ away from her,” I state plainly. “Why’d you bring Gage if you’re tryin’ to back me off?”

  “I knew I couldn’t change your mind.” He tries to sound irritated but his mouth turns a small smirk at me.

  Shane recruited me. He’s the reason I’m in the DCA and not in prison. I owe him my life. I’ll still fight the man if I have to. I’m not leaving Riley.

  A lifetime ago, I had the opportunity to save a little boy like Riley. I was too young, too stupid and too broken to save him. I’m not using her as redemption for my past. Nothing will ever redeem the horrors of my life before I became Jake Cooper. But I know what’s right in this world now. I’ll do what’s right from now on, and I’m doing the right fucking thing with this little girl even if it means walking away from everything I’ve worked for.

  When Shane reaches into his briefcase that’s sitting on the coffee table, my heart starts to race. As the manila folder slaps against the wooden surface, my palms begin to sweat. I lock eyes with Mitch.

  “She can go to a foster home, Coop. You don’t have to do this,” he whispers.

  I stare down at the custody papers and think of my family.

  Cara could’ve gone into foster care, but her sister stepped up. My brothers could’ve gone to foster care, but my parents stepped up. I’ve got a few cousins in the same situation. This is what my family does. We step up. We make our own family. We do the right thing.

  “That’s not how my family works,” I reply and sign where my name is needed.

  When I’m done, Mitch shoots me a proud smile while Shane squeezes my shoulder with love.

  “Here’s your next op,” Shane says, handing me a file. “I’ll go get Gage so you can figure out how you’re gonna work this.”

  I nod and flip through the file before he walks out. Then I drop the folder and let out a relieved breath.

  “Daddy?” Riley’s little voice croaks from the hallway.

  She started calling me that almost instantly. I never corrected her. I don’t know why. It felt good. No, it felt right the first time she said it. I felt worthy in life when she called me that, and I feel it every time she says it.

  I climb to my feet and stride toward her, scooping her against my chest. She settles against me and strums her fingers across my stubble. It soothes her I’ve found. She doesn’t suck her thumb or cling to a blanket. She rubs my face to comfort herself. It’s my skin that brings her peace.

  She brings me peace too.

  I’ll never let her go.

  “Jake,” I whimper as the taillights on the SUV fade from my view.

  What have I done? I’m so lost right now, I can’t force my feet to move. I’m standing in the middle of the street where Jake left me…stunned.

  He has a daughter.

  Jake has a daughter.

  I don’t understand. I don’t understand how this is possible. How the hell is this possible?

  Headlights illuminate in the distance and I get my feet unstuck, heading back into the park. Like a zombie, I move to the far side where Jake and his partner caught me. I slide the strap of my rifle over my head, take a deep breath and make my way a few blocks to where I left Kieran’s SUV.

  I mindlessly maneuver my way back to Kieran’s, trying to keep my thoughts at bay. I can’t make sense of anything anyway. There’s no point thinking about something I can’t even get a good grasp on.

  After six years without seeing him, nothing has changed
and yet everything has. He’s huge now. He was small when I met him the first time. A lanky teenager with a mop of blond curls and the sweetest milk chocolate brown eyes. He was beautiful.

  Agent Jake Cooper isn’t beautiful. He’s a force of sensual masculinity. Where his face was soft and gentle before, it’s angular and gruff now. Where his frame was long and sinewy before, it’s ripped and powerful now. Where his voice was warm and concerned before, it’s deep and thunderous now. Where his eyes were kind and loving before, they’re haunted and rage-filled now.

  He left to chase away his demons. It didn’t happen. They’ve taken up residence in his time away from us. I know that feeling. I lived with it long enough to spot it a thousand feet away. Jake’s been torturing himself.

  Fuck.

  I don’t want to feel sorry for him. He left me. He looked me in the face and told me he’d always have my back. He told me I was safe with him. He told me I was beautiful when I felt like the scum of the earth. I believed him. I trusted him. And he walked away from me.

  He also walked away from the rest of his family. His brothers are devastated by that. They have been for a few years now. At first, they believed Jake would come home. He promised them he would come home. When they realized Jake lied, they felt betrayed. Dane’s pissed. Cole’s hurt. Sawyer’s a combination. They love Jake so much. They looked up to him before he left, idolizing their strong, capable brother. Now they feel abandoned.

  I do too.

  And he has a daughter. A little girl he was terrified he was about to lose because of something I did. I couldn’t hear what was said on that second phone call, but it’s clear something horrible is happening to Jake’s daughter. And he blames me.

  After all these years, I thought I was the one he would be begging for forgiveness. I’m afraid those tables have been turned. I may not know Agent Jake Cooper, but I know a threat. When he told me he’d never forgive me, he meant it. And that’s a threat. Maybe the worst threat he could level me with. And he knew that when he made it.

  Please let his daughter be okay.

  Not because I don’t want to be on Jake’s shit list. I want her to be safe because Jake loves her. I could see it in the agony on his face when he was begging his asshole boss. Jake deserves to have someone in his life he loves that fiercely. I wrongly believed I was that person once. I know now, I’m not. Jake doesn’t love me now and he surely didn’t love me six years ago.