Escaping the Blackness (A Cooper Brothers Novel Book 1)

by Norma Jeanne Karlsson

  “A swimsuit,” she replies like I’m an idiot for asking.

  “I think you left part of it in the locker room,” I purr, running my fingers over her exposed cheeks.

  “Jake,” she half complains, half moans.

  I give her a break and let her go. We still haven’t talked. I’ll have to control myself. I interlace my fingers with hers and tug her further into the pool. At least no one can see her ass this way.

  We make our way over to Riley and Mitch at a floating frog. Riley’s balancing on top of it with a huge dimpled smile.

  “Look at me, Daddy!” she exclaims.

  “Such a brave girl,” I reply with pride.

  She’s still learning to swim, but my girl is fearless. Here she is. No floaties. No life jacket. My girl takes things on full force. I love it.

  “You wanna slide down to me?” I ask.

  The back of the frog is four feet long with a tiny incline. She studies it for a moment before nodding. I kneel on the bottom of the pool and hold my arms out wide. Riley closes her light grey eyes, takes a breath and pushes off.

  She squeals on the quick descent and bursts into laughter when I catch her. I hold her close and let her happiness tickle my chest.

  Mitch and Cara smile broadly along with me.

  “Again!” Riley shouts.

  I set her on the frog just as my brothers exit the locker room. Some teenage girls next to us go slack-jawed at the sight. Dane wiggles his eyebrows at them as the three men make their way to us.

  “Nobody looked at me like that,” Mitch complains.

  “Yeah they did,” Cara disagrees, nodding at three young mothers sitting next to the pool staring at Mitch and me.

  “I’ve always had a soft spot for a MILF,” he quips.

  Riley pushes off and slides into my arms without hesitation as my brothers reach us.

  “Cara,” Sawyer snarls at her.

  “Shut up,” Cara snarls back, splashing him with a handful of water.

  “I told you not to wear that shit. I’m not gettin’ in a fight today,” he grumbles, wiping his face.

  “Well, it was this or naked. I figured this was better,” she drones with annoyance.

  Riley hops out of my arms and lands in Dane’s to his surprise.

  “What’s this stuff?” she asks, tracing the tattoos on his chest.

  “Tattoos, Princess.”

  “You shouldn’t write on yourself,” she admonishes him, trying to rub away the ink.

  Even though she spent time with Roman, who’s covered in ink, she never asked us about it. I think she was still in too much of a daze from losing Gage and being kidnapped to notice. She’s beyond curious now.

  “They stay on forever. See,” he scrubs the center of his chest, “they don’t come off.”

  Her little fingers roam around his skin, feeling and exploring. I trace his ink with my eyes as her fingers move. Most of it’s tribal, sharp masculine edges. The part in the center of his chest catches my eye. I can’t really make it out, but I feel like I can see letters in the design.

  “You have some too,” Riley says to Cole, who in fact has his left arm covered all the way to his elbow.

  He tugs her away from Dane and she goes about studying his arm. It’s colorful and bright compared to Dane’s black and grey. The same weird design that’s on Dane is on Cole. Before I can ask about it, Sawyer shows Riley his back piece.

  “Wow,” Riley gasps.

  Cole holds her so she can study the art.

  It’s a massive tree of life with the weird design in the center of the bark.

  “What is it?” I ask Dane, nodding at his chest.

  “Us,” he answers with a shrug.

  I furrow my brow at him, staring at the design. When his fingers begin to trace the lines, I see it. At the bottom of a capital D begins an S. The tail of the S begins a C. And the end of the C begins a J.

  “I don’t know what to say,” I mutter thickly.

  “Say you’re gonna go get some ink,” Dane answers plainly.

  “I’m gonna go get some ink,” I say with a broad smile.

  We bump fists, Cole and Sawyer joining in.

  My brothers. Fuck this feels good.

  “Slide time,” Dane announces, yanking Riley away from Cole.

