Escaping the Blackness (A Cooper Brothers Novel Book 1)

by Norma Jeanne Karlsson

  I don’t respond. I can’t. He obviously doesn’t know about Riley. Shane’s a dick for letting my dad follow my ops, but he kept his word about my girl. I can’t be mad at that. I’m in shock though. After everything I’ve done to my dad, he still loves me fiercely. I’m Nick Cooper’s son.

  I can’t believe I’ve lost sight of that. I found good when Kat and Nick came into my life. They’re the reason I can sleep at night. They’re the reason I could sit in that apartment with Riley and tell her a fucking story to bring her peace.

  I’m such a dick to have left my family behind when they’re the reason I’ve been able to move forward. I’m stuck now though, with Gage gone and Riley recovering from a traumatic event. I need my family and as selfish as that is, I’m not afraid to admit it.

  “I’m comin’ home, Dad. I’ll see you in a few days. And know that you and Mom are the gift. Every accomplishment I’ve made is because I have the best fuckin’ parents in the world. I love you,” my voice shakes as I finish.

  “Love you too. Keep your head down, Jake. I’ll see you soon.”

  “Tell Mom I’m sorry and that I love her.”

  “I will.”

  “Bye, Dad.”

  “Bye, bud.”

  He hangs up and I force my hand to stop shaking as I return the receiver to the cradle. I brace my hands on the wooden desk and take deep breaths.

  I’m going home.

  Now I have to prepare Riley to bury a man who meant the world to her and introduce her to a family she’s barely heard of. I’ve explained that it’s hard to see them because of my job and how much we travel. She’s bought that up to this point. I didn’t want to tell her more than that. It was too painful for me.

  I come into the eating area of the living room in the suite. It’s a nice hotel with plenty of space for us. We’re so used to moving around I don’t often notice the details of where we stay anymore, but this is a nice penthouse.

  I find Mitch sitting at the dark wood dining table scowling across it at Ivan as he whispers into Riley’s ear. I force myself not to scowl too as I take the seat next to my spotter.

  “He keeps touching her,” Mitch huffs under his breath.

  I watch Ivan a little as I plate up a few slices of pizza. He’s definitely being attentive to my girl. The sweet dimpled smile on her face tells me she likes it and that puts a furrow in my brow. She’s only five and just went through some crazy shit. I should be happy Ivan is making her smile, but it just pisses me off.

  “Telling secrets?” I ask before shoving a bite of supreme in my mouth.

  Ivan’s eyes snap to mine and a little guilt sweeps across his face. “No, sir,” he whispers, turning his gaze to his plate.

  Now I feel like a dick.

  “Daddy,” Riley whines.

  “Maybe we wanna know the secret too,” Mitch chimes in.

  “We weren’t telling secrets,” Riley huffs, squeezing her lips in a tight line the way she does when she’s lying.

  “Liar,” Mitch teases.

  “Uncle Jase,” she complains as a small smile breaks across her face. “Ivan was telling me about his new puppy.”

  “Is that so?” I ask with my brows up, waiting to see if she’s lying again.

  “I just got him for my birthday. I’m six now,” Ivan answers, looking up at me with his almost black, navy blue eyes that match his father’s perfectly. No lie in sight.

  “What kind of dog is he?” Mitch asks.

  “A poodle.”

  “A poodle?” Mitch scoffs. “Why did your dad get you a girl’s dog?”

  “He’s a standard poodle. Not one of the little ones,” Ivan replies defensively.

  “That’s still a girl’s dog.”

  “Mitch,” I warn as I see Riley becoming offended.

  “Poodles are one of the smartest dogs in the world. They’re hunting dogs. Not girls’ dogs. What’s wrong with girls anyway?”

  “Yeah?” Riley agrees with Ivan’s question.

  “Nothing is wrong with girls,” I respond, kicking Mitch under the table. “Jase is just afraid of ’em.”

  “Hey.”

  Ivan and Riley giggle at my joke while Mitch glares at me. Roman enters the room with a dark look on his face that has me rising to my feet. He shakes his head at me and mouths, “Later.” I retake my seat as Roman drops into the one next to his son. He rubs Ivan’s black curls for a moment before diving into his food.

