Barf the Barbarian in The Tower of the Anas Platyrhynchos (The Chronicles of Barf the Barbarian Book 1)
Page 4
It was a gigantic black spider, as large as a bloated pig, its eight thick hairy legs driving it across the floor towards Barf at an alarming rate.
“I hate bloody spiders.” sighed Humdinger as Barf leapt and the spider passed beneath him but wheeled quickly and charged back towards him. This time, Barf avoided the monster by leaping sideways, his blade flashing as he avoided the spider, severing one of its eight legs.
“You’re going to spend so long cleaning me when this is over!” complained Humdinger but Barf was too involved in watching the spider to reply, for the spider gave no sign of pain or discomfort as it swerved and narrowly avoided Barf, its fangs clattering loudly as he eluded it once again.
The spider did not continue its pursuit, however, as turning it scuttled across the floor and up the wall and onto the ceiling where it crouched for a moment, glaring down at him with its eight fiendish red eyes. Then, without warning it launched itself at him, swinging from the ceiling on its web, trailing a gleaming strand of slimy greyish web.
Barf threw himself backwards to avoid the ogrish creature swinging at him and then he ducked frantically to avoid being snared by the grey web strand just in time. He glanced towards the door that led into the tower, realising the monster’s intent just too late as the web settled upon the inner door, sealing it shut. Barf was tempted to try and sever it with his sword, but he knew that Humdinger would stick to it, and then the spider would be upon him, sinking its poisonous fangs into his back in the same way that it had with Bobo.
Thus a desperate game was begun, the wits and speed of Barf pitted against the fiendish craft and speed of the giant spider. No longer did it swing through the air or scuttle across the ground. The spider instead raced about the ceiling and the walls, seeking to ensnare Barf in its long grey web strands which it cast down at him with uncanny accuracy. The strands were as thick as ropes and Barf knew that if one was coiled about him then he would not be able to summon the strength to free himself.
Slowly the room began to fill with discarded webs, Barf, and the creature pacing each other, matching footstep for footstep in the contest of wills that was taking place. Barf knew he was slowing, and that the webbing was becoming more proliferate about the room, but there was little that he could do. The spider was not giving him time to think ahead or plan his next move. Slowly it was wearing him down. Sooner or later he knew that a sticky strand of web would catch him and writhe about his body python like, and then, wrapped like a cocoon he would be at the creature’s mercy.
The creature raced across the wall, it’s grey strand of web trailing behind it. Barf leapt high, jumping over the treasure boxes on the far side of the room, but with a quick wheel the monstrous spider wheeled about and threw a web at Barf and the web whipped about the barbarian's ankle, pulling him to the ground as he almost finished his jump across the wooden chests, catching himself on his hands as he fell to the ground, Humdinger rattling across the stone floor, falling out of his grasp.
Barf spun on the floor to face the hairy fiend that was even now descending the wall, making a strange chittering sound almost in triumph as it approached him to complete its capture. In a frenzy, Barf looked about him and taking the only opportunity available to him, lifted one of the wooden treasure chests that he knew was loaded with gold coins and flung it directly at the creature.
In anticipation of winning the battle, the devilish creature did not anticipate that Barf still had fight left in him and so the chest took it completely by surprise. It was a move that the monster was not expecting. Directly in the middle of the branching black legs did the heavy missile strike, smashing into the spider with a sickening crunch. Green slime and blood exploded about the shattered body of the creature and it fell with the burst coin chest in its midst and splattered across the floor and lay there in a pool of spreading green slime, unmoving.
“That really is quite disgusting.” sighed Humdinger nearby. Barf lay out full stretch and just managed to reach the hilt of the sword, pulling it back to him.
Barf glared all about him, the web still clinging to his foot, waiting for any other horror to appear, but it did not do so. He set himself to releasing himself from the web but it was difficult and took some time, but eventually he was free and so made his way to the inner door.
“You really going to go through with this after that thing nearly ate you?” said Humdinger incredulously, and Barf grunted an affirmative. His blood was up now and he was determined to go through the adventure to whatever its conclusion may be. He felt that the jewel he was searching for was not in these chests and so he resolved to delve deeper into the tower to retrieve it. Forcing the web off the inner door with his sword and finding that like the outer door it was not locked he slowly pulled it open. He wondered if the soldiers below were aware of his presence yet, or whether the priest, Yobo, knew he was on his way down to meet him. Yet he took faith in that the guards were no doubt used to strange sounds in the gardens and the tower, and would pay another noise in the night little or no heed.
Holding his sword before him Barf stepped through the door and went further into the tower.
His mind was elsewhere; focused on the strange jewel known as the Anas Platyrhynchos’s heart, and what it meant. Nobody he had asked so far had been able to provide him with an answer, and it sorely troubled him. Was he to encounter another foul creature of a similar nature as of the monstrous spider he had despatched or was he to be the richest thief in all of Hyperbolea? His heart beat fast in his chest and with a determination to find out he opened the ivory door and looked into the room beyond
He saw that the door led to a narrow flight of steps that led only downwards, the walls again studded with white jewels that lit the staircase in a strange preternatural light. The stairs were steep and winding and he could not see much further down into the tower at all, so tight was the stone passage’s descent.