  She giggles as my brothers and Mitch climb out of the pool and up to the top of a huge waterslide. I lose sight of them halfway up, but I don’t get nervous. They won’t let anything happen to my girl.

  “You really gonna do it?” Cara asks.

  “What?” I turn to face her, forcing myself not to look at her tits.

  “The tattoo.”

  “Yeah.”

  She nods, not an ounce of belief on her perfect face.

  “You wanna talk to me or are we gonna play this game longer?” I ask, moving toward her.

  She shrugs. “There’s nothin’ to talk about. It’s better to act like it didn’t happen.”

  I chuckle humorlessly at her before tagging her wrist and pulling her body flush with mine, my dick pressing into her stomach.

  “Didn’t happen? Feels like it happened,” I purr into her ear.

  “We can’t do this Jake,” she insists, trying to get out of my hold.

  “Why?” I ask, leaning back to look into her eyes.

  There’s pain in her deep emerald gaze.

  Fuck.

  “You’re just gonna leave again. I can’t do it,” she whispers.

  “You don’t trust me,” I state instead of ask.

  “Why should I?”

  “You shouldn’t. Not yet. But I’ll show you. I’m not leavin’ again, sweetheart,” I say tenderly, pushing a piece of hair falling out of her messy bun behind her ear.

  I kiss the corner of her mouth before I release her.

  I have a lot of work to put in with Cara. We’re going to be living together so it’ll be easier, but it’s still going to suck. And if she brings a guy home, I’m going to lose my shit.

  “Are you seein’ anyone?” I ask.

  “No,” she answers horrified at my question.

  “Good.”

  “Why’s that good?”

  “I don’t have to kill anyone,” I reply seriously.

  “Jake,” she huffs.

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you single?”

  “I haven’t seen anyone since the day I met you.”

  “Oh,” she whispers.

  “Oh.”

  She closes the distance between us, wrapping her long, slender arms around my neck. Her lips tip in a seductive smile that makes my dick twitch and then she shoves me under water. I’m shocked for a second until I feel her long legs in front of me. I sweep them out from under her and drag her below the water with me.

  I pull her into my arms and stand up. We’re both laughing hard as we surface. She swipes water off her face and then off mine as we catch our breath.

  “You can push me under water all you want. Just don’t push me away. We’ve been apart enough, Cara,” I say sincerely.

  She doesn’t respond, and I see nothing but barriers up around her as I stare into her eyes.

  Riley’s screams draw our attention to the bottom of the slide. She and Dane come flying out together, my brother holding her body in the air so she doesn’t go under. She latches onto him once he comes up and she kisses his cheek, beaming her dimpled smile at him.

  “Daddy!” she squeals when she sees me.

  Dane carries her over and she hops half on me, half on Cara, giggling with glee.

  “Can I go again?” she asks breathlessly.

  “Yeah, Princess. Whatever you want.”

  “Will you watch me?”

  “You know I will,” I reply, kissing her dimpled cheek.

  She kisses me and Cara on our cheeks quickly before reaching back up at Dane. He pulls her body up to his and grins down at me.

  “Who’s your favorite uncle now, Princess?”

  “You!”

  “Let’s
go tell Sawyer,” he rumbles with triumph.

  My brothers have all come off the slide and are now climbing back up the stairs, Mitch fitting in with them perfectly.

  “They’re so happy,” Cara says, watching them laugh and fuck around.

  “And you?”

  “I’m happy, Jake,” she says softly, turning her hypnotic eyes back to mine.

  She’s still hurt. There’s that underlying pain I cause shimmering below the surface. I cup her cheeks in my hands and whisper, “I’m sorry I hurt you, Cara. I won’t do it again. I swear to you. I won’t hurt you again.”

  She doesn’t respond to my declaration. I don’t expect her to. I’ll prove it to her. One way or another, I’ll show Cara that she can trust me again.

  Riley and Cole come shooting out of the slide as I release Cara from my grip.

  “Let’s go join in the fun,” I suggest.