  “Ivan was telling us about his new puppy,” I say, trying to have friendly conversation with a man I’ve barely uttered a kind word to in three years.

  “He said Achilles is a girl’s dog,” Ivan complains, pointing at Mitch.

  Roman snorts and shakes his head without comment.

  “Can I see Achilles, Daddy?” Riley asks with her pleading light grey eyes in full effect.

  “Someday,” I answer vaguely.

  I never have concrete answers for my girl when she asks. It’s a rare thing for her to ask anymore. She knows what our lives are like. She never complains, always excited to see some new place and have an adventure. We home school her for now. She’s really smart and already two grades ahead of where she should be. I’ll have to put her in school eventually and set down some roots. Now that we don’t have Gage, things are going to be different for a while. I need to decide how to move us forward. The problem is, I don’t know what we’re moving toward now.

  I always thought our future was with a pair of emerald eyes and a loving heart. I ended that future before it began. Now I have to find us a new place to begin and let go of a dream that will never be.

  I’m going home, but I’m afraid I’ll just have to leave again because I only leave pain in my wake.

  The wind is ripping ferociously around us as we sit graveside at Gage’s funeral. Riley hasn’t stopped crying since we got off the plane this morning. I feel incompetent as a parent today. I’ve felt this way before with my girl. I had no idea what I was doing when I first brought her home. But I learned and trusted my gut. When that didn’t work, Google became my best friend.

  Nothing can help me right now.

  There won’t be a gun salute for my fallen friend here in Virginia. There will be a nameless star on the wall at headquarters, but that’s all that will remain of Gage Williams within the DCA. He deserves more than that for sacrificing his life for Riley’s. He deserves a star in the heavens marking his spot on Earth from here until the end of time.

  Once Gage’s casket is lowered into the ground and a few of our agency colleagues have tossed a handful of dirt into the hole, I carry Riley over. Like so many of us, Gage doesn’t have any family. His parents died in a car accident right before the DCA recruited him. I’ll have to keep his memory alive now.

  “Gage is gone from our lives, Princess. But I promise he’ll always be with you. He’s a part of your heart and that can never be lost,” I murmur into her hood-covered head.

  She whimpers a little as I crouch to help her grab some dirt, Mitch following next to us. When her little gloved hand drops the dirt, Riley collapses in heaving sobs. It takes everything in me not to fall apart with her. I’m sad that we lost Gage, but I’m devastated at Riley’s pain.

  Mitch scoops her up and allows me a moment to say a few words on my own.

  “Gage,” I croak, the wind slicing across my face. “Thank you doesn’t capture the gratitude I have for you. I’ll never forget what you did for Riley. Not just the day you gave your life for her, but all the days before that when you loved her. Please keep watching my girl. She needs you as much as I do. Find peace, my friend. Go gently.”

  “Jake,” she whispers behind me and my entire body goes rigid.

  I spin on my heel to be met with the loving blue-green-grey eyes of my mother.

  “Jake,” she whimpers as I dive into her arms.

  I squeeze my eyes shut tightly, crush my mom in my arms and breathe her in. I can’t hold her as close as I want to with her round belly, but I make do.

  A
strangled sob breaks from her chest as we relish this moment. No one’s ever held me the way she does, with love seeping from every inch of her. I soak it in and force myself not to cry.

  “I love you,” she rasps.

  “I love you too,” I murmur into her scarf-covered neck.

  “Daddy?” Riley’s concerned voice filters into the air around me and I release my mom.

  I rotate and collect my girl from Mitch’s arms, nodding at his inquiring gaze.

  “Jake?” Mom questions.

  I offer her a wary grin.

  “Jake Cooper,” she scolds me and her tears dry up as an ass whipping gaze comes into view.

  She yanks me toward her and smacks my ass like I’m a little kid. She hits Mitch too and he yelps. I smother a laugh, knowing she’ll give me the business end of her fist if I do.

  “Jake,” my dad’s booming voice calls out.

  I look to my right to see him striding toward me, his black hair is buzzed short like mine and his sapphire eyes are glimmering until he spots Riley. Then they’re throwing daggers at me.