“Keep your eye on the ceiling!” said Humdinger, almost in a whisper and Barf startled, his eyes turning to the roof in surprise. He had forgotten already. The ceiling, however, was empty, made only of the same cold stone as the walls of the tower.
Down he went until on yet another bend of the staircase he saw a tall ivory door set to one side of the stairs and he stopped before it, gathering his wits about him.
Like the door through which he had entered the staircase, it appeared to be made of ivory and was studded with large green emeralds, the handle of the door crafted of such a stone. He listened carefully to the door but heard nothing. He stood back and looked around the corner of the staircase. All he could see there was the next bend in the steps that descended the tower. He knew he could not leave the room unsearched, for the gem he searched, for the Anas Platyrhynchos’s heart, may lie within, and the secret of what it meant as well. He listened at the door again, his ear to the cold ivory, but again there was no sound. But now he noticed thin wisps of smoke that drifted lazily from beneath the door, bearing a curious and cloying exotic aroma. He was not entirely unfamiliar with such scents, yet nor could he determine what it was. Below him, the narrow staircase glittered with a silver glow as if enticing him away from the door, yet he knew that he could not leave it be. Yet he could not shake the eerie feeling that he was alone in a tower occupied only by ghosts and phantoms.
THE LAST BIT
Cautiously he turned the green stone handle of the door and pushed it open. It swung silently inward. On the threshold of the room beyond Barf stood as if he was a wolf in strange surroundings, ready to flee or fight at any given moment. The room beyond the door was a large chamber, a golden domed ceiling catching his attention at first. He examined it carefully but saw no movement or spiders lurking there at all.
Breathing a sigh of relief, he looked around the room, examining it carefully. It was furnished with ornate tables and chairs, a long couch with its back to him at the centre. The walls were studded with green gems which gave off a strange jade light, casting a disturbing green tint across the chamber.
Barf crept almost silently across the room and looked into the chest. He was tempted to grasp a handful of the wealth that lay in there straight away, but he was cautious. He had not yet finished surveying the room, and he glanced at the long low couch again that was set in the centre, it's tall back still to him. He poked his sword into the pile of gems in the chest though, poking around with his sword and as he did so several of the gems spilt out of the chest and fell almost silently to the floor. The wealth contained in the chest was significant, but none gave him the impression that they were the gem he had come searching for.
“None of those looks like the Anas Platyrhynchos’s heart do they?” said Humdinger and Barf shook his head, before daring to break the strange omnipresent silence that only his sword so far had broken.
“No.” he almost whispered, “They do not. The Anas Platyrhynchos’s heart I feel I will know when I see it, even though I do not know what an Anas Platyrhynchos is. The gem is not in this chest I fear.”
“Could be hidden at the bottom.” said his sword.
“I don’t think so.”
“Don’t see why not. It would be a perfect place to hide it.”
“No.”
“Why not? Makes sense to me.”
“Look!” hissed Barf, “It is not in the chest. Yet it is near I think.”
“Whatever.” said Humdinger sulkily, falling into an awkward silence. Barf cursed under his breath and made his way around the room, the couch coming into view as he moved.
Barf startled as he saw lying on the couch a strange idol in the shape of a man. He stood aghast, looking at the idol, the man's body naked. Yet it was no man, for its head was feathered, a long slender neck rising to a flat plumage on its crown, beneath it two long wide eyes that were closed as if in sleep, and instead of a mouth it had a long yellow beak.
“It’s a duck.” said Humdinger and Barf grunted in agreement. Barf had the definite feel that the Anas Platyrhynchos’s heart was near, and as he came forward to look for it, his entire body transfixed by the motionless idol, the eyes of the thing opened suddenly!
Barf froze in his tracks. He heard Humdinger gulp. This was no idol! It was a living thing, and he was trapped in its chamber! That he did not run screaming from the chamber is a fact that measures how horror-struck he was, for he found himself paralysed, unable to move. A civilised man in his position would no doubt have taken refuge in the fact that he was insane, but Barf could not doubt the evidence of his eyes. He knew that he was face to face with a demon of the elder world, and the realisation that this was so robbed him of all of his faculties except sight.
As he watched the creature stirred itself, rising unsteadily from the couch in an attempt to sit up straight. It’s head gazed about sightlessly and the beak opened as if it was sniffing at the air. Barf now knew that the creature was blind. Once he realised this his frozen nerves found life once more and he began to slowly back away from the creature, but Barf’s horror froze him again as the being spoke in a strange stammering voice that never changed its pitch or timbre. The barbarian knew that those jaws and throat were never intended for human speech. As if in great pain the being gazed listlessly at him and spoke.