  She nods and I follow her closely, trying to hide her body from any prying eyes. It doesn’t help with my dick, but I force myself to act like a normal person instead of a sex-starved lunatic.

  When Cole passes Riley off to me, her face wet and her eyes sparkling, my heart beats a little stronger.

  It’s time to have some fun in my life.

  Operation Avoid Jake is in full swing. I almost lost the will to resist when he grabbed me in the pool. He seemed so confident and present, but he’s always like that. He seemed pretty confident at his parents’ wedding when he told me he’d never leave me…and then fucking left me for six years.

  I won’t make the same mistakes again.

  I can avoid him and still help out with Riley when he needs it. I’ll just make sure I’m never in a room alone with him. That’s a disaster waiting to happen.

  As soon as we get home from the pool, I jump in my SUV and take off. My phone buzzes with a shitty text from Sawyer, demanding to know what crawled up my ass. Jake did. That’s the truth, but I’m not telling Sawyer that.

  Me: Nothing up my ass! Forgot about a meeting with my supervisor.

  It’s a weak lie, but one he’ll believe.

  Sawyer: Can you grab some chips and stuff on your way home?

  Translation: When are you coming home?

  Me: Sure. Driving. Can’t text now.

  I pull away from the curb down the street from our place and toss my phone back in my purse. Now I need to find somewhere to hide for about four hours until Jake leaves our house. If I had planned better, I could hit the gym, but I don’t have anything with me. It’s too cold to walk for long, so outdoor activities are out. Lawrence doesn’t have a mall, so I can’t lose myself in a few hours of Christmas shopping.

  A long drive it is.

  I crank the volume on Eminem and head west down I-70. There’s not much for scenery other than the white dusted fields, but it’s enough to occupy my brain for a while. When my phone rings, I figure it’s one of the Cooper brothers, but I’m pleased to see my sister’s name flash on the console.

  “Hey,” I answer with the handsfree.

  “Hey,” her raspy voice filters through my speakers, warming me as the sound of my sister always does.

  “What’s up?” I ask lightly.

  “You’re runnin’,” she accuses without any judgment.

  “Are you tracking my car again?” I grind out. I swear if her and my brothers put another GPS tracker on my car, I’m selling this thing tomorrow.

  “There’s no tracker on your car.”

  “If it’s not on my car, where is it?”

  She waits for a moment, considering what to tell me. Shannon won’t lie to me. I don’t know if she’s capable of lying to people she loves. But she’ll withhold information if she doesn’t see it necessary to share.

  “Your phone.”

  “Dammit, Shannon! I’m twenty-three years old. This is so fucking insulting,” I huff.

  “Blame Kieran.”

  “Fuck. I’m tossing this thing outta the car. Maybe I’ll give you guys my new number,” I grumble, seriously considering making good on my threat.

  “Kelly,” she says with a sigh.

  My sister likes to change the names of the people she loves. She couldn’t change my first name without me being Carrie, so she uses my last name because it already fits her motif. It usually makes me smile when she uses it, because it’s her way of conveying her love. But right now, it’s pissing me off.

  “I’m done with this shit, Shannon. I get it from the Cooper brothers on a daily basis. Between you, our brothers, Kieran and our parents, I swear I feel like I’m suffocating. I can take care of myself. Why don’t you guys see that? Am I that untrustworthy?”

  “That’s a load of shit and you know it,” she barks. “We love you. That’s all. We love you and we worry about you. We’ve only had you for six years and the idea that anything could take you from us again makes us nervous. But you’re right. We need to back off.”

  “Please do,” I drone, knowing they won’t.

  “You wanna talk about why you’re headed toward Colorado?” she asks plainly.

  “I just needed a drive.”

  “Because of Jake.”

  “Because of Jake,” I agree.

  “So you’re plan is to avoid him for the rest of your life?”

  “Just until he leaves. I need the distance. As we just discussed, I can take care of myself and this is me doin’ just that,” I point out.

  “And if he doesn’t leave?”

  “Hell would be frozen over.”

  She laughs at my half-joke and I snicker a little too.