  “Jake,” he snarls at me.

  His tone scares Riley and she starts to tremble, squeaking, “Daddy.”

  My mom gasps and my dad balls his fists.

  “Everyone stay calm,” Mitch instructs.

  “It’s okay, Princess,” I soothe her and then tell my dad, “Easy.”

  The rage leaves his rugged face and questions appear.

  “Jase Mitchell,” he introduces himself with his hand extended. “It’s nice to meet you Mister and Missus Cooper.”

  “Call me Kat,” Mom responds kindly.

  Dad’s still struggling with Riley so Mom nudges him saying, “Nicky.”

  “It’s nice to meet you too. I’ve heard good things,” Dad grunts. “Explain, Jake.”

  “It’s a long story. This is Riley. You wanna say hi, Princess?” I ask inside her hood where she’s hiding from the strangers.

  “Hi,” she says not peeking out.

  “Why don’t we go somewhere warmer? She’s freezing,” I suggest.

  “Jet’s waiting for us. We wanted to pay our respects when we heard you lost a man. We weren’t expecting…” My dad nods at Riley not knowing how to refer to my girl.

  “Cooper?” Roman calls out from behind me.

  My dad bows up at the same time as my very pregnant ex-DCA agent mother.

  “Don’t,” I warn them and put my body between my parents and their perceived enemy.

  Ivan is at his father’s side, stoically gazing at my daughter. How this little boy conveys so much maturity is lost on me, but he looks like he could conquer the world right now.

  “You wanna say goodbye to Ivan?” I ask and don’t even finish the question before my girl is dropping from my embrace and running into his arms.

  Ivan gathers up Riley and holds her tightly. Roman gazes down at his son with pride while Mitch glowers. I’m somewhere in between as I watch the kids.

  “Thanks for everything,” I say to Roman as I shake his hand. “I’ll let you know when I’m ready to go out on another op. I’ve gotta get shit squared with my family and Riley before I make any moves.”

  “You’ve got plenty of time comin’ your way. Just keep in touch. Ivan wants to video chat with Riley if you’re cool with that.”

  “I think your son has a thing for my girl,” I point out with a raised brow.

  “He’s got good taste,” Roman quips.

  “The best,” I agree. “Time to go, Princess.”

  Riley pulls away from Ivan and walks a few steps to me before spinning back. She hurls herself into Ivan’s little chest and kisses his cheek before he knows what’s hit him. Then she’s scaling my body like a monkey and sobbing into my neck once again.

  Ivan’s dumbstruck until Roman chuckles and scoops the boy onto his shoulders and strides away with a two finger wave.

  “Ready?” I ask when I turn to face my parents and Mitch.

  Mom is wiping fresh tears from her cheeks. Dad is scowling hard enough to freeze his face permanently. And Mitch looks half murderous, half proud. It’s going to be a long day.

  “Can I get you anything?” Jenny the flight attendant asks a few minutes after we take off. Mitch is doing his best to avoid a very uncomfortable reunion as we fly. I don’t think it’s working.

  “No thank you,” I respond for the group.

  Riley passed out as soon as the wheels went up. My parents are chomping at the bit to talk.

  No time like the present.

  “Four years ago in Palo Alto, I had an opportunity to take out John Smith,” I start. “Obviously, I didn’t get him. There wasn’t a good long shot so I decided to take the shot up close. There were agents in the house with him, securing the slaves so they wouldn’t be in my line of sight. I made the call that Smith was mine. The lead, Agent Cash, didn’t have a problem with that, knowing there was personal history.

  “Anyway, I was making my way around the back of the house while Mitch covered the front. And she was there. In the backyard, there was a little girl running around. I stood there watching her hair blowing in the breeze. She shouldn’t have been there. He didn’t let the slaves out. I got distracted.”

  I rub my hand up and down Riley’s spine thinking about how horrific and wonderful that day was for me. My parents watch the emotion in my face and reflect it back at me.

  Here comes the hard part. Mom doesn’t know I was shot. I don’t know if Dad knows, but she doesn’t and this is going to be hard for her.