“Quack.” it said.
“Quack to you too.” said Humdinger and Barf took another step backwards.
“Who is that?” said the strange duck headed creature this time. “Have you come to torment and torture me again, Yobo? Will you never be done? Is there no end to the pain I must endure?”
Tears rolled from the blind duck man’s sightless eyes, and Barf’s gaze strayed to its limbs that still partially lay stretched out on the long couch. He knew now that the creature could not rise to attack him, for he saw and recognised the signs of torture and the rack, the searing brand of flame and as toughened as he was he stood appalled at the ruined deformities that the creature endured which all reason told him that the man part of the strange creature’s body had once been as hale as his own. Yet not now was this case. The creature could barely rise from the couch as it was, and its eyesight was gone.
Barf’s fear and repulsion left him. As unsightly as the being was the sight of its great suffering and pain filled his heart with pity.
“I am not Yobo.” he said finally, the creature turning its head in his direction as he spoke, “I am only a thief searching for the Anas Platyrhynchos’s heart. I will not harm you.”
“Come near so I may touch you.” the creature said falteringly, and Barf took a step nearer, Humdinger being replaced in his scabbard as he drew closer. The creature’s hands ran across Barf’s face, its touch as light as the feathers that adorned the crown of its head.
“You are not of the same race as Yobo.” it said in the strange duck-like voice. “The lean wastelands mark you, barbarian. I know of your kind and have encountered your race before when I was known by another name long ago when another world lifted its jewelled spires to the stars. There is blood on your hands.”
Aye.” said Barf. “A spider slain in its web above, lions in the garden below.”
“Another too.” said the creature, “A man in a tavern earlier. Another lies dead on the roof too.”
“Bobo, the prince of thieves lies dead there yes, poisoned by the bite of a hellish creature.”
“I see it is so.” said the sad creature, its voice rising as if it was vocalising a strange form of chant, “A slaying in the tavern and another on the road. I know. I feel. There shall be another, and the third will make the magic for which not even Yobo dreams. Can it be so? The magic of deliverance falls upon me at last, the dream of my dreams! Magic of deliverance, great god, Sprout!”
“Sprout?” mumbled Barf, but his attention was already wandering, looking for the Anas Platyrhynchos’s heart. But he could not see it. His attention rose back to the large treasure stuffed chest he had seen on the other side of the couch and he took a step in that direction, half listening to the creature warbling on but making very little sense.
Tears were falling from the tortured body of the creature as Barf took a cushion from one of the chairs and up-ending it and removing the stuffing from inside it found that it made a nice swag sack, although he thought that it may be just a little bit on the pink side. Pausing slightly, he picked another to use as well.
“Okay if I…?” asked Barf and the creature nodded, turning its head as it realised Barf had moved.
“Just out of curiosity.” said Barf, emptying another cushion. Scarlet this time. “What precisely does Anas Platyrhynchos mean? Nobody seems to know.”
The creature sighed as it paused in its story.
“In some dead languages of old, it refers to a type of bird. In particular, it means, “Mallard”.” it said with a sigh.
““Mallard” as in, “duck”?” asked Barf.
“Quite so.” said the being.
“What’s the difference between a Mallard and a Duck then?” To his great surprise, the creature tutted.
“A Duck is a bird.” it said, its voice a little weary, as if it had related this tale many times already. “Whilst a mallard is a species.”
“So, you are a Mallard then?” asked Barf as Humding
er once again was making muffled laughing noises from inside its scabbard.
“Duck will suffice. It sniffed and Barf nodded.
“Carry on then.” he said and began to fill the two empty pillow cases with the larger of the gems from the treasure chest.
Yet the creature Barf noted as he picked up a particularly fine diamond and stuffed it into his pillow case sack was now convulsed with tears, but it quickly mastered itself, its soft sightless eyes turned towards the barbarian, its beak quivering.
“Listen my friend.” it said, “I am foul and have the look of a monster in your eyes. Is this not so? Nay. Do not answer, for I know this to be true. Yet I feel that if I were able to see you then you would look just as strange to me as I do to you. There are you see, many worlds besides this Earth, and life takes many shapes. I am neither god nor demon, but flesh and blood like yourself, though my substance be cast from a distant mould.”
Barf looked at the sightless creature, lingered on the beak for a second longer than was really necessary and began to fill the second sack.
“Is that correct?.” he said, but the creature did not seem to need any encouragement.
“I am old, oh barbarian of the waste countries. Older than time, I fear. Long ago did I and many of my kind come to your world on the back of the giant space slug, Yeg, and we….”
Barf tuned out the creature’s voice. The second sack was now full and so one at a time he started to carry them to the door and leave them on the staircase beyond the chamber. The creature did not seem to notice at all.
“...Saw you rise from the ape and build your cities and we saw Atlantis fall, the shining city of civilisation, and then you falter but you rose again…”