  “What about Riley? She’s innocent in all this. You plannin’ on makin’ that little girl pay for her father’s perceived fuck ups?”

  “Don’t start defending him again. You’re my sister. You’re supposed to have my back,” I say with a pout.

  “I understand Jake. I can’t stop understanding him because the rest of you don’t get the way we’re tied together. That’s not fair to anyone. And I do have your fuckin’ back. Always,” she finishes with a snarl.

  “I know you do,” I respond softly.

  As nuts as my family can make me, I find comfort in their protective ways. Spending most of my life with no one caring about me was often worse than the torture I endured. I don’t take their support for granted…ever. I just need a little breathing room from time to time.

  “I didn’t call to argue with you, Kelly. I just wanna talk to my sister,” she relents. “Tell me about finals and where you are with grad school.”

  And just like that, all the tension in our conversation is gone. That’s what makes Shannon amazing. She says it like it is but never harps. She made her point and that’s the end of it.

  “Tell everyone I love ’em and I’ll see you all sometime next week,” I say, finishing up a nice drama-free conversation.

  “I love you too.” She pauses for a moment before finishing, “I’m proud of you every day. You’re strong and capable. You stun me at every turn with your loving heart and giving soul. Let Jake see the woman you are. He deserves to know that you flourished. And you deserve to see his reaction to that.”

  I’m not sure how to respond to that. I know I’m better. I worked my ass off to get better. My family worked just as hard to support me. I want Jake to see me for who I am now, but that means opening myself up to him and that’s still too dangerous. No matter how much I want it.

  “I’ll try,” I whisper.

  “Okay.”

  “Bye, Shannon.”

  “Bye, Kelly.”

  When she calls me Kelly this time, I feel her love down to my bones and take the next exit so I can drive back home.

  I hope Jake’s gone by the time I get there, because I’m not ready to try yet.

  I will be.

  Just not today.

  “Princess Cara, will you help me put up my tree?” Riley asks as soon as I walk in the door from my afternoon jog.

  “Maybe tomorrow,” I lie. “I’ve gotta do some stuff at my school today.”<
br />
  “Okay,” she responds dejectedly.

  She’s been asking me to help her put up the wall decal ever since Jake bought it for her yesterday. They’re officially moved in and I’m still in full-on Operation Avoidance. I’m finding it pretty easy, but I hate the look on Riley’s face right now.

  I’m just not going to do anything about it.

  “I’ll see you later, okay?”

  “Uh huh,” she replies with a shrug, heading back down the hall toward the living area while I climb the stairs to my room.

  I run into Jake on the landing and silently curse.

  “Good run?” he asks with an easiness that’s both soothing and annoying.

  “Yup.”

  I hurry into my room and hear him growl a little before I shut my door, leaning against the cool wood. It may be easier just to move out and visit from time to time. I could go back to Kansas City and stay at my family’s house until next semester starts. But I’ll be constantly monitored if I do that.

  I could go to Chicago and hang out with my parents. They would dote on me, but I don’t think they’d put tracking devices on my phone or car.

  I love having parents. Even though we’re not related by blood and they’re only in my life because they were a part of my sister’s life for so long, I love them like any other child loves their parents.

  I can’t explain how our family works. It’s complicated, but it’s simple too. My sister was all alone in the world and found three guys who instantly fell in love with her. It wasn’t romantic love, it was a consuming love. They became a family. And when I was found, I received the greatest gift an orphan could hope for.

  Unconditional love from each and every one of them.

  The thing is, I don’t want to hide with my family right now. I want to be brave enough to give Jake a chance. He’s not pressuring me to allow him in. He’s not hovering or prying. He’s giving me space and that’s almost impossible to ignore.

  I just need to get my head straight and my heart encased in some kind of protective barrier. Then I can hang out with Jake and his daughter while they’re here. Then I can take the risk. Then I can move on from my unrequited love. Then I can finally find what I deserve.

  “Knight,” he grumbles into the phone.