  “I missed the shooter. Mitch heard the shot and abandoned his post to come for me, but Smith got away. We lost him.”

  “Jake,” Mom warns.

  She’s not a fan of my evasiveness.

  “He got me in the gut. I lost a lot of blood. Spent a few hours in surgery,” I admit quickly.

  “Are you fuckin’ kidding me?” she seethes, glowering at me. “Why weren’t we notified? How bad was it? Why the fuck am I just hearing this?! I’m gonna kill Shane!”

  “Kat,” my dad commands.

  It’s just her name, but between them it conveys enough that she stops raging. Her hazel eyes flick to Riley and pain filters in, removing the anger and replacing it with concern.

  “Did he hurt her?” Mom whispers, reaching out to touch Riley’s cheek.

  “No,” I respond firmly. “But she was there when I was shot. She clung to my chest when I slipped away and she was in my arms almost the moment I woke up.”

  “Whose is she?” Dad asks with a furrowed brow, in full agent mode.

  “Mine,” I grunt.

  His sapphire eyes spring to mine and I hold his gaze, cautioning him to say otherwise.

  “I had no fuckin’ clue what I was doin’ with her back then. It felt right at the time. I know I’m not good enough to be a dad. But I couldn’t walk away from her.”

  His massive hand collides with the side of my head. “Don’t talk about my son like that,” he demands. “I’m so fuckin’ proud of you, Jake. That took balls.”

  “Thanks, Dad. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me,” I respond softly.

  “Me too,” Mitch agrees and I shoot him an appreciative smile.

  “So how does this work with your ops?” Mom asks, not taking her eyes of my sleeping girl.

  “Gage was with us from the time I signed custody papers. He was her bodyguard and he stayed with her, close to my targets at safe houses most of the time. I’ve barely been away from her in four years.”

  “And he died how?” Dad asks with a cutting tone.

  “The night Cara took it upon herself to take out Smith, the safe house was infiltrated. We don’t have all the details yet, but they were after Riley. Gage died trying to protect my girl,” I explain dejectedly. “Somehow Smith got his dirty fuckin’ hands on her and put her in a bomb vest. I almost lost my girl that night.”

  “Fuck,” Dad hisses at the same time Mom unhooks her seatbelt and pulls me into her arms as best she can.
>
  “I’m so sorry, Jake,” she whispers into my ear.

  I nod against her cheek and pull her in closer. Fuck, I’ve missed this. After a long while, she lets me go and turns her affection on Mitch. She crushes the big man in her arms and murmurs, “Thank you for saving my son’s life,” into his hair.

  “No need to thank me. He’s saved my life more than I’ve saved his,” he responds, locking sad eyes with me.

  Dad leans forward and squeezes the side of my neck, drawing my gaze to his. “No more takin’ off. I’m done livin’ a life without you. I’m so fuckin’ pissed you’ve kept my granddaughter away from me. I should beat your ass,” he grumbles. “But I’m so goddamned proud of you, I can push past my anger. I love you, bud.”

  “Love you too, Dad,” I say quietly. “I’m sorry for everything. I was doin’ what I thought was best. Without any information on Riley’s background, it was a risk to bring her around you guys. It still is. I just needed to keep everyone safe.”

  “That’s my job, Jake,” he reminds me with a little pressure on my skin.

  “It’s my job too,” I respond softly.

  He nods his understanding and releases me from his grip.

  Mom presses her lips to Dad’s and he deepens the kiss, making me groan in disgust. No one wants to see their parents go at it like mine do. Some things never change. Yuck.

  Dad grabs Mom’s ass and flips me the bird with his free hand as I chuckle. Once my parents are done sucking face we discuss how to approach my brothers and the younger Coopers. We need to tread lightly with Riley after everything she’s been through.

  I need to do what’s best for her and for the first time in my years as her father, I’m not certain what that is.

  As I look at my parents, the Kansas City skyline coming into view, I know everything will be okay.

  I’m home.

  “Dad called a family meeting,” Dane announces from the living room as I walk into the kitchen for much needed morning coffee.

  I pour a mug without responding. I’m not much of a talker when I first wake up. Give me an hour, a heavy dose of caffeine and then I can be personable.